Congratulations on recovery❤️
You are definitely not alone. Bodies are pretty resilient! I began my recovery in the fall of 2016 and the hardest part was the first year. After that my body has healed up better than I could’ve expected. I honestly thought I had broken it forever and carried a lot of guilt and shame. I feel grateful to have my period back and to be ovulating regularly.
I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility! Maybe it’s my ED past but all of the tracking has become somewhat of a calming ritual. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was the first time my temps confirmed that I ovulated. I hope that it will help you to find some peace and allow you to forgive yourself.
It seems like the norm in these subreddits because many of us are actively tracking our cycles while TTC and temping is the only way to confirm ovulation at home. It is another thing to do, but the benefits definitely outweigh the minor inconvenience. It takes just a minute or two in the morning to take your temp and log it into an app. Taking Charge of Your Fertility does a great job introducing people to temping and the myriad of benefits you will experience by getting to know your body and cycles better.
I definitely recommend going off birth control now to give your body a chance to regulate and for you to get to know your cycle. If you are interested in learning how to track your cycle, I recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility .
If your current multivitamin has folate you can finish that bottle before buying a bottle of prenatals.
It's a little bit on the pre-pregnancy and baby side, but Taking Charge of Your Fertility was very eye-opening for me! I read it all the way through and literally got up early(ish) on a few Saturdays to read until I got through it. It's all about the amazing things that women's bodies can do regarding fertility and taught me more in the first chapter than all of my school health classes put together.
Okay, other people are saying that you're ovulating. Yes and no. Your body is preparing for ovulation. What your seeing is called cervical mucus and it changes depending on what part of your cycle you're in. The part you're describing is during your fertile window. This mucus is specially designed to help sperm into your body. It's completely normal and is a great sign that you're healthy! I never got much of a lady bits education but I was reccomended this book and it explained SO many things! I highly suggest buying it especially if you plan to have kids one day!
Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Heal
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_iBDtwHW3zoTQr
This book is amazing and helped me achieve pregnancy both times on our first try.
Sending you lots of love
I've got no clue about the discharge, but as a fellow bible belt sex ed casualty I suggest reading TCOYF. Its meant for making and preventing babies but I learned more about my body in a month than I have my entire life.
Here's the amazon link to the book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility :)
Awesome! Here’s the Amazon page - I have the hard copy but they have a digital version too. You can also check you local libraries but I think it’s nice to own as a reference. It is such a revelation and I think will help you a lot!
I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It’s all about the Fertility Awareness Method and how to understand tracking/reading your basal body temperature. I also recommend the app Fertility Friend. It has a really good algorithm for calculating your ovulation date after a couple cycles of tracking BBT. I used both when I tracked my cycles for trying to conceive. It could easily be used for avoiding pregnancy too.
After a few cycles you really start to learn your body’s patterns. You can track all your symptoms and cervical fluid if you want, but I found simply taking my BBT was enough to learn my cycle. I never actively checked my cervical fluid, but would notice it’s changes and mark it in my app.
I’d also recommend looking into some wearable BBT trackers. It makes the process a whole lot easier. TempDrop and Ava are popular ones. I used a simple oral thermometer, but I found more consistent BBT readings by taking my temp vaginally. OvuSense is a wearable BBT tracker that you wear like a tampon overnight. I considered getting one of those.
Definitely start with the book though. It’s really informative and will give you a great place to start.
I successfully used this method as BC for nearly 4 years and then for pregnant on the first cycle that we stopped following the rules (on purpose). If you are serious about this get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility (link to newest version coming out next month).
You can have unprotected sex 48 hours after you ovulate and up until you start your period. Between starting your period and ovulating again use protection because there is no way to tell you have ovulated until after it happens. The book explains everything in detail and is seriously worth it for $20!
Taking Charge of Your Fertility
Seriously so good for understanding everything going on in order to either avoid pregnancy or to conceive! Busts myths, illustrated explanations, and most of all - incredibly empowering for women. She’s a huge advocate for women’s health in general but especially surrounding the fact that we aren’t taught jack shit about our bodies like we should be (especially implications surrounding hormonal birth control).
I couldn’t handle any of the birth control options on the market. They all made my bipolar symptoms worse and the paragard my body partially expelled. We ended up using natural family planning and condoms. Take charge of your fertility book
Yes. The marital union is an invitation from the almighty to partake the wonder of his creation. Any attempt, whether it be via homosexual behaviour, masturbation, artificial contraception, mutual masturbation in place of sex etc, to get the pleasure from the sexual act but purposely thwart its primary purpose for creation is sinful in nature. This does not mean that every time a married couple have sex, they should get pregnant. Leaving aside the obvious point that some couples are infertile to begin with, a reproductively intact woman's body is always sexually receptive but not always fertile thanks to her monthly cycle. Therefore, God wrote it into our biology that we are allowed to have the pleasure of sexuality without conceiving every single time, it's the purposeful act of artificially closing the the door to conception which is sinful. If a married couple don't want to become pregnant but still be sexually active, then they ought to track vaginal fluid and basal temperatures, find a woman's regular cycle and simply abstain from sex during her monthly fertile period. Try reading this book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility for more info
Lastly, the flawed logic comparing birth control to medication like painkillers or antibiotics is so unconvincing it's incredible any Christians accept it. Medication fixes a problem with the body and puts it right, birth control takes a perfectly functional reproductive system and makes it dysfunctional.
