{"product":{"product_id":"1572246901","title":"Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder","price":"21.81","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51qq8nkHT8L._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572246901"},"comments":[{"body":"Has your mom shown signs of BPD before?\r\n\r\nEdit: after reading more comments, your mom really sounds like she’s got borderline personality disorder.\r\n\r\nI really recommend reading [Stop Walking on Eggshells.](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901)","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"_Choose__A_Username_"},{"body":"The word \"borderline\" means the border between psychosis and neurosis.\r\n\r\nThe NIMH definition is accurate, but doesn't ELI5 as you're requesting. Based on the book I link to below, and I can tell you also from my first hand experience, that BPD has roots in feeling worthless. Behavior which can be seen as damaging or uncomfortable or abusive, can also be explained as someone with BPD having an overwhelming need to be perceived as having worth. It's not just being \"evil\" or \"manipulative\", there's a reason WHY the behavior occurs. The mindset is closer to: \"You're wrong, you aren't hurt by me. I can't have hurt you, because if I did then I was wrong, and if I was wrong you won't love me, and if you don't love me I'm worthless and will be abandoned. So I didn't hurt you, you are not hurt, because I can't be revealed to be worthless.\" Something like that.\r\n\r\nI STRONGLY recommend you read the book [\"Stop Walking On Eggshells\"](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901), which describes BPD through the lens of the family and friends of those who suffer from it. It makes it much easier to identify, and to understand the difference between \"high functioning\" and \"low functioning\" BPD.\r\n\r\nAlso, it's worth noting that BPD is often diagnosed alongside narcissistic personality disorder, they amplify each other in some ways.\r\n\r\nI hope this helps.","subreddit_name":"explainlikeimfive","author":"forcedguy"},{"body":"\u0026gt; but soon it went the way of her repeating all the things I've done wrong and how shitty I treated her.\r\n\r\nIf you're so shitty why hasn't she left you yet?  It's a valid question.\r\n\r\nI agree with u/Toodark2read that you need marriage counseling - maybe a different counselor  - a neutral 3rd party so your efforts don't keep ending up as a weekly dump session for your wife.\r\n\r\nThe counselor you are currently seeing may not be a good fit for both of you.\r\n\r\nThe incident with her smashing the bowl is concerning.  You have listened to her and her needs for a couple of weeks now.  Why are you not able to share any thoughts without her escalating into violence?\r\n\r\n\u0026gt; How can I have a functioning marriage when I'm walking on eggshells not knowing when she'll blow up?\r\n\r\n\r\nGet yourself a copy of [Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901) regardless of whether she has a Dx for those or not, because the situation is pretty much the same - you're going out of your to avoid upsetting her, and her reaction is not proportional to the actual situation.\r\n\r\n\r\n","subreddit_name":"DeadBedrooms","author":"aradthrowawayacct"},{"body":"1. Read or listen to this book about managing difficult people (ignore the subtitle, it's relevant to managing any asshole): https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901  \r\n  \r\n2. Call a lawyer and meet with him or her ASAP to understand your options, rights, and responsibilities *before* you make any big moves (or not) - maybe you can get an appointment today to get a quick lay of the land  \r\n  \r\n3. Consider counselling for yourself. You deserve a talk with someone who will listen with empathy and keep you on track to respecting yourself and demanding respect from others  \r\n  \r\nEDIT: Excuse me OP, I just noticed that your username is jnmil3. I haven't looked at your post history but if by any chance that stands for just no mother in law 3, consider that there might be a good chance your husband has a personality disorder. If your husband has been birthed and raised by someone in cluster B, he might be genetically predisposed to cluster B himself, and it's hard to come out of that emotionally/mentally unscathed. I urge you to read the book I suggested.  \r\n  \r\nPS: I love the flair on this post.","subreddit_name":"Parenting","author":"[deleted]"},{"body":"Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me.  \r\n\r\nStop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder\r\n\r\nBy Paul Mason\r\n https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572246901/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3B4yCbRTD0CR3\r\n\r\n\r\n","subreddit_name":"exmormon","author":"Archimedes_Redux"},{"body":"I didn't expect this thread to generate this much thoughtful commentary and soul-searching, so I'll share this here: if you're curious about BPD, or trying to understand someone close to you who has BPD, [this](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1516998066\u0026amp;sr=1-1\u0026amp;keywords=stop+walking+on+eggshells) is the book my therapist gave me that is really changing my life right now. It's written for everyday people who aren't well-versed in psychology and it spends a great deal of time explaining the disorder, explaining how the disorder can impact loved ones, and explaining how to set boundaries and mend your wounds.","subreddit_name":"TeenMomOGandTeenMom2","author":"ann-coultergeist"},{"body":"Ooof this is all too familiar - seriously could have written this myself. I applaud you for wanting to focus on the positives and putting your energy into being the best you can be. That being said, you are absolutely allowed to feel disappointed in the lack of maternal relationship in your life. I am glad you were able to still spend some alone time with your dad this weekend.\r\n\r\nYou didn't mention BPD, but even still you may find [this](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246901/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8\u0026amp;psc=1) book helpful in dealing with your mother. It really gave me validation in what I knew to be true as well as methods for dealing with her.