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Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family?
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I recently read Love Lives Here about a Canadian family with a trans child.
It's not a novel, more of a memoir. Not sure if that's what you are looking for.
This is a memoir rather than a novel, but Love Lives Here is a book about a family with a trans daughter.
It is definitely full of love.
You are whatever you say you are. End of story.
You might find this book interesting, it tells a very familiar story: https://www.amazon.ca/Love-Lives-Here-Thriving-Transgender/dp/0735235171
(disclaimer: have not actually read it, but is a FOAF)
Hello daddy ! I’d say Love Lives Here is a perfect book to start. Also, regarding my experience as a trans woman, the thing that kept me from transitioning sooner and be happy was that i knew it would be a big deal and it wouldn’t be welcomed (and i was so right). Make sure K knows it’s perfectly ok. Talk about sexuality and gender, not especially with K, but if they do ear, make sure you’re making home a safe place for your kids to be queer. Good luck !
Looks like there is quite a bit of great help within this thread. If you're a reader, I highly recommend this book. Love Lives Here . It helped my wife and I immensely when I started my transition. It is an amazing story.
I’m sorry to hear that. A spouse coming out trans obviously is unexpected and potentially means a necessary end to the relationship. Anger and blame are natural response to such a break up, although certainly deeply hurtful. If you think there’s any chance she’ll come around I would highly recommend the book Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family.
Same happened to me. Initial response was “we love you this changes nothing” second talk was full on TERF-mode. She had clearly been up all night researching on opposition websites. I was able to stay calm, left her a copy of Amanda Knox’s book, “love lives here” (which is fucking excellent). It’s been slow, but she has come a long way. People used to have very different, misinformed views on trans people. Sounds like you have a good enough relationship with your parents to trust them this far. Be patient, they’re probably pretty confused and scared too.
Edit: for real, if you haven’t read it, please do. The book is amazing, and helped me, my very unsuspecting wife, and my parents quite a bit.
I heard this book is a tear jerker. I am awaiting my copy. Love Lives Here Amanda is married to a trans woman. They have kids one of which is a trans daughter.
Also watch this documentary on YouTube on Kai Shappley: A Trans Girl Growing up in Texas. Award-Winning. Her mother is extremely religious and through loves learns to help her daughter. Kai Shappley Dicumentary
To be clear: you deserve happiness and fulfillment in your relationships. If that means you're not sexually compatible with your spouse, that's OK. If you want to stay with them and it makes you happy to do so, that's OK too.
To answer your question, though, marriages making it through transition are more common than people think. How common?
We don't know.
Unfortunately, like many, many things about trans life, this hasn't been seriously studied. A lot of therapists have anecdotes. My therapist, for instance, says that none of the partnerships that have failed in transition among her trans clients didn't fail because of transition, they failed because of normal relationship issues--communication, medical stress, and so forth. I've heard from a lot of other people that their therapists say the same.
You'd think the failure rate would be higher, right? Sexual incompatibility is a real thing, regardless of transition. So why? Well, there's a thing, and it's been documented but without a good explanation, where queer folx have an odd way of finding each other, both in friendship and love, long before any of them are out to themselves. It's uncanny. You think that might have something to do with it. It might also be that sexuality is less often definitively straight or gay than is generally thought.
My general advice is this: give it six months in transition before you make a decision. This is suggested by Amanda Knox in <em>Love Lives Here</em>, and it's based on the idea that you should live with any big decision for six months before committing, and I think it's a healthy way to approach things (also, that's a great book. Totally worth reading). Basically, give yourself time for the shock to wear off and see how you feel when this big new thing is normal, so you know what it'll be like it to live with it.
There's a lot of love to be found in transition, if you find that things fit. Hang in there.
