Therapy to help you work through this. Also the book “It will never happen to me” was so hard for me to read through because it felt like it was written about my family. It’s eerie how similar our stories all are. https://www.amazon.com/Will-Never-Happen-Children-Alcoholics/dp/0345345940/ref=nodl_
I’d google what can happen to kids raised with alcoholic parents, or go visit r/adultchild and do some reading. There’s also this book I’ve found helpful https://www.amazon.com/Will-Never-Happen-Children-Alcoholics/dp/0345345940/ref=nodl_
I’m dating an adult child of an alcoholic and it’s been a rough road. I read the above book to try and figure him/it out as it was causing (and does cause) relationship issues. He currently attends Adult Children of Alcoholics as well as AA (he’s been in recovery for 17 years).
You choosing to stay or go is one thing if it involves no children, but raising a child in that environment is another.