What is Reddit's opinion of Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

I hear you, dude. Got my degree in theology before I quit, too, but dodged a bullet and had a STEM career before I started wasting my vacation time in seminary.

As toxic and abusive as the church may have been, it was still a major part of your life. It's natural to mourn that big a portion of your life dying, even if that cutting-away is healthy. You're not wrong to feel lost; the rules you had are gone. It's like suddenly having the training wheels taken off your bike.

I think the important thing to remember, the thing that really helped me, is that a lot of the "dangers" that Christianity "protected" me from, and a lot of the "important issues" that Christianity's rules were so important because of... well, they were all sort of imagined by Christians. There's no devil and no sin. The rules weren't protecting you from anything except leaving.

So sure, the world feels terrifyingly open and formless now. But it's not trying to hurt you. That's the Christian myth. The world is, more or less, willing to give you a good time. There are warm summer days and thunderstorms with hot chocolate, the slow relaxation of that inner critic you were taught to have, and a relaxation of a tenseness you may not have ever realized was there.

You may benefit from therapy now that you're in a place of openness and growth. The book Leaving The Fold might be very useful to you because it talks about what you might experience now that you've left. But, no matter what, I'm glad for you and I'm happy you've made a decision that (I think) will vastly improve your quality of life. Good luck. I'm proud of you and I have confidence that you'll make a wonderful life for yourself now.

I'm a woman and yes, purity culture absolutely fucked me up as well (though I wouldn't say it was "worse" but rather different from the messages men got in those circles.)

The most helpful resource for me personally was a book about leaving cults that focuses on CBT physiological methods. It's a workbook and it is REALLY good.

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

If you're interested but the price is too high, PM me.

If you would like to explore therapeutic advice before you decide to meet with a therapist, the book Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell has a lot of great examples of why exchristians feel the way they do and offers therapy advice for overcoming it. I felt the same way about going to traditional therapy (and I haven't yet) but this book helped me want to and understand my need for it as a tool for a healthier life. It might be a helpful gateway into therapy for you. Good luck! We all support you here.

Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell

Yup. I was raised in a very strict Jehovah's Witness family. :( Highly recommend the book Leaving the Fold. It's about evangelical Christianity but is relevant to any authoritarian religion. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

May I suggest the book Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. You will find your anger is completely normal, and something most of us have gone through or are still going through. I started journaling to help me process my anger and I have an entire google folder dedicated to my rants with documents titled with things like "Sayings I no longer have to listen to now that I am no longer a Christian". "Things in the Bible that Make Absolutely no Sense", "Reasons God Hates Women", "Atrocities committed by god", "Major Errors of the Bible", etc. I find writing it all out is helpful and therapeutic. Good luck to you!

That's a really good question. Here is a link to the summary of the book listed on the amazon page Leaving the Fold. (I tried to copy/paste the summary but maybe you can't do that on reddit??). The book focuses on the harmful authoritarianism of fundamentalist religion but that may exist in Catholicism as well. I'm not sure as I have not ever experienced that religion.

I really used to be, to the point of not being able to eat or leave bed for a week from the intense fear. It was agony so definitely feel your pain. The only thing that helped was to stop believing but obviously that isn't a cure all. For me, all of the research I did into christianity (its origins, who actually wrote the NT, lack of proof, existence of other religions whose followers believe the same about it, etc) was what helped to see that it's a long shot that it's actually true.

further, and more personally, I've been in the worst place in my life the last couple of years and I have begged and cried pleaded if there was a god/jesus to help me, that no help ever came and things continued to worsen makes it pretty evident (for me) that there's no deity out there really, and if there was they don't care the way the religions say they do.

This book might be of some use as well:

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

So sorry you're having to go through this. It's something that's becoming more common to talk about, though. You might look at the book Leaving the Fold to see if it's a fit, and/or find a therapist or support group who works with religious trauma and/or deconstruction. Blessings and well wishes. You'll get through this.

