:-) Please please please please read this amazing book I just read: Loving Bravely by Solomon
https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Bravely-Twenty-Lessons-Self-Discovery/dp/1626255814
I can relate to a few things you talked about, and I think this book will be really enlightening for you. It totally changed the way I look at love and relationships...and I've read a ton of self help books on the subject.
Also, I will be reading Attached by Levine and Heller soon, so I can't vouch for it yet but it sounds really good.
You may have some "attachment items" you may want to consider and reflect on that may give you insight into your relationship patterns. This book would probably help a lot with that. Hope this helps! :-)
Also, nothing has helped me sort through my romantic relationship issues more than exploring my personality type through the enneagram. Check out
Super comprehensive book on all the 9 personality "types": https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Enneagram-Paths-Greater-Self-Knowledge/dp/1938314549
More of an easy read: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062510266/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=F0M8XBW924976HC0FJ9A
Easy read, and relates to enneagram + relationships:
https://www.amazon.com/Are-You-Type-Yours-Relationships/dp/006251248X