Terrible generalizations about Millennials aside, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl should be required reading in highschool. Not sure what subject -- Science? History? Something. It's a first-hand account of a concentration camp written from a psychiatrist's perspective, so it explains what happens to a person's psyche when forced to undergo such horrors. It's hard to get through, and you will never question how bad the Holocaust was after that.
Absolutely. Find the book in the link and read it. After that, find the multitude of on,one discussion forums which help to dig through the text.
In a nutshell, after tremendously awful experiences during WWII, he needed to find meaning and peace in his existence. To be sure, it is never to late to find your way.
I don't believe I said that. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I'm saying it's good to feel however you feel, but I wouldn't recommend letting your emotions rule your life. Feel anything and everything, but distance yourself from it and just observe it. You can also not do that, but I wouldn't recommend it, in my own experience it pushes people away and leaves to a lot more unhappiness. And it sounds like there's a ton of pain and suffering in your life right now. I feel for you, I lost my father when I was 24, it was not easy. But imagine how much better your life would be if you talked to people about those struggles and showed vulnerability and confidence instead of attacking people online? And now you should also definitely ready Frankl, this is his best book and will help you through the loss of your loved ones:
If I can be cheesy and recommend you a book, the psychologists I've had conversations recommend it highly to people who are in a low place from I guess what you could call lack of purpose/things to look forward to (as opposed to neurochemical imbalances).
Goes to dark places to find hope, but it more or less boils down to... nothing is inherently meaningful, but the ways we invest our time are choices. If you aren't finding meaning in your routine, try new things. Start a new hobby. Volunteer. Go to a coffeeshop and make yourself start small talk with someone new. You probably aren't going to change the evils of the world, but you can control your own environment. And even that isn't going to be a silver bullet. But worst case scenario, you'll have lost nothing and gotten some novelty out of it. And there's a chance it can lead to a new purpose or interest or environment. And having a purpose (or at least some structured thing to do) can help process or contextualize dark times.
In the meantime, enjoy the drinks.
(I may partially be talking to myself)
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl
Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose.
You can't always control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it. This is based on a quote from Viktor Frankl who survived a WWII German concentration camp.
“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” - Viktor Frankl from his book "Man's Search for Meaning"
Fuck me too. Your comment is like the universe using sarcasm at me.
I can recommend Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He talks about, well, reasons for existing and such.
This book helped me a little - A Man's Search For Meaning
From the description: "An enduring work of survival literature,” according to the New York Times, Viktor Frankl’s riveting account of his time in the Nazi concentration camps, and his insightful exploration of the human will to find meaning in spite of the worst adversity, has offered solace and guidance to generations of readers since it was first published in 1946. At the heart of Frankl’s theory of logotherapy (from the Greek word for “meaning”) is a conviction that the primary human drive is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but rather the discovery and pursuit of what the individual finds meaningful. Today, as new generations face new challenges and an ever more complex and uncertain world, Frankl’s classic work continues to inspire us all to find significance in the very act of living, in spite of all obstacles."
I'd recommend, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
If you feel this is a bit too gory and you are unable to relate to the story- I'd recommend you pick up a bunch of P G Wodehouse novels, where the lives are frivolous, there is no pain and everybody is just happy. They are like musicals without the music!
Good luck and remember, like everything else in life- this too shall pass.
Not a classical self-help book, but it's written by a psychiatrist and deals with a lot of similar themes.
if you give up on yourself you'll be gone. dont give up on yourself no matter what.
I am you 20 years younger, though i dont think I will regret anything. I am too though for that.
read viktor frankl "Man's Search for Meaning" http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0807014273/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1292272428&sr=8-1
For a pretty interesting exploration of this, go to your nearest library and check out Man's Search For Meaning, by Viktor Frankl.
pick up viktor franks book, A man's search for meaning. It is only about 150 pgs. He was a holocaust survivor that wrote about suffering and searching for purpose.
probably the best book I've ever read.
1) Read "Man's Search for Meaning," in which Viktor Frankl talks about being in a Nazi gulag
2) Realize you are being a little bitch
3) ???
4) Achieve some sense of peace.
I recommend you to read Man's Search for Meaning
It's gotta be really hard to be a teen in this climate. We can't go back to normal, because people will die. I know you already know that though, and it's just so shitty. I hear what you're saying about the frustration and stress. It's hard enough to be in middle school (if you ask any adult, I think they would agree that middle school is a tough time), let alone have to do this stuff with a global pandemic. It's 100% shit and nobody should disagree with that.
As an adult, I can tell you one thing (and btw - I'm giving myself advice here as I'm typing this because I need it too). This is a real-world version of the "marshmallow test". Step back one bit and take a look at yourself and how you want to manage the situation. You can either be a beacon for yourself or others, or you can go down the crapped-out road of depression. If you use this experience to check your own character, strength and resilience, you might be find that you have deep qualities that you didn't know existed. If you allow yourself just to pool in the "this sucks" mode, your brain will learn that when times get tough, the "this sucks" mode is the default. That's the equivalent of your brain sucking money out of your emotional bank account every time shit comes up in the future. Challenge that, and look back on this Covid crap as a time of immense growth and opportunity that will pay you over and over many years to come.
Also, check out Man's Search for Meaning. It's a book that explains exactly how to function in difficult times. If you ping me your info, I'll send you a copy.
>shoulder
I had to go through this too. It's easy for me to get bored. I would suggest reading A Man's Search for Meaning. It helped change my perspective. https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Viktor-Frankl/dp/0807014273/ref=sr_1_2?__mk_es_US=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&dchild=1&keywords=victor+frankel&qid=1620306098&sr=8-2
Oh sure! There's I think some utility in defining more carefully what I mean by books that challenge you. There is always utility in reading books that use complicated sentence structure, or reading books that tackle very complicated concepts like theoretical physics or something (which is perhaps an extreme case but you get the point). Although reading books that are more difficult by this definition is useful, I think reading books that challenge you on a deeply spiritual or psychological level is more useful. I don't know if that needed to be said, but I thought it best to clarify. That being said, here's a few books that really challenged me as a person and made me really think about my preconceived notions on...everything really.
​
A relatively introductory read to some of the ideas it posits, but very eloquent and it alone has changed some people I know (including myself) for the better. It's popular without falling under the "popular psychology" field, which I think is good.
​
This one really gets to the heart of what I mean by challenges you as a person. Willink does a wonderful job of explaining what happens when you take ownership of your life, and more importantly what happens if you don't. I would also suggest Jocko's podcast, some of the people he interviews are incredible.
​
I read this in a relatively short time (it's not very long) but it took longer than most reads of it's length. It brought light to things about people and their relationship with religion that I hadn't heard much or ever. If you're very familiar with Jordan Peterson's work, especially his biblical series, this read will add a lot of context.
​
As a child brought up in a Christian home later to call myself an atheist and now I can't even really label what it is I am, this book was wicked. Certainly made me question some things I grew up being taught.
​
This last one really challenged me on most levels. I have personally struggled with the question of what to do with evil I've seen in my life. I'm a naturally aggressive person (as it pertains to how I approach problems, not how violent I am) and this book laid out in good fashion what is evil (and what isn't) and what to do about it. On Resistance to Evil by Force isn't one I'd recommend to most people, but as a person with a very deep burn in me to counterbalance evil by means of soldiering, this book was very useful to me personally.
I can highly recommend you to read this book.
You‘ll find your answers there.
This book addresses anticipatory anxiety. Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_H7PEQ3RWJF9QPDK12Q51
It has nothing to do with because I had it hard you should have it hard.
It has everything to do with the satisfaction of accomplishment, proving to yourself that you can.
There are good stresses (stress to take an exam to advance your career, pressure to try a 5k for the first time, etc) and bad stress (I can’t afford food, seeing people scares me so I’ll stay home) If you are interested in a different perspective take a look at these links:
https://www.litcharts.com/lit/man-s-search-for-meaning/summary
Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_T3P0JS613K06NC39NXBJ
(43k reviews, 80% 5 stars)
>I can’t feel good about myself. I can’t feel lovable.
Oddly enough, the first step starts with a decision, not with an emotion. So here's the starter question:
This question is not about "feeling it", it's about making a choice. A choice despite the mountain of negative emotions you're facing. Our emotions are fickle, but the things we choose to invite into our lives, such as how we decide to feel about ourselves, are up to us to decide.
I call this "building our cowcatcher". A cowcatcher is the big metal rake out in front of a train, which is designed to push animals & other obstacles off the track so that the train doesn't crash & get derailed:
We all grow up as very reactive people, fluttering around our emotions like a kite in the wind. By choosing to build a cowcatcher for ourselves, we're bypassing emotions in order to create a solid foundation that we can rely on. Those incoming emotions are still going to sting, both internally from our inner critic & externally from other people, but with that cowcatcher in place, we're free to let them go & move on!
Right now, it feels like your life situation & your internal feelings are dictating how you feel & how your life is. The good news is, this is just the start of your journey! You can build your own cowcatcher line by line, until you get a super-solid rake to plow through life with. Which loops back to the question:
No one has permission to define happiness for you, other than you. No one has permission to come into your life & make you happy, other than you. Life is hard, but happiness is achievable - but it takes making some seemingly hard choices & then continually reinforcing those choices!
If you're open to some reading, there's a book I'd highly recommend picking up called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. He was a guy in a Nazi death camp who ultimately realized that, despite his circumstances, he had a choice in the matter regarding his attitude & how he went about his day, which definitely wasn't easy given his situation!
Anyway, hang in there! It feels rough now, but remember, this is just temporary - things get better!
