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Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy?
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To be honest, the type of meditation that leads to awakening is not the type of meditation that is good at addressing traumatic material, and this is by design.
This is because awakening specifically comes from a realization that is not dependent on particular experiential content - and trauma specifically comes from particular experiential content. So, to address trauma, you have to address that content.
Although meditation may not be the right tool, there are types of self-therapy that can use the skills built in meditation. In particular, I have found this book/method, despite how quirky it seems on the surface, to be really fast and effective, and excellent for meditators: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
If persistent psychological patterns are hindering your meditation, I highly recommend using something like this to address them rather than/in addition to just "meditating through it"
There is a therapist who has written a book specifically so patients can do ifs by themselves. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=ifs+therapy&qid=1626920351&s=digital-text&sprefix=ifs+&sr=1-3
You can read the first 2 chapters of the book on amazon for free which gives a great overview of it: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1625217470&sr=8-3&asin=B00452V8EG&revisionId=f9eda5f2&format=1&depth=1 (just scroll down and start reading from chapter 1)
Is there a therapist involved in the MDMA therapy, even if the session itself is solo? If I could give myself advise before starting my healing journey with MDMA, I would have stressed the importance of having a trusting relationship with an integration therapist. My significant other has too many other roles, she can't be my therapist as well, regardless of how much love there is between us. When repressed trauma has been released, my therapist have been able to guide me through it during the weeks and months after the session. Working with IFS has been extremely helpful, if you have not looked it up yet I can warmly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG
Well there's the commonly recommended book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker. I've read it and I could also recommend it as well, but it does have it's flaws. These flaws though are nothing major.
If you are interested in learning Internal Family Systems, than the following would also work. The book I recommend in that case is Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early.
I think finding a therapist who does IFS will be very beneficial, but you can do some exploring on your own too. This book was recommended to me by my therapist when I first started working with him and I really love it. It gives a really nice overview of what IFS is plus some exercises on how you can do your own IFS work.
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early.
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey
Book: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00452V8EG/
Website: https://selftherapyjourney.com/
Going to a therapist occasionally, or to start, might be a good idea.
There are therapists you could connect to online, but you'd probably have to ask for a discount (if 35$ / session is your price range). Fortunately there are books and a website you can use which are more reasonably priced (as well as communities such as this one):
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early (unfortunately I don't know where to buy it online in Bosnia).
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a community component)
Would IFS help ya, yes. Would IFS be the right move for you at this point in your healing journey, I'm not sure.
Personally I pursued meditation a lot and then I was forced to confront my maladaptive behaviors and tendancies, and landed on IFS. The following are useful resources for you (and no diagnosis here just pointers):
- /r/CPTSD
- (also has an affiliated discord server)
- /r/CPTSDNextSteps
- https://thehaven.support/ (a discord server - no idea on the quality)
- therapeutic modalities one can do on their own
- a comment of mine with a list
- pay particular attention to the books Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness and Pete Walker's
e: im tired.
There's a step by step book by Earley as well, which is useful. It's the first link in my IFS copypasta:
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
General -
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum IFS + Earley sauce)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
- Find an IFS Therapist or Practictioner
More specific -
- The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors
- The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present
Here's my copypasta of resources:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum) - IFS + Earley's "capacities"
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
More specific -
- The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors
- The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present
Definitely acquire the book from the first link. My suggestion is to go slow.
I don't know what your mental health care system is like in the country you are in, but even if you are talking with someone who is not IFS trained, as long as they are safe and secure that relationship will be beneficial. So consider trying to find that either through a professional relationship (that is a therapist) or through a casual relationship (that is a friend).
Work towards getting to know and understand the resistance, with love. IFS is great for that purpose. This book has been very helpful for me: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG
If you are interested in addressing this, you may find IFS helpful. I can warmly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG
Yes, your past is indifferent, but your brain still has the history in their for your past. That past is guiding how you evaluate anything in the present. In that sense, your past is never actually in the past; it's always with you in the present. So to say that the past is indifferent should be to say that our actions are in the past are indifferent (true), but our experiences in the past are still present.
There are two great resources that I'd recommend to anyone, but especially a stoic, to start to navigate this:
One is Self-Therapy by Jay Earley. It is based on the internal family systems which is ultimately just a way to start understanding what is going on in your mind.
Second, Dr. Caroline Leaf has done a lot of work on managing your mind. I don't think her method is as effective, but it reinforces what IFS teaches. Dr. Leaf is really good from a pop-science standpoint if you want to connect actual science with practical application.
> Shards? Fractured self? I'm unfamiliar with this model. Do you mind providing a little more info? I understand your context, but would like to find some books and read more. Thanks!
Not the person you asked, but what they posted sounds like they use IFS -- Internal Family Systems. It's based on the idea that you have different parts within yourself. But don't misunderstand, though, it's not saying that we have what was once called "multiple personality disorder" but is now called dissociative identity disorder (DID), just that we are full of lots of contradictions and opposing forces that are as though there are different parts of us.
I mean, you ever think things like, "I know I shouldn't do XYZ but a part of me wants to so bad" or "Part of me is happy but part of me is really sad at the prospect of [whatever]"? It's the same. It's just that the parts in IFS have their roles and how they interact. When you go in with compassion, and try to understand those parts of yourself, healing can occur. We have what are called protector parts, who try to shield us or another wounded part (called exiles) from certain situations or emotions. That's a very basic overview.