Your situation is almost identical to mine when I was growing up. We were always taught that the decision to believe was up to each of us individually, but as I've gotten older I learned that when you are surrounded by family who all believe the same, each "decision" you make like receiving the gifts of the holy spirit including speaking in tongues, accepting Jesus into your heart, and deciding to get baptized, are rather milestones than decisions. The real decisions that you make are whether to stay or go, once you are able. If you are having doubts about everything, the natural thing to do is use the rationalization that you were taught from birth to supress your doubts and keep on "believing". The real strength of character and understanding your self is when you are able to break free of the indoctrination. Not many can do that especially when they attend church regularly. It took me 10 years to completely break free, but I was much older than you and my decision involved my kids and spouse, you only have to decide for you. I highly recommend the book, Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_N61RYGJ7TWS0XTN447H9 I wish I had this kind of book when I decided to leave. It's a good read though for anyone regardless of the stage in their journey of true freedom from religion. Take care and good luck on finding your real people. It can be lonely at times but there's a whole wotlrld out there to discover and without fear or guilt.

I definitely recommend checking out her book: Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

She is a former devout xtian, child of missionaries, she really believed and lived it so she knows it better than anyone. I think you'll find the book really helpful

If possible -given your home situation- I would recommend picking up this book called Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion by Marlene Winell. I've only read a bit so far and it has been a comfort. It really gets at the root of the things you're struggling with.

I'm not sure if you want to leave the religion entirely or not so you may choose to ignore this suggestion but reading the exchristian subreddit helped me feel less crazy and alone as well.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

So, the problem with "fear of hell" is that it's not really a rational response to danger like a fear of being shot or a fear of aggressive dogs or even a fear of heights. It's a trained fear response, something we were taught as children to respond with to certain stimuli later called "sin." Alcohol? Fear hell. Sex? Fear hell. Hanging out with non-Christians who might "corrupt" you by demonstrating the Christian narrative about them is horseshit? Fear hell.

So I have two responses. First, the fact that you're feeling this fear is a perfectly valid and normal response to your experience, including the experience of being trained in it. You're not wrong or bad or dumb for feeling this way, even if the feeling is causing you problems in your life. Second, because you've been trained into the fear, you can be trained out of it. Marlene Winell's Leaving the Fold talks about the experience of deconversion, including the leftover training, and ways to deal with it. I had great success dealing with it all by going to therapy and working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques that helped me learn to be aware of, process, and eventually manage my fears. Others in this sub have reported similar success with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

Either way, TL;DR you're not weird and you can fix it, but it'll take a little work. It's super worth it though, I get to have sex and drink now and it's a real joy.

I don't know of any AA type groups, but I know there are meet up groups in various places, especially Utah.

Also, the psychologist who coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome came up with this workbook to help people with the transition: Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_rQ5HDbTQVQ4X2

I'm considering giving it a shot. Maybe it could help you?

>hear how I'm hurting her

>I feel so awful. What did I do wrong?

You have done nothing wrong. However, you have experienced a severe loss. Even if what you lost was a religion that ultimately was bad for you, it formed a significant part of your identity and understanding of the world.

I strongly suggest you read Leaving The Fold, a book about precisely what you're experiencing.

Late to the party, sorry; I constantly recommend this book. It deals specifically and in detail with the anxiety you feel when leaving, and helps you unpack why you feel anxious and what sort of things you can do to face the challenge of rebuilding your identity, finding meaning in life, etc.

I very strongly recommend it- the questions you ask are ones the book quotes.

Beyond that, I've been there too, man. If it helps give you any hope, I found it useful to think of myself as a plant, a seed that had just sprouted. I started off as something small and weak, but the future was one of growth and increasing strength. You're a freshly sprouted seed, not a lost sailor, you know? Popping the first leaf into fresh air is very different than growing in the ground- but it's how you survive and thrive.

I'm cheering for you.

