This is really important! Child sexual abuse numbers are still way too high. Teaching your kids the correct terms for their body is a way to prevent it as predators/abusers typically use pet names. Teach your child if this happens to come to you immediately. As for how to approach it, I know some people that use the book “It’s so amazing” with their nine year old. It is very detailed about both male and female bodies, reproduction, pregnancy, and birth. But, it also keeps it age appropriate so the kid doesn’t become uncomfortable. They make a younger and an older version too so it gets more detailed as it goes on. Talking about sex and the education behind it is so important. A lot of TED talks explain how to go about this well and I’ve found them really helpful. A lot of sex education comes from home and school. School information can sometimes show that sex is shameful, when it shouldn’t be! We need to teach our kids that from a young age. I know talking about it all is super awkward and weird, but if you don’t, google will(imagine a young girl typing in girl body or teen sex). Talking about it is hard, but maybe reading it is easier. I’ll attach the link for the book, and hopefully it helps! Good luck and you’ve got this! https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=E8XDFE84ABZKP9R4N61N&dpID=512fzB-d8ZL&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=detail
For how to approach it, I know some people that use the book “It’s so amazing” with their nine year olds. It is very detailed about both male and female bodies, reproduction, pregnancy, birth, etc. But, it also keeps it age appropriate so the kid doesn’t become uncomfortable. They make a younger and an older version too so it gets more detailed as it goes on. A lot of TED talks explain how to go about this well and I’ve found them really helpful. Talking about it is hard, but maybe reading about it will be easier. I’ll attach the link for the book, and hopefully it helps! Tell him I said good luck and you’ve got this! https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=E8XDFE84ABZKP9R4N61N&dpID=512fzB-d8ZL&preST=_SX218_BO1,204,203,200_QL40&dpSrc=detail
I would recommend getting a book too. That way - if he is embarrassed or something - he can look at the book on his own. We use this one but there are a lot out there. I like this book because it reminded me to talk about things I never would have thought to point out (like the difference between sex meaning gender, and the act of sex).
We really like this series of books. The next one in the series is "It's so Amazing" which is recommended for 7-10 year olds, so the OP might want to consider that one also. If you haven't talked at all about this, I'd probably start with the first book (It's not the stork), and then read this one next: https://smile.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/
Seriously, I thought I'd be so chill about it. Wanted it to be a completely normal conversation and I'm still blushing at just the thought of it months later. Ugh..
Anyways, we used this book https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0763668745/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Didn't give it to him straight out because we didn't want to overwhelm him with info but it was a good guide and I think we'll give it to him soon now that it's been a while since we first discussed it. He still thinks kissing is gross so I'm feeling lucky in that regard though he does like one of the girls in the neighborhood now..
I’m not a parent so take this with a grain of salt—but one of my acquaintances uses books by Robie H. Harris to teach their kids about sex.
It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668745/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_TVHPPD4Q6DV3YFS8KHZM
The modern classic book in the genre is It's So Amazing! by Robie Harris. It has the kinds of things you're looking for and manages to be informational without being lurid. I remember one picture in the book for example is a girl probably around your daughter's age in the chapter about masturbation, shown lying on her side in a nightshirt with her hand between her legs. It's sort of hard to describe it except in the negative sense (eg, it's not lewd), but it's probably the kind of information you want.
Click the link and read through some of the related titles for more options. It seems that we're finally hitting a generation with a lot of parents who actually want to make information about sex and their bodies accessible to kids so the free market is putting out a fair number of options.
If you want to do some legwork on your own, hit up google and search "Tanner stages". That's the growth scale for sexual features in men and women from pre-adolescence to adulthood. Lots of good infographics out there for free. You may need to turn safe search off in your browser.
We gave our son this one, but there should be a bunch in any large bookstore over in the "parenting" or "teen" sections.
You might draw on It's So Amazing! by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley.
As the mom of 11 & 13 year old daughters I want to recommend some books - It's So Amazing! (for ages 7-10) and It's Perfectly Normal (for ages 10+). I grew up in a house where my mom didn't talk about anything, though I was vaguely aware of menstruation. The only education I got about it was from the school's maturation program. I wrote my mom a note when I started my period because I couldn't voice it, and thankfully had stuff from the school to use because she hadn't bought me any.
I didn't try and hide anything from my girls (and I later learned they thought my pads were "mama diapers" but didn't understand why I needed them), but it was hard to overcome the shame of actually talking about it. I bought those books read them myself and then put them in a place accessible to them and said "hey I found these cool books that teach you all about your body. Read them if you want to, and if you want to talk about anything let me know." And maybe pointed out a section that was a little lighter, like one of the cartoons with the bird and bee talking about body hair.
As they've actually reached puberty I've made efforts to talk about my own experience and normalize it being ok to talk about. "oh man my cramps are bad today" or "I need to buy more pads" Obviously you can't do that, but finding ways to make it a safe and open thing to discuss in your house even with brothers who can't relate, will help her feel comfortable and not ashamed.
I teach Human Development to 4th-7th graders.
My favorite question along these lines was from a girl who asked if "balls deflate when they are empty like empty balloons and how long it takes for them to grow back to their full size?"
Apparently at some point someone told her they were like little balloons that hold sperm so you have to be careful not to hit them cause they'll pop. 11 year old BTW.
