What is Reddit's opinion of Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life?

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And here's my obligatory plug for the book that's saving my life and getting me out of the FOG,

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Cause previously I would have felt like it was my fault I couldn't get over the abusive behavior he still refuses to take responsibility or accountability for. Peace out, STBX wBPD. ✌️

It's like bait so you'll say, "no no you're not really abusing me, I didn't mean it like that, just forget I said anything" etc.

Ugh.

Obligatory plug for the book that saved my life: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

I'm right there with you. I'm heartbroken and sad and feel like I've failed. I feel like I'm abandoning someone who can't take care of himself, like I'm leaving him to die.

But that's my disorder. Of course, he's an adult and was taking care of himself (somewhat anyway) before I met him. I gave up my life to try to show him a normal one, full of kindness. But he's still sad. I can't fix it him.

This book is currently saving my life, maybe it can help you too:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

I would skip all of them and get

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

It saved my life, and I've been recommending it as much as I can here. Several others have agreed it has been helpful.

The more important the thing you're doing, the worse he'll act out. You're not allowed to let anything seem more important than him. You'd have been better off not telling him you had anything going on.

This book saved my life. Maybe it can help you. Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

The question is why continue asserting boundaries with people who don't respect them?

This book may be helpful. Don't be put off by the title (all due respect to anyone diagnosed with BPD/NPD). Full disclosure, I have BPD, NPD traits, and found this book excellent.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

Lmao holy shit did you hack my phone and screenshot my last business trip?

Listen here king, the first thing you gotta do is disengage. Stop chasing after her, she wants your attention to validate her, and it will never be enough. So stop killing your mind trying to fill her needs.

Second thing you need to do is Read this book. Right now.

You don't have to live like this. You deserve better

It's a conflict of interest for your therapist to also see your ex. They can't be impartial to either of you. Any good therapist should have refused to see one or the other of you. Same reasons why one's individual counselor cannot be an impartial couple's counselor. Have you thought about looking for a new one?

And while you're looking for a new therapist, this book will help you set healthy boundaries and get your life back: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_meH7Fb0J5WDHM

Dis you ever read this book? https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

It will clarify many things .. and although I had read the book, it took me and the kids a good 6 months to realize how the family dynamics was truly messed up. The signs were there, we just did not notice them. And I realize the damage she did to me and the kids.. but mainly the kids.

> I hope that if I am just patient enough, good enough, and wise enough to say and do the right things, she’ll be well and we can be happy together.

Give this book a read: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

I stayed in the relationship for eight years because I thought I'd feel too guilty to leave, and I took on more debt and made more concessions in the divorce than I should have so I could walk away feeling like I did everything I could to support him even in this.

But this book is what helped the most and solidified my decision that leaving was best for both of us. It will help you move past the guilt.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Then when you've been gone a little while and are ready to resurface to a normal life, look up the book "Whole Again," which does a great job explaining what happened and how to heal so it doesn't happen again.

Best of luck, friend. You're worth the work and effort of leaving.

This book helped put everything in perspective for me:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

I was with my STBX husband for seven years, officially separated just last month. It hasn't at all been easy. But it's worth it for both of us. He'll never stand on his own with me propping him up all the time.

We have made the mistakes that we don't want you to make. Our lives have been (temporarily) ruined by believing we could help these people. Many of us refused to see reason and our caretaking nature got us into serious trouble. We are bleak because the prognostic for people with BPD is bleak. It's not about you, it never was.

Do yourself a favor and read "Stop Caretaking the Borderline". In situations where you have to co-exist with a pwBPD, there's a lot that can be done to improve the relationship (uniquely from your end), but in romance, it's just a matter of exiting in the least damaging way possible. It is a fact that these people cannot improve with your help and you do not know who they are and what they are capable of if you have not studied the subject of BPD carefully.

I'd go ahead and start with this one, or else buy it now because you'll eventually need it:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Honey, go get you a copy of

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

and start rebuilding yourself.

Sending you love. ❤️

Give this book a read.. https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

This book saved my life. Maybe it can help you too.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Yes, which is probably why it's called caretaking.

