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Narcissism: Denial of the True Self

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whatisalemonsquare · /r/booksuggestions
4 points
·
24th Jun 2021

While I don’t have NPD, I did a quick search for you and found some things that I’ll list below. Many books are in fact geared towards people without NPD, but these ones don’t seem to be. I’d perhaps recommend determining whether or not something is underlying it? Like if it is a feeling of lacking in self-worth, maybe look for books that tackle that topic. I also have no idea whether these books are factual, written by knowledgeable people, or helpful, because I haven’t read them.

I’d actually recommend checking out the r/NPD subreddit and searching for “books.” On quick glance, there seem to be a few posts about it.

ParkingPsychology · /r/narcissism
2 points
·
25th Aug 2020

/r/narcissism/wiki/resources

Books

ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
30th May 2022

Keep in mind that I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone and this is all very rough. There are situations that are similar, but you end up with a different diagnosis (but... we are in the territory of... less pleasant personality disorders in general).

Also keep in mind that narcissism is rare and you basically can't get diagnosed with it until you're over 21 (which you probably aren't). Younger people can sometimes grow out of this phase.

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

Before he died, Peter Gerlach gave us a completely free course aimed at achieving maximum mental health. (enable pop ups, he died a few years ago). This is one of the most valuable resources you have access to. Work through the course at least once. It will probably take you a few weeks to do. I've reviewed the course and it's really very high quality education that's being given away for free.

There is also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism

If you read the sticky there, it will give you the option for several more tests and once you set your flair, you can also post there, asking more questions.

They also have a detailed wiki with resources: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

And a page that lists the different types of narcissists: /r/narcissism/wiki/types

ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
28th Dec 2021

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

Before he died, Peter Gerlach gave us a completely free course aimed at achieving maximum mental health. (enable pop ups, he died a few years ago). This is one of the most valuable resources you have access to. Work through the course at least once. It will probably take you a few weeks to do. I've reviewed the course and it's really very high quality education that's being given away for free.

There is also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism

If you read the sticky there, it will give you the option for several more tests and once you set your flair, you can also post there, asking more questions.

They also have a detailed wiki with resources: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

And a page that lists the different types of narcissists: /r/narcissism/wiki/types

ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
11th Feb 2021

It's problematic. I'm also narcissistic, but I'm grandiose, not covert. Doesn't make me any better, just more open about my superiority. The problem is that narcissistic people will resist treatment and require a bond of trust. That often takes years to form.

The (below) average therapist basically is going to hate you. And that really doesn't help (and it's definitely possible that's why you didn't trust your therapist, if you can sense he/she doesn't like you, it's not going to work very well).

You should aim for someone that's specialized in cluster B treatment (they aren't all that different). So borderline, histrionic, sociopath (and you'll see that borderline is most likely to be advertised, because that's socially the most accepted one).

The good ones though, often don't accept health insurance (insurances will limit their hourly rate and the good ones simply don't need the extra clients). Where I live, they charge over $200 per hour (but outside high density areas it'll be lower). Now sometimes a good one will take someone on with insurance to give back to the community or to fill a gap.

If it sounds like a serious project, that's because it is.

You can find therapists here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

So give it a try if you can afford it or maybe you'll be lucky and can get in the door of a good one. Anyway, I ended up just doing it myself. I did try therapy for 18 months, but it just wasn't a very good therapist and it didn't do much and I wasn't willing to pay for a good one. And it's a long term process. If it takes almost as long to cure my narcissism as it takes to become a therapist, then I'll just become a therapist and fix myself. That said, understand that I'm putting in a lot of effort into this. Probably... 5 to 10 hours a week. I like that approach, but it's not suited for everyone.

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

Before he died, Peter Gerlach gave us a completely free course aimed at achieving maximum mental health. (enable pop ups, he died a few years ago). This is one of the most valuable resources you have access to. Work through the course at least once. It will probably take you a few weeks to do. I've reviewed the course and it's really very high quality education that's being given away for free.

There is also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism

If you read the sticky there, it will give you the option for several more tests and once you set your flair, you can also post there, asking more questions.

They also have a detailed wiki with resources: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

beanzapper · /r/WinStupidPrizes
1 point
·
27th Dec 2020

https://www.amazon.com/Narcissism-Denial-True-Alexander-Lowen/dp/0743255437/ref=nodl_

I was looking at books and found this one!!! You should give it a read.

ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
19th Dec 2020

Oops.

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There is also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism

If you read the sticky there, it will give you the option for several more tests and once you set your flair, you can also post there, asking more questions.

They also have a detailed wiki with resources: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

And a page that lists the different types of narcissists: /r/narcissism/wiki/types

ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
30th Nov 2020

Welcome to the club, buddy - one exception: The below advice only applies if you're over 18 (Everyone that's under 18 is pretty much a narcissist, almost everyone grows out of that, but if you don't, you join the club).

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There is also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism

If you read the sticky there, it will give you the option for several more tests and once you set your flair, you can also post there, asking more questions.

They also have a detailed wiki with resources: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

And a page that lists the different types of narcissists: /r/narcissism/wiki/types

ineedhelpoccupt · /r/NPD
1 point
·
24th Oct 2020
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
2nd Sep 2020

You might be a narcissist. It's worth investigating it. I'll give you the information I have. I'm actually also the moderator of /r/narcissism.

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There are also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
27th Aug 2020

I don't know how old you are, but keep in mind that if you're under 18 you can't be a narcissist (because basically all children are narcissists). That doesn't mean you won't be one when you reach 18, but there's a chance that it might go away.

