OP this is definitely abuse and I highly recommend you read this book:
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0955882702/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_91YSQ6SYRDXMK1A9ZZTJ
It talks about different ways they control you - one being financial abuse (which is what my Dad did to my Mum for years before she left).
Please, please consider leaving, it will only get worse!
OP NTA!
I'm probably going to repeat what everyone else is saying so instead I want to direct you to a wonderful book which will open your eyes to controlling, abusive partners:
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0955882702/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_32GMC158B026GTSRJFEV
It is based on Womans Aid's Freedom Programme which I took part in a few months back.
If you do decide to leave your husband and you're in the UK, Woman's Aid are definitely worth contacting for advice and if needs be can provide you with a place at refuge centre. (My Mum used it and was in a refuge centre for about a year and they were amazing!)
Also don't tell him you're leaving either, as that's when it's most dangerous for you (other than if you're pregnant).
Please speak to someone you know and trust to get help!
I wish you all the luck in the world ❤️
OP this is abuse! It's all of the signs of the dominator. I recently took on the freedom programme with Woman's Aid a few months ago and it's based on this book:
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0955882702/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_W7EKM1PH75KQD3F9XKEG
Honestly what you said in your post is showing me too many 🚩🚩🚩. Please listen to everyone on this and make sure you have your friends and family round and tell them how abusive your partner is being. This is how the King of the Castle & Bad Father act (just a few examples in the book). He will continue to Manipulate you & your family so you are completely alone and have to depend on him completely. They start off as the sweetest, romantic loving person ever but that's just to try and catch you. He's definitely shown you his true colours!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get help. Or if you don't believe me please at least buy & read this book (which is less than a £10 on Amazon)! It was a total eye opener for me with the abuse I endured from my father and how much my mum went through too. You do not want to put your daughter through this. I still have my doubts of course as it was all emotional & controlling. So don't feel bad about doubting yourself; it's normal!
Also you should not be lifting your child after your surgery! It takes 6 weeks for you to heal and you shouldn't be lifting anything heavy and just resting completely. (I hope I remember correctly this info I got from my friend who had one about 5 months ago).
Please get help! I'm super worried about you and your situation. You need help. Your family wants to help you, let them. Be strong, I know it's hard especially with everything you've been through.
Sending you my love and I really hope you get some help ❤️
NTA!
OP, what your fiance did was love bomb you until he put a ring on it and now is showing you his true colours. There is a whole book dedicated to learning about different type of abusive men and the all have names. Your man is definitely the controller. I attended the Freedom program based on this book 'Living with the Dominator' and it's really eye opening!
Highly recommend you buy it and give it a read and I'm sure you'll identify with a lot of these behaviors. It's only a couple of quid on Amazon:
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0955882702/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_9DZ8XM472PF65AN0264N
It might be at a slightly different price if you're not from the UK but it's less than £10 but if you are in the UK contact Woman's Aid and I'm sure they'll happily send you a free copy and help you through this. (And maybe get you onto the free Freedom programme once you're ready) Also when you do leave do NOT tell him. Wait till he's not at home and get a trusted family member/friend to help you as these types of people can get violent and you and your son could be in danger.
Please get help and please leave this abusive person.
I wish you all the luck in the world ❤️
Hey, sending you a virtual hug.
Here's a book I really recommend on amazon. It's called living with the Dominator.
Yes! My father emotionally abused my mum for about 19 years & then me after she left. I was also 18 when she finally plucked up the courage to leave and it was a horrible time. Thankfully I was already in a strong relationship with my now husband so he has supported me through it. Now that we're married and I'm out of my Dad's house I've been doing counselling and finally admitted to myself that I was abused by him too. The worst time of it was when I was planning my wedding... (So I really hated talking about it to him cause of how miserable he made me feel and it just made me more determined to get out of there.)
I was in denial for awhile but I'm slowly healing. If it weren't for the fact my little sister still lives with him id probably go no contact with him. Atm I only contact him when I need to which is rare and honestly the power and relief I had when I realised I didn't have to reply to his texts/messages straight away was an amazing feeling!
I've also heard more of Mum's side of the story which she hardly told me when I was living with Dad and just demonstrates that it's not all in my head and he did and still tries to emotionally abuse and manipulate me.
So I've mostly got a happy and healthy marriage with my husband, but we are going through a rough patch just now :( Sometimes I feel it was better before we got married but hopefully we'll get past it and back to being happy together.
It depends on who you end up falling in love with. Are they willing to make an effort for you? Do they support you when you're not yourself? Do they want to make you happy more than anything? Do they show you that they love and want you more than anything? If they show you that, keep them! Don't settle for anything less. Take you're time to get to know your person and make sure they really make you happy and don't show any red flags. It's all about trying to find the right person. Marriage is a huge commitment so take your time to get to know someone before you commit. Definitely live together for awhile and then you can see what they're really like. If you can put up with that and they're doing their best for you then you're onto a winner :)
Also you're only 18! You've got so much of life ahead of you. Enjoy life and don't worry about marriage till much later in life. I was with my husband for 9 years before we got married (mainly cause we were so young when we started dating 16/17).
If you want to know more about what red flags to look out for I'd highly recommend reading the book 'Living with the Denominator' it demonstrates how cis men can be controlling, emotionally and financially abusive. It really helped me open my eyes to what my mum and myself went through. (Although it focuses on cis men it could be anyone in any relationship!)
Living with the Dominator: A Book About the Freedom Programme: 1 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0955882702/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_7NEMFYF30HVVT293VMT1
I wish you all the luck in the world ❤️
I hope this helps 🙂