Follow the manufacturer's instructions.
I second this, this book is the holy grail of women's reproductive health and it goes over every possible detail you need to know about FAM. Here's the link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=B8IAC2VEGXP4&keywords=taking+charge+of+fertility+book&qid=1653402727&sprefix=taking+charge+%2Caps%2C862&sr=8-1
Babies are expensively too, sister. While it's not ideal to have a different schedule, my doctor made sure I knew that so long as I was sleeping a few hours before waking, it would still be effective. CM is interesting. Go to your local library and look for this book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_1H1GNC0YSVD7P8X4JRZX
How your fertility works. The book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is great for truly understanding and getting to know your reproductive system, including fertility (which also includes things like period tracking, discharge, etc).
> I know nothing about the female body, I was not allowed to go to the doctor growing up
Honey, you deal with this first. And then when you have time, get yourself a copy of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031 . Every person with a body that menstruates should read it -- it covers much more than getting or not getting pregnant.
I think diaphragms are a good option! They’re reusable up to a year and you insert it when you want to have sex. You have to get fitted for it by a doctor but I was surprised when it was not very well known.
I plan on using a diaphragm along with the fertility awareness method (FAM), which is different from the rhythm method. This book is a great book to learn all about our fertility.
Not who you are asking, but she could be referring to fertility friend or a number of other apps used to track your cycle. I don't know if all charts use crosshairs, but cross hairs are what fertility friend uses to mark the day you ovulated as well as giving you your cover line (the line the dilineates between your pre-ovulation temps and your post-ovulation temps if you choose to track your basal body temperature.
Fertility friend offers a lot of educational resources about your cycle and how to track it. It's free, but you can also choose to pay for the VIP Membership (it's fairly inexpensive, I think $25 for a year? and I think there is a free trial period as well) which I would highly recommend if it is within your budget. Unfortunately I do not think you can use an FSA or HSA to pay for it. If charting like this is something you want to seriously consider getting into, I would also highly recommend getting "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler which is very informative about how your cycle works and how to track it.
A small YTA. I’m sorry for your loss and I know it must be difficult in so many ways, but you’ve had time now and you this was coming for 13 years, you need to educate yourself. Trying getting a book like this, study it yourself, memorize it, then give it to your daughter, but first educate yourself because you are a father and lover of women and should know at least the basics.
Calling your sister and asking her to come over to help celebrate your daughters first period would have been a much better way to deal with it. You don’t ever make a scary situation worse for a child, your job is to set tone and be reassuring even if you don’t know something (which again, you have no excuse for not knowing more, we have the internet and you were married, get over it and learn about women already!)
I recommend reading the book “taking charge of your fertility” lots of great info in TTC
Does your wife use Fertility Awareness Method to track when she is most likely to get pregnant? Tracking temperature and cervical fluids? It could be that you and your wife aren’t having sex at the right time.
Check out the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Tony Weschler
This right here, the pillow thing especially. Gotta get the boys as close as possible to where they need to go for as long as possible.
Also...Your wife might want to read this book and follow its methods, especially if you're having trouble getting pregnant. My wife swears by it, and it really helped after we were trying for several years with no success.
There's no such thing as TMI here! 😂
My understanding is that it's important to mark the first day of your cycle as the first day with actual, red flow that you need to *do* something about—i.e. you can't just ignore it or only see it when you wipe, you actually need to use a pad, tampon, cup, etc. This is apparently because light spotting (often brown or pink in color) before your new cycle belongs to the old cycle and needs to be counted as part of your luteal phase (previous cycle).
But as far as I'm aware, it's up to personal preference deciding when to count your period as totally + officially over. My advice would be to pick a method that makes sense to you and then stick to it. That way, you can look back on your previous cycles and know if things have changed in any major way. For me, I like to count super light pantyliner days at the end of my period as "spotting" on my app, just out of personal preference. Other people on those days might select "light flow" or something along those lines and that would be fine.
Also, if you're just getting into tracking, I recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility! It's awesome.
Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler.
I'm a self-professed female fiction-lover who wants to have kids someday, so it's not that I never previously imagined I could care about my fertility, but I couldn't put it down because holy shit is the female body amazing and I was just never told. I literally woke up early each morning and read a chapter before getting out of bed until I finished it. If you have (or have had) a uterus, read this book. She also has a less mature version (that, for example, doesn't advise on preventing pregnancy) for younger/teenage girls.
