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You're supposed to hear the subtext, and it doesn't hurt to call her out that if she wants you to take her car in, she should just ask.
However, your life will be easier if you listen for the message within the message. She just wants you to take care of her so she's phrasing her questions in a way that you will do so.
This book: "Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man " explains this.
https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
In your case I'd suggest reading https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Then, the book of Pook and NMMNG simultaneously, then MMSL. BOP is filled with frame wisdom of you read between the lines and internalize it. Also read a lot MRP and AMRP. You will see a common mistakes that people make, and you will learn from them.
“Practical Female Psychology: For the Practical Man” by Joseph South, David Clare and Franco is a book I am currently reading after seeing it mentioned in the comments of a recent post on The Rational Male.
Put simply, it’s the best book on red pill theory I have ever read. Right up there with Rollo’s books. It was published in 2008, so was written by contemporaries of our esteemed elders Pook, Roissy, Roosh, Rollo and others.
It is so good, and yet, in one year of red pill awareness, I had never seen it mentioned or suggested anywhere. So I thought it’d deserve its own post, rather than me casually mentioning it in a comment next time someone asks for book suggestions.
I so strongly encourage you to get it and read it that I’ll allow myself to reprint here a particularly good chapter to motivate you. Hopefully it's ok to do so and will bring some traffic to the authors' amazon page. Before I’d do so, I’d provide a quick lesson learned:
- Frequent other red pill websites than this sub, and particularly the comments sections of blogs. There are some gems out there.
PS: Feel free to debate and oppose the ideas but remember the following are not my writings – just reprinting.
Chapter 11 Stages of Manipulation
> When it comes to marriage, one man is as good as the next. And even the least accomodating is less trouble than a mother. - Marquise de Merteuil in "Les Liaisons Dangereuses," by Choderlos De Laclos.
We believe that manipulation is an instinctual behavior deeply rooted within female biology. Manipulation is also a learned behavior, due to one's need for survival. From a biological point of view there is not too much of a difference between biologically-rooted and learned behavior. In fact, from the point of view of both modern neurobiology and evolutionary psychology, behaviors repeated and learned over time become deeply rooted in the neurological patterns within the brain, to the point where the behavior becomes largely unconscious. As individuals are prone to choose behaviors which support survival, manipulation has certainly been selected as a desirable survival skill.
Manipulation can be defined as the attempt to influence another person's mind to achieve a certain outcome. Manipulation is very often seen as a negative thing. We, however, are not judgmental about manipulation, and actually consider it a positive feature, which has been designed to keep life continuing on this planet.
In order to best manage relationships with women, the Modern Man should understand that there are various stages of manipulation that a woman will go through during the course of a relationship with a man.
On the biological level, the female of our species is programmed to:
Elicit a strong sexual attraction in one or more strong males.
Feel a strong sexual attraction for such males.
Become impregnated by her choice of male.
Have a male to provide materially for both her and her infant child.
Afterwards, she will subconsciously tend to operate in such a way so as to have her sexual attraction for that male decrease.
Wash, rinse, repeat: she will tend to have more sexual intercourse and more children with other strong males.
We call this process betaization, where the strong, alpha male is rendered beta — which means "secondary" or "subservient" — within the relationship, over a period of time. Quite often, this process occurs gradually and almost imperceptibly to both parties.
Manipulation is widely used by women to achieve:
Safety and comfort for her and her children, with their survival being the primary purpose.
To thereby influence the man's mind in such a way that he will feel compelled to protect her and her children, especially before pregnancy, during the pregnancy and throughout the children's early developmental years.
Female manipulation can be either creative or destructive, depending on the desired outcome. From the point of view of the man, female manipulation can be considered "good" when it supports life and the man's interests and "bad" when it destroys life and/or damages the man's interests.
Succinctly, the more manipulation is used by a woman, the more it becomes natural and unconscious to her. It is like learning to play a musical instrument: at first it is difficult and one needs to pay conscious attention to each note being played, Then, as mastery is gradually achieved, manipulation becomes more and more unconscious.
Behaviors are slow to develop and also slow to be unlearned. In the modem woman of the industrialized countries, the way instincts are expressed has changed slightly with time, due to less-demanding survival conditions. However, the influence of the female's primal instincts on her behavior remains evident.
