What is Reddit's opinion of Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life?

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Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/B01GUBLHYA

It will explain what you are going through and what you are currently doing. Once you decide you want out, read "splitting" by Bill Eddy before you do anything because shit will hit the fan.

> I have been reading (listening to) "Splitting", the book about divorcing someone with BPD and it has been helpful.

Might want to head to /r/bpdlovedones and /r/narccabuseanddivorce

I highly recommend this book as well https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/B01GUBLHYA It will likely explain your relationship.. the projection, gaslighting, .. dr ramani is also pretty good on youtube. (lots of overlap between BPD / NPD, it's all cluster B personality disorder)

Word of advice: COVER YOUR ASS. Record and document. When she realises that you are serious you might end up with a category 4 divorce.. (like a hurricane). Mine ended up violent, I got lots of harassment / death threats, and even assault. Don't let anything slip through "because she's a good mom". That's bullshit. I used to think that but it turns out I was in the fog (fear, obligation, guilt). BPD parent mess up kids, you are the stable parent. Turns out that my kids mom was the source of their chronic pain, insomnia, .. if you felt like you were walking on eggshells, so did the kids. They took the divorce really hard at first, could not understand why. Months later they clicked, and said "I understand why you wanted a divorce".

The divorce subforum of bpdfamily.com is also pretty good.

Once you are out, it will take time, but that "fog" will lift and things will become clear. You'll wonder why you tolerated the abuse which, at the time, did not seem like abuse...

Hello OP, here are a couple of audio books i recommend for your current situation 1st as you move on/out, and the 2nd what/how to build yourself up again to move forward. I feel for you in this situation, and for your kids but best to create a safe distance for you and the kids and minimize this toxic behavior that will impact the kids and further traumatize you along with waiting many formidable years to find a better partner or gain a better quality of life. Best of luck, and start using the 180 while you prep an exit plan and establish a good support network too.