I would focus on technique first with JoJo Mayer's DVD:
http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Weapons-Modern-Drummer-DVD/dp/B000S6TNLI
Watch it through for the first time and focus on the basic techniques for now. Grab a pair of sticks (I use bigger ones for practice sometimes) and your pad and follow along with the exercises. Do a little each day.
Buy a metronome. I use one on my smart phone (Metronome Beats/Android). Practice the rudiments and alternate your leading hand or foot. There are plenty websites, apps, and videos for this. Your focus is to breath, stay calm, and control the rebound. Each strike of the pad should sound the same. You could also work in your finger technique. When you are comfortable with each Rudiment (2 mins, no mistakes) then you can look into dynamics. This is where you'll get that Professional sound around the kit and gain that feel everyone strives for.
Listen to your favorite tunes and watch plenty of videos, and maybe covers of the song so see how others may have done a fill, etc.
Do a little each day and make it fun. Even if you have 5 minutes. Practice your single or double strokes. Air drum to songs. Play on a pillow. I even walk around my house air drumming with my sticks to better my finger control.
As mentioned, check out: http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Weapons-Modern-Drummer-DVD/dp/B000S6TNLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1313733873&sr=8-1
If I had to guess, you are holding the sticks too tightly; the energy goes into your hand instead of into the stick rebounding. Are you pushing into the drum? Or do the sticks sing?
My soft little programmer hands have no problem when I play like a retarded ape and beat the shit out of the drums for 2 hours straight.
One thing that will improve your left foot's speed and time is, while playing choruses on the ride, keep time in 16ths with your left foot on the hats. Work on getting a solid, accurate 'chick' sound. Once you're comfortable with this, change it up and play triplets with your left foot or something that will improve your independence.
For your hands, work on the rudiments with a metronome. If you're struggling with your grip and actual stick holding techniques, use Jojo Mayer - Secret Weapons for the Modern Drummer. It's an amazingly detailed explanation of the fundamentals, even down to the physics involved.
Technique. Get this DVD and practice the shit out of it.
Secret Weapons for the Modern Drummer - Jojo Mayer
All drummers should own that.
Someone bought me this guy's DVD for Xmas one year.
He's a real goofball.