>subjected to unpredictable beatings
Unpredictable punishment and reinforcement is a well known brainwashing technique perpetrators use on their victims
>a stutter for most of my life
This is very common among childhood trauma survivors, along with bulimia, cutting and hair pulling.
>my parents never allowed me to have friends go on trips/camping
My familu was the same way. This is so typical of abusive parents. It keeps a child from realizing his family and the parent's behavior is not normal.
>Marriage or genuine friendship are things I'll likely never get to experience.
As abused children, our ability to have healthy intimate relationships was stolen from us by our parents. That we die alone with no friends or family because of our unworthiness fore love has been beaten into out heads for so long it has become a self fulfilling prophesy
So much of what you have written is text book for childhood abuse. The behavior is so common it makes me sick. I recommend Dr. Leonard Shengold's Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse](https://www.amazon.com/Soul-Murder-Effects-Childhood-Deprivation/dp/0449905497).
Trauma is very treatable with a high success rate. I encourage you to find a trauma therapist. T
I found this online, it sounds like you may have dealt with deprivational abuse, willful deprivation is considered outright abuse:
"The behaviour of those that deliberately withhold food or other necessities of life from a child (including love) could never be described as neglectful. The dictionary definitions of neglect, neglectfulness, negligence, and other words with the same root, all exclude planned, deliberate, or malicious actions. Neglect has a connotation of forgetfulness or failure because of stress, competing priorities, lack of education, or socioeconomic deprivation that are not the case with abuse. If forced isolation, food deprivation, or the withholding of love are used deliberately as punishments, sadistically, or to induce illness they should be termed “imprisonment”, “starvation”, or “emotional abuse”. It is “deprivational abuse” and should not be graced with the ameliorating nuance embodied in the much milder term neglect." https://adc.bmj.com/content/88/2/105.
Might be a good book for you: https://www.amazon.com/Soul-Murder-Effects-Childhood-Deprivation/dp/0449905497#customerReviews
My heart goes out to you. I developed gender dysphoria as a result of childhood sexual and psychological abuse. Here is an excellent journal article on Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Dr. Leonard Shengold's Soul Murder is a definitive resource on the effects of childhood trauma.
You are very welcome. Two key indications of DID are time and memory loss. Dr. Loenard Shengold's Soul Murder is a definitive resource on the effects of childhood trauma. Dr. Richard Kluft presents an excellent overview of DID in his Childhood Antecedents of Multiple Personality Disorders.
I developed gender dysphoria as a result of childhood sexual and psychological abuse (See My Overview for details). Soul Murder by Dr. Shengold is a definitive resource on the effects of childhood trauma.
Here is an excellent journal article on Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse