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Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles?
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Aaaa forget about it. You got all that mumbo jumbo modern talk stuck inside your psyche.
Look, you are what you feel. If you feel bad about yourself people can see that. Another thing, do you like yourself as you are or do you want to change?
Sometimes we don't get the easy way of doing things. It sucks but the sooner you accept that the sooner you can move on and do something else.
I think you need a therapist to talk to. Talk about your insecurities and fears. Fix all the things that mentally bother your about yourself. Working out, change your diet. And for the time being your hand can be your girlfriend until you upgrade yourself.
You need to work on your confidence and self-esteem. Read this book.
Get a nutritionist. Learn how to diet. Cook healthy meals. Find a social group that bikes through trails or something nature related. You never know, might meet someone. And you can work on your social skills. Because that is important too.
Don't worry about anyone having it easy. Just worry about working on yourself and the results will show after a good year. Good luck.
> It doesn't matter if you give him a BJ every morning for 20 years. Somehow in the male mind having sex with someone else is more appealing than having sex with someone who you have already had sex with. It's not about the orgasm, it's about spreading the seed in a different field.
Exactly. It's a hard-wired evolutionary adaption, that represents the "Optimal Mating Strategy" for the Ancestral Environment in which we evolved. That doesn't necessarily mean it's right to cheat, but when you understand how powerful these drives are, one can start to understand - if not accept - the occurrence of cheating.
See Sperm Wars for a thorough explanation of the whole thing.
Actually, actual evidence (source) seems to suggest that a single episode of cheating can have a much higher chance of conception because our bodies' biology is fucked up like that and would sometimes prefer to cuckold one man with a supposedly better man's genes given a single opportunity. Along the same lines, apparently our sperm make a little extra effort if we ourselves fuck around... many of us understand the lure and excitement of a little "strange" and that's why... in both cases you're putting the cost of spreading your genes well on someone else and of course your body finds that very exciting.
This is even more of a reason to leave someone for fucking around though as if a woman's body is telling her to fuck other men that are apparently better for her then clearly you are not that man.
Then read 'Sperm Wars'. It combines biological explanations with sexual vignettes. It includes the above example and a lot more.
This is old news, I first read about it in the evolutionary psychology book, <em>Sperm Wars</em>, by Robin Baker, that I highly recommend to, well, everyone. Oh, and it was first published in 1997.
Asking for sources is a Good practice.
The book “Sperm Wars” by Robin Baker lays out in detail both how it works and why.
https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489
This article says the same thing I said: many can’t from penetration (75% it says here), and some never do at all (10% it says).
This article mentions up top that 5-10% can’t at all, although the article is not about that exactly.
It's a $6 book/free on Kindle; if you would like to see the sources, he told you where you can find them.
There's a good book called Sperm Wars which goes into great detail biologically why this happens. Read it and all will be clear.
Sorry if I seem curt, but I know about oxytocin and all that jazz. I read Sperm Wars, Dangerous Passion, and whatever the heck else is required by psych classes. A point I would like to make is that our sexuality isn't monogamous or polyamourous by evolution. People like to read psych books and conclude that we are poly or mono amorous to confirm their own choice.
The truth, as I see it from those texts, is that humans evolved from deceivers. We do we we can get away with, trying to spread our genes as much as possible. Monogamy or polyamory are just strategies employed to achieve this goal, cast of at a moment in favor of gene spreading deception. A polyamourous partner can go outside the relationship just as a monogamous partner can.
It may seem strange that I care so much and I am getting away from the original argument, but I want to drive home that we are not the "prehuman monstrosity" we evolved from. We can stay faithful because, even though it might be in our genetic interest not to, we really care about someone. We are not our genes.
>Laughter to begin with was probably glee at the misfortunes of others. The baring of teeth in laughter hints at its savage ancestry. Animals have no malice, hence also no laughter. They never savor the sudden glory of schadenfreude. It was its infectious quality which made laughter a medium of mutuality.
>Beasts are not beastly. The evil of dehumanization is not that it turns us into animals but turns us into the malignant prehuman monstrosity from which man evolved. -Eric Hoffer
/rant
I read it here http://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273683417&sr=8-1
but I'm sure you can find it around the internet too.
A Similar thing happens in humans.
This read like Sperm wars in a nutshell.
Sperm Wars. Check it out, it's a great book.
http://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489/ref=pd_cp_b_0
Don't be so emotional then.
Here's your source. It's all real.
https://www.amazon.com.au/Sperm-Wars-10th-anniversary-Infidelity/dp/1560258489
You have sex, and your penis is physically made to create a sucking motion to pull another man's sperm from the vaginally cavity. Also your (insert correct term for sperm making section) will make more sperm that will kill other sperm instead of other sperm that blocks and forms a shield against other sperm.
Also oral pleasure is a means to smell and see if any other member of the opposite sex has been around your mates genital areas. This part was one of the first few chapters of the book. They also observes this behavior in other primates who would use oral stimulation more often if the male or female was previously with another mate.
There are more examples Baker states through his book. It's been about a year since I've read it and I'm a little rusty on the particulars on everything but the basic idea is that sex isn't about pleasure but biological dominance. It's why duck vaginas are like a maze and duck penii are like a corkscrew.
I would suggest everyone buy a copy. I wish I had read the book sooner.
>I don’t get off from it and find it painful if I’m not properly lubricated.
Stop messing around with guys who don't know what they are doing and neither of those will be a problem. And I don't mean just in bed,...I mean not knowing what they are doing over all in general. This happens because you are just not that into the guy,...and most of the time that is the guy's fault.
I don't know of any material directly addressing this. But this one book includes some of this. If nothing else it will help you understand yourself better and more importantly will help you know the difference between biological drives and psychological/emotional drives and how the two work in tandem within you. It is important to read the introduction at the beginning of the book to grasp it's purpose before getting into the rest of the book. I am currently working my way through the book right now.
https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489
I suggest you do your own research. Sperm Wars by Robin Baker answers your questions better than I can.
https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489
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