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Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction?
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I recommend reading Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery. I find this superior to to the hackbook insofar as dealing with the little monster. He teaches the reader about AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) a method to counter the inner voice of the more primitive part of your psyche, the Beast. He emphasizes that our humanity gives us an unparalleled advantage over the Beast, we need to be deprogrammed that our addiction is difficult to cast away. Because of our innate superiority, there is a theme of "The best defense is a good offense." against your addiction. That means boldly stating you will never cave in to the Beast, because this creature as deceptive, clever and slippery as it is, can not force you to do anything. It needs your consent for it to get its fix.
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Recognizing the Beast's voice, posing as your own whenever it surfaces ensures it will never fool you again.
Hi. I have worked in addition therapy for years and I really don't like the cultiness of AA. I was very disappointed when the church adopted it as their addiction recovery programme.
Anyway, try this book as it's a CBT based programme which is harder in many ways as you have to take responsibility, but ultimately because of that, you also take control.
Best of luck to you. You can do this.
It helped me think about my addiction differently and helped me hear that little voice that tells me to drink a bit more clearly. Simply being aware of the voice helped immeasurably.
It didn't keep me sober long-term (AA has worked best for me so far), but it still benefits me on days when drinking sounds like a good idea.
EDIT: the book is about $15 on Amazon ( Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671528580/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_.0U.vb1KFN9MN)
Also, it's religion/faith-free, which was a must-have for me at that point in my life.
I was addicted to opiates ( and several other substances) for 20 years this book helped. Suboxone and Methadone made me worse . This book has been a game changer wishing you all the best. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=54934703202&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrs2XBhDjARIsAHVymmT62KU0y1EDasf3e7CmIkfpqXQpJsK5rkpWLm0N4Gz7KbAjIQMAejkaAkDsEALw_wcB&hvadid=259101647224&...
Reading this book has helped a lot if people in the same situation https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=54934703202&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxb2XBhDBARIsAOjDZ37bFkFCcoV4UF_Ipg69fCoboIyfs4eM_Xswg8mT6lRfF9Tj894c2MAaAuiAEALw_wcB&hvadid=259101647224&...
Hey read this book called rational recovery, it uses addictive voice recognition therapy as a way to create an enemy to battle, it really works.
The first few pages waffle on a bit but stick with it the method they describe to beat addiction works.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580
Hey read this book called rational recovery, it uses addictive voice recognition therapy as a way to create an enemy to battle, it really works.
The first few pages waffle on a bit but stick with it the method they describe to beat addiction works.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580
Hey read this book called rational recovery, it uses addictive voice recognition therapy as a way to create an enemy to battle, it really works.
The first few pages waffle on a bit but stick with it the method they describe to beat addiction works.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580
Hey I said this to the op but I hope it can help anyone so I’ll comment here too
read this book called rational recovery, it uses addictive voice recognition therapy as a way to create an enemy to battle, it really works.
The first few pages waffle on a bit but stick with it the method they describe to beat addiction works.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580
Started reading the book and it's immediately lost me. It's just dumb, I could not disagree more with its foundational premises. I'm being asked to accept that as a porn addict I use porn against my own will, and that there are absolutely no benefits whatsoever to using it, and that life without it is completely superior. Much simpler to just accept that porn is great and that you're making a real sacrifice when you decide to give it up. Quitting isn't that challenging, that part they got right.
I'm reading through and finding nothing genuinely new or innovative. There's a better version of this same message of "just decide to quit" that's based on reality, called Rational Recovery. It has worked miracles for me. Doesn't ask you to delude yourself that you're chemically addicted to porn or that you secretly aren't actually interested in it.
If I was offered a chance to give up every dollar in my bank account to go back in time and put this book in my hands when I was still as young as you are, I would do it without a moment's hesitation:
This book ended my porn addiction problem without therapy and costs $2.49 plus shipping used:
This book fixed my lifelong porn addiction. I was like you and by the time I finished the book I wasn't.
Read this book, it changed my life. It's stuff you will not find anywhere else, especially not on these boards.
I recommend you read this book, it fixed my addiction problem and you will never, ever read the advice in it anywhere on these porn addiction boards.
I've been sober since Sept 24, 2014.
I had my rock bottom moment and actually wanted to change deeply.
What helped me the most was a book, Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. That book more than anything else showed me what my addiction was and how to overcome it. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. So, give that book a look.
