What is Reddit's opinion of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself?

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This is supposed to open yourself up to self compassion. You said yourself that you wouldn't be friends with anyone who talked to you that way, s.o why do you do it to yourself? You hate yourself, because you constantly treat yourself like shit, mentally, just like youd hate another person treating you that way.

You can absolutely choose how you treat yourself. It's to change your inner monologue from beratement and blame to support and encouragement. It's hard to do and takes a long time, but it does wonders for your outlook on life and self confidence.

I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to learn more.

I think it's good that you keep on supporting him trough this and I think you are doing a good job.

I feel like he needs to work on his BPD with the help of a professional of a work book if you can't afford or access a professional. I used to be like this but I healed some trauma on my own and worked on my self compassion with this book. I can't afford therapy and it has often not helped when I was able to access some. Even though working on my own is longer and harder it seems to work better for me.

Having people who are sincere with me and give me unconditional love helped me too. My current roommate tells me anytime I am being manipulative or dramatic (not all BDP folx are manipulative and dramatic but I am and i was way worst before lol). Getting this feed back has been really helpful. I am grateful to have someone so patient in my life.

No dude, it's the difference between whether the woman feels like she's being your date or your therapist. It's truly draining to talk to someone who doesn't like themselves because you spend the whole time assuring them that they're a good person. You ARE a good person. I CANNOT ever convince you that you are. That feeling of "being worthy" of love can only come from within, and if you don't work into that (loving yourself) then you're probably putting an emotional burden on the person you're talking to. Self-compassion takes work, but studies show that the difference between being happy and not being happy is believing that you DESERVE happiness. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520 It is SO MUCH work talking to someone who doesn't love themselves I wrote a screed here, but I've talked to a lot of men and women about this phenomenon

Therapy for anxiety and depression has gone a long way in helping me. I started binging when I was 18 and "powered through it" with self-help suggestions for a few years. I kept "getting a hold of my problem," but as soon as I got stressed again (starting a new job, school, a new relationship, moving, etc) I kept using food for comfort (but I had never thought of it like that! I just kept kicking myself for my poor self control). I started therapy a year ago and understanding my mental health and having self-compassion has DRASTICALLY improved my relationship with food and my body. Since therapy virtual now, it's easier than ever to find an eating-disorder specific therapist. If therapy isn't an option for you for some reason, than I'd say definitely read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

My sister is using it in lieu of therapy, and it's really helped her. I'm using it with therapy, and I've learned so much about loving and forgiving myself as well, which has helped prevent me from going into a food spiral despite going through a break up and depressive episode recently.

This should be pinned at the top of this sub, because I think a lack of self-compassion is often part & parcel with the desire to build discipline. Thank you for taking the time to write this out, as I believe it to be true too.

That inner critic that picks at us or focuses on those setbacks while on the path to building discipline can be our worst enemy when left unchecked. It needs to be balanced by a voice that looks at those setbacks or qualities more compassionately. To keep our minds light & clear, which will make it so much easier to get back on the horse or to get started with whatever we're trying to accomplish.

I highly recommend Kristin Neff's book "Self Compassion" to help you structure and develop a compassionate inner voice. It's free on Kindle if you have Amazon Prime, or only 10 bucks if not. Please read this before or during your work to building discipline to keep yourself grounded.

At one point I could only do one. I then found that I could do two, and then I would crash and burn out.

I would then get myself up, and try again. One...then two...maybe three.

Repeat the crash and burn cycle hundreds of times over the last 10 years (since I got diagnosed and started treatment).

Now, I can keep up with a few areas of my life. Sometimes I still crash, but all the times I'd fallen before have taught me a little something, so the crashes don't last as long.

I didn't know it, but each time I fell and got back up, I got a little wiser.

Self-compassion was the key to allowing me to see just how far I'd come, and how far I can go if I just keep trying while being kind to myself. I first started practicing it last year and it changed my life.

Again, I don't have it all figured out, but I'd like to let others know that progress doesn't always look so obvious, and it is definitely possible to outgrow old patterns.

You do need to find a good therapist, and in the meantime, I would recommend you check out <u>Self-Compassion</u> by Kristin Neff. It's about learning to be kind to yourself, and even just reading a few chapters made a big difference to me, and plenty of other people. You are doing something hard and have been through a lot, and it's good and healthy and helpful — not weak or whiny — to acknowledge how tough it all is. Good luck. ♥️

Here you go:

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011) by Kristen Neff. It's a lovely read. And it's not too expensive to boot.

Good luck on your journey!

Welcome! Here's the way that I keep things simple with keto:

1. Get yourself a food scale. They're cheap on amazon.
2. Weigh everything you put into your body
3. Track all of it with myfitnesspal. Keep the net carbs (carbs minus fiber) under 20g a day. Keep a calorie deficit if you want to lose weight.

You don't really need to complicate it much beyond that. There's lots of really delicious food you can make that's keto friendly as well (I love chaffles).

You're right that your life is worth much more than hiding! I've really enjoyed the book Self Compassion, it helped me realize that I was being way too hard on myself and that most people do that to themselves. Learning some compassion for yourself can make inevitable setbacks so much easier to deal with and a breeze to bounce back from.

