{"product":{"product_id":"B077S3FVHT","title":"Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, \u0026 Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself","price":"21.99","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51w1VocZ0uL._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077S3FVHT"},"comments":[{"body":"I hate to advertise this book all the time, but it sounds this might be you\r\n\r\n[https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT/](https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT/)\r\n\r\nIt's something of a common type, \"nice guy\", who might be perfect on paper, but doesn't have strong self/doesn't know how to be bold and assertive/bad at even knowing what he really wants not to mention openly going for it/behaves pleasing rather than authentic etc. \r\n\r\nIf it was just about dating this wouldn't be so important, but the thing is this syndrome is much deeper and would prevent one from realizing, going for and getting what they want in all areas of life.","subreddit_name":"OnlineDating","author":"zlbb"},{"body":"Also depends on the context. After something longer I love doing breakup flight reviews, what worked well, what didn't, personality qualities appreciated and not, all that. Completely agree with you it's good to get feedback to understand yourself better.   \r\nDon't think trust is there if it's one or two dates, don't think most people would tell you a real reason if it's hurtful enough (\"too short\", \"didn't like your smell\" etc), don't know what your experience was, but mine was that not being ghosted is usually a perfunctory message like \"had a good time, you're a nice guy, good luck in your search\". point is, alternative to no ghosting is usually not somebody giving insightful reasons re why, but just some kinda bullsh\\*t which isn't any better.\r\n\r\n\\\u0026gt;I’ve literally cried in someone’s arms telling them she just wasn’t right as to not hurt her further\r\n\r\nIf \"you aren't right\" is your alternative to ghosting.. sounds like a shell without much content to me (not that it can't be important, for girls especially). I guess I don't like perfunctory stuff, either I'll summon the courage to tell a person some real reasons, or would ghost.\r\n\r\nare you aware of this stuff?\r\n\r\n[https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT](https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT)\r\n\r\nyou cannot hurt anybody, it's on them to be hurt or not. immediate discomfort aside, honesty is good and useful. people are not victims, and you're not some kinda master with great power over their feelings. hiding negative feelings or postponing breakup is bad, denies them the opportunity to know the truth and make the right decision for themselves earlier. \r\n\r\n\\\u0026gt;So it seems like we may have differing views on how we personally like to be treated\r\n\r\nI think it's only different views on what's realistic.","subreddit_name":"dating_advice","author":"zlbb"},{"body":"\\\u0026gt;If they are who you are trying to appeal to then surely you need to bear their preferences in mind\r\n\r\nNo:) you put forward your best authentic self, that attracts people who would be into you and repels people who wouldn't.\r\n\r\ntheir preferences are in their minds, you know sh\\*t about them, you do your part focusing on you (did I overdo this? ;) ), they will do theirs.\r\n\r\nI'm stressing this specifically as the OPA seems like an unconfident type who might suffer some version/parts of the \"nice guy syndrome\"   \r\n[https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT/](https://www.amazon.com/Not-Nice-Dr-Aziz-Gazipura-PsyD-audiobook/dp/B077S3FVHT/)  \r\nand have issues with being assertive and bold and going for what she wants.\r\n\r\np.s. and, no, I am generally more of a stick hard cold truth down your throat rather than \"cheer you up\" kinda man ;)","subreddit_name":"OnlineDating","author":"zlbb"}]}