This product was mentioned in
with an average of
most women don't orgasm just from dick anyways, regardless of how big
>I bought this book thinking it won’t hurt to read but there is no way I believed for a second it would have the impact it has had for me and my wife. I read it with an open mind and now I have the absolute confidence that I can make my wife orgasm multiple times every time we have sex. EVERY TIME. I don’t believe half the reviews I read on amazon but please take this review seriously. I’ve dealt with premature ejaculation for a long time and it has affected my marriage. But now my wife can’t wait until our next session and neither can I. I followed the tips in this book to a t and it has truly changed our relationship. I recommend it to every man or anyone who wants to get their female begging partner begging for more. No toys just the tongue and index finger!
I still say leave. But if not, I’d tell him immediately: “Either I cum first, or you don’t come at all”. . There’s nothing he can say to that.
Also: since he needs instruction and is obviously insecure about hearing it from you, buy this book and MAKE him read it with you, while also trying out the suggested techniques. Do NOT let him have an orgasm, or pleasure him AT ALL, until he completes the book and tries everything in it. Together.
“She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman “
A friend of mine didn't have her first orgasm until she was 37. She was so happy she came to work and told everyone. A little TMI, but we were a pretty casual work place.
It's a lot more common for guys to know how to get themselves off than it is for women.
You shouldn't take it personally. Instead, encourage your girlfriend to think about what she likes. Encourage her to explore herself.
Think of ways to explore her yourself, and ask her if she likes whatever you're trying. Don't take it personally if it's not doing much for her, and instead try something else.
And don't be shy about buying aids. Toys, books, whatever gets the boat floating. Like this book, which you should both read: [link]
OP if he wants to learn I cannot recommend this book enough. "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Obviously he can't learn everything by reading but you'll definitely know if he's taking it seriously because things will start to change, then you'll just need to help him fine tune to what you like in that regard. [link]
I strongly recommend She Comes First.. In some ways it's actually too much information, but it has enough in it to get both of you started.
Remember, too, that women vary widely. So much so that, as a cunnilinguist, a new partner is always a big question mark, and it takes me some time to find out what she likes.
Similarly, you will need to find out what you like. Ideally your partner will experiment, and your job will be to give feedback when he finds what works for you.
Luckily this post has a book towards this for women, not an article, but thanks for the headups.
This book will do things for you that you can't possibly imagine. I promise you right now, it WILL CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR THE BETTER! The knowledge you'll gain from this book is legendary! It goes over the female anatomy in detail then follows it up with some different pleasure routines that will have your girl cumming over and over again while begging you for more. PM ME if you'd like more info.
>he'd be frustrated and say something along the lines of "but I've always been able to get girls to finish with just oral."
That is not a cool way for him to handle the situation at all. Tell him you love his enthusiasm but that different women enjoy different things. Anyone who actually cares about pleasing you - and not just his own ego - will listen to what you want and follow direction. If he's going to insist that you "should" like having oral performed a certain way, then he's a jerk.
Also, I suggest having him read She Comes First.
I'd say be honest about it that your are really touchy and ticklish. Start working on desensitizing yourself that there is a very sexy woman in your bed. Try 'edging' together or alone. Learn how to please a woman without using your penis (ex: She comes first). Maybe hop over to the people at /r/karezza & /r/tantric.
I mean lots of women would love to mainly cuddle a lot before getting it on, getting proper attention for lady bits, and then not having to do a whole lot to get the man off. Let go of the idea that this is a problem :P
That is the best book I can recommend about female anatomy. I think women should read it, too. Ian Kerner also has one called Passionista about male anatomy which I recommend for everybody.
Was the ejaculation clear? If it was that could just be pre-cum (your body releases it prior to ejaculation to line the urethra).
And when you say that your erection faded completely, do you mean that it faded and you couldn't get another one?
Also, I'm slightly confused by what you mean when you say that you felt your penis filling up with cum. Did you actually feel the cum in the shaft?
In my personal experience I have at times partially ejaculated without orgasming(during masturbation). The more cum I produce during a partial ejaculation, the harder it is for me to get hard afterwards.
As far as satisfying this sexually frustrated friend, If I were to give you one tip, it would be to read this book. Unless you know for a fact that this girl is completely opposed to oral, I would strongly recommend you read this book. It's not too long, and I found it to be one of the most informative, helpful books I have ever read on sex.
Think of cunnilingus as one of many tools you can use to satisfy her. If you learn how to do it properly and pay attention to her responses while you're down there, it can be your most formidable asset. Porn conditions us to think that intercourse is the most important part of sex, and the only way you can satisfy her. But if the female body was designed to orgasm through intercouse, the clitoris wouldn't exist.
Written by Ian Kerner. This guy is the epitome of cuck. And he has a book for sale! https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring-ebook/dp/B000FC1PRK
Not romance, but https://smile.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring-ebook/dp/B000FC1PRK/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2KV7WUD0KSEV5&dchild=1&keywords=she+comes+first+by+ian+kerner%2C+ph&qid=1626715251&sprefix=she+co%2Caps%2C231&sr=8-1 A very important book nonetheless.
I think it's a mistake to expect anyone to be able to recreate a particular kind of sex that you had with a former lover. If you're setting expectations for him based on your previous experience, and he simply doesn't fit that same mold, you are creating a recipe for disaster.