Also, as others suggested, /r/stopdrinking is amazing!
There is help all over the place for this, but it will be up to you to overcome it and then leave it in the past and move on from it.
I wish you luck and know you are not alone in this. Stay strong and never give up.
Just don't beat yourself up too much about it. Feeling worthless or like you have failed is one more reason to keep doing it. Addiction is such a compelling mistress - when you've got your chest puffed up and are like, "c'mon, do your worst" it hangs back like, "oh, okay, yeah... you're right." And then you stub your toe. Or have a shit day at work. Or your friend does something to piss you off. It's right there in those moments where the beast gets really, really compelling. And it just wears you down.
It's not a very well-known recovery method these days, but Rational Recovery always resonated with me. It's not about hitting meetings or support groups or anything - it's simply a way to separate your instincts and see them for what they are. SMART Recovery borrows some of its tenets. Either way, you know what you need to do here. Is it gonna suck? Big time, but you already knew that. That's the worst part about the sludge, detoxing is so shitty that avoiding it is enough to keep you in its embrace.
Not sure what your plan is, but a medically-assisted taper has always been the least interruptive, soul-crushing way down for me. Even if you come down 1gpd over the span of a month, you don't have to spend all day everyday mentally fixated on the war in your head. Stay busy, stay distracted, stay strong.
You've got this.
I highly recommend Rational Recovery, by Jack Trimpey. While it was written about alcohol addiction, the technique (AVRT) can be used with anything. It's very much aligned with JBP's perspective on taking personal responsibility and not placing blame for your addiction externally.
similar to smartrecovery, this is the book that got me started:
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction
Looking over the website, their approach to addiction bears some striking resemblances to what you find in Rational Recovery. For instance, they share the idea that education is what ‘addicts’ need; not “treatment” and “support.”
For what it’s worth, Rational Recovery taught me what I needed to know in order to stay sober & gave me power over my addiction.
I don’t think there’s any “Kool Aid” on offer here.
I recommend Rational Recovery, a book that teaches you a skill called AVRT—Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
Your partner may not be interested in quitting smoking weed. He might be calling himself an “addict” because embracing the “addict” label facilitates continued weed-smoking.
How does labelling yourself an “addict” facilitate continued weed-smoking?
Most people have the misconception that “addiction” is a problem that people are inflicted with. They understand addiction to be a “brain disease that makes you do drugs.” If you embrace the “addict” label, and the people around you believe that you have a brain disease that makes you do drugs, they are likely to be more sympathetic & accepting of your continued drug use.
In reality, addiction is a self-inflicted problem. It is not a brain disease that makes you do drugs; there is no such thing, and (in my experience) this false understanding of addiction promotes continued use more than it has ever helped anyone get sober.
If I was in your situation, I would decide how much weed-smoking I’m willing to tolerate in my partner. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with a pothead. In that case, simply tell your partner: “I do not want to be in a relationship with a pothead. Quit smoking marijuana, permanently, or we’re through.” Then it’s his choice. He can make the choice to quit permanently, using the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
First, understand that the “problem” you described here only exists because you have created it in your own mind. And, frankly, it’s nonsense.
Take responsibility for your actions. You’re not “possessed” by anything. You drive home from work, and you have made a habit of choosing to buy beer/cigarettes. You go home & choose to get drunk, because it’s enjoyable.
Then you feel guilty, because you have an addiction. “Addiction” is when part of you wants to intoxicate yourself, and another part of you realizes that it’s a bad choice to intoxicate yourself.
There is absolutely nothing forcing you to buy alcohol. You’re making a choice. There is absolutely nothing forcing you to drink alcohol. You’re choosing to do it. You are voluntarily choosing to obey the part of your brain that says, “Let’s get drunk.”
That part of your brain has no power over your body. Seriously. It can’t make you do anything, let alone drive to the liquor store, buy liquor, put the liquor in your car, go home, open the bottle, get a glass, drink the liquor. Sorry.
And in case you want to say, “You’re not an addict, you don’t understand!!!” Here’s my resume: I drank so heavily for so long that I had to be hospitalized when I quit. Been addicted to crack, meth. Benzodiazepines. Spent over a year of my life in residential rehab programs. Been to 12,000,000 Meetings.
Reading this book was a game-changer for me. I suggest you read it. But that’s just my suggestion.