Fertility friend has a mini class/tutorial that takes you through how to use the app and how to get in touch with your body and its signals! I'd also reccomend reading TCOYF, it taught me so much about my body that I never learned in school!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I really hope everything goes well for you. This book helped me a lot with conceiving so I would highly recommend it for you if you're interested. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_t1_afqVFbTK3MQEW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
How exciting! Welcome! First of all pick up yourself a copy of this book. It’s the FAM bible. I’ve been the Read Your Body App. You also need to get yourself a basal body thermometer. And yes, you should definitely take a class, preferably 1:1.
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
Completely agree with this. I’m also about to turn 30. I’m not sure if you’ve stopped the pill yet or not. You’re going to want to do that first. What I’ve been told is it’s suggested you’re pill free for 3 months so your body ride itself if the hormones. Get yourself an RE or fertility specialist. I would also recommend picking up a copy of this book and start taking prenatal vitamins. Also try to eat as healthy as possible and exercise during this time.
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
It’s only $16 on amazon, link for the lazy.
Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_V6kbCbDYC4RNQ
I used this book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.
Before starting to rely on NFP for birth control, I tracked my cycles for 3 months. I charted my temperature on first waking up, cervical fluid throughout each day, length of cycles, and mood changes/horniness each day. I had 31-35 day cycles, averaging 33 days per cycle. I retroactively calculated ovulation as 14 days prior to the onset of the next menstrual period, and examined my charts.
I could easily see spinnbarkeit fluid (stretchy, egg-white consistency) on the 3 days prior to ovulation (as retroactively calculated from cycle length). There was also a temperature increase on the post-ovulation day. Notable good mood and horniness for the 5 days pre-ovulation.
Once I was certain of my fertile times, my ex and I used condoms during the pre-ovulation and fertile period of my cycle. That is, we used condoms until 1) spinnbarkeit had ended and 2) I had a temperature spike, indicating ovulation had completed, and 3) at least 17 days after the first day of my cycle. For the remaining 13-15 days, we went bareback and did not pull out. If I was confused about any of the signs, we used condoms throughout that cycle.
When we wanted to get pregnant we simply had sex when spinnbarkeit was present.
cc: u/sashasoschweet
Not a doctor here but you're in some serious pain so I'll throw this out there: my gyno issues are lessened by taking fish oil supplements. They come in chewable gummy form or pill form. Theres also a book called "taking charge of your fertility" that's basically the bible of womens reproductive health. It may have some answers. Link to book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_uhTFFb1QFC6QC
28 days is just the average - tons of women have shorter or longer cycles.
I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I was 34 when I first read it and it blew my mind how much I didn't know about my own cycle!
It is birth control. Fertility awareness methods are highly effective when used properly. It's NOT the same thing as the rhythm "method" which is basically just guessing your fertile window based on averages, not your own body'd individual fertility signals like your basal body temperature, cervical mucus, the position of your cervix, etc. There's a reason it's FDA-approved, it's not woo-woo junk. I've used it to both achieve and avoid pregnancy for years.
I'll also take this opportunity to plug the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to anyone who's interested in learning more about your body. Even if you don't choose to use a fertility awareness method right now, knowledge is power. It can come in very, very handy one day if you choose to have a baby and/or stop using your chosen form of birth control.
So, women's health is a very complex thing that you're unlikely to get a full (and accurate) answer. If you're really interested in knowing about it more indepth, I'd like to recommend a book. It talks about fertility and pregnancy, which may not even really be of interest, but it is inextricably linked to how periods work. There are other books out there, but I found this one to be really easy to understand.
I use Fertility Friend to track my OPKs and temps. I strongly recommend reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and scheduling an appointment with your OBGYN. Using an app only for ovulation days isn’t very reliable and after 7 years you may have hit fertile days more times than you think. Definitely worth it to start tracking now as that can alert you to any issues.
Also recommending a semen analysis! Good luck!
Take a prenatal vitamin(or folic acid) daily now. Ideally you should have 3 months 'stored' before you get pregnant.
Start taking your temperature at the same time every day in the morning right when you wake up and before you get out of bed (set your alarm for the same time on the weekends to take the temperature, then go back to sleep after). Write the temperature down on a bedside notepad and put it all into fertilityfriend.com. This will tell you when you ovulate (it may take a few cycles to see how your pattern works, and while the computer does a good job of interpreting, you may need a human eye for minor adjustments on interpretation). This is very helpful because for me, it showed I ovulated later than I thought.
This is the 'bible' of learning about conceiving if you're into books.
Becoming pregnant can take varying amounts of time. For me, it was 6 months (with medical intervention), 9 months, 1 month, and 11 months of trying, and I knew my ovulation date every time and hit the window.
Two things can help make you feel a lot better about fertility.
1 - get this book, which is the bible of women's reproductive health. Read it, then start taking your temperature every morning and charting it. It may take a few months for you to see the pattern but a clear shift in temperature shows ovulation and reproductive health.
2 - have a general checkup with an ob/gyn. They'll be able to give you an overview of your health and will help answer questions and alleviate fears.
I know it sucks to have that biological clock ticking but please do try to find a suitable partner before trying to have a kid. Your kid deserves to have a good mom and a good dad. And barring major issues, you should still have a good decade + to get pregnant.