It's not a sure thing but see if any therapists specialize in or at least know about "religious trauma syndrome." It's a specific separate concept in mental health that's becoming more and more recognized. Google it and see if it fits

There are books about it too. Guide for fundamentalist s leaving the fold self help book

It's closer to a form of ptsd than depression, but I'm not sure how a regular ptsd psych would take the idea (rts is controversial because many don't want to admit religion can harm someone).

For insurance reasons you might need to be diagnosed depressed or anxious though.

Marlene Winell, the clinical psychologist who developed the idea of Religious Trauma Syndrome, wrote a great book called "Leaving the Fold." It focuses on the emotional impact of leaving your faith, and it has a number of excellent insights into the psychological effects of being raised religious. It also has psychological exercises for recovering from various aspects of religious indoctrination. I found it very helpful at the beginning of my deconversion. Highly recommended.

For me, it helped to focus on what worldview did fit me. I found out about secular humanism and sought to learn about and connect with other humanists. I began and still do sort through issues that I saw as black and white as a Christian. I ask, "Why is this a hot button issue? Why is there a controversy? What does reason, logic, and information support?"

I also started reading and journaling through Leaving the Fold. It helped me understand why I had thought that way as a Christian and how I thought now.

1. For help making decisions, write it out, over the course of a few days, going back and reading what you wrote a few times. Makes lists of pros and cons for things you are unsure of. Research your choices. Password protect whatever you use to record things on.
2. Work on making friends that are more into the new you. Focus on shared interests. Places that need volunteers to help out naturally attract a lot of empathetic and positive people.
3. Makes lists of ways you think would be good for you to help with the stresses of life. This will depend on your personality and interests, but find some things that will perk you up when you need something interesting (going to get a coffee? joining a hobby club?), some stuff that will help you veg out and forget your life for a while (Netflix? video games? naps?) and stuff that helps calm your physical body (relaxing baths? tea? closing your eyes and listening to soothing music?). Add as much as you can think of to the list and think of it as your tool box. You will need different tools from your tool box for different kinds of stresses that will happen to you.
4. Seek to understand yourself, your emotions, and your psychological self. All these things you are experience are normal human things that happen to normal humans. Helping understand what's going on and adopting healthy self-care practices is what a counselor is good at, but you can do some of this yourself. One book I've found helpful in my deconverting journey is [Leaving the Fold])http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235).

I have had success processing a lot of my feelings, recognizing the reason behind them and setting myself on a path to better coping mechanisms with Leaving the Fold. But what you are feeling is very normal and expected due to your upbringing. It also helped me to start pursuits in what I did want my worldview to be. I focused a lot of learning more about science and found over time my views on morality aligned strongly with secular humanism. Having something to identify with other than 'exchristian' or 'atheist' helped give me positive direction rather than just what I wasn't.

Anger is a perfectly normal reaction as you begin to process trauma. So is sadness. There's a psychologist who talks about "Religious Trauma Syndrome" and has a trio of articles you might find helpful, as well as a website and a book.

Yes, I spent some time rather angry. It's been two or three years now, and while I'm quickly blunt with Christians who inappropriately insert their religion into conversation I'm not labeling and discarding religious people.

Fear of Christians won't be the result of your distancing yourself from them; it's the cause, more less, yeah? It's okay to step back from people or a community that are too close to a trauma you're trying to heal from. I personally had to back off of some friendships temporarily and cut some off entirely when I deconverted, for my own emotional health. When I felt able to, I came back, and my emotionally healthy religious friends were happy to have me in their lives again.

Do what you need to do to feel happiest in the long term, man. And if you can't see the long term, be happy in the short term. You deserve it.

Hi, just wanted to share, as I grew up in a deeply religious and abusive home - I've just started therapy with the psychologist that coined the term "Religious Trauma" and I'm finally finding some peace. Her book has been really helpful in my recovery: https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235 and she's offering sessions here: https://journeyfree.org/

Hello! My friend is reading this book, and said it's really helpful.

