To be a voice of confirmation, I believe I understand what you're getting at.
To u/studyhardbree and u/CaptainShitPee, or anyone else who is having trouble comprehending the gist of this reply, I would recommend reading <em>Saved from Sacrifice</em> by S. Mark Heim.
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but what I gather is that, essentially, OP has a concept of "substitutionary sacrifice" locked in as the primary lens through which he/she is viewing atonement. The trouble is that "substitutionary sacrifice" is only one metaphor among several that the New Testament uses to convey truths about the atonement. And, by virtue of being a metaphor, there are limitations on how far we can push the concept and it still be communicating truth about the reality of atonement.
Saved from Sacrifice: A Theology of the Cross, by Mark S. Heim.
This work starts from a viewpoint of anthropology and arrives at surprising faith-affirming views of the murder of Jesus.
>The cross has long been not only a scandal but also a profound paradox: filled with saving significance and power, it is at the same time a sobering tragedy. In Saved from Sacrifice theologian Mark Heim takes on this paradox, asserting that the cross must be understood against the whole history of human scapegoating violence.
>In order to highlight the dimensions of his argument, Heim carefully and critically draws on the groundbreaking work of French theorist and biblical scholar René Girard. Yet Heim goes beyond Girard to develop a comprehensive theology of the atonement and the cross through his fresh readings of well-known biblical passages and his exploration of the place of the victim.