Hi parent ! ✋🏻trans woman here (and a parent too), first it’s always a pleasure to read parents reaching out and being supportive of their kids, which is pretty rare. Your job won’t charge much, in the fact that you’re still the airbag that will keep your kid from crashing towards society. You probably already know the fact you’re here and supportive is gonna give your kid more chances to be safe, happy, mentally healthy. If the family is into reading, I’d say try Love Lives Here by Mx. Amanda Jetté Knox is a must have, and probably following them on Twitter too as they went into a lot of transitions in the family and made it work. Good luck !
I have mixed feelings about OurPath in that it doesn't seem like it has a bad history or motivation, but it still doesn't sit well with me and I can't say why.
My wife found some support on the r/mypartneristrans subreddit, and she said this book helped her process things:
https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/comments/lmxere/new_outside_of_group_resources_thread/
https://www.amazon.ca/Love-Lives-Here-Thriving-Transgender/dp/0735235171
I've seen mixed reviews of She's Not The Man I Married. It's dated, and (because it's a memoir of sorts) it's very focused on the authors particular relationship experience rather than connecting with a broader range of trans experiences. I haven't read it myself, though. Love Lives Here is also a personal story, but at least I can tell you it's well written, and it didn't make me cringe when I read it (like some cis writers on trans subjects can)
That's fantastic and good for you. People are suggesting individual therapy too, and not an awful idea, but it's not about anything you're doing being unhealthy, what you're doing is great and accepting even if it is a little strange and / or scary.
There's a lady who went through the same thing, wrote a book, went through something very similar with her wife, who also started with her husband.
https://www.amazon.ca/Love-Lives-Here-Thriving-Transgender/dp/0735235171/ref=asc_df_0735235171/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=335903224279&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7718479945100554193&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1002806&hvtargid=pla-797967369309&psc=1
Her name is Amanda Jette Knox, she's active on twitter and is a wonderful, wonderful human. Everyone is different and it won't necessarily speak to you, but it's a lovely approach to similar circumstances and her family is thriving now, I believe she has trans or/and non-binary children in addition to her wife, and they're doing great, check it out.
Best of luck and much love to you, I hope you guys are super happy.
That's fantastic and good for you. People are suggesting individual therapy too, and not an awful idea, but it's not about anything you're doing being unhealthy, what you're doing is great and accepting even if it is a little strange and / or scary.
There's a lady who went through the same thing, wrote a book, went through something very similar with her wife, who also started with her husband.
https://www.amazon.ca/Love-Lives-Here-Thriving-Transgender/dp/0735235171/ref=asc_df_0735235171/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=335903224279&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7718479945100554193&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1002806&hvtargid=pla-797967369309&psc=1
Her name is Amanda Jette Knox, she's active on twitter and is a wonderful, wonderful human. Everyone is different and it won't necessarily speak to you, but it's a lovely approach to similar circumstances and her family is thriving now, I believe she has trans or/and non-binary children in addition to her wife, and they're doing great, check it out.
Best of luck and much love to you, I hope you guys are super happy.
Of course! This is a good book written from a woman who’s spouse came out and her whole journey. It’s a well written autobiographical. I found it helpful to see people having similar feelings: Love Lives Here: A Story of... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735235171?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
This is a more informational book: The Trans Partner Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785922270?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
This is another book I’ve heard is good but I haven’t read it: She's Not the Man I Married (My... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1580051936?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Didn't really care for Benvenuto's memoir personally, here's the review I wrote a couple years back: https://travelstogethen.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/sex-changes-a-memoir-christine-benvenuto/
Wandering around a bit on Amazon, I am reminded that I follow Amanda Jette Knox on Twitter and she has a memoir that might also be worth checking out: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735235171/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_aIDSDb91ZGHZW
I haven't read it yet myself, but her story is an interesting one.
Have her watch this YouTube video documentary that is award-winning about Kai Shappley
Good book to read by Canadian Loves Lives Here by Amanda Jette Knox
Read Love Lives Here by Amana Jette Knox. She is a cis lesbian married to a trans woman with children and one trans daughter.Love Lives Here
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