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You've got some heavy shit to deal with. Lots of serious situations, all going down at the same time. I can offer some perspectives & procedures that have helped me, and maybe help you.
1- You are NOT your thoughts. Your thoughts are instantaneous electro-chemical impulses that are so transitory, they can barely be said to exist. They will rise. They will fall away.
They're like a massive cascading waterfall- the trick is to position yourself behind the waterfall
2- Acknowledge your feelings. Allow them to pass. The physiological effects of emotions on your body can be profound- but even the strongest ones pass in moments. Unless you continue to regenerate them. "Noting"... the act of recognizing a thought or emotion... is often enough to dispel it. Note what you're feeling in a depersonalized way ("That's anger", "That's anxiety"... NOT "I'm angry" or "I'm anxious").
3- Focus on what you CAN control, Accept what you can't. This is one of the pillars of Stoicism. There's no profit in getting twisted up about things you can't change. Viktor Frankl said that even in the worst situation, each individual has the ultimate power, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way"
4- The Obstacle is the Way Understand that every crisis, every hardship, is an opportunity to develop some other virtue. Patience, Endurance, Compassion, Courage, Resourcefulness... skills that would lie dormant unless you were challenged.
5- See things as they are, not as you wish, not as you fear. Optimism and Pessimism are for suckers. Realism is the way to go. Your fortunes will rise and fall. Determine that no matter what happens, you'll be able to handle it, with competence and dignity.
​
I wish you well.
Thats exactly where this quote is from. What makes it even more powerful is that this thought is in response to being sent to a concentration camp to die.
If Frankl could maintain this mentality while being worked to near death and having to constantly outsmart gestapo, no one here has any valid excuse as to why they can't cultivate that same mindset.
Seriously, everyone get this book. Its like 200 pages (if that) of some of the most compelling writing you'll ever read.
This situation is not like yours, but it may bring you insight: Man's search for meaning. It's a book of a holocaust survivor and his story on how he managed to stay optimistic despite his torture. "...Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose"
As some one in occupation for 2 month and almost no hope to escape, I fear of death I see the bearers of death every day it may happen. I 'm your age lived very same life and have same thoughts before war. Now I'm despaired because I don't have anything to even feed my cats. But I know life worth live I have so much to do and I have mom to help, I simply must. Try this book!
That's a tough one, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling with these. Existential crises are the worst. Once you're in the dark hole it can seem impossible to experience anything but that.
I took a grad course on mindfulness and meaning. This book, Man's Search for Meaning, is one of my favorites. The author is Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist, neurologist, and Holocaust survivor. The book was published in 1959 but holds up today. It's a really incredible book. He's kind of the essence of inspiring quotes about meaning today.
The way I found meaning was through mindfulness. Getting to know myself better, and what I value. It's a process. It won't happen overnight, it takes time and patience, and reminders to be kind to yourself.
I highly recommend Dr. Frankl's book. Or even just google him and look up some of the things he's written. He's so so so inspirational, at least to me. If he can find light in the darkest of times, we all can.
But it isn't easy and sometimes it's so frustrating because it isn't apparent!! Like what the hell, why doesn't meaning just materialize?
For me, when I was in a dark place, I went back to basics. I've always loved animals. I wanted to be a vet as a kid. Start with something small that you love. Keep going.
I wish I could help you more. I hope you research Viktor Frankl and check out his book.
Wishing you the best <3
It sounds like your life lacks purpose. Perhaps step outside yourself and try to help others? Volunteer? You're in your head too much. Once you can give yourself to a community, I think you'll worry less about your own problems while providing solutions for others.
I've been there man. Some days I'm still in it. What helped me immensely was starting Brazilian Jujitsu. I belong to an amazing community of like-minded people. Every day I get to help people newer than me while testing myself against people that are better than me. But you don't have to do exactly that, just try to fill your time with a purpose. Look into Viktor Frankl.
Best of luck my friend.
