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I'm sorry to hear that you have such a struggle. Perhaps it would be helpful to read books on Christian apologetics, such as those making the case for belief in the Bible and for faith in God's existence and goodness. Books by C.S. Lewis, Josh McDowell, Lee Strobel, Henry Morris, Duane Gish, J.P. Moreland, Francis Schaeffer, Phillip E. Johnson, R.C. Sproul, Norman Giesler, Gleason Archer, etc., could help in this regard. For example, there are great reasons for having faith in the bible, such as its historical accuracy, fulfilled prophecies, and archeological discoveries. http://lionofjudah1.org/Apologeticshtml/Is%20the%20Bible%20the%20Word%20of%20God.htm

I would recommend, in particular, Josh McDowell's "More Than a Carpenter," which taught me as a young man that belief in the resurrection isn't a matter of blind faith. It requires faith, but there is evidence for it. https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Carpenter-Josh-McDowell/dp/0842345523

Well, the root of your trouble seems to be in not believing in the certainty of the gospel. In that case, I'd recommend this (short) book (it seems you can actually get the audiobook version free through a trial offer right now, assuming you're American):

https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Carpenter-Josh-McDowell/dp/0842345523

There are actually very good reasons to trust that the gospels are accurate recordings of the life of Jesus. That little book will lay them out for you. So I'd say start there, and then you can work on your faith in other areas afterward.

I recommend:

https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Carpenter-Josh-McDowell/dp/0842345523

THis is a very common book, and it validates the historical claims of Jesus Christ with historic references.

If you are interested in a more scholarly work, SChaff's History of the Christian church is a great series that will work through the 2000 years of Christianity and it's claims in secular history.

God bless, PM if you have any questions. It takes a few hours to work through some of these sources to see for yourself. I was a skeptic once too.

Here it would be necessary to use Christian apologetics to make belief in the bible and God to appear more rational to people. The approach that someone like Josh McDowell uses in this book is a good example: https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Carpenter-Josh-McDowell/dp/0842345523

I found this book very helpful when I was a young man. It taught me that belief in the resurrection isn't a matter of faith alone, but that there is historical evidence for it. https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Carpenter-Josh-McDowell/dp/0842345523