Judging yourself by your perception of other peoples "standards" of living is always a route to the place where you are now. No one is perfect and the people who appear perfect are just hiding their fuck ups that tiny little bit better.
The only things in the world you can control are your own thoughts and responses to events. Everything else you have no control over. You can't even stop your body getting unwell. That probably sounds scary but its incredibly liberating as it means that if you can't control something you don't have to let it concern you.
Someone has bigger muscles than you? You can't control that so why bother about it. You can be glad for them and admire the hard work they have put in to get there but there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself as your muscles are smaller. Someone is "funnier" than you? Watch and learn from them but don't bring yourself down that you can't be as funny.
If you have gone through CBT or DBT (Cognitive or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) this will be very familiar to you. Take a look at this book Stoicism and the Art of Happiness for an easy introduction into all this.
You can change the way you think with effort. You can become a better person with effort. It's not easy but you have plenty of time, the rest of your life.
Finally.... if you are currently not getting any medical help for your mental health please go and see your GP. They will sort out something for you. If you are in a really bad place then call the Samaritans on 116 123 as you are in the UK.
The best book I can recommend is Donald Robertson's Stoicism and the Art of Happiness. I have met Don a couple of times and he is a well respected therapist as well as a philosopher
All of those are good. All of them will help. I do all of them.
If you like what I have been talking about so far you might want to take a look at Stoicism and the Art of Happiness The author is a world renowned expert on Stoicism and a world renowned therapist too. I met him a while ago and he is a nice guy too.
No worries, I hope that helps. You can check out his book "Stoicism and the Art of Happiness". http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104/ It's on the recommended reading list too for this sub. Personally, I've found the book a bit on the boring side so i haven't been able to get through it yet though lol
A classic solution for panic attacks is in fact a Stoic one, because of the structure of a panic attack.
A panic attack generally works like this: I start to feel anxious, and then I become afraid that this anxiety will be overwhelming, and as a result I become afraid of my fear, which then causes my anxiety to increase, and so on. It is a classic feedback loop.
The solution is paradoxical: whenever you start to feel anxiety or fear, feel the anxiety in your body (usually in the chest or belly) and say to the fear, "thank you, please give me more."
It seems ridiculous, but it totally works.
If the feeling increases, it means you are in conscious control of it. If it decreases or stays the same, you can feign disappointment: "Aww, come on. I wanted more fear please."
Either way, you are no longer afraid of fear, and thus no panic attack is possible. The feeling might not go away right away, but it also won't spiral out of control.
The idea is based on the fact that no unpleasant feeling will kill you. When having a panic attack, it feels like you are going to die. But nobody ever died from feeling fear.
Try that, as well as reading some Stoics (I recommend Epictetus or Robertson's book).
Hi /u/mcnelton - I hope you read this comment because none of the so far suggested books come from an academic approach.
I would recommend the (perhaps poorly titled) Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson.
It's extremely well sourced and references a significant number of modern of academic and psychology texts as well as ancient ones. Each section contains practical exercises, and the book covers the whole historical context as well as the modern development of psychology treatments such as REBT and CBT which are based on the Stoic tradition.
If you want to take a step further in the academic direction but away from the practical, I would recommend the truly excellent Stoicism by John Sellars.
Stoicism And The Art Of Happiness — Donald Robertson
Without a doubt this is the best for learning Stoicism as a subject as opposed to just reading about the philosophy. The book is structured as a self-teaching guide breaking down Stoicism into it's fundamental components to then revise through key ideas, illustrations, chapter summaries tables and exercises. Donald also has free courses on his website.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-perseverance-philosophy/dp/1444187104
https://learn.donaldrobertson.name/courses
Live Like A Stoic: 52 Exercises for Cultivating a Good Life — Massimo Pigliucci
This is set out as a practical workbook. It has 52 week-by-week exercises to practice Stoicism. Massimo also has a separate book called How To Be A Stoic: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living to learn Stoic theory, but I don't find it as well structured as Donald Robertson's book is.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Live-Like-Stoic-Exercises-Cultivating/dp/1846045967
The Daily Stoic — Ryan Holiday
Great for bite-size pieces of Stoicism each day if time is limited; his journal workbook is also pretty good too.
https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Daily-Stoic-Journal-Writing-Reflection/dp/1788160231
​
For me personally, the best way to learn Stoicism is to revise it and practice it again and again, and the books above are the best ways of doing this. Hope this helps.
The Stoic Handbook by Erik Wiegardt
The good folks at the “The College of Stoic Philosophers” put this short PDF together for the expressed purpose of introducing western readers to the philosophy. It’s written in plain, straightforward English and lays out the basics concepts in about as obvious a manner as you could hope. Free.
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson
This book follows a similar modernistic model as “The Stoic Handbook”, but goes a little deeper. The author is a psychotherapist of the Stoic-Inspired CBT method and you can see it in the scientific references he brings to bear in explaining why the philosophy works. Nor does he skimp on the history behind each of the principles he discusses. Complete with exercises at the end of each chapter to help you start seeing how the whole thing fits together, this is an excellent way to get started. Around $14 for the paperback on Amazon.
