I do identify with the shitty husband blog to a certain extent: I certainly was a shitty husband for not meeting my wife's needs. It's not like she didn't let me know, but I never realized the severity or risk of not addressing them. I was in the routine, and I thinking about myself. I suppose we looked at our vows differently, which looking back makes since because we are two different people.
As identified by the blog, my lack of addressing the issues brought the slow internal resentment which is impossible to reverse even if it is recognized and changes are made - simply too little too late.
So I am separated, and I have been reading a lot. The best two I've read so far are:
Taking Space: How To Use Separation To Explore The Future Of Your Relationship
Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
I tried No More Mr., but it also didn't resonate with me.
Contemplating divorce has a section on defining your own needs. As part of being a shitty husband and operating simply on a routine, after introspection I definitely know that I have lost myself and did not take into account my needs. Right now I am going through the process of redefining (or rediscovering) what my needs are and what I want from a new relationship. It's scary but liberating to have reached this point in working on myself.