Hey pal I recommend this book for people who didn't get anything out of AA or other mainstream methods
Thanks to /r/stopdrinking and this book, I have been sober now for 173 days. Each day now is a new record.
If you want to be sober, you can be! This has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
Good luck if you decide you've have enough and take steps to quit.
If you plan not to touch sugar due to addiction, you might like this book: https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1549636238&sr=1-1&keywords=rational+recovery
It's targeted towards alcoholics, but I have found it amazing to instantaneously flip my mind around food. Saying 'no' becomes easy when you have these strategies in mind. (Sounds weird, but it's very true.)
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Live long and prosper! You do you!!
No offense intended to the other posters but meditation and therapy will not suffice. Porn addiction isn't mainstream, its not in DSM-5 and in its not a "real" addiction because there is no substance use. If you saw a therapist they'd probably say your frequent porn use was a front for a deeper psychological issue and throw pills on your face. I do genuinely believe meditation can work in theory (with months of diligent practice) but I think you would fail if quitting porn were your sole motivation.
You are capable of complete abstinence with no worry of relapse in less than two weeks. No bull shit because I've done it. Despite four and a half years of failure, two times with easy peasy. I've achieved this by supplementing with Jack Trimpey's AVRT method. Addictive Voice Recognition Technique is the silver bullet to the little monster. Instead of meekly withdrawing inside your shell armored by hollow mantras and false assurances, AVRT offers a more offensive posture. There are a multitude of torture implements to remind the little monster how weak it is.
I don't fear relapse because its impossible. In fact I yearn for my addictive voice to show itself so I can reaffirm my dominance! I will shortly make a post about a most inspiring passage from Jack Trimpey's book Rational Recovery In the meanwhile watch this video of what AVRT is all about
Its primarily about drinking but it carries over very nicely!
Buy the book Rational recovery
It has a method which helps a lot!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580
My outsider's read of this is that he's telling you what you want to hear so you won't leave him. He's likely not brave enough to say that he likes porn and escorts enough to sacrifice the relationship for them. Does he call himself a porn / sex addict? And if he does, does he do it only because you put him on the spot with that terminology? Or does he really believe it? If you weren't in the picture, would he be actively looking for ways to curb his use of porn and hookers?
What I'm getting at is that it's very possible he's playing along with the "abashed Good Guy who's working on himself" role because it makes him look the best, it's what's expected of him, it causes the least friction. In which case, I don't think he's a villain, I just think he's not mature enough to own up to his real desires.
This is not a take you are likely to get from anyone else on this board, but it's possible to love pornography and sex with multiple partners without being an addict. If he is really and truly a porn/sex addict, and he wants to change for his own sake, then he should abstain completely. Get him to read this book, it's a nuclear weapon in the realm of addiction self-help:
If "addict" does not honestly, deep-deep-down, in his heart of hearts, match his self-conception, then trying to pin him down on behavior change is likely to lead you both on a wild goose chase of broken promises, pain, disappointment, lies and bitterness.
An unthinkable-seeming option: if he's just stringing you along with the addiction thing to placate you, would you be willing to entertain the possibility of letting him watch porn, or even see escorts, if he didn't hide it from you? Would you even go so far as to contemplate something like polyamory? Many do.
That may be a bridge too far. But it would be a meaningful sacrifice of your own comfort on behalf of his happiness, would probably make him love you more, and maybe would help him have a little more courage to stop skulking around like a child behind your back about the things that he wants.
This is not obviously The Correct Answer to me, not knowing either of you personally. But I think that it's possible to have these things be a part of your life without it meaning that you're a bad person, or that you don't love your partner, or that there is absolutely no place for it in a healthy relationship.
I strongly urge you to read this book:
Totally changed my life. After reading it you will look at a weeklong abstinence the way you look at five minutes' abstinence now.
Don't bother trying to put blocks on porn sites. You need to just make the hard conscious choice to not visit them. The addicted part of you will always, without fail, find a way to circumvent these half-measure roadblocks you put in front of it.
I strongly and with all passion and empathy recommend that you read this book:
If you take what's in the book seriously, you can beat the addiction without needing to tell another soul about it.
Read a book called Rational Recovery, linked here:
Reading it permanently changed my life. Should be mandatory reading for anyone with an addiction. You will not find the advice in it anywhere else.