Hi! I wrote this to OP but I want to leave it for you too-
Please please read/listen on audio book to “Mans Search for Meaning” by Dr. Viktor Frankl. He was a psychiatrist that survived multiple concentration camps, and while in the camps he would treat patients. After the war treated survivors who had lost all sense of purpose and meaning in life. He has some deep, powerful wisdom on finding meaning in suffering. Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/080701429X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_zeNCBbEPS3SG3
Hugs to you fellow warrior, you will find your “why” that will make surviving worthwhile. I believe in you ❤️ You have something unique only YOU has ever brought to this planet, or ever will again. You have a purpose, an impact to make. I personally would’ve killed myself years and years ago but I have found my “why” that keeps me going and gives me strength. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
Kx is in.. table minimized... no reason to watch... its a clear spot... i focus on what I can control; not what i can't which is the result of a hand once I shove my stack in.
We have busted directly into AKo apparently as I checked the hand history; as long as I don't look at it real time.
In fact I wouldn't have even acknowledged it in real time if I wasn't writing this.
The point is: You've read it in Man's Search for Meaning and you will hear it from me a professional poker player: You are only stunting your growth as a player and person by giving something 'power over you' which you have no control of. In that MTT I either have more chips and feel neutral, or I'm busted out of the tournament.
The problem is by looking at the meaningless result real time the best possible scenario is I feel NEUTRAL; and the worst possible scenario is RAGE.
IT IS A TRAP DOOR MY FRIENDS. The only way to avoid the trap door in the first place is to refuse to open it. It then loses any power over you and you can find a better door.
The more self aware you become the more trap doors you will avoid. The more trap doors you will avoid; the more you free up your resources to have a chance of opening a NEW DOOR ENTIRELY. This is where the fun begins my dears.
Maybe try reading some work by Viktor Frankl. He wrote a lot about the meaning of life. https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1476438491&sr=1-1&keywords=viktor+frankl
Reading philosophy in general may also be a good one to get your mind off things. Marcus Aurelius and Marcus Cicero are some good ones. If you are into eastern philosophy, books by the Dalai Lama are really good.
Reading your request, I instantly thought of Man's Search for Meaning. It's part actual story, part inward journey, of a man who survived the camps during the Holocaust when everyone around him perished. It's a short read, but honestly one of the most uplifting and powerful books you'll ever read.
> I just need some advice on motivation and getting my life back together.
This is a very tall order, so I'll just say what worked for me.
What I needed when I sobered up was to get all my shit together. I've been told that this is a bad idea, that you don't want to pile too much stuff on all at once. But for me, I just had to. My alcohol abuse was wrapped up with my mental health, with my physical health, with my debt, and with a failed relationship.
So I quit drinking. I replaced the after work booze with exercise from day one. I went to the grocery store the day before and bought healthy shit for my fridge and kept it stocked. Then I kept doing it. There's no real trick there, just kept doing it. Doing this for a month gave me a confidence I had not felt in years, and possibly ever. I felt stronger physically and mentally, and so I wanted to continue.
So then I tackled my finances. They were in terrible shape. A lot of debt and no savings. But with my new confidence I was able to take a hard look at them instead of hiding from and ignoring them. I was saving money from not buying and booze and eating out at shitty fast food places so that made things easier.
All of these things had a snowballing effect. That's what I discovered. Inertia is a hell of a thing. If you are on one path for a long time it can be hard to get off it, but you can also make inertia work to your advantage with a strategic course correction.
You're asking about motivation. For me my motivation was that I had a mental picture of myself that did not at all jive with reality and I wanted to fix that. That's why I had to tackle all my shit head-on.
And as to advice, if you haven't before, I can't recommend this book (Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl) enough. It gave me a clarity about life that I did not have before.
Best of luck, and make sure to hang around here and keep us posted on your progress.
Forgiving others who were responsible. Then forgive yourself for viewing the world negatively.
Then letting-go of the past is the only way to progress.
Try reading this book, [Man's Search for Meaning](www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/).
Absolutely even if youre in a nazi concentration camp you can control your mindset. Your mindset is not influenced by your environment rather your perceptions. Read Man's Search for Meaning
If you want to move on to something a bit more heavy check out Man's Search for Meaning At 2.99 for a Kindle edition you can't argue too much.