I've had so many questions that have made me inwardly chuckle like that over the years. I love teaching this subject.
BTW, you have the right attitude on "if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to have an answer."
There are a few books out there that do a great job of explaining things on an age appropriate level. For a 7 year old I'd recommend It's So Amazing! and It's Perfectly Normal starting at around 9 or 10.
I also like to recommend The Every Body Book to pair with other texts. It's not as good as the two I recommended overall, but it does a great job of being body inclusive and I love it because it depicts gender non-conformity really well and shows that there's more than one archetype of how you can grow up and be a person.
I try and select texts like the above that explain things clearly without being overly graphic, while also not shaming things like masturbation, female body hair, etc. The go to for most people are The Care & Keeping of You 1 & 2 and Guy Stuff (The Body Book) and while both are pretty decent overall at presenting information, they sell girls and boys on growing up within an archetype of being traditionally male/female as well as push girls to start wearing bras, to avoid tampons, etc and present the attitude for boys that girls are a mystifying other species that they'll struggle to understand. I also hate the books are for only the gender that matches the sex at birth rather than being for everyone. Boys and girls need to know everything, not just the things about their own body.
Apologies for rambling!
This is one in a series, uses cartoons (the one for younger children might be what you read):
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745
You might want to get and read this book to your daughter: http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=dp_ob_title_bk
Anatomically correct names for their body parts and the body parts of the other sex
The basic mechanics of reproductive sex: penis gets big, goes in vagina, sperm comes out, finds egg, baby is built in uterus etc
The fact that adults sometimes have sex for other reasons like love and because it feels nice, but being that close to someone can carry risks for things like getting hurt or sick so when they are adults they need to think carefully about how and when
The fact that it is okay for them to touch their own private parts now as long as it feels good to them, but this is a private activity not a public one.
That their bodies are not ready for sex or touching with another person. Their bodies are still child bodies, not adult bodies. Segue into puberty ane expected changes
That adults should never ask to see or touch their private parts unless they are actively helping them clean them or they are a doctor and checking for an injury/making sure everything is okay.
That part of how good adults interact with others is making sure that they only touch each other if both people want that to happen. At their age that means its not okay to hug or kiss someone if they don't feel like being hugged or kissed. Likewise if they don't want a hug or kiss that's okay, and they may want to offer a high five instead.
There's also some great books to read on this topic that are age appropriate:
It's So Amazing Comprehensive One Stop Shopping
If they won't stop peppering you with questions about the mechanics of sex: Where Did I come From, Note, this book has illustrations that are pretty explicit (not porn and very cartoony, but also not holding anything back) and it doesn't have a lot of the information in the other book, but if you've got a kid determined to understand EXACTLY what happens this is the books that explains it in an age appropriate way
NB: I got these two books from this list These are the two I found most useful but there are others that might fit your needs better
Item | Current | Lowest | Reviews |
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It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth… | - | - | 4.6/5.0 |
^Item Info | Bot Info | Trigger
I'd put some books in your house about the human body and sex. Definitely a better way for her to learn than by googling porn. For example:
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745
https://www.amazon.com/Celebrate-Your-Body-Its-Changes/dp/164152166X?
https://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586/
https://www.amazon.com/Who-Has-What-About-Bodies/dp/0763629316
I like "It's So Amazing!" My son read it at 5 when I was pregnant. It really runs through all the big topics around reproduction, from puberty to sex to birth.
"Tell Me!" is good too, it may go into more topics than you want for a 5 year old, but my son is only 7 and I gave that one to him as well. I like that it's centered on kids' questions.
"What Makes A Baby": is a great one for little kids, queer family friendly, that's very short and simple, and doesn't assume gender at all. It just talks about the creation and birth of the baby and doesn't get into sex.
I am very much of the mindset that it's better to front load the sex education while kids are not embarrassed to learn and ask questions. I had a book call "The Kids Playbook About Sex" when I was 4-5 and I always credited my mom for giving me really healthy attitudes around sex and bodily autonomy.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/
https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-Children-Really-Emotions/dp/1776572327
https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Baby-Cory-Silverberg/dp/1609804856/
I liked “It’s So Amazing“, which explains the basics about puberty and sex and includes graphics of nude boys and girls at different stages of maturity up through old age. There’s another book in the series for kids over age 10 called “It’s Perfectly Normal” that apparently goes much more into the nitty-gritty about sexual activities, birth control & abortion, etc. Apparently the sex graphics are more explicit. You might want to browse these books in the library or bookstore or read the Amazon comments to determine which book is the best fit for your child. Good luck!
I don't really know why. But, my kids (m5/f7) look at this book on a monthly if not bi-weekly basis. When they come to us with questions we refer to the book, show pictures, read about it, and talk about it openly. I find it a great book with a lot of information for the kids. Easier to talk about private parts and the importance of keeping them private.
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Second this - basically what I wrote above, that I'd suggest making it a casual conversation in the context of a broader "where do babies come from" discussion. You could use a book as a starting point if you want, something like "It's So Amazing" (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0763668745/) - or even a book that specifically mentions situations like yours (this one looks like it might be age-appropriate: http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Baby-How-Babies-Made/dp/1452811571/). Go into it with an attitude of, "Hey, here's this cool fact about how you were born! Isn't it great that there are so many ways to make a baby?"