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I can't recommend this book enough for new parents. On Becoming Babywise. My wife and I followed this book for both kids, well really just the first we got lazy on the 2nd and we still have trouble getting him to stay in bed at 4 yrs.
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_0khEAbHVSJA9E here is the amazon link! I started giving a nightly bath and then a bottle before bed. I did everything at the same time every night. Babywise goes into a lot of better detail and had a lot more stuff you can do. I ended up not needing to do any of what they suggested cuz my kids responded to the routine.
I read, well skimmed, Baby Wise and while I thought the author was kinda smug, our kid got through sleep regression in 3 days. Highly recommend
Here’s the link on Amazon
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_0UqRDbT0KDYFA
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_x1H3zbTVV9F7M
EDIT: seriously, who the fuck is downvoting this? It’s annoying. I’m making a suggestion, trying to be helpful and in return I’m being downvoted for no apparent reason.
Rule on this sub:
> Please review and follow reddiquette. Be mindful of downvoting and explain why you have done so rather than using it as a means of expressing your opinion.
Check out the book Babywise, which is where this routine comes from.
It's very heteronormative/two parent centered but if you can ignore the kind of judge parts, I think it can be really helpful.
Check out On Becoming Babywise it really helped my wife and I. I have some friends who read it after I recommended it and they've had great results. Other friends didn't follow the book and they struggle with getting their kids go to sleep and stay asleep. A baby who gets restful sleep is a happy baby.
Highly, highly recommend this book
I had never been around babies before so this was a great resource for me. My wife and I have a 1 1/2 year old and another coming this Nov. This book was great to help us figure out a schedule and answered a lot of unknowns for us. We had our daughter sleeping through the night by about week 12 or so.
So we had major not-sleeping problems. We were so desperate for sleep that we hired a sleep consultant to tell us what we were doing wrong and how to fix it. She was expensive but worth every penny. Now that we've all been sleeping for the last 3 months, I've been talking to a few other moms who basically said she fed us the baby sleep bible called "Baby Wise". If we weren't so desperate and foggy at the time, I would have asked around and actually listened to this suggestion. The book is $10, the sleep consultant was $400. I suggest this book. :) good luck, OP.
Does that mean I'll get a special BeerSheet this year? lol
This is the book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932740139?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00
Basic concept is to get them to eat when they first wake up. Then they can play. When they start to show signs of being tired lay them down and let them fall asleep. It was rough at first because we wanted to check on her after 5 minutes. It says to give them about 15 min and check on them, then every 5 min from that. The longest it took our daughter was 17 minutes one time. You get a routine/schedule down and stick to it as best as you can. It'll get easy after a few weeks when you learn hunger/tired cues.
It's all about giving them what they need to be comfortable. Doing this teaches them to be comfortable in their own crib and that sleep is good when tired. We have a friend with a 9 month old baby who didn't go this route and she's still consistently woken up several times a night and it takes her about 90 minutes to go through the bedtime routine.
We've had good success with this book:
It'll help get you and your newborn onto a routine. My wife had all 4 of our girls sleeping through the night by ~10 weeks or so.
Congratulations! I've got 2 toddlers at home myself.
I really like the Baby-wise books. It's a method that really works for me and my spouse and we've had a lot of success with it.
But a couple of points just from me.
Pregnancy can be incredibly isolating and it often forces our partners to feel like they lost their identity. My spouse was an athlete, so while she was pregnant she couldn't do the things that made her feel like herself. A Friday night movie with a few beers was a safe nostalgic trip for us. But when she was pregnant she couldn't drink and it was just another reminder that she's not herself. When we went socializing, I wouldn't drink. If I did, she'd feel even more isolated because everyone would have something to drink but her. So I didn't drink for those 9-months either (with a few exceptions).
Also, once you get into fatherhood remember it's ok to grieve for your past self. You likely won't have the time or space to be exactly the same geckomage. You'll have to be daddy geckomage and that's a different person. It's ok to grieve for the "death" of your past self. So many new parents struggle with the idea that they can't be who they were. Find moments to remember but just keep in mind that it's ok grieve here. I'm greyfox, the half geeky half athletic adrenaline junkie. I used to try a few new breweries every month and had hundreds of coasters from all the breweries I've been to. I used to go thrift store shopping for retro video games EVERY weekend and spend at least 20+ hours a week playing some japanese RPG. Me and my spouse carve out time for each other to do things that allows us to reconnect with our own identities, she plays soccer 2 or 3 times a week and I've got my in-person DnD sessions. It's not the same and that's ok (especially because I got to kids out of that trade and honestly I love being a dad).
Plan for a really really long labor. The movies always make it seem like it's a 4 hour ordeal, but it takes all day. You can plan to check in with the hospital, but you don't want to be there all day if it's more comfortable at home.