As a Master's student I found to love of reading when I could read what I wanted to and not what I was told to read. For me reading non-fiction helped me get more interested in reading. Something about a real person living what I was reading made it that much more interesting. Hope you find the love of reading. Stick with it!
Man's Search for Meaning is a fantastic book, especially (I would think) for someone feeling down or lost in life. I just finished it and it has given me renewed purpose and direction in my increasingly confusing life. I will say that I am not, nor have I been depressed before, but he talks about finding meaning in life be it though a vocation, another person, or even suffering, if it can't be avoided. He uses his experience in Nazi Concentration Camps during the Second World War as a backdrop for discussing what brings people happiness and fulfillment in their lives, even in the most dire of circumstances.
If you're interested, the reviews on amazon do a pretty good job of describing it in more detail, but I have nothing but praise for this book.
Finding purpose and direction.
Check out this book. It's by a psychologist who was imprisoned in Auschwitz who made it his purpose while there to understand (and teach) what helps people through hopeless adversity.
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
For those interested, his main work is Man's Search for Meaning.
>> okay, i never read anything where he mentioned it. in his book he talks about debating with jews personally and world events, but he mentions jews like twice in the whole thing. where are you getting this information? and how was it possible for them to make it seem like it fits? you couldn't do it with the irish, or whatever, could you?
Are you serious dude?
Let's find some Hitler quotes for you.
>> And even that seems tame compared to Adolf Hitler, who incorporated visions of an apocalyptic Jewish conspiracy into his political platform and used it to justify
>> his own conspiratorial machinations against Europe’s Jews. For Hitler, the Protocols of Zion served as more than a glimpse into the enemy’s tactics; it provided a model for his own quest for power. “I have read the Protocols of the Elders of Zion,” Hitler is reported to have said—“it simply appalled me. The stealthiness of the enemy, and his ubiquity! I saw at once that we must copy it—in our own way of course . . . We must beat the Jew with his own weapon.”
https://www.scrapbookpages.com/DachauScrapbook/HitlerSpeeches.html
Here's an entire page of his speeches.
>> We see clearly that this war could only end with the extermination of the Germanic peoples, or that Jewry must disappear from Europe. I already said it on September 1, 1939 [sic] in the German Reichstag...that this war will not end the way the Jews have foreseen it, namely that the European Aryan peoples will be exterminated; rather the result of this war will be the annihilation of Jewry. For once all the others will not bleed to death alone; for once the ancient Jewish law will come into play: an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth.
>> The Bolshevist monster, to which they want to deliver the European nations, will someday tear them and their people to pieces. The Jew will not however exterminate the European peoples, rather he will be the victim of his own plot.
>> I have also left no doubt that, if the nations of Europe are again to be regarded as mere shares to be bought and sold by those international money and finance conspirators, then that race, Jewry, which is the real guilty party in this murderous struggle, will be saddled with the responsibility. I also made it clear that this time, not only would millions of children of European Aryan races starve, not only would millions of grown men meet their death, and not only would millions of women and children be burned or bombed to death in the cities, but that the real culprit would atone for his guilt, even if by more humane means.
>> The most fearsome example of this kind is Russia where he (Jewry) allowed 39 million humans in truly fanatical wildness to die or starve in inhuman agony, in order to secure the mastery of a great people for a gang of Jewish literati and stock exchange bandits.
>> The result is not only the end of freedom for the people oppressed by the Jews, but rather also the end of these parasites of the peoples themselves. After the death of the victim, the vampire dies sooner or later.
There are hundreds more.
>> you mean communists? i'm sorry- but when you're trying to save your country you can't have subversives working against you. and just look how you guys treat people who disagree with you.
Are you on fucking drugs? Do you know anything about the political parties of Weimar Germany during Hitlers rise to power?
It wasn't just the communists, it was everyone that wasn't a fucking nazi, which was the majority of the country.
>> i only know mein kampf and his speeches. what would you recommend?
His speeches, Mein Kampf, all of this shit paints a clear picture.