It is important for you to learn to recognize manipulation. In fact — as we discussed in Chapter 4 "Female Basic Conflict" — for a woman's sexuality to be satisfied, it is important that her manipulation attempts against her man not be too effective. You must learn to observe female behavior and give the right responses, with the goal of making her happy on the emotional level, as opposed to responding to manipulation attempts on a logical level.
Learning to respond appropriately requires knowing the various stages of female manipulation.
Stages of Female Manipulation
A woman's attempt to own you mentally will follow certain incremental stages, which predictably occur with mathematical precision. We will now discuss each of the following stages in detail:
Testing the Male
Seeking Communication
Putting him to Work
Evolutionary Selfishness
Self-Determination
Depending on the woman's self-esteem, there are big differences in the way these stages will play themselves out. If a woman has high self-esteem (HSE), she will test you and manipulate you in a totally different way than a woman who has low self-esteem (LSE).
Testing the Male
"Let me be a little bitch to him.” A woman knows on the instinctual level — and also on the rational level — that a man can impregnate a large number of women without too many consequences. In our modem age of mandatory child support, this is not always true in practical terms, but biologically it remains the case that the female has a much higher risk and burden when it comes to pregnancy than the man does.
A woman also knows that a weak male will not be able to protect her or her children in any way. Imagine as a man how your thoughts about survival would be different if every time you made love to a woman you faced the possibility of carrying a baby in your belly for the next nine months, followed by the primary responsibility of taking care of the baby for many years to come. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that your partner could leave you at any time and impregnate other women and/or leave for war or for hunting. Get the picture? You would become much more selective in your choices of who to mate with. From this biological reality stems the deep need that a woman has to test the male for his physical and leadership qualities. In our modern society, the need to test for physical qualities and financial stability has become less important than the need for qualities such as leadership, intellectual capacity, and strength of personality; but that would be quickly reversed in the case of war.
One thing is for sure: a woman in this stage will test the male for his skill of being a hunter. This will happen whether you are skilled in hunting animals in the grassy field or company shares in the business field; you can be sure that at the first stage of manipulation a woman will test you.
A woman will always test a male who she is sexually attracted to. For a psychologically healthy woman, survival and sexual desire must always harmonize with each other. A woman who tests men only for survival benefits — such as a man's ability to provide — is denying her sexuality. A woman who tests men only for their sexual appeal, is either planning to live her life without men, or is being self-destructive.
Seeking Communication
"Open up to me, please."
Once a woman has tested the male, and is relatively sure that he is strong enough to serve her purposes, her concern begins to revolve around making the man serve her exclusively. Many men who are relatively strong and pass the tests of the first stage, fail to understand the meaning of this second stage. This stage is extremely difficult for the average man to detect. It is instinctually and often unconsciously masked by the woman as a purely innocent attempt to "communicate" with the male.
It is a feature of the feminine psyche to appreciate communication above all else, but from an evolutionary point of view what the female of our species is really doing at this stage is using language to befuddle her partner, which will hopefully cause him to serve her and her purposes.
This stage is extremely important to the success or failure of couple relationships. Couple therapy fails so frequently because it tends to disregard the real, evolutionary meaning of this stage. A very common pitfall for couples is when the woman starts to feel that the man is displaying an inability or unwillingness to "communicate properly" with the woman. Modern couples therapy almost invariably places the blame for this supposed lack of communication squarely on the man's shoulders.
In the first stage, the woman has screened out the weaker males; the man was specifically chosen by the woman for a relationship. In this second stage, the woman acts as if she is seeking deeper communication with the man. A strong man will start to sense that an attempt is being made to weaken him, and he will then usually react with certain predictable behavior patterns. He may get angry or he may withdraw.
> Kick life in the ass. ~~Be my own judge.~~
you definitely appear to be kicking some ass; but you're struggling to take "be my own judge" to the next level because you still give some fucks about "losing".
i'm going to try to tie some concepts together that you seem to be missing. IMHO (and actual experience); there is a transition many men have to make between the 101 (i'm not a bitch level) to the 401 level (vulnerability that springs from true abundance mentality and a UNFLAPPABLE frame).
