If you’ve never read this book, I highly recommend it. It’s about generational trauma specifically in black families: Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won't Save Black America
This is why there are adults with spanking fetish.
A black researcher wrote a book criticizing corporal punishment in black families. I don't care about this topic enough to evaluate her research to be honest so I'm just going to agree with her based on my bias against corporal punishment.
I believe you. My great grandmother was raised by her grandparents who had been enslaved and she had some issues. She was beaten because that’s all they knew. She beat my grandmother so bad and broke her. My grandmother was never diagnosed because there was no access to mental health care for Black people during her lifetime. Not real access. But she sure seemed like a Narcissist. She in turn beat my mother.
They were all trying to survive oppressive Jim Crow systems and on one hand making sure your kids didn’t make certain mistakes would keep them alive (maybe). On the other hand, not allowing your kids to be kids is traumatic but statistically we are always seen as much older then we really are anyways. 🤷🏽♀️ My mom tried her best to break the cycles of generational trauma and abuse but later in life after she had a traumatic brain injury and as her health worsened and she needed oxygen, she had lots of fleas and narcissistic behavior would emerge! I could say something and she would catch herself but often it wouldn’t be lasting because her long term memory wasn’t as strong. So her “original programming” popped out.
Dr Stacey Patton wrote a book called “Spare the Child: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America” and it’s pretty revealing. Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won't Save Black America https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807061042/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_N6FXFRWSE1FZ9SAFHZGH
We see the consequences of almost 400 years of slavery and then 100+ years of Jim Crow every day so if some of those who don’t want to acknowledge it, just pay them no mind. Their opinions are irrelevant. But I can’t help but recognize those who choose to gaslight us racism or anything about our life experience EXACTLY like how a narcissist reacts. It’s never them, we’re making stuff up, it’s all in our minds, if they don’t see it - then it’s not real, any achievements we made it wasn’t because we earned them but was because someone gave us something we didn’t really “deserve” etc. We definitely aren’t the golden child but some of us can make it for a short time by being very entertaining but our status can drop to scapegoat at any time. Once I started seeing it like this I can’t unsee it. I wish home would at least be a safe place since the world is not. Anyways, I see you.