>> all you gave me is that hitler was a big meanie and evil evil and a book i never thought was real wasn't real. you've given me nothing.
I gave you 2 books dude.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Third_Reich_Trilogy
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
>> look, if you guys want us to stop, just prove us wrong. you've never tried that. stop ruining people for saying things you don't like. quit getting books removed from amazon, pages removed from google searches, don't arrest senior citizens in germany for supposed war crimes and then add holocaust denial to the charges when they try to defend themselves. stop the anti white hypocrisy, speak out against professors pushing loxism.
You have been proven wrong, countless times, over and over and over and over again. You don't care, on any level.
>> but you never do that. you just call us evil and hateful and crazy while confirming every "antisemitic" stereotype and actively working against white/european interests. then calling us hateful monsters when we object.
BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING DEFENDING AN IDEOLOGY THAT LITERALLY CALLS FOR THE EXTERMINATION OF OTHER RACES.
Do you seriously not see why people call you a hateful fucking monster?
>> cut it out. this does not end well. you would know that by now if you had any self awareness and didn't just blame the goyim for their "antisemitism" instead.
LOL, did you just try to accuse me of being Jewish for shitting all over your world view with facts?
One more for the road.
>> By the end of 1920, Hitler’s early emphasis on attacking Jewish capitalism had been modified to bring in ‘Marxism’, or in other words Social Democracy, and Bolshevism as well. The cruelties of the civil war and ‘red terror’ in Lenin’s Russia were making an impact, and Hitler could use them to lend emphasis to common far-right views of the supposedly Jewish inspiration behind the revolutionary upheavals of 1918-19 in Munich. Nazism would also have been possible, however, without the Communist threat; Hitler’s anti-Bolshevism was the product of his antisemitism and not the other way round.33 His principal political targets remained the Social Democrats and the vaguer spectre of ‘Jewish capitalism’. Borrowing the stock arguments of antisemitism from before the war, Hitler declared in numerous speeches that the Jews were a race of parasites who could only live by subverting other peoples, above all the highest and best of all races, the Aryans. Thus they divided the Aryan race against itself, both organizing capitalist exploitation on the one hand and leading the struggle against it on the other. The Jews, he said in a speech delivered on 6 April 1920, were ‘to be exterminated’; on 7 August the same year he told his audience that they should not believe ‘that you can fight a disease without killing the cause, without annihilating the bacillus, and do not think that you can fight racial tuberculosis without taking care that the people are free of the cause of racial tuberculosis’. Annihilation meant the violent removal of the Jews from Germany by any means. The ‘solution of the Jewish question’, he told his listeners in April 1921, could only be solved by ‘brute force’. ’. ‘We know’, he said in January 1923, ‘that if they come to power, our heads will roll in the sand; but we also know that when we get our hands on power: “Then God have mercy on you!”
>putting your needs above others
Have you ever heard of the term "paradoxical intent"? It was coined by a guy named Viktor Frankl. He was a holocaust survivor and psychologist who wrote a book on how to find meaning/happiness in a world that's total shit.
The term refers to the fact that in many areas of life, the harder you focus on something, the less likely you are to achieve that end. Finishing or not prematurely finishing sex, for instance. He argues that this generally applies to the pursuit of happiness. In his own words: "it is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." Happiness results in finding meaning/purpose in life-- not in pursuing happiness. Look no further than most celebrities. His book's a quick read if you're interested. I'm sure you'd find it in your local library, too.
So let's consider TRP in this context. These folk have taken a route almost-universally acknowledged to lead to short-term happiness but misery in the end, and they're so damn happy about their choice that they spend their time convincing strangers on the internet that they're totally happy. Longitudinal studies are clear: long-term, meaningful relationships are key to happiness in life. You're listening to a bunch of 20-somethings offer (likely fabricated) anecdotes over the advice of actual research.
Listen to evidence, not reddit
I was you, about two years ago. I had fully committed to being a great dad and a great husband, but had stopped developing as an individual. Figuring that out is an excellent first step to, as you said, getting your life back in balance.
Here are two books that helped me:
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: It's a short book by a Holocaust survivor that deals with controlling your attitude at all times, and having perspective on where you are compared to where you want to be.