I tried the cheapie OPKs and they never worked for me (got way too many positives). I do have polycystic ovaries so that likely may have messed up the readings. I instead used the temperature charting method, where you take your temperature at the same time every morning right before getting out of bed (even on the weekends - set your alarm, take the temp, write it down, and go back to bed). This worked extremely well for me and was able to tell me that I ovulated later than I thought I did.
Get this book which is arguably the bible of TTC, and it will give you a boatload of information on fertility signs and so much more.
I knew multiple people in my own life who had pregnancies despite use of birth control. Because of this I also was paranoid so I always used 2 methods of birth control for over a decade with my now husband. There are multiple options besides the pill - condoms, spermicide, even calendar method/NFP (varying levels of of this sex-timing method depending on how much effort/time you want to invest)
Would recommend this book, its very comprehensive.
Strongly recommend The book Taking charge of your fertility Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_MlUvybX8CFH09
Read it. Follow it :-)
I've used NFP as a birth control method since becoming sexually active, and when my DH and I got serious about my fertility I bought the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is really interesting for both of us! I've tracked my temp for years and he likes looking at the charts to see where I am in my cycle.
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/
I'll probably be crucified for even suggesting this, but--have you checked out the Fertility Awareness Method? (Trust me, it's not the Rhythm Method--it actually works, backed by science, and no religious ties attached to it.) You should check out the Fertility Awareness group on Facebook, and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
No problem! I just wanted to add that the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility is awesome at explaining the science behind tracking ovulation through basal body temperature. It also discusses other fertility signs in your body.
It may be worth some sessions with a grief therapist. Trying to create a family creates intense emotions even in the best of cases, more so after a loss. Talking to a therapist can be a wise investment.
Odds are good that you're fertile given your age, family history, and personal history, but OPK tests don't prove it. There are many female causes of infertility that can happen even if you're ovulating fine and even if you have carried a fetus before. Male factor is also a possibility; when fertility clinics identify one partner as the cause of infertility, it's the male about half the time. There are even rare cases where both partners are considered individually fertile but can't naturally conceive together (e.g., semen allergies).
BUT: you've been trying for six months. Most couples who've been trying for 6 months and who keep trying get pregnant within 6 more months, i.e., a year total. Six months isn't long enough to be too worried.
This book, <em>Taking Charge of Your Fertility</em> is a godsend if you're interested in how your system works and how to time intercourse for conception.
If you have access to Amazon deliveries and DM me your address or create a wishlist with tests on it I'd be happy to buy them for you. If you do happen to fall pregnant and don't want to be, r/abortion has lots of resources for accessing termination in countries where it's illegal. In particular I'd recommend Women on Web which has been getting the pills to people in countries where it's illegal for decades. The benefits of the pill are that it looks identical to a miscarriage.
ALL THAT SAID — it's unlikely she's pregnant based on what you said, especially if you didn't finish and haven't had sex since then. Anovulatory cycles are totally normal, especially if she's not super regular anyway. Is she having any other symptoms? It's possible but rare to get to 7+ weeks without symptoms. Breast swelling and pain, unusual fatigue/exhaustion, and nausea/sensitivity to smells are usually the first symptoms.
When was her last period before June 11? That could make a difference too.
Going forward, since it sounds like contraception, pregnancy tests, and family planning in general are hard to access for you, I strongly recommend you look into the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) (NOT the same thing as the rhythm method!!!) It's empowering to be able to know what's going on with your cycles and fertility without any other tools. Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler is a great book to start with. If it's financially burdensome for you I'd be happy to Amazon you a copy of that as well.
Plan to study about fertility because the road is uncertain and understanding your body is the best thing you can do for yourself!
Two Books: I loved the second but people here are fans of the first:
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https://www.amazon.com/Impatient-Womans-Guide-Getting-Pregnant/dp/1451620705
This was basically me 10 years ago. I come from an ultra religious cult where any sex apart for procreation inside marriage was basically bad. I was extensively abused when my mom discovered I masturbated. I was 19 and there followed several years of painful learning experiences. Cut to the semi happy ending, I'm very happily married and have a healthy and satisfying sex life with my husband.
In regards to your past and it's current affect on your life, I definitely suggest seeking out a qualified mental health professional who can help you learn healthy coping mechanism, process the painful past, and heal. I'll also add that yoga, mediation, and practicing mindfulness have had been super helpful for me.
You can totally choose to not have PIV sex. But it sounds like that might not be what you really want, and your fear of pregnancy is carryingniver to the handjob etc. So as far as your fear of pregnancy, you have every right to go get permanently sterilized if that's what you want. There are resources in this group that can help you find a Dr.
If you want a less permanent option choose some kind of contraception that suits you, and use condoms as well and you'll be very safe. Oral contraceptives work very well for millions of women and are inexpenisve. I personally used them exclusively for several years without condoms as it was a committed relationship. It took me months to truly trust it tho, and I would constantly freak out and do tests to be sure. Oral BC also completely changed my periods, ultimately for the better. But it made them irregular and confusing, hence even more scares.