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

We grew up in a cult, not fundamentalist christianity, but he said there are a lot of similarities. I don't know if it was the same for you, but I've found that being a kid that grew up in a cult is very different than being an adult that joined. Us kids are often trained to grow up fast, and as a result, it's easy to hide our trauma from everyone until we're at our breaking point. I looked for help for years before I got it- quite a few therapists thought that because I had a stable job and a relationship and a roof over my head, I couldn't be doing that badly. But I really was not doing well for a while- just walking around in a dissociative state.

I found a great therapist by asking around and specifically asking for a trauma specialist. Cults come with all kinds of abuse, and it takes a really qualified specialist in order to deal with us former members. My therapist doesn't have any history of dealing with my specific cult, but they've dealt with Mormons and Scientologists before, so they at least know the general lay of the land.

Might I recommend to you the book "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winnell, as well as recoveringfromreligion.org. They're an organization that might be useful for yourself or people in similar situations.

Also, you don't have to worry about being rude. You can politely and firmly set your boundaries if you don't want to pray, and if they keep contacting you, you can very clearly ask them to stop contacting you. If they keep harassing you after that, it might be time to sever contact completely. You are the one who has to make the decision and do what's best for you and your mental health. If you have any other questions, or just want to chat, you can DM me. Good luck bro.

Leaving The Fold

A book that might interest you

http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

It helped me a lot in mending the problems caused coming up in a fundementalist household.

Many hard-core evangelicals have been taught to see The Awful End Times in everything they encounter. Fear drives that brand of religiosity. Suggested: Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction.

See Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold and Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds. BUT... be cautious of men who equate relationship to sex, Sex, SEX.

Reading Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold and Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds may prove really helpful.

> a grieving period

Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold and Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds both describe the grieving period and recovery from it.

Suggested browsing: Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction

> some advice

Have a look through Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction.

Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction.

There's 3 interrelated issues.

Fear of Armageddon being real. You'll need to do research to convince yourself JW Armageddon isn't real. Depending on your preferred learning method, you could read articles on JWfacts.com or videos about past predictions. This type of indoctrination is sneaky, don't be surprised if it still pops out years later when there's a big natural disaster or war.

Guilt of disappointing everyone. Again, you could read about leaving high-control groups, or watch videos about it (here's another video about it) (or simply videos about getting out of relationships with narcissistic people—it's the same concept). Fundamentally, you can only control yourself, not everyone else's reactions to you.

Getting out without blowing your life up. There's no rush, take your time to have everything set up before you leave or come out publicly as exjw. Bank account, apartment, job, car if necessary, phone, documents like social security card, birth certificate, diploma etc. As before, useful tips can be read or watched.

You got this!

Might be useful: Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction.

Suggested reading at the links below and links therein without thinking you have to do anything right away, including even agree with any of it. Just file the information away, let the dots connect themselves however they do... and come back to it if and when you reach the fourth of the five stages of psychotherapeutic recovery.

Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction

A Collection of Articles on Recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome starting with the three linked from the right-hand column on the front page of this website.

No one need suffer anymore if they are willing to do what it takes to dig out of the hole.

For me, anyway, loneliness was merely the temporary experience of withdrawal from the religious drug I was using to "protect" myself from my (supposedly) "intolerable" emotions. (Marlene “Religious Trauma Syndrome” Winell gets into this in the third of the three articles linked from the right hand column on the first page of her website. And goes far deeper in her excellent book, Leaving the Fold.) Suggested reading at the links below without thinking you have to do anything right away. Just file the information away and let the dots connect themselves however they do.

Out of the Cult and all Alone now. How do I Cope?

Post-cultic withdrawal does NOT have to equate to "intolerable loneliness."

Who do you hang out with after you leave the church?

Observing, recognizing, accepting & appreciating the role of "Participative Objective" in Withdrawal from active Cultic Affiliation.

Managing Cult Withdrawal in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that thread

Suggested Treatment of Lingering Post-Cultic Withdrawal Syndrome in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that thread

Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction

May be useful: Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold, Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s Toxic Faith and the Linns’ Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction.