A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine: A good modern take on Stoicism, or the philosophy of taking life in stride. Contrary to common belief, it's not about eschewing all emotions and being joyless; it's about embracing joy in all things, acknowledging and preparing for grief but not letting them overwhelm you, and being mentally present in day-to-day life. Plan for the future, but don't forget to take joy in the small moments of the present.
Edited in links.
You are not alone. It sucks that you don't feel good. There is research on people who go through grad school experience depression and anxiety at higher rates than similar people who don't go to grad school. So you are in good company.
I went through a bleak time right at the beginning of my postdoc. It was dark and I felt stupid and worthless. I didn't get to the darkness level you have reached, but it was a huge struggle.
I'm on my fifth year of a postdoc and my third lab and I'm feeling happy and hopeful again. I made it through to the other side. There is another side for you too if you can stick with this. You are in the middle distance, when you have gone so far that the light from behind you is gone, but not quite far enough to see the light ahead. Believe in the path that your past self saw for you. It is still in front of you if you can find the strength to take the next step.
I've been working on emotional health as an additional aspect of my research. I've suddenly had to study it a lot, so I'm leveraging my new knowledge into my career.
Something that I learned recently that brought me a lot of closure about my emotional struggles was of how our emotions are understood to work. It used to be believed that emotions were like a bull in a china shop and our thoughts were the china. If we let emotions in, they wrecked the thoughts. NOW we understand that our emotions are the shelves in the china shop and if we don't have steady emotions, we cannot have ordered thoughts.
Another layer of this analogy is of a spiral of emotional feedback loops. If we have a positive experience we have positive emotions and want to repeat the experience. If we have negative experiences we have negative emotions and don't want to repeat the experience. Adding stress or physiological changes that lead to depression (Low serotonin uptake) can knock us down that spiral a few rungs and the spirals get steeper at the extremes. So going down can be easy, but getting back up becomes harder and harder the farther down you are. This is why I'm not overly stressed about being on my fifth year of a post doc with only 2 first author publications to my name for that time. I'm still a person with a lot of shits to give. (I give a shit, not I'm pooping every where.)
Okay, here are some books that I have found really helpful and you can read them or listen to the audio books from you library on you phone.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time and wish you all the best.
Man’s Search For Meaning https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
The Stoic Challenge https://www.amazon.com/Stoic-Challenge-Philosophers-Becoming-Resilient/dp/0393652491
I’ve read many books that I think could help but I’ll start by recommending these based off what you have said.
Viktor Frankl - "Man's Search for Meaning"
He was a Jewish psychiatrist who survived multiple of the worst concentration camps of WWII. It's an incredibly powerful book. It's sometimes published under the title: "From Death Camp to Existentialism: Man's Search for Meaning". The dude actually figured out how to find meaning and purpose in his life from surviving the worst horrors of the Holocaust.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
May I suggest reading? Here’s a great book to get started:
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
Thank you for the offer. It's an honor that I'll take seriously and try to live up to. I don't have a time frame right now about when I would post something on the topic. I'd like to talk to mods more about it. -maybe in private message?
Until then, a book I recommend is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. The book comes from his time in a WWII death camp for being Jewish. He was also a scientist / medical doctor / psychiatrist. He observed the behavior of fellow prisoners. The book goes into the psychological reasons why some survived while others died. For many it can be in the context of faith. But that's not all he talks about. Amazon says it's out of print. But it sold a zillion copies so inexpensive used copies are readily available. It's also available online. https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
I'll recommend another. This one is faith based (Evangelical Christian, I'd say Pentecostal). So if someone is opposed to Bible quotes, etc then it's not for them. I don't feel that I'm forcing this on anyone. It's just a book I'm suggesting. In my view, it's not all religious mumbo jumbo. There are real world strategies here concerning a person's thought life. The author isn't a survivalist, but the book does have application IMHO. It's "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. https://www.amazon.com/Battlefield-Mind-Winning-Battle-Your/dp/0446691097
Well, it depends in your personal interests and leanings, but I would probably recommend Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning. It's a classic and an easy read: https://www.amazon.ca/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
I can only add my support for you. This is hard. This sucks. But you are striving for something that has true meaning. My go-to in this context is Victor Frankle. (I highly recommend the audio version and getting it from your public library through the Libby/Hoopla/Overdrive app).
