What is Reddit's opinion of Running Thoughts: Is this the end of the Indigo Soulja??!! (Indigo Origins Book 1)?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

>Meanwhile, my phone was just another part of my life that was being used against me. I began to suspect that something was definitely off, that my conversations were monitored, that the notes I wrote were accessible somehow, that YikYak was staged, when a friend of mine who seemingly was at the centre of the controversy, Aleks F., called me up and acted a lot younger than her 17 years. We had had an argument over summer when I refused to go to a festival with her - I told her to call me when she was 20. I was 24 at the time, it seemed a bit slimy to me to pursue anything more than a friendship. Now though, I was alone in an increasingly hostile environment, she was a person I was close to, enough to have open and engaging conversations - she would be supportive. > >Aleks fucked me. Not literally, but perhaps by proxy, soon. She was mispronouncing words - 'i got th-the m-m-merchan-dise fwom the Arthur Brown show, someone gave me some vodka teehee'. This was a complete blow to my reputation. I figured that it must have been available to a wider audience, seeing as my isolation compounded instantly, and that she would have no reason to speak differently, other than to be heard by third parties. To set me up. > >Here was a girl who'd had a string of boyfriends since I'd known her, who was quite often initiating sexy chats, which I would ignore, for which she would call me faggot as a general greeting. Not very pleasant. She was old enough to be in St Andrews. I tried in vain to communicate how tragic this relationship was to a few people, but they either didn't care, or they misunderstood, or the fact that I was even telling them about something that I wasn't supposed to know about, was reason to cement any suspicions they were harbouring. > >She continued to draw me into situations that damaged my character. At this point though, I was extremely confused and bewildered, even though I was certain that my private life was a public matter, somehow, somewhere, without my knowledge or consent, without a single person giving me a modicum of support in my pursuit of the answers. It was seemingly ridiculous to anyone I found the courage to put any of my dwindling trust in, to believe a word I said. I was completely untrustable in the eyes of anyone I encountered. It has been this way for quite some time. > >As I realised that I was being monitored constantly, I became aware that my porn habits were the subject of someone else's gratification. Maybe a lot of people. Maybe my webcam was broadcasting constantly. Maybe my microphone, maybe everything. I could no longer even masturbate - it had become a degrading process. But I have the right to rub one out. I have the right to my room, to my space, to my life! The only way I could regain control and human dignity during a process of extended degradation, was to own the situation. Masturbate, on camera, upload to x-videos so at least I was sure of the situation, at least there was not an element of doubt that would erode my mind. > >I pursued the same line of action with anything I had that once was private. I had a text document, Running Thoughts - I used to have it open all the time, write anything that came to mind, copy down lyrics, quotes, anything that resonated. I realised that the only way to escape the paranoia that it was being read and shared was to make it available online. I thought that if so many people really were aware of my existence, I could at least make a little money out of the things they excavate from the remains of my humanity. I put it on Amazon - Running Thoughts, is this the End of the Indigo Soulja??!!! > >http://www.amazon.co.uk/Running-Thoughts-Indigo-Soulja-Origins-ebook/dp/B00SGS42VG > >2 copies sold. Nothing to support my certainty that I am somehow known. > >I must admit, I've spent this time in an extremely conflicted state of being. Complete turmoil on the inside, dealing with everything through a farcical veneer outwardly. The world has lost all semblance of meaning to me. It's almost as unbelievable to anyone I encounter that I am unaware of whatever is happening, as it is to me, but I am untrustworthy and at the centre of something which has caught a lot of people's attention, which potentially affords me power, which supports an idea that I am controlling - perhaps even a psychopath, perhaps even an answer. But what are the questions? I don't know. I'm left out of my own loop. I'm jumping on my own joke to keep my head above water. I am no answer. I live to create. I share my life for free. I have no interaction on my social media. I am a puppet that a real psychopath has complete access to and agency over. I've let myself fall into a dark situation. I've tried to find the support of anyone who could give me my life back. I've let myself