After a few years I had enough and I told my gyno I wanted an IUD. I was adamant and had my reasons why, so she referred me to an office who did them. I was still on my parents insurance at the time and it was covered completely, minus the office visit. However even kit of pocket its about the cheapest long term solution. I have Skyla, which is similar to Mirena but a bit smaller and lasts 3 years. Overall I love it, because anytime I am worried about pregnancy I can feel my little strings at the tip of my cervix and know I am safe. After the first few months ai quit worrying about pregnancy completely and it amazing. There are other benefits, like no period, ever anymore. And now I can enjoy that because I don't fear pregnancy. It also has a few downsides, but nothing that bad. Mainly doggy style sometimes hurts.
In addition to reliable birth control, you can also become really familiar with your body and learn to know exactly when you are ovulating and when your fertile window is. Do not rely on this alone, ever. But paired with another reliable form, like a properly used condom, it provides a lot of peace of mind. Check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility They have apps that help you track now too. It's fairly simple, and all you need is a normal thermometer.
If you ever want to message me, you're welcome to. I 100% believe you can have a very healthy satisfying sex life!
How often do you have sex? Are you concentrating your efforts only on the days Ovia predicts is your fertile window? Without additional information, most apps are making predictions using a “perfect 28 day cycle”. I would definitely look into tracking your cycles more...Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great resource for that as is this charting course from the app Fertility Friend.
This link can also guide you in how much tracking you may want to start off with...though I recommend you begin using ovulation strips (OPKs) and start temping with a basal body thermometer every morning to determine if you are ovulating. If you are not regularly ovulating, then there is no egg which means no chance of pregnancy that cycle.
It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. About 60% of couples will be pregnant in 6 months and about 84% by one year. Your chance of conceiving every cycle with perfectly timed sex is about 20-30%. source
The standard recommendation is to try for one year and then if you have not had success, seek additional testing with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Your partner can also go for a semen analysis...those are non-invasive and fairly inexpensive.
I would go off your birth control a few months before and start tracking right away. Some women regulate the first month off while others take several months. There are some really great posts on the sidebar that you may find helpful as you are preparing-
I also highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility .
Taking Charge of your fertility is the holy grail of fertility books. I learned so much about my body it was amazing! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabt1_aW7SFbAGKZ8WX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
• Taking Charge of Your Fertility is my favorite book about fertility overall and tracking your cycles as a form of conceiving or as birth control (my husband and I have used it for both).
• It Starts with the Egg is another highly recommended book about fertility in another group I’m in.
• Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know is a good alternative to the ever popular What to Expect When you’re Expecting
• The Fourth Trimester for postpartum
Yikes on bikes to the whole Messianic ideology. Thanks for posting about this, I wasn't aware of this particular flavor of fundamentalism.
***Caveat for the next bit: don't come for me, I only know things about NFP because I am a sinful Catholic woman who has an IUD, and my sister/mom have been trying to win me over to NFP for the entirety of my marriage.***
I do want to point out that natural family planning *is* a legit form of birth control, albeit one that is far less predictable than chemical or barrier methods. From what you've said about Ashleigh Wilson, she's not practicing NFP, though-- what she's doing is conception roulette. There are a couple of different NFP methods (the Creighton and Marquette models are among the most popular, and are only somewhat Christian in origin) that track a combination of basal body temperature, cervical mucus, and/or urine fertility biomarkers. It's more than just guessing which days are fertile and which aren't based on shady god-honoring math.
There's also a book that I learned a lot from, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by a fertility counselor/scholar with an MPH and no religious bent, that can either be used as a guide to NFP or a tool to track and understand hormonal cycles. It convinced me that an IUD was the best choice for me after all (lol) but it was still worth the read, and it gave me respect for anyone who chooses to *actually* practice NFP. It's hard work, and probably too sciencey to earn the trust of our favorite fundies.
It is on Amazon. Here’s a direct link. . I also suggest reading this link- Choosing your own TTC adventure . It really breaks down how to get started with TTC.
No, for that it’s best to check out the sidebar as well as Taking Charge of Your FertilityTaking Charge of Your Fertility which is available on Amazon and possibly at your local library. If you download the Fertility Friend app, there’s a free charting course that’s super informative as well. Here on TFAB we have a weekly thread on Tuesdays for sharing charts and asking all chart related questions but you can do the same any day here in the dailies or over on r/TFABChartStalkers. I’ve also heard good things about The Period Repair Manual.
Book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility - it's sort of the gold standard in this field
Other websites:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/ovulation-on-body-basal-temperature-chart-1960284
https://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/fertility-tests-for-women#1
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/basal-body-temperature/about/pac-20393026
Apps (they make tracking easy):
Have you tried taking your temperature? You can use basal body temperature to determine which phase of your cycle you are in and when you have ovulated. It will probably take at least a month or two of taking your BBT to see patterns in your cycle. I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031. You can also use ovulation predictor kits but they get a little spendy so it's best to have the BBT data first IMO.