He's a different person, so you can't expect him to learn to be that other person, or even learn to have sex like that other person. Instead you need to start exploring much more openly and find a different kind of sex that you two can both love and find satisfying.
I almost made the same mistake. All of my experience with men before meeting my husband was with dominant, aggressive guys. Lots of rough, forceful, high-adrenaline sex. (Also some serious abuse from some of them, but that's another story.)
Anyway, I thought I knew what good sex was like. Then I fell in love with a guy who couldn't have been more different. Honest, thoughtful, caring, and loving. Someone who loved me for who I am, not just the body I inhabit. But he was less athletic, less dominant, MUCH less macho, and much less experienced.
We started as close friends and colleagues, and it took us a year to become a couple. When we did, we had some major compatibility problems in the bedroom, right from the start. Part of that was that I expected a high-intensity, pulse-pounding kind of sex -- which was all I knew -- and he simply wasn't able or willing to do that.
It was clear almost from the start that there was no point in pushing him to be more dominant or aggressive. To him, that would be a violation of his feelings for me and a hard no, for that and many other reasons. And anything I said or did that made him feel like he was being compared unfavorably to my previous BFs simply undercut his confidence in bed and out of it.
If we hadn't explored other options, we would still be stuck where you guys are, in love, committed to each other, but having unsatisfactory sex that constantly undermines the relationship. Instead we are having the best sex of our lives.
The first thing we did was get a massage table (you can buy a good one for around $90 on Amazon) and start doing Sensate Focus Therapy. This is what almost any sex therapist would tell you to do as homework, but you don't need to pay a therapist. You can do it on your own just fine.
SFT is a simple step-by-step process for getting both of you to connect better with your own sense of touch, both as the toucher and the touchee. You really get to know your own body and your partner's body, first in a non-sexual way, and then in a more erotic way.
It really helps change the frame of reference from a very narrow focus on the genitals and PIV to a much broader focus on giving and receiving pleasure. And it works. It's the gold standard for sex therapy for a reason.
Best of all, it's a very gradual, non-threatening way for your guy to learn to open up the time frame before PIV and get to know what gives you pleasure. I think a lot of the resistance guys have to doing foreplay is that they simply don't know women's bodies very well. They have all sorts of wrong ideas in their heads about our anatomy, and believe a lot of things that aren't true.
SFT creates time where he can focus on you, learning about your body, and talking about what different things feel like, without all the performance pressure and urgency that men feel during "sex." Plus, he gets the reward of you learning more about his body and how to please HIM better.
After 3-6 months of SFT, you can easily transition to more advanced forms of sensual massage and tantric sex. We have several really good articles in the SO30 Wiki on technique that will help.
In addition, I strongly recommend Ian Kerner's book, <em>She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman</em> and Shakti Amarantha's online guide to tantric sex. If you love foreplay, you'll be in heaven.
There's this book
She Comes First is a great book going over why you should just make sure your partner finishes first and go from there, thus removing the pressure to figure this out.
Happy to help.
And if you're insecure about sex because you don't have much experience / haven't learned from credible resources, that makes perfect sense.
Being knowledgeable and prepared can help increase the chance you and your partner have a good experience, and there are great resources out there by professionally trained credentialed sex educators with advanced degrees and expertise that you can learn from to gain practical information about sex and relationships:
[link] (Note: this is a marriage book, but the skills it teaches are important for all relationships).
This one is for romantic relationships between women, but it talks about things like safe sex, consent, how to have difficult conversations, how to talk about things like STDs / STIs etc. that you may find useful:
Here's the link to Amazon (hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting this).
She Comes First
NSFW (obviously) . On the same note I recommend this book
The thing about sex is, it's kind of like pizza - even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
When in doubt- go romantic. Go passionate. Fuck her gently
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) [link]
I thought this was informative and interesting, at least way back when it came out.
I highly recommend the book She Comes First: [link]
Read this book
You should really read She Comes First
Read this. Thank me later.
That makes it hard to make a recommendation, but maybe
She Comes First and
Starting out there is usually easier as it takes out the complicating factor of the other person. Then setting aside thirty min to an hour a couple times a week where you're just going to follow the pleasure and not get focused on "will I orgasm this time?!?" Play with different sensations on different parts of your body, and like I said, just follow the pleasure. Try a sex toy, the magic wand is the classic and relatively inexpensive ~$60-70. But small little bullet vibes might be a little more gentle of an introduction. Add some porn or erotic stories into the mix to see if anything that happens in those really arouses you. While it might take some time, and I've heard some women describe that it felt like the switch just "hadn't flipped yet" when they describe their preorgasmic experiences, that doesn't mean that the time spent exploring yourself is wasted. Remember that you're an active participant in your pleasure and you're the one most benefiting from your pleasure.
Some books to look into.
Come as you are
She comes first It's about cunnilingus, but that doesn't mean there's not info useful to someone who receives it.
I love female orgasm
"She Comes First".
Would he be willing to work on improving the sex with you, perhaps by doing sensate focus exercises or using books like She Comes First and Passionista?
You're taking a lot of blame on yourself, but sex is a two-person activity, and when it's not enjoyable, both people usually bear some responsibility.
Sounds like the two of you need to work on making sex better. Have you read any books, like, She Comes First?
Another great resource is Shakti's blog on modern tantra.
> She Comes First
Hell, they gave THAT to you in sex ed? How old were you? Do you mean this book?