What is Reddit's opinion of Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)?
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Hi, I relate hard to all of this. Im not NT (I have ADHD) but I’m not autistic and my husband is. He doesn’t work, we just had a baby. Been trying and trying to figure out what is fair to all of us, what can be changed and what shouldn’t, ableism etc etc on top of normal marital and parenting issues. I don’t really have any answers but if you want to talk ever you can DM me. I’ve also been surprised at the lack of answers and good information out there. I did find one book that I’m sure you’ve already seen: https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993/ref=nodl_

She recommends therapy with someone who is familiar with / treats autism. Sounds great but is hard to find and personally my husband is against therapy - he thinks I should just be able to listen to him and give him what he wants in regard to his autism and says he’s not going to change. So. But he’s newly self diagnosed so maybe that will change over time. Anyway good luck, you aren’t alone!

Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome: Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849059993/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9XEMMDFVFF58WXBQW4EG?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I haven’t read this one yet, but it was recommended by my therapist, so it might be worth checking out.

I thought these books were okay — not great, but a bit helpful:

Keep talking. The more you understand each other the better. Your objective in all of this sounds like it's not to understand women, but rather to understand a woman.

Also, consider reading this book:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

I found it quite useful myself.

I'm quite familiar with this -- I've been in your boyfriend's position, at least twice, I'm sorry to say. And while I wish I could tell you an exact solution, I can't.

My theory is that it's a sort of low-level autistic shutdown, due to confusion/stress over both the constancy of the new relationship mode (eg, him not getting enough alone/recharge time), the difficulty ASD/Aspies often have with subtle/unsaid/nonverbal communication, and now his possible concern that you're stressed out and he doesn't know what to do. (It can feed on itself.) All those things together can raise stress and anxiety, and cause confusion, even subconsciously, that makes it hard for him to initiate. It may appear as if he doesn't care for you, but I'll bet he truly does.

If you do some googling for some of those terms (aspergers, relationship, initiation) you'll find this is unfortunately common in ASD/NT relationships.

Shifting from a long-distance relationship mode to a living-together mode is a big transition. Our culture tends to see it as 'success,' and normal, and hence doesn't offer much societal support except positivity -- which isn't really helping in this case.

Also, when problems come up, the NT person tend to see the problems as signifying something, while the ASD person see the problems as things to be fixed. Both these methods are valid, but they don't really work together very well.

So I'd suggest a few things:

Sit down together to try to mutually understand where each other is coming from, and how you both are feeling. Do NOT try to solve the problem in one conversation. If he shuts down (very possible), take a break for a couple of days and let him recover, and try again. Again, the goal isn't to fix the problem (which both of you will want to do, but in different ways), but rather to have an understanding of each other's emotional states. DON'T make it all about your sex life. If you guys can both declare to each other that you care deeply and that you want to have the best possible relationship, that is a form of success; you can build from there.
Read up on ASD/NT relationship dynamics. There are a few good books (and some not so good). One is Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome: Successful Strategies for Couples or Counselors by Eva Mendes (https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993).
Find a relationship therapist/counselor -- either local or remote -- who understands autism. This is difficult, but possible. The author of the book I mentioned apparently does remote counseling, but I never tried it.

I hope this helps. I wish you both the best! And feel free to PM me if you want.

Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1849059993) is pretty good.

There's also _ Troubleshooting Relationships on the Autism Spectrum_ (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00E81DHUM/) which I can't remember if I've read or not, and I'm not in front of books to tell you for sure.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1849059993/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_9GW4DS1N7Y0SF2RP6BR8

I think this would be a great starting point it's one my mom gave to me when I married my wire who has ASD. It's really an amazing book!

I am an Aspie male and have been with my wife for 29 years now. I think what has saved us is that she is a very direct person. She probably walked on eggshells for awhile too. She is the one who saw I had AS and tried to bring it up for years. When I discovered I was on the Spectrum, we began to have long discussions. This saved our marriage.

You absolutely must tell him how you feel and what you want out of your relationship. It is better to risk his feeling criticised than driving yourself into the ground. Write him a letter if you have to. Tell him exactly what you have told us here. You really have nothing to loose. Also, seeking therapy for yourself will help you cope.

Get him to seek a diagnosis. It will point the way to cope. In the meantime, there are several books on Aspie/NT relationships on Amazon. Here: https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993 Be sure to scroll down to see the many other books available on the subject.

Best of luck!

I am an Aspie male married to a NT wife. If I may offer you some advice, there is quite a selection of books on the subject of relationships and marriage to autistics. Check out Amazon here: https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993 Be sure to scroll down the page and browse the books.

Lots of them on Amazon. Scroll down this link:

https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

You might want to take a look on Amazon. They have a great selection of books on relationships with Aspiesl

https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

I am a male AS/ND and my wife is NT. We have been together almost 30 years and we never knew I was on the spectrum until last April although she suspected in years ago. Communication is the key, and be sure you know what you are getting into. There are several books written on this subject. You can find them on Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

You sound like my wife LOL! Together 29 years, I'm the male Aspie. Here are the links to the books on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993

I'm sorry to hear this. I have read that this can be an issue for many autistics. He needs to make an effort to give you attention, sexual and otherwise. I had to learn this, even if it did not come naturally. I pay a lot of attention to my wife and we communicate a lot about it.

Perhaps I am the odd man out. I love sex, always have. I am fascinated by women, be it thier physical appearance, their femininity or their minds. Nothing beats having a lover who shares your values and is at the same time your best friend. I have a high sex drive / HL.

There are some books on the subject of relationships which may be helpful to you. Here is the link: https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Relationships-Aspergers-Syndrome-Spectrum/dp/1849059993