Marlene Winnel's Leaving the Fold gets into this in depth. Pasquale & Rohr’s Sacred Wounds, Arterburn & Felton’s [Toxic Faith](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Faith-Stephen-Arterburn/dp/0877888256} and the Linn's Healing Spiritual Abuse and Religious Addiction likewise.

Have you heard of religious trauma syndrome? This website explains it: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/religious-trauma-syndrome/

Also I’ve found this book helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235/ref=asc_df_1933993235/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312021251979&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6423620893473237035&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqm... Leaving the fold

Leaving the Fold, by Marlene Winell

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=leaving+the+fold+marlene+winell&qid=1668955434&sprefix=leaving+the+fold+%2Caps%2C372&sr=8-1

Take Back Your Life, by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias

https://www.amazon.com/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/B09421P9CX/ref=sr_1_1?crid=CONG2B7225AV&keywords=take+back+your+life+janja&qid=1668955521&sprefix=take+back+your+life+janja%2Caps%2C165&sr=8-1

Exiting the JW Cult: A Healing Handbook, by Bonnie Zieman (she has several books on the subject)

https://www.amazon.com/EXiting-JW-Cult-Handbook-Witnesses/dp/1508477132/ref=sr_1_7?crid=1K636EPI0MEFX&keywords=bonnie+zieman&qid=1668955470&sprefix=bonnie+zieman%2Caps%2C112&sr=8-7

This is a solid resource: Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. A bit dated but still holds up.

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

Hello friend. What you're experiencing is textbook religious trauma, the fallout from indoctrination. I work as a religion recovery coach and I help people heal and move forward from religious trauma. I was a raised as a Jehovah's Witness and remained one until I left around 25 years old. You can read more about my story on my website - https://chasemarks.com

There's a book written by a mentor of mine called ["Leaving the Fold."](https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235) While it's written primarily for the fundamentalist evangelical, most of it applies to ex-JWs as well. The symptoms of religious trauma are the same regardless of which extreme fundamentalist religion one leaves. The book outlines the symptoms of religious trauma and exercises you can do on your own to begin to heal the trauma and move past it.

Feel free to DM me if you would like more information or any more specific support. Take care and know that recovery is a process, and it does get better and easier with time.

This is a good resource:

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=77827398-deba-4da9-a061-5475943d9c37

As well as “the body keeps the score”

https://nakedpastor.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

https://journeyfree.org/rts/

This people have helped me immensely when i was leaving the religion.

This book might be helpful with your issues after leaving religion:

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

Great post, glad you were able to get it all into words. My fiancee left the church (Grassie I think it was called?). I can tell you the first few years were tough. The first months had everything you expect - grieving parents, disappointment, they even had self-help books.

A book that really helped my partner was called Leaving the Fold (https://www.amazon.ca/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235). I wish you luck.

I recommend this Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_AHTVZ4NCCFRVM0HG3S64

Get a copy of Marlene "Religious Trauma Syndrome" Winell's book, which gets waaaaaay into this. See also the articles linked to her website.

In addition to u/Sandi_T's very useful suggestion (I've read it twice), may I add

1) Marlene Winell's <em>Leaving the Fold</em>,

2) Christine Courtois's <em>It's Not You; It's What Happened TO You</em>, and

3) having a look at the following while you're waiting for those two books to arrive?

A Collection of Articles on Recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome starting with the three linked from the right-hand column on the front page of this website

Any more ideas out there?
Has anyone read one of these and care to give a review?
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1933993235/ref=ox\_sc\_saved\_image\_1?smid=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&amp;psc=1
https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1632993546/ref=ox\_sc\_saved\_image\_2?smid=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&amp;psc=1

I'm not sure of your cultural or geographic background or your specific struggles, so I apologize in advance that these recommendations are pretty white American evangelical centric. I hope there are tools here that will be comforting, challenging, and helpful to you in your process.

Podcasts - I really love the "Straight White American Jesus" podcast which is run by two ex-evangelical religious studies profs. They often bring other academics on the show. "How To Ruin Dinner" is also a religious studies podcast.