Enchiridion by Epictetus
“Enchiridion” literally translates to “Handbook” and was compiled by Epictetus’ students from the larger body of his “Discourses” for the expressed purpose of introducing the prokopton (one who is making moral progress) to the essentials of Stoicism. I started with the George Long translation, one of the more popular ones, but that’s largely because it is no longer under copyright. There are more recent translations of this, and many other older Stoic writings, and some would argue that a nominal charge is worth the additional clarity. Your mileage may vary. Free from Wikisource.
Despite the popularity of Meditations, Discourses, and Letters, these are not good places to start. They were not written for a beginner in 2020.
The Stoic Handbook by Erik Wiegardt
The good folks at the “The College of Stoic Philosophers” put this short PDF together for the expressed purpose of introducing western readers to the philosophy. It’s written in plain, straightforward English and lays out the basics concepts in about as obvious a manner as you could hope. Free.
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson
This book follows a similar modernistic model as “The Stoic Handbook”, but goes a little deeper. The author is a psychotherapist of the Stoic-Inspired CBT method and you can see it in the scientific references he brings to bear in explaining why the philosophy works. Nor does he skimp on the history behind each of the principles he discusses. Complete with exercises at the end of each chapter to help you start seeing how the whole thing fits together, this is an excellent way to get started. Around $14 for the paperback on Amazon.
Enchiridion by Epictetus
“Enchiridion” literally translates to “Handbook” and was compiled by Epictetus’ students from the larger body of his “Discourses” for the expressed purpose of introducing the prokopton (one who is making moral progress) to the essentials of Stoicism. I started with the George Long translation, one of the more popular ones, but that’s largely because it is no longer under copyright. There are more recent translations of this, and many other older Stoic writings, and some would argue that a nominal charge is worth the additional clarity. Your mileage may vary. Free from Wikisource.
Finally, I would direct you to the “Resources” section of our very own Reddit Stoicism FAQ, which offers a number of suggestions on various topics.
Robertson's <em>Stoicism and the Art of Happiness</em> is quite good for beginners. He explains all the Stoic ideas that Marcus writes about but doesn't explain.
Well, it's long because there are a lot of different options. What are you looking for? Something for newbies, or for more mid-tier? Deep or easy? Here's something I put together a while back for people just starting:
The Stoic Handbook by Erik Wiegardt The good folks at the “The College of Stoic Philosophers” put this short PDF together for the expressed purpose of introducing western readers to the philosophy. It’s written in plain, straightforward English and lays out the basics concepts in about as obvious a manner as you could hope. Free (http://collegeofstoicphilosophers.org/books/10).
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson This book follows a similar modernistic model as “The Stoic Handbook”, but goes a little deeper. The author is a psychotherapist of the Stoic-Inspired CBT method and you can see it in the scientific references he brings to bear in explaining why the philosophy works. Nor does he skimp on the history behind each of the principles he discusses. Complete with exercises at the end of each chapter to help you start seeing how the whole thing fits together, this is an excellent way to get started. Around $14 for the paperback on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104).
Enchiridion by Epictetus “Enchiridion” literally translates to “Handbook” and was compiled by Epictetus’ students from the larger body of his “Discourses” for the expressed purpose of introducing the prokopton (one who is making moral progress) to the essentials of Stoicism. I started with the George Long translation, one of the more popular ones, but that’s largely because it is no longer under copyright. There are more recent translations of this, and many other older Stoic writings, and some would argue that a nominal charge is worth the additional clarity. Your mileage may vary. Free from Wikisource (https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Enchiridion_(Epictetus)).
I also wrote this thing about Stoic practices:
http://c0c0c0.net/practical_stoicism
Hopefully, one of those is what you're looking for.
While Mediations is wonderful, it doesn't actually teach you Stoicism.
I'll copy and paste my list from another post. I would encourage you to check out 1 and 3. Both are available for free from Overdrive if your library supports that.
1 is more thorough but a bit heavier. 3 is very very easy to read and a fantastic introduction.
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness, easily my number one. It's good for a newbie and great for even a years long practitioner to revisit over and over again. Could not recommend it enough.
Discourses. So much in there that you simply have to read and re-read.
Unshakable Freedom. This is the one I usually give to complete newbies. For me it's the best and most accessible introduction.
And I can tell you from personal experience that it becomes wonderfully easy to not be annoyed by people like your coworker :)
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson is a well regarded book that gives a practical overview. But it's important to read the original sources as well.
I like Donald Robertson's work, so maybe try his introductory book - https://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444187104
Irvine I haven't read, but I've read criticisms that it diverges from classical Stoicism too much - https://philosophy-of-cbt.com/2013/05/17/review-of-irvines-a-guide-to-the-good-life-the-ancient-art-of-stoic-joy-2009/
The FAQ has a number of good suggestions. These are my my top 4:
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson is a practical introduction on what Stoicism is and how to implement it in your life.
Stoicism by John Sellars is more academic in nature, but provides a solid overview of the whole of Stoic philosophy and is a solid introduction to the subject.
Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard is a book containing the lectures of the Stoic teacher Epictetus. He was the most influential Stoic philosopher of his age, and his Discourses were studied by the famous Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius. (The "Enchiridion" is included in this collection as well, also called the "Handbook".)
Seneca's Dialogues and Essays, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life" and Letters from a Stoic contain Seneca's useful writings on a number of topics and is another popular place to begin learning about Stoicism.
There are a lot of good recommendations in the FAQ, starting at this question and going down to the next few questions.
I think these are some good places to start:
Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson is a practical introduction on what Stoicism is and how to implement it in your life.
Stocism by John Sellars is more academic in nature, but provides a solid overview of the whole of Stoic philosophy and is a solid introduction to the subject.
Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard is a book containing the lectures of the Stoic teacher Epictetus. He was the most influential Stoic philosopher of his age, and his Discourses were studied by the famous Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius.
Seneca's Dialogues and Essays, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life" and Letters from a Stoic contain Seneca's useful writings on a number of topics and is another popular place to begin learning about Stoicism.
Then from there, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and the various works by Cicero listed in the FAQ. Once you've read Meditations, I highly recommend you read The Inner Citadel by Pierre Hadot.
You might be interested in this free ebook by one of our forum members.
You might also be interested in Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson.
Here's a short list of book suggestions:
For a non-academic practical introduction, try: Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson.
For an academic overview of the philosophy: Stoicism by John Sellars.
If you'd like to go straight to the source material: Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard.
Alternatively, you could start with Seneca, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life"
For more ideas, take a look at the FAQ - Recommendations for introductory reading.
I just posted this list for someone else, and I figured maybe you might find it useful as well -
Here's a short list of book suggestions:
For a non-academic practical introduction, try: Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson.
For an academic overview of the philosophy: Stoicism by John Sellars.
If you'd like to go straight to the source material: Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard.
Alternatively, you could start with Seneca, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life"
For more ideas, take a look at the FAQ - Recommendations for introductory reading.
Also, congrats on your wedding!
A book I can really recommend is Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Roberston. Its written from the perspective of a self help book rather than an academic perspective. Don is a leading CBT therapist here in England as well as being an academic. I have heard him lecture and in debate a few times and he knows his stuff.
If you want to learn more of the origins of Stoicism then the Enchridion of Epictetus is a great start. You can read it in 20 minutes and think about it for years.
This one. Despite the terrible self help book looking cover its actually really accurate and in depth to what someone would want to know about them. It explains the classical practices in context of how they tie to morality, with classical examples, and some information about what you might do different trying to follow them now, and information on how to if you want to for real. (Strangely, it assumes you accept / want to accept virtue ethics though, or at any rate never addresses what to do if you don't). And explains a good slice of their metaphysics, enough to be familiar with what they believed. For looking like a self help book, it included a lot more about their classical metaphysics than I originally assumed it would. Its reportedly all accurate representation also. I'd recommend this one to anyone not just for practical reasons, but as a source to learn about them. But with a warning that it presents virtue ethics as something you're trying to learn as well, so one should realize what moral paradigm they were coming from to understand its not the only one.
I also have this one, but this one is known to be a significant deviation, and so not useful for learning the classical information, even if seen as a useful thing based on it for modern practice. Haven't read this though.
I don't know if you're going to state, mil, or fed prison (or really just a jail, terms are amorphous at times), but some of them have "must come from a retailer" rules. So here are paperbacks I have read and enjoyed that fit your requirements
The first one is actually NOT one I read, but highly rated and on a similar tack to the stoic hardcover I enjoyed. Stoicism isn't like the popular culture idea of it, it's about preparing oneself for the worst, and enjoying life when you're surprised the worst doesn't happen
http://www.amazon.com/Stoicism-Art-Happiness-Relationships-Self-Help/dp/1444187104/ref=sr_1_7_twi_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1424756016&sr=8-7&keywords=stoic might work too, as would http://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters/dp/0143118447/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1424756072&sr=8-1&keywords=difficult+conversations and http://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/0143127136/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid= and http://www.amazon.com/Minds-Fantasies-Reflections-Self-Soul/dp/0465030912/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424756129&sr=1-1&keywords=Mind%27s+I and http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1424756180&sr=1-1 and http://www.amazon.com/Sense-Style-Thinking-Person-s-Writing/dp/0143127799/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid= and http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Strategically-Competitive-Business-Paperback/dp/0393310353/ref=pd_sim_b_72?ie=UTF8&refRID=1BW19K88JY0Q8N68AABQ and http://www.amazon.com/Clear-Simple-Truth-Writing-Classic/dp/0691147434/ref=pd_sim_b_9?ie=UTF8&refRID=12XD5W4K854XMHS8J4N1 and http://www.amazon.com/Guyland-Perilous-World-Where-Become/dp/0060831359 and http://www.amazon.com/Illusions-Entrepreneurship-Costly-Entrepreneurs-Investors/dp/0300158564/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424756688&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Illusions+of+Entrepreneurship and (for the body, with that time) http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Your-Own-Gym/dp/0345528581
These are all non-affiliate links