\r\n\r\nTotal sidenote: congrats on the SV! Sending you hugs \u0026lt;3.","subreddit_name":"xxketo4u2","author":"pm-me-SEINFELDquotes"},{"body":"https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901\r\n\r\nIt was a tough read as I recognized so many of my own and her behavior’s in the descriptions. But overall very helpful. \r\n\r\nIf you don’t know there are also subreddits devoted to helping ppl recover from being in those types of relationships.","subreddit_name":"AskMen","author":"Adorable_FecalSpray"},{"body":"My daughter was born with BPD, some people experience severe trauma in childhood or teen years and develop BPD, it’s a difficult Mental health issue and extremely difficult for the family. I suggest setting appropriate boundaries- this book will help. \r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=nodl_\r\n\r\nI suggest setting the boundary of get help or move out. It seems harsh I know, the thing with BPD is if you give an inch they take a mile and destroy the entire family in the process. \r\n\r\n“We love you, we want you to be healthy and happy, this behaviour and way of living is destructive to you, to our relationships and to our home. We are no longer willing to allow this to continue, if you choose not to get help then you are choosing to leave, if you choose to get help we will help you find treatment. No matter what this behaviour cannot continue going forward, as much as it pains us to do so we will forcibly remove you from the home if you continue this”\r\n\r\nThen follow through...... you need to hold her accountable by checking her room/bathroom etc and \r\nKick her out if need be. \r\n\r\nYou are doing her zero favours by enabling her to live this way.  She is an adult and will need to function in the adult world, treatment is the only answer for her.\r\nPlus BPD is extremely difficult for family members and many families are destroyed because of the lies, manipulating, financial abuses from the BPD family member, you need to protect your marriage and any other children in the home (you also need to protect your property). \r\n\r\nHugs to you and your family, you’re not alone, there are many BPD families out there. \r\nMy heart goes out to your daughter she is suffering and her behaviour is crying out for help..  I truly hope she gets help ❤️","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"Tlrb2dogs"},{"body":"I wasn't sure if mine met these criteria until I read [Stop Walking on Eggshells](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572246901/). Now I'm pretty certain she meets at least 7 of the 9. So having those criteria explained and be shown examples of each one would really help. But we're not her therapist, so none of us could truly say. \r\n\r\nBut all that really matters here is how it affects OP here. And it sounds like it's absolute hell.","subreddit_name":"BPDlovedones","author":"TimTheNinja"},{"body":"Maybe not exactly what you're looking for, but there absolutely is a book that can help you deal with BPDs. \r\n\u0026gt;  Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life. This compassionate guide will enable you to:\r\n\r\n    Make sense out of the chaos\r\n    Stand up for yourself and assert your needs\r\n    Defuse arguments and conflicts\r\n    Protect yourself and others from violent behavior\r\n\r\nIn my experience with my mother, there was just no way to ever \"hold them accountable\", I.E. prove they did something wrong or harmful. She would either shut down, or more often fly off the handle in rage. But this book promises ways to de-escalate the situation, and I think that's the best you can hope for. My dad's read the book and said it helped him deal with the trauma, and I'm about to start reading it myself.\r\n\r\n[Link to Amazon here](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901)","subreddit_name":"raisedbyborderlines","author":"oblivion2k"},{"body":"This book has helped me,  as well as my family and the few close people I share my diagnosis with.\r\n\r\nhttp://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901\r\n\r\nWithin a few pages you will see some great advice. \r\n\r\nIt may also help to speak with a therapist","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"Abrakem"},{"body":"Look up borderline personality disorder.  His behavior sounds very much like that.  Borderlines desperately want to be in a loving relationship but they absolutely cannot trust that it's real, so they will question anything and everything about what you do.  Every day, you're guilty until proven innocent and, even then, the next day will be a whole new trial.  \r\n\r\nLike you, I was stuck in a relationship with one and I needed a therapist to help me get out.  There's a great book, [Stop Walking on Eggshells](https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901), for people in relationships with borderlines.  Don't just skim it.  Read it.","subreddit_name":"tifu","author":"nethermead"},{"body":"https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls\u0026amp;dplnkId=d22b690e-f87b-418c-887a-21e820ce7f5c\r\nSo here is the overview on the book. It teaches them dbt skills and how to difuse arguments etc. \r\nI hate saying this, but I think you're overreacting to the title. It's not like he went out looking for a book with that title. It got recommended to help him achieve skills to help you.","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"highlightmyflaws"},{"body":"Sounds like BPD to me. Although I'm not a psychologist I have been reading this book. Maybe it might help you identify and understand what is happening. I think she might need help that only a psychologist will be able to do. The book should help shed some light on what is going on.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901 \r\n\r\nOne thing it says in the book early on is you can't just tell them they have BPD as you might get negative result. Also non-BPDs play a part in it as well.\r\n\r\nP.S. I haven't read all of it but from what I read so far, it's pretty good","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"kandrew313"}]}