How old is your little one? Sounds like under 4 months but a lot of babies still wake to feed until they're 8 or 9 months. Is he exclusively bottle fed? And does your spouse have to pump breast milk or are you using formula?
We used the Baby Wise books for the basis of our parenting. I'm a super involved dad and I did the majority of the feeding with my first one.
And 100% I related to you sleeping on the couch. A LOT of days I'd freak out trying to find somewhere to sleep because I'm dealthy afraid of waking the baby.
Before I get into throwing out recommendations or things to try, just know that whatever you and your spouse decide is best for your baby is perfectly fine. You guys know best. And even if we struggle, we should feel good about struggling to be a good parent. Do your best to try to find a way to feel good about how hard this is. My dad was not involved and did not want to be involved. You struggling is a sign that you care and that you're trying.
I'm just going to run down a bunch of things that might be related but not at all intuitive.
How is your son at burping? Does he need a lot of help? Lot's of baby throw-up? One of the things that changed our life is making sure our daughter never drank air from the bottle. As soon as the bottle was done we'd take it away, even if there were a tiny bit left. If the baby can't burp easily, it'll just mean all night they'll have stomach pressure from the air and they'll be easily upset.
The more we stimulate the baby, the better I've found they sleep. At only a few week or a few months old, any new sensory input is incredibly stimulating. Put the baby in a carrier and head to home depot to grab a bunch of carpet/tile/faux grass samples. Turn off the lights at home and let him feel all the textures. Do smell adventures and just pull food out for them to smell, "all right Guillermo, we're smelling cilantro, pizza, oranges and mustard today!"
Try to find an activity that you can do with the baby that also allows you some mental health space. Or try to find an nostalgic activity to do with the baby. This is our coping crutch and I think every new parent needs one. Mine was putting the baby in a carrier and going for an hour-long walk, even in the 40 degree temp I'd just wrap us both up to walk around looking at the christmas lights. I'd do it around the baby's naptime and put in my headphones while I listen to some nostalgic music. Audiobooks will work, old albums or even streaming relaxing youtube channels is ok. The nostalgia piece is just there for the dopamine hit, as parents, we need it. Your body may not feel as rested as if you just took a nap, but my mental health always felt better.
The pro-tip here is to pick one specific nostalgic album to listen to when you do this activity. It might get a tad repetitive, but now whenever I want to remember my daughters when they were babies I just play the track. I can still smell their head when I play the music.
I'm a big geek, so for my first daughter I'd play Suikoden 5 on the Playstation 2 (emulated). She'd only really sleep on top of someone. So we bought a recliner on Offerup for $30 and I'd sit in front of the TV playing for an hour or two each day. My spouse was encouraging me to play suikoden... and that's never happened before. For my second daughter, I'd go on really long walks while listening to the sounds track for an old video games (FF7, 8 or 9). And now I can't look at the cover of Suikoden or hear a final fantasy track without intensely feeling my babies.
I highly recommend this book for new parents. It saved my wife and I.
https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139 The best gift we got at the baby shower. Had him sleeping 10 hours at 10 weeks old and 12 hours since 12 weeks old.
Non-mobile: Here's a link to the book
^That's ^why ^I'm ^here, ^I ^don't ^judge ^you. ^PM ^/u/xl0 ^if ^I'm ^causing ^any ^trouble. ^WUT?
I'm serious. It works, it's not that hard, and you'll give it to everyone that has a kid after you as a gift like I do. Best thing we ever did, both our kids started sleeping through the night young and it's been huge for us.
Hey! Yeah it has kinda become a series, but that is just someone piggy backing if its success. Here are the originals.
Here is the one for infants
Here is 5-12 months
I can sum up one of the most important principles for you if you don't want to buy them. Though I highly suggest you do.
At around 5-6 weeks you allow your baby to cry it out for 15 minutes max. After that you can go in and comfort the baby. This is mostly for the mother, as it is hard for the mom to do this.
Then every night you will eventually watch that 15 minutes of screaming drop to 12, then 10, then 5. Then only a minute.
This same principle then applies for older kids as they grow up and more challenges arise, like toddlers who won't stay in bed. In our experience we had to allow for them to cry and learn that they can do it and it will be ok. Eventually allowing for themselves to calm down and sleep.
This book - I'm not sure how it will work jumping in at 9 months, but we read it cover to cover before our son was born and had him sleeping through the night (10-12 hours) at week 10. It was recommended to use my multiple, non-overlapping friends who all said their kids slept through the night almost immediately. Shit is magic.
Baby Wise infant sleep training. It works.
I highly recommend this book for new parents. Congrats!