They were not actually periods because birth control was controlling your hormones. Once you got to the sugar pill week, the absence of hormones resulted in bleeding. When you are not on any kind of hormonal birth control and you have a period, it arrives due to the natural drop of the hormone progesterone. This link is a great overview of what goes on in your body during a natural menstrual cycle.
Many of us were not taught anything about how to actually get pregnant and most OBGYNs actually are not well versed in explaining to women how to get pregnant either. Their speciality is when you already are. r/TryingForABaby is a great community with tons of resources. I recommend reading this post, Choosing TTC Adventure, to give you more information about all the options you have as you start TTC. The very first option is sex several times a week as you mentioned.
Having sex EOD can be the easiest way to do since it doesn’t involve any tracking, but some people can’t keep that up for a whole cycle. You can do little things like tracking your cervical mucus to determine your fertile days or put a little more effort in and use ovulation predictor kits to predict ovulation. The only way to confirm ovulation has occurred however, is through temping. Temping involves using a basal body thermometer (lots of inexpensive options are available on Amazon) and taking your temperature every morning around the same time, BEFORE you get out of bed, check your phone, take a drink of water, ect. Once you see three temps at least 0.2 F higher than the previous six temps you can confirm ovulation.
If you decide more tracking is something you’re interested in, I also recommend checking out Taking Charge of Your Fertility .
I think every person who has considered this journey will give you a very unique answer.
For me, I looked up sperm banks and then would type the name of bank into Spotify and listen to interviews with each one so that helped me narrow down the bank I liked (I’m in the USA).
I talked to a few other single moms, mostly distant colleagues that I heard pursued the journey. They were open to sharing their details with me about their cycles. The three I spoke to had extremely different stories and spend considerably different amounts to conceive.
I’ve been advised to work with a reproductive endocrinologist (which my insurance didn’t cover so I didn’t do it) to get an idea of if there were any underlying fertility issues. I’m currently just tracking ovulation and taking prenatal vitamins.
More fertility related than SMBC related, it has been helpful to really understand my cycle in depth-this is important so the timing can be nailed down to line up the time you inseminate with the time you ovulate.
taking charge of your fertility book
Learning the differences between ICI, IUI, IFV and other methods are helpful.
Then researching the differences between known, unknown donors, national and local sperm banks is helpful.
I consulted with two attorneys and was basically told that donor contracts in the USA are null, even if notarized. You’ll have to decide your own comfort level with what type of donor you like.
I also am working with a doula who specializes in pre-conception who was wonderful with giving me resources-fertility diet books, some spiritual books (I like stuff like this and enjoyed reading “spirit babies: how to communicate with the child you’re meant to have, but wouldn’t recommend that book if you’re not into that sort of thing).
Doula: doula
I watched some interviews of donor conceived persons and spend time talking about the implications of having a donor child with my therapist.
Donor 9623 podcast was a little horrifying but it gave me a lot to think about
Lastly, I have spent some time calling my insurance, getting a good idea of what they cover and don’t cover and how to see if there’s anyway to get the insurance companies to cover any of the services. Supposedly there’s some insurance companies that recognize Smbcs as infertility cases (no idea what company that is, still) but I’ve been trying to learn more about that system as a whole.
I think that covers a lot of what I’ve done/resources.
Yeah it's hard to sift through all the info out there at first. Just keep in mind there's a ton of different methods (ie. the big range of 75-98% effectiveness lumps them all together). The best kinds of methods rely on multiple fertility signs, and the worst rely only on calendar calculations/predictions.
Adding on to what u/kerplookie488 said, the easiest/quickest way to learn would be finding a teacher. But, you can also teach yourself if you pick up a copy of either TCOYF or the Sensiplan handbook. Here's a free course too.
It's definitely not as convenient as an IUD...but, very interesting to learn and it works well for a lot of people. I've been using it for over a year now :)
Hope you find something that works for you!
To highlight some non-hormonal birth control options in what I think are the best ones, I’d say are a diaphragm, sponge, or cervical cap used with spermicide. There are more options you can read about here as well.
I use a diaphragm with spermicide, which is inserted when you have sex, along with the fertility awareness method (FAM). FAM is different from the rhythm method. There’s also an app called Natural Cycles that sends you a thermometer and helps you keep track of your fertile days and your cervical mucus. I’d only recommend relying on the app if your gf has regular cycles, FAM though works effectively with both regular and irregular cycles. With using all three of these tools I’ve had no pregnancy scares and I feel in control of my body and I don’t have to pump any hormones into my body either. This book is a great book to learn all about our fertility.
To highlight what I think are the best ones, I’d say are a diaphragm, sponge, or cervical cap used with spermicide. There are more options you can read about here as well.
I plan on using a diaphragm, which is inserted when you have sex, along with the fertility awareness method (FAM). FAM is different from the rhythm method. This book is a great book to learn all about our fertility.
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I use the symptothermal method and I've never gotten pregnant when I didn't want to. I think the biggest make it or break it factor with fertility awareness methods is knowing that it's a bit of commitment. You have to be diligent about checking your temperature every morning before getting out of bed, your cervical position, you cervical fluid each day, but I also find that this isn't impeding on my life that much. It takes some getting used to, but once you understand how your body reacts to the different phases of your cycle, there isn't as much worrying about whether you are reading your symptoms right.