Hey, I am mid thirties, been through all of that except the having a family part. The most effective thing I've found is an old alcohol/narcotics treatment modality I found in a book from the nineties that nobody remembers:
Changed my life pretty radically. The advice in there is opposite to 99% of advice you hear thrown around about how to deal with porn addiction. Reading it is like taking a big whiff of smelling salts. A lot of the stuff in your post is you overcomplicating the problem and inflating it to be something unmanageable.
The good news is that it's 100% manageable and you don't have to do any weird esoteric shit or fly to south america to puke in a bucket or even go to therapy.
Hey, I know that the purpose of this post was not to ask for advice. And I hesitate to offer any unsolicitedly. But there's a resource I was lucky enough to stumble into accidentally that might help you a lot. It will give you an alternative perspective on how addiction works. One that inoculates you against "triggers" completely and explains the sort of emotional dimensions you describe as correlative but not causative.
This book changed my life profoundly. Something to give a chance if you're open to alternatives to the kind of narratives / treatments you usually see attached to porn addiciton.
I'm 34 and have spent about half my life in a situation very much like what you describe. Was severely (hopelessly) addicted to porn, and started getting chronic pain symptoms when I was about your age. The pain is still with me but the porn is not. Here are the two best pieces of advice I can offer you:
1) Read this book. Please don't think about reading it, just get it and read it. My absolutely-and-completely-uncontrollable porn addiction of two punishing decades was handled by the time I turned the last page. It was legitimately a miracle cure for me. I urge you to give its contents more credence than the advice you're most likely to find on this boards and boards like it. Most of that advice does not work long term and may make your addiction worse.
2) The source of your pain is probably holding unnatural postures for too long, chronically tensing your muscles, and the repetitive strain of constantly masturbating. Reverse course IMMEDIATELY. You are seventeen and your body is in a prime state to recover from this as quickly as will be possible for you.
Start moving and walking as much as your body will allow you to. Not the high exertion shit like lifting weights. The soft boring shit like yoga, long walks and gentle stretching. Spend as little time at the computer and on your phone as your responsibilities will allow you.
Listen to your instincts. You probably already know pretty much exactly what you're doing that is causing your body to feel fucked up. I wasted years, and thousands of dollars, waiting for doctors to tell me something genuinely insightful. I was really just waiting for them to tell me what I already knew: I needed to get out of my stupid fucking whack station chair and move around like a normal person.
My body is trashed at this point, hopefully I can turn it around sometime before I die. Take me as a cautionary example of what not to do. Don't put it off, don't delay, don't drag your feet, don't convince yourself that you have some secret undiagnosable disease or curse. Do what needs to be done.
Read this book ASAP. You may find your life is very different by the time you finish it.
Read this book when you're ready to quit:
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671528580/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_287E8DM5ADE7DPD0FGES
Hey so it seems you are kind of new to recovery. I have been to rehab 5 times over the years. Over time it moved more towards cognitive recovery. In fact the last rehab was totally cognitive.
You should look at rational recovery. it might be a good fit for you. Rational Recovery: The new cure for substance addiction
You will be really surprised at some of the angles it looks at. Especially the addictive treatment industry. And author is straight up anti AA.
I like AA because otherwise I am alone in this. YOu have family and you have people that you are accountable to. Being accountable is a must in recovery. This is another very good book and it is written for people early in recovery. It has some humor in it. (Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down: 50 Things Every Alcoholic and Addict in Early Recovery Should Know) [https://www.amazon.com/Don%C2%92t-Let-Bastards-Grind-Down/dp/0981708803/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522341799&sr=8-1&keywords=don%27t+let+the+bastards+grind+you+down&dpID=51DnBBtqC7L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch]
Whatever you do, just do something. If you are really an alcoholic, it WILL progress and you will lose everything. Ain't no mother fucker here gonna challenge me on that.
much love
Since you seem to be the reading type, you may want to read this one too. Rational recovery is not dependent on spiritual beliefs.
For me, I quit because I got tired of myself. I just didn't want to be that person any more and finally after 15 years I was able to get over myself finally and start down the sober road.
I have to say that the reason I've been so successful, even after coming close to throwing it all away recently was due in part to understanding why I needed to drink.
It was surprising to find out that my need to drink did not stem from wanting to relax or even fit in with the crowd or to celebrate this or that. My need to drink stemmed from my own cultivation of a part of my brain that wants to feel the pleasure associated with being drunk.
This book is wholly instrumental in helping me answer the question of why I needed it and did it.
