What is Reddit's opinion of Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem?

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It’ll be messy and confusing at first. And by that I mean possibly for a year or more while you adjust to and define what a normal, healthy and peaceful life means for yourself. But you should absolutely move out and set boundaries around her abusive behavior based on what you described. Trust your intuition. It’s so much easier to process everything from a healthy distance.

Her behavior as you shared it has some ringings of Borderline Personality, particularly in how you described her reactions to you going against her will. That is a red flag even if you previously felt you had a loving and happy relationship with someone — if they rage or try to manipulate people against you as soon as you decide to stop being “the good child.” I hate backseat diagnoses and that is absolutely not what I’m intending to do, but I would recommend the book “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” which itself acknowledges that people can show traits or behaviors inline with BPD that are unhealthy but it doesn’t mean they have a disorder. It’s more a roadmap to understanding why some of the most common behaviors and tactics might occur, and how to connect, heal and ultimately forgive (with boundaries). I found the book extremely helpful and validating when learning to create boundaries for myself with my mother. Best of luck to you.

The book:

https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287

I have a great little workbook Surviving a Borderline Parent that I found on Amazon when I was looking at Understanding the Borderline Parent. That book was way too intense for where I'm at now, but the workbook is just about perfect. It walks through several areas discussing what many people experience growing up raised by a BPD parent, offering both explanation and suggested activities to explore your own experiences.

i recommend getting a physical copy rather than audiobook so you can highlight and write in it. This BPD workbook worked great for me helping to sift through the important factors in the decision of separating from my narc-mom and her minions:

Surviving a Borderline Parent

I'm guessing you were her scapegoat or punching bag. I am so sorry you had to go through that. My mom did the same thing while my dad and ex husband did and I went to her for help. She's done and is still doing evil shit. My therapist recommended this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572243287/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_HD8PV782H54A4JTPEZG5 I'm the parent to beautiful children and couldn't imagine treating them the way she treated me.

Have any of your therapists talked to you about Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)? Wikipedia has a good article on it. Having some understanding of what this is might help you. It’s common in children of narcissists, even when there’s no physical abuse.

If you choose to do therapy again, make sure the person you see has a lot of experience dealing with victims of trauma. You need someone to help validate your reality and build up enough self-trust to be able to deal with your mom (or end the relationship entirely). There’s a therapist finder thing at Psychology Today’s website - if you’re in the US, it’s a really good resource. You deserve good therapy. Also, even if this doesn’t completely apply to your mom, you might want to check out the book Surviving a Borderline Parent. Some folks with BPD have significant narcissistic traits, so there’s a good amount of crossover there. Please do whatever you can to shore up your belief in yourself and your ability to protect yourself from her. The first step in getting free is understanding that your perceptions can be trusted.

That's a valid position, they aren't your kids. You have to decide what you can live with. Therapy from uBPD mother is useless if she's just going to interject and demand that she control the sessions. It is valuable if they get their own counselors without her interjection.

You basically have to let it go and divorce yourself from it or do whatever you feel is best to satisfy your conscience. As a person with a BPD parent, most people do look the other way.

Still worth reading.

You might find this book helpful. It definitely was for me in coming to accept and begin to process my mother's disorder.

I think I was just trying to survive to the next day and had not realized how severely my mother's (my pwBPD) behavior had affected me, but I just went NC for the first time in early November and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in I don't know how long. I don't as depressed or anxious. My head is quieter.

I started reading a book this week that I highly recommend to others with a parent who has BPD: https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=Cj0KCQiA1ZGcBhCoARIsAGQ0kkrpX1jgCVRy8Jx60yH39knVox1mU9Hl2X7KvzO_b3eRwjoprt8nA_QaAh84EALw_wcB&hvadid=241610496383&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=15539351547440329832&hvtargid=kwd-433988525&hydadcr=15529_10341050&keywords=surviving+a+borderline+parent&qid=1669648158&sr=8-1

It helped me realize I had been helping her with HER emotions and often holding onto them for her since I was a child. Going NC is allowing me to have space for myself in my head now.

I hate that she's suffering, but it felt like I had an anchor on my ankle and I was drowning before.

I feel hopeful.

Of course I don't mind! I just finished Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem. I highly recommend that one. It has exercises throughout the book that I'm finding extremely helpful . I just started Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. This one is pricey but it seems to be a favorite for a lot of people. I'm only at the beginning, but I think it's going to be really good.

https://www.google.com/search?q=borderline+parent&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8#q=borderline+parent&start=0

https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287

Surviving a Borderline Parent was really helpful for me.

If you relate to BPD, chances are your parents have the symptoms too. Try this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287