I don't think you're missing anything. I think you should just keep living a fulfilling life and put yourself out there.
> How can I safely escalate romantic interactions to see if he & I are on the same page emotionally/spiritually? What I crave is a really intense bond that goes beyond “are we compatible?”
I don't think you can escalate this safely. I would be scared to bond emotionally/spiritually immediately with a man. It would be a red flag to me because emotionally healthy people have appropriate boundaries and prevent that kind of thing - anyone who tells you their life story immediately, for instance, is not someone with appropriate boundaries. My husband and I were clearly ridiculously compatible early on in our relationship but I wouldn't have told you it was a "really intense bond" or we were "on the same page emotionally/spiritually." Have you ever read the book or considered the notion Love is a Mental Illness? It helped me be a little more objective and vet well when I was dating. It's more...academic then pragmatic if I remember correctly but I'm really glad that I read it before dating. (Another comment mentioned you may be INTJ and so am I and I think INTJs would like the logical observations of that book.)
You are going to change over time and so is any man. Maybe it's that change and trust and commitment that will create that bond.
My husband had very strong opinions that a strong bond doesn't come out of the blue - it's forged over a marriage of decades. And I would say he was right although I was incredulous at first but he explained, for instance, how he watched his grandparents and their marriage lasted over 75 years. Over the years our bond has gotten stronger and deeper and changed. We do not have the same bond we did 10 years ago at all. There's just no comparison. Our relationship has always been honest and respectful and we've always cooperated with each other (even in disagreements our motives were for the best for our family) and that kind of environment has allowed more trust and a "really intense bond." Along those lines it's interesting how I thought our spiritual differences were going to be an issue but we've influenced each other to the point where he's the only person I would say shares the same spiritual views that I do - we are definitely emotionally/spiritually compatible on the same page now.