What is Reddit's opinion of Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)?

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So there’s a wonderful book call “Love and Logic” that discusses how to reframe your brain on how to deal with child issues.

First step, realize coming at your chicks in anger and frustration turns of the learning part of the brain (think “Fight or Flight response”). Coming at it with love and empathy is key. This keeps the learning brain active.

Now, the difficult part is getting your brain right. Next when screaming or whining occurs you just say with a loving and empathetic tone, “oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you when you whine” or “I can’t hear you when you scream”. Maybe imitate and say, “ this is a whiny voice, I can hear you when you use your big boy voice”

If it persists, with empathy you say “how sad, it looks like we need a little bedroom time” and put them in the bedroom until he or she calms down. Having locks on the outside are handy, but really you need to be by the door (without speaking to the child) until they calm down, then give it a little more time for yourself (the book goes into more detail on how and why). Some parents aren’t keen on the idea of locking a kid in a room, but if you do it right, you won’t have to do it much, and they will eventually learn that when you say “how sad” or “bummer” or whatever your chosen phrase is, they just go to they’re room. This works on our 2.5 and 1.5 year old like a charm now.

Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)

Would recommend this book: Parenting With Love and Logic

Used the concepts and strategies both in raising my daughter and when dealing with students as a teacher. The idea is to be accepting and loving but hold them accountable for their behaviors. As u/PotatoMonster20 mentions, "find a way to turn each problem around and make it THEIR problem." The book focuses heavily on that strategy.

The Body keeps the score is a wonderful resource; I’m really glad you found it and are enjoying it.

Another great book is called Parenting with Love and Logic

Love and Logic is a philosophy that allows children (or anyone, really) to live with the consequences of their actions, within reason of course. But in terms of parenting, if you constantly “save” your kid from feeling any consequences growing up, (yelling at their teacher for failing your kid, paying for their mistakes instead If having them work to pay it back, etc) they will not learn the rules of the real world. Then you send them out at 18 to college or a job and they cannot function because they have never learned they can’t behave like a spoiled brat who always gets their way. Ask any employer or college professor and they will tell you stories of young people having their parents call them to help get the job, or help them with their grade. Idk how old you are, but it’s unimaginable to my generation (OLD), but for younger generations, this can occur frequently.

It’s also important to implement these techniques early when the consequences are that their favorite toy just gets broken or they might lose a friendship, versus when the stakes can be life or death, (I.e. driving drunk, getting into a street fight where they or someone else gets seriously injured or worse)

Ask feel free to share more books with me if you know of any!

Amazon link below. There are several books as well as workshops. However, I wouldn’t recommend the workshop. It basically regurgitated the books. I left halfway through and ended up requesting a refund.

Love & Logic

I was thinking the same thing. Whether or not his hitting is just for getting snuggle time, my advice (FTM with a 2 week old and in my 6th year of teaching elementary school children) is to stop snuggling with him afterwards. He could be testing boundaries and the message you could be sending to him in these instances is “it’s okay to hurt someone if you apologize afterwards”.

I say this not knowing how often he hits you or if something prompts him to hit. I just know that as a teacher, I teach my students in the beginning of the school year how they can treat me: if I set a boundary (ie. raise your hand for a question/comment) and then don’t follow through on that expectation (respond to students who call out), I am teaching them that the behavior they exhibit is acceptable. By snuggling after hitting, a child would learn “If I hit mommy, she gives me warm snuggles.”

Again, FTM mom here and my youngest students are 6-7 so I’m not sure my advice applies to a toddler. I just know that for now I am approaching parenting with that kind of mentality.

EDIT: I suggest reading Parenting with Love and Logic, I’ve been using the Teaching with Love and Logic classroom management method (built from the parenting book) for three years and it has totally changed my teaching for the better. So much so that I immediately added the parenting book to my registry and am halfway through it now.

It's Parenting With Love and Logic. That's the basic, central text. They have other books, and they're all good, but start with this one. It gets away from punishment/reward and works on building intrinsic motivation. It's all about consistency, making a child's world make more logical sense, and maintaining respect, dignity, and empathy for the child (thus showing the child how people are supposed to interact).

https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482074748&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic

NTA. After reading some of your replies, it looks like you're pretty stuck in a really tough situation. I have seen a lot of advice asking if you can do the worst job possible, but this sounds like it will result in some pretty unpleasant discipline. I would like to suggest an alternative.

Would you be willing to put them to shame through being successful? If you have to be there anyway, and you would like your siblings to grow into decent human beings, why not use this time to practice being a solid, responsible parent? To be clear this is still not your responsibility and you shouldn't have to raise your siblings. It sounds like you're unlikely to get justice, so why not revenge?

Shame can be a solid motivator to those who are shirking their responsibilities. Also, success can insulate you from "needing to be disciplined". I did some nannying when I was younger, and had success with the love and logic method. There is a book that should be available from your local library and lots of online resources:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_8GN8X7XGNPPV4WKXTAAE

https://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/love-and-logic-parenting

Good luck OP. Wishing you all the best.

When my nephew was younger, my therapist recommended we get the book.

I also like this: https://smile.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/

(Some religious viewpoint, but a good book on how to discipline / teach)

I'd recommend reading this.

Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_yZWJybQKVN22A

This book had been very helpful for us in diffusing situations like this. I'd highly recommend it.

Parenting with Love and Logic book