If you're over 18, you can come join us in /r/narcissism and I'll give you advice for that as well (it also includes a test, that while it is not an actual diagnosis has been widely used for over 50 years).

Test

If you scored over 20, you should read the below. If you scored, less then you can skip the remainder of this advice.

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism (same one you already read)

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There are also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
22nd Aug 2020

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There are also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
31st Jul 2020

See you over in /r/narcissism.

You might be a narcissist.

There are several different kinds of narcissists, split between grandiose and covert. Grandiose openly believe they are awesome, covert will hide it away from others.

A grandiose narcissist that has enough admiration, will be most happy in their life. These are at the top of the food chain and will mostly be fine as long as they don't lose access to admiration (though some might start doubting their behavior towards others and the pain they cause them over time).

From there on it's a sliding scale downward. As admiration (or narcissistic supply as it is called) becomes harder to get, the amount of anxiety and depression keeps going up.

Next there are the covert (sometimes called vulnerable) narcissists, that will hide their ideas of grandiosity (in my experience, this is the majority of narcissists). They deal with a wide range of issues that stem from lack of supply. Depression, anxiety. They will commonly have a victim mentality.

Then below that are the really damaged ones. If all narcissistic supply is cut off and/or there are other mental health issues, it can collapse further. These are extreme cases. Not common and generally plagued by severe desires for attention and an absolute response. They will obsess over one aspect of their body or life, they will break any rule you apply to them or turn away from all human interaction. Meanwhile they will blame others for their descent into chaos. It's a wretched, hellish existence.

10 Signs of Covert Narcissism

Signs you are a narcissist:

  1. You are a bad sport
  2. You constantly feel under appreciated
  3. If you're not grandiose, then you're introverted, hypersensitive, defensive, and anxious
  4. You think everyone else is stupid
  5. You really like to swear at people
  6. You are self-righteous
  7. You feel justified in being mean to people

Narcissistic personality disorder

>people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There are also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
28th Jul 2020

>People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it's more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol use, or another mental health problem. But perceived insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.

>people with NPD are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor incidents of daily life and imagined, personal slights and usually mask such feelings from people, either by way of feigned humility, or by socially isolating themselves, or by responding with outbursts of rage and defiance, or by seeking revenge.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

If or when you have a partner, learn about codependency. If your partner is willing to stay with you it's likely because they have low self esteem and live through you. Take that responsibility serious and try not to cause harm, because it will mean you are not as great as you think you are and that will increase the gap between what you are and what you think you are (and that destabilizes you long term).

There is no clear path for a narcissist to be "cured". Some suggest it can't be fixed at all, while others believe it can be cured.

I personally believe the best solution is to find a reliable source of narcissistic supply and live happily as a grandiose and self aware narcissist. Though this is not possible for all narcissists, it depends on what kind of narcissistic supply they specifically desire and how much effort they are willing to put into becoming happy. Others believe it can be fixed with (very often years of) therapy.

One trick would be that you aim for your partner to be a codependent. And there are plenty of those around. And then you treat them good. Another is that you actively manage your approval (if that's your main source of narcissistic supply). If you already consider yourself an introvert, you can probably run on less narcissistic supply. Try to be a Toyota Prius, not a Hummer. Don't guzzle it down, enjoy it.

And then you find ways to collect and store it (it can be recorded and replayed in many ways). Works very well. The problem is that no one ever tries to help narcissists, they all just fight them. But there are many ways by which you can make it livable that don't come at the expense of other people.

You compensate. Use whatever tricks you can find. It's the same as everything else. Learning, adapting. You can't use (short periods of) therapy, but you can try antidepressants. There are pages that lists kinds of supply, if you can't get your preferred supply, see if you can find a different kind.

  • Narcissists will hurt the self esteem of those around them. So keep an eye on what you say and try to actively improve the self esteem of your close family to compensate for your mistakes (I do it by telling them they are awesome and I've also given them books on how to improve their self esteem).
  • Narcissists will often think in all or nothing patterns. So whenever you think are convinced you must be right, it's suspect and you'll have to take a closer look and probably remove some certainty.
  • Most narcissists don't really have a personality (in my case doubly so, my personality is practically 100% personality disorders). So whenever someone says "oh you are so ...." then consider that this is probably an expression of narcissism and you might have to work on that.
  • Practice humility. I think this is a decent manual for that (except for 1, skip that one).

There are also a very good subreddit. If you have specific questions on how to deal with certain aspects of your personality, you could ask them as well:

  • /r/narcissism
ParkingPsychology · /r/Advice
1 point
·
14th Jul 2020

That score says you're bordering on narcissism. Which you know, doesn't have to mean much. If you are one you're a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists hide it.

I would start studying the topic. Even if you aren't a full blown narcissist, you definitely have narcissistic features. It's very likely that once you know more about narcissism, you'll have a better understanding of yourself. And that's really what it's all about.

I wouldn't worry too much about the exact label. There isn't a narcissist in the world that goes "YEAH IM A NARCISSIST!" Just doesn't happen. They all deny it, it's part of the disorder that you can't see that you are one.

Worst case, you study and you learn a lot more about it. Hasn't hurt anyone knowing more about them. Because even if you aren't one, sooner or later you'll run into one in your life and then you're going to be very glad you know more about them, because they can be a pain in the ass to deal with otherwise.

Youtube resources:

I did my best to find books that help narcissists, but while there is a very large number of books for victims of narcissists, there are almost no books on how to recover from narcissism. What I did find were books that were written long ago, are not easy reading material and often quite pricy. Here is what I found:

Online resources:

cracktr0 · /r/movies
1 point
·
21st May 2016

I think this is right up your alley. Enjoy, no need to thank me :)

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