We humans weren't designed to be in such a heightened state of pleasure that drugs and alcohol give us. Once we start to drink or do drugs, some of us turn on this part of our brain and all it wants is the next drink or the next high and it doesn't care how it gets it even if it kills you in the process.
Knowing this helped me understand where the cravings were coming from and why I felt so anxious when I didn't have any alcohol close by. It was that part of the brain wanting, needing and pressuring me into fulfilling the need. The longer I waited the stronger the feeling gets. That book helped me face that part of my brain and work with changing that part of my brain.
Still, it wasn't easy. Not in the beginning. I had to constantly fight that voice over and over again. I had to use words like NEVER as in I will never drink again.
It's a funny thing saying that. Ask anyone who has a problem with alcohol to use that phrase and ask them how it makes them feel. Sad, angry, anxious, sick, those were my feelings when I first start using it.
But you don't have to start at never, you can work up to it with this: I will not drink today. That is a little less scary. Just today, I will not drink. The next morning you tell yourself again and on and on until you've strung 30, 60, 90 days together. You get on a roll and before you know it a year has passed.
I wish I could tell you that the voice that compels you to drink eventually shuts up and dies, but it doesn't. It'll quiet down and leave you alone sometimes for long stretches of times, but eventually it'll try again with you. Maybe it'll slide in a, "Hey, you've been doing well with not drinking, why not celebrate with ONE beer or ONE glass of wine." It can get pretty nasty with you too telling you things like it's stupid to want to be sober and that eventually you'll fail, everyone knows it, so go on an drink, damn you!
Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But I am sure some SDers know what I am talking about. That stupid, fucking voice!
Lastly, the greatest ally you have in wanting to quit is you. You have to want it for you. You can't say I am going to quit for my boyfriend or husband of new baby or fourteen year old, etc. This is a cross you must bear and you have to take it with the utmost seriousness.
This doesn't mean you have to go it alone. If you think AA will help, go and follow the program. If you thinks SMART Recovery will work, work that program. If you think reading the book that helped me would be the way, do it! I'll even send you my copy of it. And of course, you have a great community here at /r/stopdrinking.
Time to take your power back /u/this_a_username. You've freely gave it away to a substance that doesn't care a lick whether you live or die. Now freely take it back and leave drinking in your past.
Today, you will not drink.
Day 1 starts now.
I had my last drink 146 days ago.
The turning point came when I had bought one of those 24 packs of beer for a party the next day, told myself I would just have two and wound up drinking 14.
I got completely smashed without meaning to because I couldn't stop, so I tried to go to bed but woke up sick. Went outside on the deck and pushed a finger down my throat and puked.
I'd been in similar situations before, but for some reason THIS time something broke through. I remember just telling myself over and over again that I had to stop, I needed to stop. I just sat on the bottom step and repeated that over and over again.
I must've passed out. Not sure how long I was on that step in the middle of the night, but I woke up, went back inside and went to sleep.
The next day I had a hangover as expected, but I knew something had changed. I really hated myself for letting myself get to the place I found myself.
I drank for 15 years, at times quite heavily. I was up to 3-4 days a week drinking half a bottle of whiskey every two days, usually a couple six packs too every now and then.
So, I suffered through my last hangover and gathered up all my liquor and beer and took it to the party later that day and left it there. I did not drink at the party and had a great excuse. I had already had my party the night before.
From that day, I've been choosing not to drink. I started it with the "One day at a time" mantra and then it kind of blossomed from there. The beginning was hard. I craved and wanted and tried to tell myself that I needed it, I deserved it, but then I just think back to that sad man on the deck in the middle of the night crying to himself and asking why and that's enough to kill any urge I have.
Now a little more than four months hence, I find myself hardly thinking about the stuff any more. There are times that come and they go where I think, "Man a cold beer would be good right about now!" But they are quickly ignored and done away with especially when I think about that night.
I feel like I've rediscovered myself and who I really am. I allowed alcohol to take from me for 15 years. I finally decided to take everything it stole back from me and never return to it again.
I just KNOW that I will not drink again ever and I cannot tell what a peaceful feeling that produces in my mind.
Also everything made more sense to me after reading the book Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey and going through their site http://www.rational.org. For me, that book is the reason I am sober and will remain sober forevermore.
Glad you have kept clean. If you find that your 12 step program leaves you with questions, check out Rational Recovery.
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