I also use this starting right after giving birth, before I get my period. I usually wait until I am done bleeding and get the okay from my doctor for intercourse. I've been able to know when I am going to get my first period before it happens because I can spot ovulation, which is kind of nice, because then I'm not surprised and make sure I still have pads lying around. I've also been able to use it while I was breastfeeding and back when my periods were more irregular, and I'm not confused and panicking when my period is late. Because I am tracking specific symptoms, I know when I have ovulated, I know how long my luteal phase is, I've marked down when we had intercourse and whether we avoided during my fertile window. I'm never surprised by my cycle.
I'd recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler which is where I have learned all my fertility charting information from. You might also consider hiring an instructor to teach the method you choose, as there are other methods. I also recommend this thermometer. I have used it for years now and find it to be pretty reliable. I also use the Fertility Friend app to track my cycles, which is nice because it helps you chart and has some educational content. You could also consider getting ovulation test strips which can help with tracking, but it's not absolutely necessary.
Over all, you have to make the method work. It won't do the work for you like artificial contraception does. But if you are committed to learning it and tracking your symptoms it's a very effective method.
Congrats, OP. Sending this link in case you find it helpul:
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
yea it's hecked up. I took them coz I had awful cramps that I didnt want to experience... but now that I've stopped even using pain meds for cramps I've realized that I need to experience the cramps in order to heal sexual abuse trauma... .and now my cramps are usually fairly mild
I started BC at 17 and went off when I was 23 because I realized I didn't want to hit menopause an never experience being a woman, no matter how painful it was. I remember not having a libido on birth control and just being numb in general. A lot of women say they start birth control and stop being attracted to their partner.... or stop birth control and aren't attracted to their partner any more.
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
this is a GREAT book if you are sexually active and trying to prevent pregnancy, or trying to conceive... it even talks about when to have sex in relation to ovulation to increase your odds of a boy or a girl (the boys are faster swimmers, but the girls live longer IIRC)
It's written by Toni Weschler. It's a highly rated book.
https://smile.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
My husband and I are trying to conceive. I HIGHLY recommend this book. It’s extremely informative. All the info can be overwhelming, but first just focus on the basics: Learn your cycle. Start keeping track of when you ovulate. Buy ovulation test strips. Learn the signs of ovulation. I don’t take my temperature, but some woman swear by it.
Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7HywFb75P7WH6
Edit https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/ has some good info
What form of birth control are you using? This is absolutely no judgement, more my venting my frustration with a cultural narrative that disempowers women from our own bodies. Hormonal birth control of any kind is horrible for your health. It's classified as a carcinogen and yet "health care" practitioners had it out like m and ms. You can only get pregnant for about one week out of the month. Determining that window of opportunity isn't rocket science and should be taught in health classes in junior high, but it's serves a greater purpose in a patriarchal culture to continue teaching girls to loath their bodies and act like our fertility is some wild incomprehensible thing. Order a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility on Amazon by Toni Weschler, https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2ZCBXPGZH7D93&dchild=1&keywords=taking+charge+of+your+fertility&qid=1599090066&sprefix=taking+charge+of+your+%2Caps%2C210&sr=8-3 . I don't personally have any experience with the MAP, but was on regular BCPs for 12 years. When I went off of it, I swore I would never go back on and I didn't. Now my cycle is in sync with the moon (seriously, no joke) and it's even easier to predict. Your experience sounds pretty normal, but I'd find a good naturopath if you continue to have issues. OBGYNs are among the most violent of Western medical practitioners in my opinion. By and large, they perpetuate the problem of teaching women that our bodies are not our own and convince most that they are something that needs "controlling". Reach out if you want anymore pointers, [email protected] . Good luck and be well.
Taking Charge Of Your Fertility! I wish I had read this book years ago! It has been empowering to learn more about my natural cycle. I checked out the book at the library, but it's also available on amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031
I think if you are planning on trying in only a year or so, you should at least consider not being on any hormonal birth control (the pill, Nuvaring, the shot, the implant, etc.) before then. Some women come off of it and ovulate and are regular right away, but many others take a long time and are frustrated that they aren't capable of conceiving when they want to be. It seems about 50/50. Doctors will almost always tell you to not go off HBC until you're ready to get pregnant because they will always err on the side of avoiding unwanted pregnancy over conceiving quickly when you want to, but check out TFAB's post about experiences coming off HBC.
My husband and I are going to start trying early 2019, and I came off HBC at the start of the year. We're just using the sympto-thermal fertility awareness method (I take my temperature every morning and check my cervical fluid every day) combined with withdrawal during the ~9 days of my cycle that might be fertile. I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and at least considering it, or combining it with a barrier method. Otherwise, I'd think about a copper IUD - it's not hormonal and so you wouldn't have to worry about your cycles being screwed up after getting it out.
