What is Reddit's opinion of
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself?
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28 reviews of this product found across Reddit:
I think black and white thinking is not the same thing as having black and white boundaries. You clearly still love your boyfriend, so I wouldn’t say your thinking about him and this situation is black or white at all.
You can both still love your boyfriend and not be willing to offer forgiveness for a clear boundary violation and choose to discontinue the intimate relationship. That kind of choice shows a mastery of working in the “grey area”, not an unfamiliarity with it.
I’ll also recommend the book <em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace</em> by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It’s legit a boundary bible.
My therapist once said: You're going to be upset no matter what you do. Would you rather feel shitty because you let them violate your boundaries, or would you rather feel shitty about "letting them down" while you do what you want? It's easier said than done, but honestly the more you stand firm in your boundaries and just power through the discomfort, the easier it gets. I promise!
She also recommended this book, which I'm actually about to start reading this week.
For my sobriety and mental health, I use a mix of AA along with other things outside of AA to keep my mental health well rounded. I am lucky enough to have my health insurance cover therapy, and I have been reading books about interpersonal relationships and how to navigate them (this book is literally changing my life right now). I do think going to meetings is important. Staying connected with fellow AA members who are working steps is a great way to build a support system of friends who align with your sobriety goals . But, I think there is more to life than completely putting all of my eggs in one basket. AA is helpful for my sobriety and connection and reminding me that I am indeed an alcoholic, but therapy has helped me deal with trauma I've faced in the past, and reading books has help me navigate more specific things like habit building, interpersonal relationships, etc. Find a well rounded balance for the life you want to live. That might mean looking outside of AA for other kinds of help :) Also, if you don't click with your sponsor, it might be time to find a new one. I look forward to seeing and speaking with my sponsor, and I don't think I could've made it through the steps if I didn't like my sponsor.
Not sure if this is the one OP is reading, but I have several friends who rave about this:
Focus on things you can control. Where is your part in the resentment? Do you someone for their behavior? Your part here would be making sure you clearly communicate how their behavior makes you feel. If their behavior doesn’t change, set a boundary with them and uphold it. Decide what you want for yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate from others.
Reading recommendation: Set Boundaries, Find Peace
I’m not a therapist, but from what I learnt.. setting boundaries is never easy. I’m sorry you’re feeling unheard. It might not be all you, others also contribute to how you feel.
Don’t feel that not setting boundaries is a problem you have to fix. Here’s a really good book if you’re interested: Set Boundaries, Find Peace
https://www.amazon.ca/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
Personally I prefer to read, but my partner loves audio books. Give it a try!
You're an adult and she's an adult. You are choosing to sever whatever legal/emotional ties you had to each other. Talk to you lawyer about how to make sure your child support payments actually go to supporting your child, but beyond making sure your child is safe, let it all go.
Seriously - get really good at boundaries. It's not your job to control how she spends her money or how she lives her life. It's not your job to rescue or help her when she screws up. Let it go.
If you DM me an address you can receive packages, I will buy a copy of the book linked below for you.
Regardless of your situation, your wife chronically disrespects your boundaries. This book is a fabulous blueprint to communicating and setting boundaries that you and your wife will really benefit from.
Good luck!
I am currently listening to Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself on Audible and it is an amazing guide. I kind of wish I was reading the actual book instead of the audio as I think I would have gained more. Definitely recommend as someone who has always struggled with this!
> her abuse of me is turning me into who she claims I’ve always been (manipulative and controlling) since I’m reacting to DH in a controlling way out of my sheer fear and stress she’s caused me and PTSD from how she treated me when I was postpartum and suffering from PPA. I’m self aware and working to fix the issues.
👏👏👏
This shows some real work and maturity on your part! I see so many OPs and commenters here who seem to believe that doubling down and dramatically escalating power and control issues with their in-laws will help, but the reality is that the more you grip, tug and pull on that rope the stronger the resistance will get. It sounds like you understand that there are much more elegant, less disruptive and “quieter” ways of healthily ending or curtailing interpersonal tug-of-war matches without just continuing to yank your end of the rope harder and harder hoping your “opponent” will fall. That’s more than half the battle, and you’ve got this!
Book recommendation: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab
https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095/
This isn't an issue of your family not supporting your marriage. This is an issue of a narcisstic mother and no boundaries and her family enabling her to continue to act this way. She needs a major paradigm shift. But we can't control others, so all you can do is make it very clear how you feel and what you will put up with. She sounds toxic.
Please look into this book and the author's Instagram page! Very helpful stuff for this topic.
https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
Oh HUGS! No no don’t be mad at yourself at all. He’s the one who failed the baby. And colds are very common for kids. If they didn’t get it from this douche they’d get it from someone else’
Like I said this isn’t easy and or did what you had the ability to do. It takes time to develop the boundary setting ability. Read this book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593192095/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_8VR32CT4RC8XY19F46PV
It's interesting that you and your sis have such a different sense of what is and isn't appropriate to expect from the people around you. I had to do so much reading to develop that sense as I was raised by authoritarians. Here's the best guidebook in case anyone is interested! (Pls buy one for your nephew when he's older, cuz he is screwed!)