> Most of the time, wife is DTF, some times not as enthusiastically as I'd like.
as an aside, her performance falls on a bell curve as does yours, focus on the average not any single fuck.
does not go with:
> She says "I want to just cuddle". If I cuddle, I feel like a bitch. If I say no, she says I am acting like a baby. Typically, I say whatever and go to sleep. Then remove attention the next day. She says, "are you going to pout all day?"
for a woman to be your slut she has to feel that you will never judge her for anything (incidentally this one of the meanings behind her acting childlike). you denying her cuddles and avoiding her the next day is judging her on the fact that in that particular moment she did not feel like fucking.
of course, if your woman is being a sex denying harpy then there is no "free cuddles". this is you establishing your frame that your're not an emotional tampon little bitch.
the next level of frame is that of the benevolent king bestowing the gift of his awesomeness on all those around him irregardless of their actions because that's who he is and it does not change based on the minute by minute feelz of a woman.
it takes true abundance mentality and vulnerability. this is "i'll place the bet and give zero fucks if i loose" type abundance mentality; and it's super sexy (watch James Bond Sean Connery gambling in the casino for example).
practically speaking, what i'm suggesting is that you cuddle your wife after she turns you down. not every time, but sometimes, sometimes for a little, sometimes for long time (i'm a big fan of not being predictable). have fun with it. sometimes when i get a no at night, i'll pressure flip and protest that "i just wanted to cuddle and can't you stop thinking about sex for 10 seconds".
don't ever change your plans because you did or did not fuck. if you planned on being gone the next day than do so; but ffs don't slink around the house avoiding her like a shitty cat. my wife likes to get up, cook and putter around the kitchen in the morning. if i have nothing better to, i'll do this with her even if rejected. of course, i'm always gaming and often closing on her irregardless of what she felt like an hour ago.
in order to really win with a woman, you have to not care AT ALL about losing
read https://www.amazon.ca/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
"how to I go from a weak ass frame that is constantly under attack to hard as iron frame that can get through this with pride,balls,and bankroll mostly intact?"
"so how to I go from a weak ass frame that is constantly under attack to hard as iron frame ...... "
When you dissect the female psychology and the attacks, because of a weak frame, you start to see some of it is a push for you to become better @ being a man, or get the fuck out of the way. It's ok, just recognize it for what it is and be done.
A lot of times we walk through life with control issues, lack direction and looking for validation. In order to compensate for the validation/acknowledgement we are seeking, anger is a very fast emotional response because it is so intense it can fill the void. But, as we all know, anger is not a solution. It only compounds problems .
As all have advised - Lawyer up
Owned
Personal/family/divorce past: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4lew12/postdivorce_perspective_part_2/ . Owned and CLOSED. There will be no more discussion of some of my personal topics never ever.
Me as ACA / listening to my instincts. OWNED. There were some people in my life that I did not trust at all. They're out.
Health/fitness: gym - owned. Sugar addiction - owned, I overate and ate sugar in the past days, I created a journal to keep track on this, I realized at the gym that the sugar really makes me way weaker than I was, I realized that I feel "down" after eating sugar. Rationalization - why not, but rationalizations work too sometimes (like Allen Carr's book on smoking).
Family (divorced) and my sick narcissistic head: owned - I did not went into any conflicts this week, not that I did not want to. Plans for the next week - owned too.
Money: started selling electronics, thinking about starting some projects with "work B" for extra monies, I feel like I'm getting there.
Flat: clean, but there are still things to sort out. Flat is owned, because I keep it tidy. Still needs organizing though.
Me as PUA: finished this one https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6 , started this one: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24 . Told FWB that I am not planning to be exclusive, brought some drama, but as a result I felt GREAT because perhaps for the first time in my life I was absolutely honest with the woman and with myself. Asked out a girl that I really liked - perhaps for the first time in my life too I'm going after my instincts, my heart, if a specific woman is what I want, I should open her, I SHOULD LET THE FUCKING ADVENTURE OF LIFE HAPPEN and stop being all the time in control and in fear.
Not owned
Money: my income should be bigger.
Body fat: should be lower.
There are specific red things on my MAP, that I added this week, but I'm not going into details, I'd rather save some time to get them done.
Thanks, MRP.
She sounds what I call Low Self-Esteem "Good girl" archetype (in contrast with Low Self-Esteem "Bad girl" archetype), after having read the book Practical Female Psychology http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-For-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6
Have a look at these: http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/fearful-avoidant/ http://jebkinnison.com/bad-boyfriends-the-book/type-anxious-preoccupied/
And browse through some of Sepean's submmited posts, you may want to start here: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ukgo4/the_real_mrp_and_you/
I pretty much replied the same way in this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40mpja/recurring_pattern_that_concerns_me/
so you may want to read that.
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