As far as google searching goes, try to stick to medical journals or reputable studies. Otherwise, you're gonna get so much conflicting information it'll make your head spin. There are a number of books available, as well - two of the favorites around here are the following (linking on Amazon in case you're interested):
Taking Charge of your Fertility - This one's great for explaining OPK's and BBTemping
The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant - I haven't read this one, but I'm told it does really well debunking a lot of the TTC myths or showing concrete evidence for proven TTC methods.
If you're confused by charting I would suggest doing the tutorials on FF. You may also find it helpful to read the book <em>Taking Charge of Your Fertility</em> by Toni Weschler. It does an excellent job of explaining temping and charting. It also includes a lot of information on the female reproductive system and cycles that are just generally good to know. I'd strongly recommend reading it if you haven't.
Also, try to keep in mind that even with well-timed sex a couple without any fertility problems at all only has a 20-30% chance, depending on where you get your statistics, of pregnancy each month. And it can take a healthy couple having well-timed sex up to a year to get pregnant. You shouldn't really worry about infertility till you've been TTC a year with well-timed intercourse and no luck.
And as far as everything goes with your mother: most fertility issues aren't genetic. There are tons of people who come on here say "my mother was super fertile and got pregnant every time she had unprotected sex. Why am I not pregnant yet?" I know that's true for me. I have infertility (been TTC since January 2015) but I'm literally the only female in my family with problems. Everyone else gets pregnant their first time having unprotected sex. I wish the fertility of others in my family had a bearing on mine but it doesn't work that way.
I know a lady who was convinced she'd be infertile because her mother was infertile and so was her older sister. She ended up getting pregnant within the normal year of trying and has a baby now.
My point here is that it is rarely, if ever, helpful to make assumptions about your fertility based on the fertility on others in your family.
My best advice would be to start temping. If you temp correctly for a couple of months and you still can't confirm ovulation you may want to see your doctor and mention to him/her that you have reason to believe you're not ovulating on your own. At that point I'd suggest having a transvaginal ultrasound done along with having your hormones checked to make sure you don't have PCOS or some other issue.
If you start temping and notice that you are ovulating then I'd say to try not to worry about your fertility. Give yourself the normal year of TTC. At the end of a year TTC if you're still not pregnant schedule an appointment with an RE. But the odds are very much in your favor that you'll never need to see an RE.
The STM method is the symptothermal method. For Catholics, it's usually taught through the couple to couple league, but it's also the most popular secular method because it's the one taught in Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you're interested in learning more about fertility at all, this is the go-to book. This method is based on observing at least 2 primary fertility signs (cervical fluid and basal body temperature) and marking the beginning and ending of the fertile period based on the information gathered. A barrier method, withdrawal, outercourse, or abstinence is used during "Phase 2" of the cycle, which is the period between identifying the beginning of fertility and the end of fertility. The advantages of this method are that you can confirm ovulation, for sure--other than an ultrasound, there isn't really a good way to confirm that ovulation is happening. You can assume that it is based on other fertility signs and LH testing (ovulation predictor kits), but that information doesn't prove that ovulation actually occurred.
The Marquette method is primarily an NFP method, so in order to follow the protocol exactly, they require abstinence during the fertile period. That being said, if you're using it secularly, you can use barrier methods if you understand the risk that you are taking.
Marquette uses the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor to track changing estrogen and LH levels in urine. Based on this information, there's a protocol for determining when your fertile period begins and ends. This is the official Marquette website. Unfortunately there's a paywall to access the forums, which is where they post updated and improved protocol (which is mainly for special circumstances--breastfeeding, postpartum, PCOS, etc).
There are also methods that track only cervical fluid (Billings, Creighton, Justisse), which tends to be very low on the cost and labor intensity scale. I successfully used Billings for awhile, but wanted more concrete information to prepare for trying to conceive in the future (1-2 years down the road).
You’re welcome! I thought the same thing, but the fact of the matter is that if you can find out the window to get pregnant, you can avoid that window entirely and not get pregnant hahaha.
There’s a book you can buy on amazon called “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”. This is the version my friend swears by. I have yet to read it but it gives you information on how to check your discharge better, how to check your cervix, how to read your ovulation tests properly to know your body better, what apps and devices best tell your your fertile window, etc. I bought mine used and it was about $18 for me with shipping.
Taking Charge of Your Fertility,... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Once I start reading it and getting more into it, I’ll be asking more questions on here and will hopefully be able to answer some more!
So this is only sort of tangentially related, but I noticed you said you are "battling with different forms of hormonal birth control," and I wondered how much you've read about natural family planning/fertility awareness? (This book is also a good resource.) It's not for everyone, and I know people take birth control for lots of reasons other than just preventing pregnancy, so it may not even be applicable to you, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to mention in case it helps.
Anyway, hang in there with the weight loss--you've come so far! Be patient with your body :)
Hi there.
Sorry that this is happening to you. I can understand both of your concerns.
I think this book will help you a lot, combined with condoms. You can determine the timespan that you're fertile and avoid sex during that time.
You do have to get to know your body's fertility cues and understand how fertility works, which I think is kind of fun anyway. If you combine this with a condom it would help your chances a lot.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!