On the less academic end there is "Exvangelical" (and the Powers and Principalities podcast). "Dirty Rotten Church Kids" is enjoyable.

Here are some more that may be of interest, but I haven't checked them all out yet: https://www.ourbibleapp.com/new-blog/podcast-library

Books/ Blogs etc - Rachel Held Evans (may she rest in peace). Revisiting her blogs and books during this election cycle gave me so much comfort. Her books are easy to read and relatable (practical, not academic like some of my other recs). She is christian, but it is refreshing practical to see her take on things and experiences.

Religious Dispatches has interesting blog posts on religion, culture, and politics. https://religiondispatches.org/ has articles by some big names in the religious studies field Julia Ingersoll, Chrissy Stroop, etc.

In terms of processing trauma, Leaving the fold has been highly recommended to me, but I haven't bought it yet. https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

to process white Christian racism - there is a book on my to read list called "White Too Long" which is supposed to be good (if you get to it first let me know what you think!)

to process purity culture and sexism - Pure and Shameless are both good books. watching Joshua Harris' apology documentary was angering and painful, but helpful for me in terms of processing (if you read his books). Brene Brown is not christian, but lord knows there is a ton of shame and guilt that comes with purity culture and Christianity in general so check out her talks on Youtube.

A fine book is Winell's Leaving the Fold.

I feel for you. Do you think you would have joined the Church in the first place if they had been upfront and transparent with you? I'm just curious.

I would like to think that the Church is improving in this regard, but then I remember that in Africa, people are being taught by missionaries every day and not once is the Priesthood ban ever mentioned. The Church is setting those people up for an incredible feeling of betrayal and heartache and pain. These individuals hear the Church offer the notion that God does not care about race in the most recent General Conference, and they're led to believe that this must have always been the case. To me, the justifications for the Church's behavior don't matter - the ends do not justify the means. I'm sure they wish the Internet never existed so the truth could go down an institutionalized memory hole.

I know how you feel about not being able to go forward without the Church. I found solace in many books, including Leaving the Fold, Waking Up, The Righteous Mind, and replacing my old heroes (President Hinckley, Nephi, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young) with people who have truly changed my life for the better (Sam Harris, Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman, and so many others). The fact that these new heroes are seen as purely human, and not simply tools in God's master plan, make their lives and accomplishments even more meaningful and profound to me. Real life is fascinating to me - almost magical - and slowly but surely I am finding a community that sees things similarly.

> Unfortunately for me, church was at the center of my life.

Me, too. This makes it hurt all the more. But once you start to craft your own life, with whatever you choose as the center (including yourself, because you can value yourself more than the Church ever has as a black woman), the pain begins to subside and life becomes richer.

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

> The therapist is nice, but she wants me to 'feel' my emotions and all I am doing is telling her what I find wrong with that corrupt, evil, dangerous organization and then she asks real sweetly, "how does that make you feel?"

Geez freaking Louise!

The person who recommended Marlene Newell (spelling?) mentioned she had a book out called "Leaving the Fold".

https://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Former-Fundamentalists-Religion/dp/1933993235

Personally I look books up on Amazon because it gives a preview, but then I buy from used-book stores. Looking at that preview, it looks like she has a lot more knowledge about the problems of being raised in a fundamentalist Christian household. I've always enjoyed pointing out to JWs that the WT Society is just a slightly different flavor of American fundie Christian...

Maybe you could get a used version of her book and preview her mindset. You'll have a lot more preview information than you've gotten from the therapist and psychologist you've seen.

Frankly those two that you're seeing now sound like disasters! Especially for someone raised in a high-control religiously abusive environment. That psychologist sounds like he's a born-again Christian himself (not that unusual) but as you said his behaviors are unprofessional and HIGHLY unethical, even though he hasn't pointed you towards one specific church (at this point!)

And I just had the most eeeeeeeeeeeee-vil idea...