>No there very much are barriers put in place
Yes and no; this requires a bit of nuanced discussion. My premise is:
Yes, the world is garbage. But, this has nothing to do with the fact that:
If you haven't read it, I'd highly recommend checkout "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. The short version is that everyone he loved died in Nazi prison camps during the Holocaust & he was next in line, and decided that even if the situation was terrible, nobody was forcing him to have a bad attitude about it. That's not to say he suddenly got all fake-happy & giddy about it, but he came out of that experience with a powerful outlook on life that has influenced millions of people:
The core of attitude is also, somewhat surprisingly, a checklist! We can choose a fixed or growth mindset about our attitude. I read a book that really changed my perspective on productivity & life in general called "Attitude is Everything" by Jeff Keller, which basically teaches us that we're free to have as dumb or as awesome of a perspective on life as we choose to, regardless of our circumstances & the barriers we face & the difficulties we're currently experiencing. I'd highly recommend reading through this book as well:
These two books helped me reach a new understanding:
This is why I say this requires a nuanced discussion: we can't control everything that happens to us. Maybe we have a racist or misogynistic boss who fires us without merit. Maybe we get terminal cancer. There's an awful lot of actions that we don't have control over that we're stuck dealing with the consequences of.
Which is why I say that we're responsible for managing our consequences: we can let our circumstances control how we feel, or we can be proactive about defining how we want to live our lives by deciding on a better attitude & by adopting the pivot-effort approach where we have a growth mindset, put in the work & effort into doing things, run into the inevitable barriers, pivot around them, and continue to put in effort until success is achieved.
We can run into dumb situations, bosses, customers, and other barriers, but none of those things have a global chokehold on our lives. What ultimately controls our happiness is our attitude & our effort. Are there barriers that exist financially, educationally, racially, gender-wise, etc.? Absolutely! But that's all they are: barriers, not verdicts, not life sentences.
If we're canoeing down a river & run into a rock, that stops our forward progress...but with a growth mindset in that situation, we can pivot & continue to put in effort into going back downstream again & continuing our journey. Nobody wants to run into those barriers, but they are inevitable!
As human beings, we get really hung up on the idea of things; having a fixed mindset allows us to play the victim card (often legitimately!) and generate excuses to make us feel better about our hard situations in life. Which we are 100% free to engage in, if that's all set want from life! Over the years, my definition of success has grown to include these two things:
We all love our excuses & we all love our illusions, but at the end of the day, it's us as individuals who have to live with the consequences of what we've done to ourselves & what we're stuck with (not by choice) in life. Which is why in my OP I said this:
We can't fix all of the external barriers in the world. But we can manage our own internal barriers & then choose to adopt better checklists in order to raise our standard of living! One of my favorite quotes comes from Eleanor Roosevelt:
If you go on social media, it's completely saturated with people playing the victim card & going online to tell everyone how offended they are. The reality is, there are ALWAYS going to be haters out there! People are going to not like you for no reason at all! People will downvote your posts out of spite. There are even people who will actively make your life harder in school & at work.
However, we have to choose to internalize what they say, open the gates of our heart & personal belief system, and accept their uninvited negative criticism by taking it to heart. No one can make us feel inferior without our consent! Likewise, barriers are just barriers: adopting a growth mindset about how we deal with our barriers by adopting a better attitude & putting in pivot-effort until success is achieved is the method, and checklists are the magic sauce to make it happen!
Angela Duckworth describes this in her book "Grit", where her research indicates that "persistence until success is achieved" (i.e. defining what we want, putting in the effort, hitting barriers, pivoting, working around it, and continuing to keep going) is the key metric of success. She has a fantastic TED Talk on the concept of Grit here:
Overcoming our internal barriers by adopting better checklists (which globally includes the growth mindset, pivot-effort, grit, etc. & specifically includes checklists such as better recipes, study method, etc.) is the means by which we enable ourselves to take advantage of better opportunities in life! Not because external barriers don't exist, but in spite of the fact that they exist!
It basically boils down to giving ourselves permission to be awesome but putting in effort & adopting new procedures for doing things, rather than merely making excuses about how bad the world is & quitting. As she explains in Grit, failing doesn't lead to failure, but rather, is a critical stepping stone next to successfully doing things in order to reach the end goal of success.
part 1/2
A psychologist and holocaust survivor wrote a book thats the standard on the subject. Read it. It will help give you some good insight on finding "meaning" https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_VG5CQB24VDC9KXWVZ4G5
I don't want to trouble you for the PSU, but I'd strongly recommend Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl to all humans. It's incredible.
I would recommend two books, and highly recommend to look for a few more.
This book has changed my life and several friends, all with varying disorders. Saved my best friend from bulimia, helped my husband greatly with BDP, and my brother come out of meth addiction. Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RcS3CbEF3R10K
This is to work through BPD and I know it’ll help you define if that’s what’s going on: Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0898620341/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_pbS3Cb2EDVHH8
You should definitely seek out a therapist. Be empowered to call places locally. It’s so great to figure out what’s going on, especially early.