{"product":{"product_id":"1933993235","title":"Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion","price":"24.95","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/519fAc1ww2L._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235"},"comments":[{"body":"I hear you, dude. Got my degree in theology before I quit, too, but dodged a bullet and had a STEM career before I started wasting my vacation time in seminary.\r\n\r\nAs toxic and abusive as the church may have been, it was still a major part of your life. It's *natural* to mourn that big a portion of your life dying, even if that cutting-away is healthy. You're not wrong to feel lost; the rules you had *are* gone. It's like suddenly having the training wheels taken off your bike.\r\n\r\nI think the important thing to remember, the thing that really helped me, is that a lot of the \"dangers\" that Christianity \"protected\" me from, and a lot of the \"important issues\" that Christianity's rules were so important *because of*... well, they were all sort of imagined by Christians. There's no devil and no sin. The rules weren't protecting you from anything except **leaving**.\r\n\r\nSo sure, the world feels terrifyingly open and formless now. But it's not *trying to hurt you*. That's the Christian myth. The world is, more or less, willing to give you a good time. There are warm summer days and thunderstorms with hot chocolate, the slow relaxation of that inner critic you were taught to have, and a relaxation of a tenseness you may not have ever realized was there.\r\n\r\nYou may benefit from therapy now that you're in a place of openness and growth. The book [Leaving The Fold](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235) might be very useful to you because it talks about what you might experience now that you've left. But, no matter what, I'm glad for you and I'm happy you've made a decision that (I think) will vastly improve your quality of life. Good luck. I'm proud of you and I have confidence that you'll make a wonderful life for yourself now.","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"LukeTheApostate"},{"body":"I'm a woman and yes, purity culture absolutely fucked me up as well (though I wouldn't say it was \"worse\" but rather different from the messages men got in those circles.)\r\n\r\nThe most helpful resource for me personally was a book about leaving cults that focuses on CBT physiological methods. It's a workbook and it is REALLY good.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235\r\n\r\nIf you're interested but the price is too high, PM me.","subreddit_name":"exfundamentalist","author":"cyranothe2nd"},{"body":"If you would like to explore therapeutic advice before you decide to meet with a therapist, the book Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell has a lot of great examples of why exchristians feel the way they do and offers therapy advice for overcoming it. I felt the same way about going to traditional therapy (and I haven't yet) but this book helped me want to and understand my need for it as a tool for a healthier life. It might be a helpful gateway into therapy for you. Good luck! We all support you here. \r\n\r\n[Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?dchild=1\u0026amp;keywords=leaving+the+fold+marlene+winell\u0026amp;qid=1627737328\u0026amp;sprefix=lwaving+the+fold\u0026amp;sr=8-1-spons\u0026amp;psc=1\u0026amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzRjBZNk1BTDdERFM3JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjAxMDI2M1ExQkc1VFdPWjBPTyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNTE1NjkwM1A3WE1UTFhTVFE5RiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl)","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"West_Flamingo"},{"body":"Yup. I was raised in a very strict Jehovah's Witness family. :( Highly recommend the book Leaving the Fold. It's about evangelical Christianity but is relevant to any authoritarian religion.  https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235","subreddit_name":"CPTSD","author":"FattierBrisket"},{"body":"May I suggest the book [Leaving the Fold](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235) by Marlene Winell.  You will find your anger is completely normal, and something most of us have gone through or are still going through.  I started journaling to help me process my anger and I have an entire google folder dedicated to my rants with documents titled with things like \"Sayings I no longer have to listen to now that I am no longer a Christian\". \"Things in the Bible that Make Absolutely no Sense\", \"Reasons God Hates Women\", \"Atrocities committed by god\", \"Major Errors of the Bible\", etc.  I find writing it all out is helpful and therapeutic.  Good luck to you!","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"igotstago"},{"body":"That's a really good question. Here is a link to the summary of the book listed on the amazon page [Leaving the Fold](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235). (I tried to copy/paste the summary but maybe you can't do that on reddit??). The book focuses on the harmful authoritarianism of fundamentalist religion but that may exist in Catholicism as well. I'm not sure as I have not ever experienced that religion.","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"therapycrone"},{"body":"I really used to be, to the point of not being able to eat or leave bed for a week from the intense fear. It was agony so definitely feel your pain. The only thing that helped was to stop believing but obviously that isn't a cure all. For me, all of the research I did into christianity (its origins, who actually wrote the NT, lack of proof, existence of other religions whose followers believe the same about it, etc) was what helped to see that it's a long shot that it's actually true. \r\n\r\nfurther, and more personally, I've been in the worst place in my life the last couple of years and I have begged and cried pleaded if there was a god/jesus to help me, that no help ever came and things continued to worsen makes it pretty evident (for me) that there's no deity out there really, and if there was they don't care the way the religions say they do.  \r\n\r\nThis book might be of some use as well:\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235","subreddit_name":"OCD","author":"justathrwy123"},{"body":"So sorry you're having to go through this. It's something that's becoming more common to talk about, though. You might look at the book [Leaving the Fold](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1GHXLPT6Y7HHW\u0026amp;keywords=leaving+the+fold+marlene+winell\u0026amp;qid=1652289322\u0026amp;sprefix=leaving+the+fol%2Caps%2C1055\u0026amp;sr=8-1) to see if it's a fit, and/or find a therapist or support group who works with religious trauma and/or deconstruction. Blessings and well wishes. You'll get through this.","subreddit_name":"witchcraft","author":"Vitalosopher"},{"body":"Your situation is almost identical to mine when I was growing up. We were always taught that the decision to believe was up to each of us individually, but as I've gotten older I learned that when you are surrounded by family who all believe the same, each \"decision\" you make like receiving the gifts of the holy spirit including speaking in tongues, accepting Jesus into your heart, and  deciding to get baptized, are rather milestones than decisions. The real decisions that you make are whether to stay or go, once you are able. If you are having doubts about everything,  the natural thing to do is use the rationalization that you were taught from birth to supress your doubts and keep on \"believing\". The real strength of character and understanding your self is when you are able to break free of the indoctrination.  Not many can do that especially when they attend church regularly.  It took me 10 years to completely break free, but I was much older than you and my decision involved my kids and spouse, you only have to decide for you. I highly recommend the book,  Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell   Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_N61RYGJ7TWS0XTN447H9\r\nI wish I had this kind of book when I decided to leave. It's a good read though for anyone regardless of the stage in their journey of true freedom from religion. Take care and good luck on finding your real people. It can be lonely at times but there's a whole wotlrld out there to discover and without fear or guilt.","subreddit_name":"ExPentecostal","author":"leesto88"},{"body":"I definitely recommend checking out her book:\r\nLeaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;psc=1\r\n\r\nShe is a former devout xtian, child of missionaries, she really believed and lived it so she knows it better than anyone. I think you'll find the book really helpful","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"moderndayathena"},{"body":"If possible -given your home situation- I would recommend picking up this book called Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion by Marlene Winell. I've only read a bit so far and it has been a comfort. It really gets at the root of the things you're struggling with. \r\n\r\nI'm not sure if you want to leave the religion entirely or not so you may choose to ignore this suggestion but reading the exchristian subreddit helped me feel less crazy and alone as well.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8\u0026amp;psc=1","subreddit_name":"ExPentecostal","author":"moderndayathena"},{"body":"So, the problem with \"fear of hell\" is that it's not really a *rational* response to danger like a fear of being shot or a fear of aggressive dogs or even a fear of heights. It's a **trained** fear response, something we were taught as children to respond with to certain stimuli later called \"sin.\" Alcohol? Fear hell. Sex? Fear hell. Hanging out with non-Christians who might \"corrupt\" you by demonstrating the Christian narrative about them is horseshit? Fear hell.\r\n\r\nSo I have two responses. First, the fact that you're feeling this fear is a *perfectly valid and normal response* to your experience, including the experience of being trained in it. You're not wrong or bad or dumb for feeling this way, even if the feeling is causing you problems in your life. Second, because you've been trained into the fear, you *can* be trained out of it. Marlene Winell's [Leaving the Fold](https://www.amazon.ca/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235) talks about the experience of deconversion, including the leftover training, and ways to deal with it. I had great success dealing with it all by going to therapy and working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques that helped me learn to be aware of, process, and eventually manage my fears. Others in this sub have reported similar success with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.\r\n\r\nEither way, TL;DR you're not weird and you can fix it, but it'll take a little work. It's super worth it though, I get to have sex and drink now and it's a real joy.","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"LukeTheApostate"},{"body":"I don't know of any AA type groups, but I know there are meet up groups in various places, especially Utah. \r\n\r\nAlso, the psychologist who coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome came up with this workbook to help people with the transition: Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_rQ5HDbTQVQ4X2\r\n\r\nI'm considering giving it a shot. Maybe it could help you?","subreddit_name":"exmormon","author":"thatissoloud"},{"body":"\u0026gt;hear how I'm hurting her\r\n\r\n\u0026gt;I feel so awful. What did I do wrong?\r\n\r\nYou have done nothing wrong. However, you have experienced a severe loss. Even if what you lost was a religion that ultimately was bad for you, it formed a significant part of your identity and understanding of the world.\r\n\r\nI strongly suggest you read [Leaving The Fold](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235), a book about precisely what you're experiencing. ","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"LukeTheApostate"},{"body":"Late to the party, sorry; [I constantly recommend this book](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235). It deals specifically and in detail with the anxiety you feel when leaving, and helps you unpack why you feel anxious and what sort of things you can do to face the challenge of rebuilding your identity, finding meaning in life, etc.\r\n\r\nI very strongly recommend it- the questions you ask are ones the book quotes.\r\n\r\nBeyond that, I've been there too, man. If it helps give you any hope, I found it useful to think of myself as a plant, a seed that had just sprouted. I started off as something small and weak, but the future was one of growth and increasing strength. You're a freshly sprouted seed, not a lost sailor, you know? Popping the first leaf into fresh air is very different than growing in the ground- but it's how you survive and thrive.\r\n\r\nI'm cheering for you.","subreddit_name":"exchristian","author":"LukeTheApostate"}]}