What is Reddit's opinion of Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's?

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Read "look me in the eye" Also amazing book

I have ADHD student as well. I am neither on the Spectrum or ADHD, so, this is all from observing others who have these differences.

From my view, these are two very different things, although, they are often misdiagnosed one for the other. On paper, they can look similar, living with people who have each, it looks different.

It's the same in that any disability or difference can make someone less likely to succeed in social situations. But, usually ADHD people are behind because they can't function well enough in other areas to allow the time and energy to work on social functioning (both an innate and learned skill set). All other things being equal, the ADHD kid could learn social skills on par with their NT peers, but they are spread too thin and keeping up is hard in every area. They are typically hyper-impulsive and compulsive, which makes maintaining relationships hard.

With ASD folks, the social skill building is difficult in and of itself. All other things being equal, the Aspie would still struggle with social skills.

The nose picking for ASD people is more about not caring or not recognizing that doing it is "inappropriate" and will turn people off. The ADHD person can typically understand this on an intellectual level, unlike the Aspie, but does not have the impulse control to avoid it.

Aspie: I pick my nose because it itches and if you don't like it fuck you. Everyone should fart any time they want because it's natural. I don't want to learn how not to do it because everyone should just get over it! Fuck it, I'm going to play video games.

ADHD: If I pick my nose, people will not sit next to me, but it really itches, but I shouldn't - holy fuck, I'm already doing it! I didn't even realize I was doing it - shit. Now, I hate myself for being this way. Fuck it, I'm going to play video games.

So, the result is often the same. The reaction often looks similar, but the reason for it - the antecedent - is different.

The significance is that we treat these things differently, even though both people could benefit from changing their behavior.

>because they have some sorts of compulsion which put themselves ahead of their social goals?

More lack of caring about it than compulsion. Although, many people on the Spectrum definitely have compulsions, even OCD.

I look at it like this - somewhere along the way, growing up, someone farted in class. The other kids giggled. I noticed. The teacher sent the culprit out of the room. I made the connection - fart in class = being dismissed. My mom said it was rude. I processed that. I didn't have discussion about it, I didn't write it down (Rule number one: no farting!), I just understood it through seeing consequences for other people. All this regarding one fart registered in my brain. I could still choose to let one go in class, but subconsciously, my brain was sending signals - don't do that, people will laugh, teacher will be mad, mom will be disappointed.

The Aspie doesn't process all that. He doesn't pick up on the giggling. The giggling may seem completely unrelated to the fart, if he noticed at all. If he was the farter, he'd likely be surprised his teacher reacted the way she did. If someone else was thrown out for farting, he likely didn't notice at all.

The Aspie misses this because developmentally, his brain is stuck on the egocentric part of development and because his brain doesn't pick up and process cues. The ADHD kid may also not register or process the consequences of the event, but it's because he's counting ceiling tiles or studying his shoe lace or picking his own nose. Neither person can focus, but for different reasons. If an ADHD kid could focus long enough, he'd pick up on things around him. Aspies can focus on a social cue and still not get it. Someone has to point it out directly.

We used to watch The Office in our classes. What better place to learn what inappropriate behavior looks like? There was one episode where Dwight and Jim were sarcastically "battling" each other with kindness. They are well know to be enemies and were obviously being smartasses. "Here, let me get the door for you" "Oh, no, by all means let me get the door for you". If you've seen The Office, you know it's not subtle. Any average person would know the characters were being smartasses, that's why it's funny. But, the students could not see it. One suggested the characters were gay and wooing each other. We'd watched dozens of episodes with the same characters, but this is what her Aspie brain deduced nevertheless. Sitting, watching it beginning to end, she couldn't understand the plot because it was based on nuances of human communication. If I could get the ADHD kid to sit still long enough and watch the same episode, he would understand it, but complain it was too long and boring. Lol.

People with ASD also struggle with generalizing. This is hard for educators to wrap their brains around. For instance, at home the kid farts and poor mom, who is up to her eyeballs in raising a challenging kid doesn't say anything, it's the least of her worries. So, when he farts in class and is reprimanded, someone has to state clearly, "This is okay at home, but not okay in the classroom." This ability to distinguish social expectations from one setting to another is very challenging. Further, because of the lack of generalizing, you can say, "Don't fart in class" and expect him to understand that also includes church. That's a completely different situation to him and he won't carry it over.

Frankly, being around these guys has made me question some things I used feel were important. Sometimes I hear a kid ask, "But, why? Why do I have to do it that way?" And I have to reflect on it. Sometimes the answer is, "I guess you don't. Nevermind." This job has taught me to stop sweating the small stuff.

For you personally, just know that Asperger's is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. Do a google search and get the list of symptoms and see what fits. Still, it's a long list and it's hard to know the difference in "quirky" and disability and you don't have to have all symptoms to have a ASD. Repetitive behavior, anxiety and rigid thinking are the big three. Check out some books written by Aspies like Look Me in the Eye. or any Tony Atwood books.

Have you read this http://www.amazon.ca/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307395987 ?

I've only dealt with Asperger's children, but it made a lot of sense to me. And it was an entertaining read.