If ur into reading at all, there is this book book and it has helped me SO MUCH. it’s modern, helpful af, and so far no religious-ness tied in.
It sounds like your partner is getting uncomfotably close to, if not has already crossed the boundary into, infantilizing territory.
When I have communication issues like this with my partner, it helps to have a third, qualified party (like a therapist) to be there. It helps because the therapist: - acts as an “objective” participant/referee who can enforce boundaries (so things stay respectful, which can be hard to do for both parties on an especially sensitive topic); - is a qualified healthcare professional that can explain selective mutism as a legitimate medical condition (also, the therapist shouldn’t require that you have an autism diagnosis to understand your description of selective mutism); - can help assist in constructive communication methods, such as providing structure and reframing techniques support for expressing yourself assertively and guiding the conversation towards a “communicate to understand me” purpose instead of a “communicate to get help problem-solving for me” purpose.
If a therapist is not accessible to you (I just use my regular therapist and make it a joint therapy session as needed), I’d look up assertive communication techniques. If you think the root cause could be issues with expressing boundaries generally, I’d recommend <em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace</em> by Nedra Glover Tawwab. If you can’t find a copy of the book, her Instagram is full of wonderful little nuggets of wisdom that can get you started.
Good luck!
It’s so hard! Here are my tips from therapy: 1. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings. You can still be happy even if someone you love is sad or going through a hard time. You need to prioritize your own feeling, needs, wants, boundaries, etc. You aren’t selfish for prioritizing yourself, your spouse, your kids, etc. 2. You can listen, validate, support without trying to fix the person or tell them what to do. Ppl need to solve their own problems and figure things out for themselves. It’s exhausting and only makes things worse if you try to fix someone. Simply saying “I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, what can I do to support you?” is a perfectly acceptable answer. Or “that sounds really difficult, I’m really sorry that you’re going through a hard time” 3. No is a complete sentence. You are allowed to say no without an explanation. You need to protect your peace by taking care of yourself before you can help others. 4. You can be direct while still being kind and respectful. You set boundaries with ppl bc you want them in your life and care about the relationship. Saying something like “I’m not able to help you with that, what else do you need help with” is a perfectly acceptable answer. 5. Wait until your calm and collected before addressing a difficult subject. You don’t need to engage with someone right in the moment if you don’t feel like it. Walk away, put your phone down; communicate that you aren’t in the head space to talk right now. 6. Enforce boundaries! If you set a boundary and someone repeatedly ignores it you are allowed to take a break from that person or set another boundary. For instance, my dad comes over to my house and will use things without asking. I had 2 separate convos with him about it, and then I said “ok we are taking a break from my dad coming to the house”. Your family isn’t obligated to come to your house, or see your kids, or be involved in what you’re doing if they don’t respect your boundaries! Just bc they are your parents or in laws doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want! 6. See a therapist if you’re able to. Therapy has changed my life. I have very narcissistic parents that have zerooooo boundaries. My in laws are co dependent types and also have zero boundaries. It’s hard to work through this stuff without a professional’s guidance.
It takes a ton of practice, believe me. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for 2 years.
This is a great book:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593192095?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
You can do it!!! 💕
Forget two different people; I have these competing needs going on in my own mind! I have ADHD (hyperactive and inattentive) and am autistic, and I have to negotiate these boundaries all the time within myself.
Both sides need to be treated with respect, and compromises will need to happen, but without losing the essence of the core identity of these distinct parts of me. Personally, this required a lot of time with a therapist for me. There’s not a straight-forward, one-size-fits-all solution.
Between people who have competing needs, I think it’s all about identifying and negotiating healthy, flexible boundaries. These can be difficult to navigate, so I suggest looking up assertive communication strategies and use that as a “blueprint” for communicating those boundaries. My favorite recent book on how to identify and navigate healthy boundaries themselves is this one.
I don’t think any of this is a science. It’s more of an art form, where each of us ends up having our own style. I think that’s what makes navigating differing needs and boundaries so hard... not just for autistics, but for all humans.
hi not sure if you'll see this or if i'm late to reply cuz i just saw this in my inbox.
i'm so sorry that you are experiencing separation with your loved one. i understand how that feels but you'll get through it, you can do it!
i tried magick oils and other spells with professional helps but nothing worked (and looking back, i am kinds glad because he cheated!)
i went to therapy, start to learn about boundary and self-love, and met a guy on dating app that met everything that i manifested (i.e. have a heart to serve, into fitness like i do, small eyes haha), calm and gentle etc.)! it takes time though, good things are worth waiting for :)
the resources that helps me the most are all FREE!
i stumbled on this therapist's instagram (not the therapy i went to), she's got lots of info on relationships and how boundaries can help you reclaim yourself, be confident in your own skin. her knowledges helps me understand myself and my problem in relationship (in love or in general) better!
her IG: https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/
i got her book too, it got so many tools/tips that help you in family/career etc.: https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
the guided mediations that i used is completely free on the internet, it's here: https://www.youtube.com/c/organicheart
Sorry it's not too witchcraft related. though i also use youtube video on reiki and self love rituals from time to time too, but not specifically for looking to get someone back but for my personal growth in career, in taking care of myself.