You can totally do this!

Buy this audio book and listen to it. I listen to it on repeat on my drive to work and back home from work. I have listened to it for 1 hr a day enough times to get through the whole thing cover to cover 10 - 20 times.

I think, if you give it a listen yourself, that you might find things getting a little bit easier.

Gaining self esteem isn't actually a worthwhile goal. You should aim to get self compassion instead. It has all of the upsides of self esteem and none of the drawbacks.

If you are interested, there's a good audio book or it's free on the Kindle if you have Amazon Prime.

FWIW, I too have the lowest of the low self esteem, actually probably even negative self esteem since I have only negative views toward every aspect of myself. I have been trying to listen to this same audio book myself and it has made things at least a teensy bit better.

Yeah I know even getting out of bed sometimes can feel like a ridiculous effort. Have you heard of the 5 minute rule? You can search it but basically its a way to trick your brain into getting started by setting a timer and committing to doing something for no more than 5 minutes. Keeping track of everything in a journal so you can see your progress on different tasks could be helpful too.

Also i want to share this book because I think anyone could benefit from what it teaches but especially people who struggle with mental health. There's an audiobook version too

Counterintuitive advice: forget about the future. I'll follow what you said and assume that, if you do what you need to do, then the future will take care of itself.

So, focus on the present. Specifically, focus on how you feel in the present, not what you think. When you sit down to engage in achieving the future, how do you feel now? The urge to watch self-help videos on YouTube is coming from somewhere...so where is it coming from? What deficiency do self-videos address?

From the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: > If you find you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don't want to do, it can help to go to the emotional underlying your resistance itself. We often avoid thinking about unwanted tasks because it makes us feel uncomfortable. Another approach, however, is to give yourself compassion for the very human reactions of displeasure and avoidance.

I'm just gonna throw out some quotes from Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself that I've found helpful.

> "...all pain deserves to be held in the warm embrace of compassion so that healing can occur."

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> "If self-criticism works at all, however, it is only for one reason: fear. Because it is so unpleasant to be harshly criticized by ourselves when we fail, we become motivated by the desire to escape our own self-judgment."

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>"If you find you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don't want to do, it can help to go to the emotional underlying your resistance itself. We often avoid thinking about unwanted tasks because it makes us feel uncomfortable. Another approach, however, is to give yourself compassion for the very human reactions of displeasure and avoidance."

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>"So why is self-compassion a more effective motivator that self-criticism? Because its driving force is love not fear."

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> "Self-compassion involves valuing yourself in a deep way, making choices that led to well-being in the long term. Self-compassion wants to heal dysfunctions, not perpetuate them."

Please read (Self-compassion by Dr. Kristen Neff)[https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520]. It's free on kindle if you have Amazon prime. You need to be nice to yourself, too. I have some other books and audio books that might help, but that's a good place to start.

From Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: > If you find that you habitually procrastinate when faced with doing things you don't want to do, it can help to go to the emotion underlying your resistance itself...Allow yourself to fully dive into the sensation of dread or lethargy or whatever is coming up for you when you think about the task. Can you feel the emotions in your body, holding them in nonjudgmental, mindful awareness? Recognize that these are moments of suffering, even if on a small scale. All our emotions are worthy of being felt and validated. Once you give yourself the sense of comfort you want, you'll probably find yourself less resistant to getting started. (171-2)

I find bringing thoughts like this into the real world helps me let them go easier. An example may be simply writing a letter to yourself; you could talk about the decisions that you made that you regret and then let yourself know that you forgive yourself. Or it could be writing the specific mistakes on a piece of paper and letting it go in a nearby creek/stream/lake/body of water.

Another recommendation I have is to read this book https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=nodl_

Self Compassion has been my phrase for this year. At 35 I’m still working through a lot of regret and self-criticism. My personal focus has been on loving myself for who I am today and acknowledging that any mistakes I’ve made along the way were necessary “growing pains.”

I’ve had the same thing for years and years I’ve started therapy and she recommended a book that changed my outlook and helped me a lot.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061733520/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UbILDb9XFCSTK

Wow, weekly testing?? Is that the norm?

Regarding being less hard on yourself, I highly highly highly recommend Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. I have it on audiobook and I've listened a couple times through already. It kind of rocked and continues to rock my world.

I'd recommend checking out a book by a psychologist named Kristin Neff. I think she's also given TEDx talks on the subject as well.

What makes her book great is that unlike the vast majority of self-help book, the aim isn't to change who you are but how you view yourself as you are. It's very honest and isn't filled with the sort of pseudo-science optimism bullshit that saturate the 'self-help' industry.

You're welcome :)

I found this book to be good at explaining the mechanics of self-compassion, but I didn't find it particularly convincing. Self-compassion is something you need to think you deserve, and then something you need to practice every day. So far I haven't found a resource other than personal development that encouraged me to practice it. But maybe you're different. I know there are self-compassion quizzes online... Maybe that can point you in the right direction. Best of luck!

Self-esteem is bogus. Research has started to say so, after years of promoting self-esteem in schools. It either leads to self-beration (like you are doing) or narcissistic behavior...it wasn't the cure-all that they originally once thought it was.

