ACOA I'm guessing? Lot's to unpack here. And you are the one that needs to do the unpacking.
If you want to get those feelings under control you have to understand (deeply) where they come from. Self-inquiry takes time.
Maybe start with this short read..
We all have our puzzles to solve. Self-inquiry and self-understanding is the way.... takes time and effort. And it's worth every bit of it.