This book helped me stop. It might help you.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_eb83FbB6EB90M

Read this book https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

Put yourself first. Don't do like many of us did.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_MX3RSJS8RDQZ4JKKF6BC

Margalis Fjelstad Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Super great at teaching you how to create and stick to boundaries.

It's a trap!

Check out this book, it will help: "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life" https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

This book will explain why you're feeling what you're feeling and help you get out of that rut:

"Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life" https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Hey. You're early on in learning but I need to note a flag. You expressed you want to make it work but you also said an operative word: enable.

Enabling anyone with a personality disorder, addiction, or just plain toxic bad habits is no good for them and you.

Is your roommate going to therapy? BPD can be managed but it requires intensive therapy and lots of it, plus a work on the pwBPD's part. Just showing up to therapy isn't enough, just taking medication isn't enough, she should be intensely working on fortifying herself so her disorder doesn't become a burden for others.

Going to repeat and rephrase that.

It is up to her, not you, to manage her disorder.

She should be putting in the work. You should not have to put in more work than she does to better herself. This is why enabling is unhealthy for both parties -- you're making yourself invisible in the relationship while her disorder continues to be over fed.

The best you can do at this moment, in the sphere of control you have (which is only yourself, not her), is lay down a clear boundary that you are dating someone and would like all the normal courtesies extended when this happens. This means you will go out more or have nights in where it's just the two of you -- and this is completely reasonable and normal. Yes, this means spending a little less time with her because your time is finite, you are not an endless fount of time and energy to fill her needs. You may be trained to walk on eggshells around your roommate or put her needs first, to avoid making her cry or rage at the slightest provocation, and I am telling you as a fellow (now ex-) BFF of a pwuBPD that this is not normal and it's also unfair to you. You are allowed to live a life outside your adult dependent, and they are responsible for how they live and react to the world, not you.

I know this may be hard to hear, I know I wouldn't have been ready to hear it at points of my friendship. Mine was 13 years and I said and did a lot of the things you described. I became their caretaker, so very in tune with their needs and had so many coping strategies for it. I thought it would make them better, but it didn't. Only they can make themselves better by putting in the work.

I came at you like a fire hose but please understand that the tone of this isn't angry. It's concern. There's no special way to perfectly or peacefully co-habitate with a pwBPD other than establish healthy boundaries and steadfastly keep them (and it takes two to tango in this case). Or you can do what you're doing and enable them -- but you know deep in your heart how this is affecting you and it has to stop, that's why you came here. You know the current state is unsustainable and needs a change. I understand, I've been there. There are a lot of stories and resources here that can help you learn more and I suggest definitely taking a look into them.

Here is some reading for you that may help. I've started the first one this last month:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

See if any of this applies to you and how that can help your situation.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI

It will provide some guidance about setting some boundaries. But honestly, it doesn't matter what you do. She'll get pissed and blame it on you. Then blame it on herself and become depressed. Then it's because of you because you aren't supportive enough.

I'm sure this will seem familiar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA8n5O_-dfk&

Give this a read... https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama-ebook/dp/B00B60DRKI. Once you understand how it works you'll realize that you were not really the problem...

Sending you love and this book, which saved my life and has answers to many of your questions: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

If you're looking for something to read, this was most helpful for me: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Read this book to understand why and let go of the guilt long enough to leave: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Then read this to heal and reclaim your joy for life: Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C6WZWSS/

Sending love. Be kind to yourself.

Happy birthday!

This book saved my life. I would buy it for you as a bday gift if I could.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

This book helped me:

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B60DRKI/

Edit because some people are reading this like I'm trying to diagnose her husband and are downvoting even though I'm trying to help.... Caretaking is a specific form of codependency. My husband has been diagnosed bipolar I, borderline, ADHD, anxiety and attachment disorders. Oh and alcoholism, which came after the coke addiction. And I could have written this post myself.

This book would have helped me before I knew about all the co-morbidities (he only knew about the bipolar until a few years ago). And it will likely be more helpful than Codependent No More or the other books that dance around the subject. But hey YMMV.