What they are finding is that self-compassion is the key. Check out the research here: https://self-compassion.org/

Kristen Neff's book Self-Compassion is utterly fantastic: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520. It will help stop the self-beration, the inner put-downs, etc. In turn, it helps you love other people more easily as well (including yourself!)

(Also....if you are clinically depressed, that might be another issue. If you are, there's nothing wrong with seeing somebody and taking medication for it. Meds don't make you happy, but they do help our brains to get back to working normally.)

Thank you! And thank you for sharing your thoughts as well! Congrats on 69 days! I'm trying my hardest to be mature and not make a joke, but nice.

On a more serious note:Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011) by Kristen Neff. It's a lovely read.

I hope your journey continues to have positive moments that outshine the negatives. It's always a bumpy road but this quote in particular keeps coming back to me about multiple things (mental health, leaving home, leaving country, and beyond). Whenever I reach a rough patch and feel "I should be past this, why am I feeling (for example: anxious) about this." or "Why can't I focus. I'm doing everything I learned." It is:

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”― Terry Pratchett, <strong>A Hat Full of Sky</strong>

You could argue it doesn't really apply, but to me it does, in a weird way. Anyhow, more tangents because I never have enough. Do take care!

We seem to be very similar. For me, there's a thick lifelong layer of depression and anxiety blanketing everything. If that also applies to you, please find help, however small. And don't concern yourself with doing your best or being "normal" right now.

Kristin Neff's books have helped me immensely. I'm not a huge reader much of the time so I listen to her audiobooks when my mind won't settle enough to really read. This is a wonderful one start with.

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff on Audible

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, softcover, Amazon

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff free to read on Kindle

Dr Neff is behind the website linked by another commenter and it's a very good resource. Browse it as much or as little, as quickly or as slowly as you need to, for you. Check out her books, or look for more free resources. No one is looking over your shoulder. No one is judging you. It doesn't matter how fast or how slow you read, learn, or do anything that benefits you. Life and knowledge are not a competition and you don't owe anyone anything or any explanation. Your growth is yours.

My type One friend read and highly recommended this book on having self-compassion, which seems to be an area that Ones struggle with as they seek to grow in health: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

This book might help you a bit

Not the guy you been talking to, but your mental health should be your #1 priority right now. 1 hour a week or even 1 hour a month would help a lot. They even have sessions you can do online through your phone or computer webcam.

You mentioned you have a problem with procrastination. Well try to set up realistic goals for yourself each day or week. If you can improve yourself even a tiny bit week by week, that's progress.

Here are some example goals (you will want to change them to your own personal needs, these are just examples)

In the next 7 days:

1) Do two exercises (15 minute jog, 30 minute walk, 7 minute workout etc

2) Look up and reach out to 1 therapist if they have an opening that meets your schedule

3) Tidy up your room

Aside from that looks like other people have added some good sources to look into which I recommend following. I'll add a book that I think is very helpful

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

I highly recommend this book to help with the dissatisfaction you with yourself, your looks, and your personality. It really helped me.

sup man. I idenitfy with your position, so I want to share a couple of resources I've found in my search for self-love.

• Kristin Neff - Self-Compassion This book makes it possible to go thorugh the shame shift OP went through without waiting for a meltdown.

This is the main resource I wanted to share. However, you might also want to check out these other resources: * Unlocking the emotional brain Good book on how new therapies can fix long-standing issues much faster then previously believed * See also this post on self-acceptance in relations from RSD: Expression rather than impression

I guess before I could probably help with your question, I'd need to better understand what judgments you're making about yourself that make it difficult to find piece. What are you saying to yourself (particularly ABOUT yourself)? Are you telling yourself you can't do it? That you are flawed and so you'll "never be able to stick with it"? Something else?

If so, I'd say one of the most important places to start is to become mindfully aware of our negative self-talk and start treating yourself with more compassion. We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to lifestyle change. It is SO normal (and understandable) that we go back to old habits when under stress - but you need to be the one who reminds yourself of that, gives yourself compassion and love for being human, and then moves on.

Mistakes/slips are a lot easier to tolerate and overcome when we are kind to ourselves for them. Beating ourselves up for them might FEEL like we are protecting ourselves from slipping again by "punishing" the behavior, but it usually only sets us up to fail.

If it helps, I also HIGHLY recommend Kristin Neff on this subject and her book "Self-Compassion": https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=&amp;sr= She also has a bunch of info and activities on her website: http://self-compassion.org/

Sounds like you could do with a dose of self-compassion. Kristin Neff wrote a book on the subject, and there's loads of related resources, so you start by testing yourself to see how self-compassionate you are, and maybe follow the meditation and exercises or even do a course?

In any case, I don't think what people say will matter as much as how your perceive yourself, and I think self-compassion could help you get rid of that feeling :)

EDIT: Just spotted The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown which might interest you too?

> I fucking hate myself

Unfortunately, I know this feeling only too well.

I strongly recommend that you take a look at Self Compassion. I read this book, and it helped me a lot.

Life is hard enough without beating yourself up.