get used and abused out of desperation and a sense of pride. I've undermined every relationship I had, starting and focussing on my own foundations, dragging everyone down that I tried to cling onto. But I can't help feeling absolutely and utterly abandoned. I don't want to complain anymore, but I'm facing something awful. I'm sure of it. I'm looking for anyone or anything that could give me a lead, show me just a shadow of a fact, something I can know is true, something that would confirm my fears, although it will surely break me. A site? Twitter?? I have 246 followers. my facebook page, /IndigoArtistMusic has 29 likes. I barely use facebook since I realised I was the centre of something everyone is aware of but me. I went on a few rants in the last couple days on my personal account, but nobody interacts anymore anyway. I'm a nutter to most people. A perverted nutter, who for some reason has now found himself, or at least suspecting himself, of being associated with right wing political ideas. I am left wing. Anti-borders, in favour of socialising everything, pro-drugs, anti-war (although a lot of my creative product has been inspired by the tragedy of conflict) , pro-feminism! pro-diversity in all its majesty! I love as only awkward clowns aspire to love. But I do love. Completely. > >I don't really expect this to be read or considered. I've come to realise that nothing I put out is accessible to anyone. There is a filter. Editing. I'm certain of this. Even if it is accessible in its entirety, I cannot find or access wherever it may be that this is shared. My whole browsing experience is controlled. I am on reddit right now. /r/self > >I will share this here, hoping to find anyone or anything that could get me out of this insane situation. > >As for the 4chan ban, I never go on 4chan. I used to years ago, casually. I went on a few months ago while I was locked up in Littlebrook Hospital, then tried again this morning. I was told that my IP address was recorded as trying to share child pornography. Could this be the final nail in my coffin? I am in a bedsit in Rochester. Temporary emergency accommodation. I'm quite worried that I am in danger. Someone is controlling my whole life, from my outward image to my only means of interaction with the world - the internet. How can I escape my tormentor or even know when I'm free? I want to give, I want to learn, I want to exist in positivity. I want to fucking party! > >I've never hurt a soul in my life. > >I give myself to the hands of destiny. > >Arthur Williams > >Indigo > >

>Meanwhile, my phone was just another part of my life that was being used against me. I began to suspect that something was definitely off, that my conversations were monitored, that the notes I wrote were accessible somehow, that YikYak was staged, when a friend of mine who seemingly was at the centre of the controversy, Aleks F., called me up and acted a lot younger than her 17 years. We had had an argument over summer when I refused to go to a festival with her - I told her to call me when she was 20. I was 24 at the time, it seemed a bit slimy to me to pursue anything more than a friendship. Now though, I was alone in an increasingly hostile environment, she was a person I was close to, enough to have open and engaging conversations - she would be supportive. > >Aleks fucked me. Not literally, but perhaps by proxy, soon. She was mispronouncing words - 'i got th-the m-m-merchan-dise fwom the Arthur Brown show, someone gave me some vodka teehee'. This was a complete blow to my reputation. I figured that it must have been available to a wider audience, seeing as my isolation compounded instantly, and that she would have no reason to speak differently, other than to be heard by third parties. To set me up. > >Here was a girl who'd had a string of boyfriends since I'd known her, who was quite often initiating sexy chats, which I would ignore, for which she would call me faggot as a general greeting. Not very pleasant. She was old enough to be in St Andrews. I tried in vain to communicate how tragic this relationship was to a few people, but they either didn't care, or they misunderstood, or the fact that I was even telling them about something that I wasn't supposed to know about, was reason to cement any suspicions they were harbouring. > >She continued to draw me into situations that damaged my character. At this point though, I was extremely confused and bewildered, even though I was certain that my private life was a public matter, somehow, somewhere, without my knowledge or consent, without a single person giving me a modicum of support in my pursuit of the answers. It was seemingly ridiculous to anyone I found the courage to put any of my dwindling trust in, to believe a word I said. I was completely untrustable in the eyes of anyone I encountered. It has been this way for quite some time. > >As I realised that I was being monitored constantly, I became