Reaching out, venting, processing your emotions are such healthy steps and I'm so glad you are taking them.
There is a discussion about the emotional health of men in infertility treatments (not specific to any type of infertility). It is free and about 90 minutes at www.andrologysociety.org. It gives context to the emotional health of men in general and leading up to a MFI.
https://www.amazon.in/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
​
Read this book once, and come back
Man's Search for Meaning is the memoir of a psychiatrist who survived labor in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz
Read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Vicktor Frankl.
It's perfect for situations like that.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/080701429X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jOJsDbAWE6XV3
Maybe reading "Man's Search for Meaning" will help you find the right mission for you.
The problem I see with your list is that it is all non-fiction. That is, it is written by people with an axe to grind, a particular philosophy to push. Not that they are good or bad, but anyone who tells you that they personally know the secret is almost certainly selling you something.
Taking a page from Jordan Peterson - I would suggest that the best books to read are in narrative form. We have archetypes for a reason.
I could some up with a never ending list, but the two that popped into my head are:
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Citizen of the Galaxy by Robert Heinlein.
What you can extract from these books?
Never give up; life is fucking hard, keep moving.
Learn everything you can.
But maybe books aren't the best answer. There are AWESOME video lectures available for free. Consider spending 25+ hours watching through the following.
Maps of Meaning lectures (pick one year and just grind)
Personality and its traits
Robert Sapolsky / Stanford lecture series.
Both of these people do let their biases slip into their work, but who doesn't? By and large they are giving broad overviews of humanity and the forces which brought us here. From there you get a really good idea of what it means to have been a successful man or woman over the last 100,000 years.
This book might be of interest to you.
Thanks for this post. I'd like to also recommend "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl.
Patronus charm explained: Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
He was a psychologist. Definitely read the book when you can.
If you think life is pointless read Man's Search for Meaning.
Depressing? Not to me, but in any case, I'm not concerned about that. I've heard people say that it's depressing to not believe that there's a creator looking out for all of us. That was never a compelling argument for anything. All I could tell them was to believe what they want, but that doesn't make god real.
I am more interested in seeing what we discover through science... about anything, including human behaviour in this context.
> It doesn't take massive strength to be decent.
Evidence of what people do when they are not held accountable (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) suggests the opposite.
PS. As for "I think weak, selfish people like to think that they are the majority but I just don't think this is true." I can't judge your tone well enough from this text. I got a vague sense that you were implying that I'm one of those "weaker" people unlike yourself. That brought a massive smile on my face when you followed it up with your next sentence. I'm a man of simple pleasures.
>This is basically a hazing argument. I had to struggle so others have to struggle just as much or more and I'll be damned if anyone gets a smooth ride.
Not really, just a fair playing field for every person in America. Why should I have to pay taxes for someone pad someone's wallet to the point where they make as much as me.
>The problem with that is it already costs the government, meaning all tax paying citizens, just as much. We are already paying for these low wage employees. Why is it such a big deal to force these successful companies that are employing them to pick up the bill?
See you cut their tax breaks, they have less money. You then ask them to spend more. Not for a logical reason, not because someone needs something, just because they want something.
>All this need and want stuff is moronic. I don't want people free loading on the government when they should be paid by the companies they work for. I'm sorry that it doesn't make sense to you but government programs shouldn't support multinational multimillionaire corporations.
Again your painting the picture like I don't understand. I agree with you. They shouldn't. Fair playing field mentality. I bet, that if welfare tighten upon; these workers that lost their welfare benefits, would threaten to leave their job. And as they sought other more gainful employment the supply of minimum wage worker would lessen. Especially if you took the money spent on welfare and put it towards better education. Walmart might have to then, increase their wage level to be able to increase/maintain their workforce.