Richard C. Schwartz founded IFS, and he has a book about it called Internal Family Systems Therapy (that's the 2nd edition, which was extensively revised). I mentioned this book to another person but I also found Jay Earley's Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS to be very helpful in connecting with parts. It is a book that was written specifically to allow people to be able to do IFS on their own because not everyone can afford or is able to see a therapist who is versed in IFS. If you get it, make sure it's the 2nd Edition because that has more explanation in the first chapter about IFS. The table of contents can be read in the book preview on Amazon.
Not the person you asked, but I found Jay Earley's Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS to be very helpful in connecting with parts. It is a book that was written specifically to allow people to be able to do IFS on their own because not everyone can afford or is able to see a therapist who is versed in IFS.
If you get it, make sure it's the 2nd Edition because that has more explanation in the first chapter about IFS. The table of contents can be read in the book preview on Amazon. The book will take you through all the different types of parts and how to connect, with some examples, etc.
I found it useful and I hope it will be for you too.
Here's my IFS copypasta:
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
General -
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
- Find an IFS Therapist or Practictioner
More specific -
- The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors
- The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present
copy pasta:
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
General -
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
- Find an IFS Therapist or Practictioner
More specific -
- The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors
- The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present ___
I also agree with -elsa, you are not broken but you have been traumatized.
Here is my IFS resources copypasta:
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
General -
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
- Find an IFS Therapist or Practictioner
More specific - * The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors * The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present
You can do this practice with a Therapist / a Practictioner (as certified by the IFS Institute) or on your own using whatever resources you find; see links at the end of this comment.
Briefly in IFS, you have various parts which are either Protectors or Exiles who either protect you from pain or hold pain. There's actually one other part as well which is the Self, and can be thought of as a center. One practices by getting to know Protectors and eventually having the Protectors step aside to get to know the Exile. This culminates in unburdening (that's the terminology used in this framework, not clearing) the Exile and having the parts pick up more wholesome roles.
Links:
General - * Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17 * Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum) * Derek Scott's YouTube Channel * IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3 * IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch * Find an IFS Therapist / Practictioner More specific - * The 6 Fs on Getting to Know Protectors * The IFS Self Scale - on how much Self is present
Here's my IFS resources comment:
> Internal Family Systems.
Links:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - 10m YT video intro 1 of 3
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
- Find an IFS Therapist
IFS Links:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early - ~$17
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - good intro
- IFS YouTube playlist intro - Deutsch
This might sound a little "woo-woo", but this Self-therapy book based on internal family systems is pretty awesome. (I use it for a variety of things I'm working on.) Whether it's anxiety or other issues you're working on, it's a great way to talk to the "parts" of yourself that make you anxious. (E.g. usually you're anxious because a part of yourself is either being a critic, or trying to protect you from getting hurt, but in the end it inhibits you from being able to relax around others.) It's something to look into and you'll probably know from reading the first few example pages if it resonates with you or not.
Interacting with your "parts" can be a type of meditative act, which also helps to control your mind in these types of situations.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00452V8EG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Free or low cost IFS resources:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early.
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month (also has a forum)
- Derek Scott's YouTube Channel
- IFS Exploring your Own System - good intro
There's Jay Earley's work:
- Book: Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS by Jay Early.
- Website: Self-Therapy Journey - $8-$40 per month
Sorry to hear you've been struggling. You may want to look into IFS therapy - it has a wonderful track record of effectively dealing with trauma, specifically PTSD/cPTSD.
A certified IFS practitioner will often pair the treatment with EMDR which is a very effective combination.
This IFS book by Jay Earley is excellent. There are likely others.
Good luck on your healing.
This is why I'm telling you it's okay to take breaks. It doesn't look like you believe me, and that's okay.
Have you heard about Internal Family Systems? It's a psychotherapy which I hear really good things about and personally am using at the moment. There's a book and a website (subscription based). Feel free to look into it some more or don't. Either way is OK.
I wish you the best skippyMETS!
e: removed a sentence
I've been having some troubles lately, and got i this book to help out https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy-ebook/dp/B00452V8EG
and https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Workbook-Exercise-Book-Process-ebook/dp/B00IJY7F7A/
​
Any here done IFS Therapy and has it helped with emotional troubles.
One trick is to imagine that you actually did manage to start working on the thing that you were procrastinating on, and pay attention to the kinds of thoughts and feelings you get in that situation.
For instance, I don't usually have an inner monologue either, but sometimes when I imagine myself doing something that I have been procrastinating on, the thought of doing it makes me feel... sort of empty and dull, like my life is draining away on something useless. That's a cue that there might be a belief that says something like "working on this thing is useless and just making me waste my life".
You can also try sentence completion to create a sort of artificial replacement for an inner dialogue. I haven't really used this, but I gather that it works for some people. Say "if I did [the thing that I am procrastinating on], then I am afraid that-" and then finish the sentence with whatever comes to mind. Then do it again and finish the sentence with something else. Repeat until you run out of the "obvious" responses and start getting novel stuff. See if there's anything in the novel responses that feels like it resonates and isn't just totally random. You can also vary the beginning of the sentence, like starting it with just "if I did the thing, then-"; with these things, subtle adjustments to the wording can have a big effect on the results that you get.
Then there's the Focusing/Internal Family Systems-style approach, where you zoom in on the specific sensations and feelings that come up when you are procrastinating, and see if that would bring you any insight about what they're trying to do. I just wrote something about how to get started with that in the specific case of procrastination (though the instructions aren't particularly procrastination-specific), though you'll probably want to look at some of the books of those therapy modalities to find out how to go further from there [1 2 3].
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