Are you ever going to see that psychologist again? If I was in your shoes, I would spend the next entire session telling him all about how you decided that reading "the word" was antiquated, since those are the words of 3,000-years-old Middle Eastern men, and that you've gotten MUCH better sleep after reading one or more of these books:

Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity (Amazon preview here: https://www.amazon.com/Biological-Exuberance-Homosexuality-Diversity-Stonewall/dp/031225377X

The Blind Watchmaker: Why the Evidence of Evolution Reveals a Universe without Design (Amazon preview here: https://www.amazon.com/Blind-Watchmaker-Evidence-Evolution-Universe/dp/0393351491

SO MAN CREATED GOD IN HIS OWN IMAGE: The Science of Happiness (Amazon preview here: https://www.amazon.com/MAN-CREATED-GOD-HIS-IMAGE/dp/2981793853

If you're feeling particularly mischievous, you could bring up Religious Trauma Syndrome too:

https://www.babcp.com/review/RTS-Its-Time-to-Recognize-it.aspx

I always recommend this book. Of everything else I say, I think this book has been the most helpful. I'm sorry to hear of your hardship. Know this though--things get better. The confusion and disequilibrium passes and you will begin to feel at home again. You are still the great person you were before. It's like when a child is learning to ride a bike--their parent holds the back and then they head down the sidewalk but then looks back and sees the parent isn't there and almost falls. All those times in your life when you were kind and good, felt love and compassion, those were all real. And it was you the whole time.

Just because our "parent" isn't there doesn't mean we need to wobble and fall down. We've been pedalling this bike down the sidewalk now for a while now and it's been us the whole time. Learning about Mindfulness and meditation has provided me with stability and a way to ride those waves of emotion healthfully too.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005NJ2T1G/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&amp;btkr=1

Reading Ralph Waldo Emerson also helped me to feel more at home in the world. He seems to have a comfort in his own skin and the world that I found very refreshing and contagious. I will put the link for his essay "Nature". He can be hard to understand but read him at the sentence level, not the paragraph. He almost writes in a stream of consciousness and one thought doesn't always lead to the next but he's an excellent writer.

You are a child of the universe, nature, whatever you want to call it and can find meaning and purpose knowing you are that entity made manifest. You are the crest of a great wave from which we sprang and to which we will return. http://www.emersoncentral.com/nature1.htm

I would also try and find a counselor or therapist. Maybe your school has one but if you're in Utah you might be initially careful. Your parents were wrong for kicking you out. Shame on them. Shame on them. You are a person of infinite worth and potential. You have done nothing wrong. You just happened to have had the integrity and courage to look behind the curtain to see that the big, booming voice was actually just a weaselly old man pulling a bunch of levers with nothing to back up his threats. As a now grown up punk rocker myself who remembers jr./Sr. High school this is a difficult time by itself, not to mention what you're going through spiritually and socially. Have some compassion and patience with yourself and know we're always here to lend advice. Feel free to send me a message anytime. Best.

There is a book

http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235

It helped me heal a lot of the damage imposed on me.

Put on a vegan for almost ten years now but you can get you in touch with them. Nothing wrong with reading a book by Marlene Winell http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Fold-Marlene-Winell/dp/1933993235 Here's her website with some chapters online so you can look up about it. This might assuage some of her lectures http://marlenewinell.net PTSD because of anything Joseph Smith were alive today, there's no way in hell I would suggest that you aren't alone. While I'm not mistaken. She sets out down the sidewalk and she's riding fine. These writers are far less expensive and life negating ways to do I would recommend adopting some sort of how-to guide for processing leaving these types of groups. Once you read the ces letter, you are not, is destructive to the difficult issues.

~ exmormonphilosopher

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I haven't read these yet, but I've had them recommended to me and they're sitting on the top of my "to read" pile:

• Steven Hassan's works

• Marlene Winell's Leaving the Fold - She has a lot of content and interviews on you tube so you can check her out before you get the book if you want.

I'm pretty sure both of these people have spoken at the Exmormon Conferences, as well as many other good speakers, so that might be a resource for you as well.

Good luck.