But you know what minimum wage increases do. If I worked my butt off to get a raise to $7.75/hr after 6 months of working, and there was an increase in the minimum wage to $8.00. I would lose that increase. You might say, ask for an increase to $8.50, While that would be ideal, if everyone did that across the board, we achieved nothing, other than adding a digit to everyone's paycheck.
The point where you are punctually wrong is that someone should be paid more than minimum wage. When given the supply and the demand of the labor necessary for the company to to achieve the needed level of labor to make money it works out.
It does boil down to a measure of needs versus wants. All the scenarios in which you claimed someone needed more money, was merely a situation where they wanted more money. Do i need to eat steak everynight or is that a want.
For a concept of this might I suggest.
http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
I'm not a psychotherapist - I'm a philosopher, so I'll try to assist you here on the philosophical end of things. But naturally I recommend regularly speaking with psychotherapist and speaking with a professional medical doctor as well.
Alright, here's how we start. First, try to identify the source of your belief that the universe is meaningless. This includes meditating on the theoretical, philosophical, or otherwise ideological basis of your belief here. After all, it's not simply or only an emotion that you are experiencing. It's an emotion guided by a belief, or a series of beliefs and reasons. Keep this in mind throughout that it's not only non-cognitive, but also cognitive.. You should ask yourself when you can:
- "Under what sorts of conditions would the world be meaningful - what would it take, what must be so, in order for the world, and one's life within it, to not be meaningless?"
There's an answer to this question for everyone. Not all of the answers are the same, but many of them have the same structure. It has been thought about a lot philosophically. Once you identify the source of your belief here---it's theoretical and normative basis, which may take weeks or months, and probably speaking to someone such as a counselor---try to ask yourself whether or not the source of your belief ought to be compelling or plausible. Try to ask yourself whether, from a birds eye point of view, it is something that any person should believe independently of their well being. You might find that what's misguided here (or otherwise not completely thought through) is something purely cognitive, and that this is helping to lead you into a depression. [I want to say that being depressed is very serious, and it is very difficult to become undepressed. It takes a lot of effort - naturally I suggest going to a counselor here, as they will be able to help you - a lot of their training is geared towards this, especially in the psychodynamic tradition].
So, let's go through some cases. Why do this? The reason is for you to get a sense of how to do this: of how to identify the source of your cognitive unease and to engage with it reflectively. It's hard to find a cure without knowing the source of the disease.
For example, consider the following criterion that may be driving one to hold that their life is without meaning:
(I) The world (and an individual's life therein) has meaning if and only if there is a God who grants eternal life for a biological life of virtue and praise.
Now imagine the person, who implicitly adheres to (I), reasons as follows: "There is no God---or else there probably isn't one---so the world is meaningless, or probably meaningless". Given the principle (I), above, the reasoning is good. But that should lead us to ask whether (I) is plausible in the first place: whether that requirement on a meaningful life is a genuine requirement. Is it? If so, why? Working through this philosophically can have therapeutic results.
Here's another, related example:
(II) The world (and an individual's life therein) has meaning if and only if one's life does not end and is continuous until one decides for it to cease.
Here, one might reason that because their life is finite, then given their implicit adherence to (II), they conclude that their life (and everyone's) is meaningless. But, again, why should one accept something like (II)? We should ask how plausible it really is. If living a potentially infinite life is the source of a meaningful life, what is it about having more and more of one's life that makes it meaningful, whereas having less of it, or less of it until not-absolutely-certain end point, makes the difference meaningfulness and its absence? Reflectively engage with these sorts of questions.
Finally, some people implicitly accept something like:
(III) The world (and an individual's life therein) has meaning if and only if one isn't personally, socially or unwillfully isolated from others.
(III) might be very plausible, but notice here that it is typically under one's control. You are not bound by the laws of nature or of biology to be personally and socially isolated, unless that is unwillfully taken from you. Of course, that statement alone probably won't be of much help right now, but reflectively engaging with them over time may be of some help.
There are many other requirements like the one's above that, with time, you might be able to think of and engage with, and later question and engage with on a philosophical, reflective level.
