First of all, hang in there! I know it’s really crazy at first! Some ideas- there’s a swaddle that’s really tight and closes with Velcro’s. Here it is-
https://www.amazon.com/SwaddleMe-Original-Swaddle-3-PK-Busy/dp/B013GYQVCW
I’ve used with both my kids and they didn’t open it.
Breast feeding- could it be that baby has a tied tongue making it hard for her to latch effectively? Does she latch on to the nipple mostly but not put the areola in her mouth? I highly recommend bring a breastfeeding consultant/ nurse for a paid home visit. She will help you two check and learn if little girl is suckling well.
Use that family support system you need ruined at home! Even an hour mid day to let mom sleep is a blessing. Ask a loved one already now to please cook some food and divide it into boxes for you in the freezer.
And remember it WILL BE BETTER and YOU CAN DO THIS!
On baby #2 over here born in June. I highly recommend these: https://www.amazon.com/SwaddleMe-Original-Swaddle-3-PK-Busy/dp/B013GYQVCW
Much better than blanket swaddling in every way. A good bouncy chair is crucial IMO, just something simple that you can bounce with your foot always makes my kids fall asleep quickly when coupled with a pacifier. White noise machines are necessary as well, both for naps and overnight.
The first few months are hard, there’s no getting around that. You and your wife have to be a solid team helping each other at every moment. Change the diapers, get up with her at night to help, etc. There will be frustrating moments, but it all passes so quickly. Enjoy this time!
Depends on the brand. Try checking the brand's website or the tag/packaging on the swaddle to see if they have weight recommendations. Size small Halo swaddles/sleepsacks are for 10 lbs and up, so unless you give birth to a pretty big baby, they'll be a little too big on her at first. With our LO, I worried the neck hole was so big it might cover her mouth and nose if she moved too much during the night. Fits her great now that she's 4 weeks and 10 lbs though, and she prefers the sleep sacks instead of being swaddled now. She's slept like a dream the past few nights since we've switched to the sleepsacks ��
But Summer Infant brand SwaddleMe's were great for us for the first few weeks. They're Velcro so they're pretty "new parent-proof", since neither of us was good at swaddling with a regular blanket. They were the only way we could get her to settle in the bassinet for sleep! We used size Small--we also got the "Pod" size but we felt they were too small and tight for our 8-lb newborn so never used them at all.
SwaddleMe Original Swaddle 3-PK, Busy Bees (SM) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013GYQVCW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_k8-4zbF0KE0MV
I have these swaddlers and they are awesome. I'm not very good at swaddling with a blanket, and it took way too long for me to do it, plus trying to do it on a screaming, wiggly baby is not fun. These swaddlers are soooo much easier, and baby slept great in them... at first... until he didn't like being swaddled but that's later on down the road. ;)
My daughter was born in the middle of summer and mostly wore 2 way zipper pjs. We didn't have AC in every room in the house but Michigan summer nights are usually not too bad. My mom bought this set of swaddles and they were life saving. On hot nights she'd wear a short sleeve onsie with this and stayed comfortable.
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I referred to this chart a lot too. It was pretty consistently between 68 and 72 in our room, so she mostly slept in her footie pj's, swaddle, and hat. When she outgrew the swaddle but still needed an extra layer, I bought a weighted sleep sack and she did really well with that until she outgrew that as well.
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My family gave me a lot of very cute outfits for her to wear. I made sure to get at least one photo of her in each one, but she pretty much lived in her PJ's and still does! Her eczema was rough on her so I was more focused on keeping her comfortable. You're going to be in survival mode for at least a few weeks anyway, so as long as you're both comfortable that's all that matters. TBH the socks my Oma got her were used more often than not to cover her hands at night so she wouldn't scratch her face if she busted out of the swaddle.
We were fortunate enough to have a lot of hand me downs - including several different Velcro and zip swaddles.
We found the SwaddleMe to work best. We put the Velcro below his arms and it seemed to work well.
At 4-5 weeks we were able to use the Snoo swaddle if we did a diaper change, then swaddled and then immediately fed. He still gets his arms out once in a while. And this does have the option for arms out by opening snaps at the top of the sack - which is nice.
Every baby is different. I know others swear by the Merlin suit or other swaddle brands. I’d search mom’s groups, Craig lists and / or facebook marketplace (sorry, hate facebook but it’s a good resource for cheap baby things) to pick up used swaddles to try out. We’ve found in our area everyone is willing to do contactless pickups and Venmo. So, low risk and we immediately throw in the washing machine to do with the next load.
EDIT: Saw your other comments and thought I’d also mention the rice and towel trick that seems to work for some babies. We do the towel portion ... I have no idea if it works. I’m too worried about messing up sleep to try without the towel right now hah.
We use these one https://www.amazon.com/SwaddleMe-Original-Swaddle-3-PK-Busy/dp/B013GYQVCW They work great for my newborn(he’s a week old and 7lbs) and I used them also when my daughter was a newborn 4 years ago and she loved them too!