aware that my porn habits were the subject of someone else's gratification. Maybe a lot of people. Maybe my webcam was broadcasting constantly. Maybe my microphone, maybe everything. I could no longer even masturbate - it had become a degrading process. But I have the right to rub one out. I have the right to my room, to my space, to my life! The only way I could regain control and human dignity during a process of extended degradation, was to own the situation. Masturbate, on camera, upload to x-videos so at least I was sure of the situation, at least there was not an element of doubt that would erode my mind. > >I pursued the same line of action with anything I had that once was private. I had a text document, Running Thoughts - I used to have it open all the time, write anything that came to mind, copy down lyrics, quotes, anything that resonated. I realised that the only way to escape the paranoia that it was being read and shared was to make it available online. I thought that if so many people really were aware of my existence, I could at least make a little money out of the things they excavate from the remains of my humanity. I put it on Amazon - Running Thoughts, is this the End of the Indigo Soulja??!!! > >http://www.amazon.co.uk/Running-Thoughts-Indigo-Soulja-Origins-ebook/dp/B00SGS42VG > >2 copies sold. Nothing to support my certainty that I am somehow known. > >I must admit, I've spent this time in an extremely conflicted state of being. Complete turmoil on the inside, dealing with everything through a farcical veneer outwardly. The world has lost all semblance of meaning to me. It's almost as unbelievable to anyone I encounter that I am unaware of whatever is happening, as it is to me, but I am untrustworthy and at the centre of something which has caught a lot of people's attention, which potentially affords me power, which supports an idea that I am controlling - perhaps even a psychopath, perhaps even an answer. But what are the questions? I don't know. I'm left out of my own loop. I'm jumping on my own joke to keep my head above water. I am no answer. I live to create. I share my life for free. I have no interaction on my social media. I am a puppet that a real psychopath has complete access to and agency over. I've let myself fall into a dark situation. I've tried to find the support of anyone who could give me my life back. I've let myself get used and abused out of desperation and a sense of pride. I've undermined every relationship I had, starting and focussing on my own foundations, dragging everyone down that I tried to cling onto. But I can't help feeling absolutely and utterly abandoned. I don't want to complain anymore, but I'm facing something awful. I'm sure of it. I'm looking for anyone or anything that could give me a lead, show me just a shadow of a fact, something I can know is true, something that would confirm my fears, although it will surely break me. A site? Twitter?? I have 246 followers. my facebook page, /IndigoArtistMusic has 29 likes. I barely use facebook since I realised I was the centre of something everyone is aware of but me. I went on a few rants in the last couple days on my personal account, but nobody interacts anymore anyway. I'm a nutter to most people. A perverted nutter, who for some reason has now found himself, or at least suspecting himself, of being associated with right wing political ideas. I am left wing. Anti-borders, in favour of socialising everything, pro-drugs, anti-war (although a lot of my creative product has been inspired by the tragedy of conflict) , pro-feminism! pro-diversity in all its majesty! I love as only awkward clowns aspire to love. But I do love. Completely. > >I don't really expect this to be read or considered. I've come to realise that nothing I put out is accessible to anyone. There is a filter. Editing. I'm certain of this. Even if it is accessible in its entirety, I cannot find or access wherever it may be that this is shared. My whole browsing experience is controlled. I am on reddit right now. /r/self > >I will share this here, hoping to find anyone or anything that could get me out of this insane situation. > >As for the 4chan ban, I never go on 4chan. I used to years ago, casually. I went on a few months ago while I was locked up in Littlebrook Hospital, then tried again this morning. I was told that my IP address was recorded as trying to share child pornography. Could this be the final nail in my coffin? I am in a bedsit in Rochester. Temporary emergency accommodation. I'm quite worried that I am in danger. Someone is controlling my whole life, from my outward image to my only means of interaction with the world - the internet. How can I escape my tormentor or even know when I'm free? I want to give, I want to learn, I want to exist in positivity. I want to fucking party! > >I've never hurt a soul in my life. > >I give myself to the hands of destiny. > >Arthur Williams > >Indigo > >