<3 xo
This seems to be pretty good, and I'll find an example of a good book on the subject. It's really important and will change your life.
https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
Also, this book is AMAZING and I recommend it to everyone, with or without BPD: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593192095/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_Y51Y0N4FMW6ENF8VTG0S?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
(https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095/)[Set Boundaries, Find Peace] is a great book about this. It's clear, simple, and filled with head nodding examples. It helped me a lot, though I'm still far from perfect.
Not OP, but I've really enjoyed the audiobook of Nedra Glover Tawwab's Set Boundaries, Find Peace. It feels very accessible and provides plenty of examples and scripts.
Jumping on to recommend this book. It talks about many facets of boundaries and mentions how our upbringing affects us: https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
Hi. You can do it. You can set and maintain boundaries with your parents. It’s hard. You’ll be scared. They’ll react poorly. They’ll get over it (or not). And you’ll feel stronger and happier. I definitely recommend therapy. It has helped me. So much. I learned how to tell my mom NO, and when she gets mad at me, I’ve learned that I don’t have to manage her emotions or change my mind.
Some reading materials on boundaries and emotionally immature parents would probably help you. Here are a few I know are good.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593192095/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_867D0AKA5N51PCRPNQQG
Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684032520/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_GVS08NCWEG4DCBQD7GGQ
Oh, the length is totally fine! It’s a complex situation, and I also have ADHD and can totally see the same “thinking it out by writing it down” that helps me so much.
I really identify with a lot what you said, but I’m not sure if you can relate to my experience, so I’ll share and explain a bit, in case it could bring you clarity on your situation.
I often do what my therapist calls “over-performing” in relationships, where I self-assign myself as a relationship “manager”, and therefore hold myself responsible somehow for the perceived success of the relationship. This becomes more and more true the closer I am to the other person. I’m not sure if this resonates with you, but I have this deeply buried false belief that other people’s behavior is controllable by me, in the sense that if I just find the right way to ask them or the perfect way to approach them, they will provide the other half of the friendship that I am hoping we both want.
The good news is, I tend to have the good instinct of not jumping to blaming the other person for not behaving like I expected them to (like when someone unexpectedly stops answering a text), but I do often then turn on myself and assume there’s something I’m doing wrong and can therefore fix if I can just identify what it is I did to cause this imperfect interaction.
Therapy really helps me with this, but I’ll share specifically what about therapy helped most.
The biggest thing was discovering how to identify and incorporate healthy boundaries into my life. This book is a veritable boundary bible, and I highly recommend it. (The author’s Instagram account is a boundary goldmine as well.) Healthy boundaries are still very much a work in progress for me, but I’ve noticed that by working on them, my desire for control has diminished substantially and my stress over other people’s reactions that weren’t what I hoped for has decreased as well. I never thought that boundaries could do all that, but turns out they do. 😁
Also, sometimes, even the best of friends can’t be there for you exactly like you hoped they would be. The only person who is there for you 100% of the time is yourself. That doesn’t mean your friends care about you less than they should; it just means that in a healthy relationship, each person has to represent their own interests at 51% and the other person’s at 49%.
Relatedly, I’d keep in mind that autism is a disability that can take us out of commission for long periods of time (like meltdowns, shutdowns, and burnouts), so it’s likely that the heightened disability burden your ASD friends have to deal with is at least partially responsible for why it’s specifically them who tend to drop out of communication. I also personally often enter a shame spiral after recovering from a period of time when I had high support needs, and there’s nothing anybody (besides my therapist) can do to really help me exit that shame cycle. (Complex PTSD can also often be involved with people on the spectrum due to chronically abusive childhoods, and that can also play a role in our interactions in our relationships. It may help to look that up and learn some more about it. I also have complex PTSD, and it can often be more disabling than my autism.)
Again, I have no idea of any of this resonates with you, but I thought it could be helpful. I sincerely hope some of it helps! If you want to throw out more ideas or thoughts or specific situations, I’d be happy to offer more input.
If you’re a reader, I’d recommend <em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace</em> by Nedra Glover Tawwab. The footer of her website has all the links to her social accounts. I follow her on Instagram and really appreciate the regular reminders for establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries.
I’d also recommend couple’s counseling, as I can say that in my personal experience, having the counselor/therapist there to manage the discussion can make sure the tough conversations are productive.
Boundaries are one of the toughest parts of a relationship. But just because they’re tough, doesn’t mean they aren’t worthwhile. You deserve to have your needs met.
This book may be helpful! Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593192095/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_25QZ58BDJ2GEKY1PRWYS
Her IG also has very useful tips and examples - https://instagram.com/nedratawwab?igshid=qn6coh1nwgwk
Try reading up on setting healthy boundaries in relationships. Like this book, for example: https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095
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