For some reading that may help, try to get Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. [note: don't read about it, just read it. It's not long, and the experience of reading it has therapeutic potential. It's about a psychotherapist's psychological struggle in the concentration camps during WWII. It's about the loss of identity, the loss of a sense of one's self and place in the world, and how, even when one's possessions, family, credentials, working and personal life, etc., is taken away and the possibility of a life worth living---a meaningful life---is still possible]. It's a psychotherapeutic and philosophical work. I also recommend the work of Carl Rogers. Both of these people are philosophically oriented psychotherapists. Camus' Myth of Sisyphus is potentially beneficial as well, but I think the former readings I listed are less difficult to grasp, and broadly existentialist as well.
One of the main 20th century and contemporary sources of philosophical and cognitive unease and angst is the problem of absurdity. One feels that their life, the world, and everyone's place therein is simply absurd. The absurd isn't some kind of theoretical paradox, but an affliction from certain things that one tends to recognise in the world around them in relation to themselves and others. (For example, one personal experience of mind with was the picnic tables and a family enjoying some ice cream just outside the fence of Buchenwald concentration camp on a clear, warm and sunny summer day, wildflowers and all. Before that, on the same day, was the tourist mentality of the visitors, smiling and selfie-posing in front of tracks that brought in the prisoners. It's difficult to explain, but you immediately experience something distinctively unsettling when you experience absurdity).
I hope you these help you - and try your best to seek out a professional psychotherapist. I only intend what I'm saying here to potentially supplement that, not to replace it. Sincerely, all the best to you in your efforts.
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Totally changed my life when I was 19.
I wish I was as good at suggesting solutions as I am at breaking down problems. What I can tell you is that you have been profoundly injured through no fault of your own. There are scars all over your psyche, and I do not presume to be able to fix them here.
What I can do is attempt to point you in the right direction. Here are some useful places to start: http://www.voicelessness.com/essay.html Read those essays and see if they apply to you. What I want you to get from them is an understanding that you are not alone. I want to instill in you an understanding of what made you the way you are. LIE, none of this is your fault. No one deserves to feel so profoundly lost and rudderless like you do. There is a subreddit called /r/raisedbynarcissists, maybe that will also help you find the understanding that you are desperately seeking.
After you do that, I want you to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
I am running out of energy here. For your future outlook, you need to forgive yourself for the way you currently are. But you need to accept that in order to feel fulfilled, you must change, fundamentally. You need to learn to set boundaries, hold yourself accountable for your work, hold others accountable for their actions and the way they treat you, you need to learn how to put yourself in others' shoes. The more we seek to understand others the more we learn about ourselves.
But I am optimistic about the outlook for you because you have sought help. You exhibit the desire to change, and at such a young age as well. Hold onto this desire, LIE, and be brave during your adventure of self discovery and change. I see you, I feel you, I'm rooting for you. Good luck!
Have you read Man's Search for Meaning? It probably won't answer your questions, but it deals with a lot of them. Viktor Frankl was a psychologist who was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII and as a result, developed his theory of Logotherapy which assists people in finding meaning in their own life.
I don't agree with everything he says (I don't believe that suffering well, in its own right, is enough of a meaning but I also was never in a concentration camp) but it might help you frame your thoughts.
Everyone needs to chill out and read a book before they slide into becoming the thing they hate.
Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/080701429X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2vFhDbQZMYKQA
Please please read/listen on audio book to “Mans Search for Meaning” by Dr. Viktor Frankl. He was a psychiatrist that survived multiple concentration camps, and while in the camps he would treat patients. After the war treated survivors who had lost all sense of purpose and meaning in life. He has some deep, powerful wisdom on finding meaning in suffering. Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/080701429X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_zeNCBbEPS3SG3
Hugs to you fellow warrior, you will find your “why” that will make surviving worthwhile. I believe in you ❤️ You have something unique only YOU has ever brought to this planet, or ever will again. You have a purpose, an impact to make. I personally would’ve killed myself years and years ago but I have found my “why” that keeps me going and gives me strength. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
This was a good book.
http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
It's about a guy who lived through the nazi concentration camp.
I read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
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