I’m glad you’re planning to go back to therapy as that’s what I would have recommended.
However, here’s a few things that may help in the meanwhile:
My recommendation, at the very least & in order of importance: diet, sleep, meditation, exercise. Nootropics can help, but for anxiety management meditation is key.
self-help. I went through various types of therapy, like CBT, psychodynamic psychotherapy, etc.. and didn’t respond to much. MCT did it for me and there have been studies proving it to be more effective than CBT for depression/anxiety (https://mental-health-matters.com/what-is-metacognitive-therapy-and-how-can-it-help-anxiety/#Okay_but_what_is_it) - this is a good book on the subject and it may help https://www.amazon.co.uk/Metacognitive-Therapy-Anxiety-Depression-Adrian/dp/1609184963. In terms of self help, this is also a good one https://www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Compassion-Kristin-Neff/dp/1444738178
understand the behaviour. There’s been a lot written about procrastination/perfectionism, which tends to focus on control issues and self-esteem: if I’m perfect, no one can criticise me, not even me. Reality is that perfection doesn’t exist so we’re essentially procrastinating, but instead of thinking we’re lazy we go with “not lazy but chasing perfection”. 2 angles, same outcome: avoidance.
This article gives it a different spin, which I found very interesting https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html and it basically compares procrastination/avoidance to self-harm. I used to be a perfectionist, I avoided stuff that I knew I wasn’t going to be good at. I eventually managed to learn to get my dopamine kick out of the trying, rather than the outcome, but I thought the article had an interesting perspective.
Try to figure out what exactly you’re avoiding and what you are afraid of. You think it’s subconscious, but if you dig deep you’ll find your answers. I did it because I liked the recognition I got for being good at something, as simple as that.. nothing else gave me enough dopamine and getting top marks/appraisals made me feel good, as I was never praised as a kid, even if I was a top student (“I was just doing my duty”). I had to work through that and realise that it really didn’t matter and that I was actually being a coward, so I learned to enjoy challenging myself with stuff I knew I was never going to excel at. I also got past my childhood issues.
Hopefully some of this will help until you get back to therapy. Don’t be too hard on yourself as that makes the anxiety hard. If I had to give you one single tip, download an app called InsightsTimer, it’s free, and start practising meditation. Take care.
This is an excellent book and while it’s aimed at practitioners, I think it’s perfectly fine for self practice too: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Metacognitive-Therapy-Anxiety-Depression-Adrian/dp/1609184963
There are some additional books here: https://mct-institute.co.uk/library/
I hope it helps.
I would say read Adrian Wells' book, as it appears he is the one really researching/pushing the field.
http://www.amazon.com/Metacognitive-Therapy-Anxiety-Depression-Adrian/dp/1609184963#