{"product":{"product_id":"B00OICLVBI","title":"The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts","price":"7.65","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51hA4n4bgwL._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI"},"comments":[{"body":"I read a book about love languages. It was from a Christian perspective but I think anyone could get value from it. Basically the take away was that we all show and feel love in different ways. One of the best things you can do is figure out how your partner feels loved (their love language). It may be verbal, physical touch, actions etc. You then make a conscious effort to make sure that your partner knows you love them by using their love language and not just your own.\r\n\r\nEdit: wow a lot of people apparently saw this. Here is the book on amazon if anyone was interested:\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=5+love+languages+by+gary+chapman\u0026amp;qid=1563811365\r\n\r\nIt's apparently less than $5 as an ebook. No I'm not the author. Good read even if you ignore the religious perspective it is great to work through with your significant other.","subreddit_name":"tumblr","author":"nyccfan"},{"body":"She’s pretty clearly motivated by the idea of having money, and I cannot stand her thus far, but this conversation reminded me of [The Five Love Languages.](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1540831500\u0026amp;sr=8-1\u0026amp;keywords=the+five+language+of+love) (An absolutely amazing book and a breezy read that everyone should check out. I can’t believe how much it made me understand myself and others.)\r\n\r\nBasically, for some people, gifts are their love language. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a materialistic way. Giving and receiving gifts, however small, makes them feel loved. I don’t like using the phrase “gold digger” because it has such misogynistic connotations and also implies that there’s something wrong with transactional relationships when they’re actually perfectly fine and quiet common. \r\n\r\nBut I’m curious about Larissa—I wish we could tap into a parallel universe and see how she reacted to him having a bouquet of flowers for her when she arrived. Would she have bitched about the quality of the flowers like Daya in season two? Or would it have given her a little reassuring emotional boost that protected her from feeling such deep disappointment when she saw the underwhelming dreariness of Las Vegas for the first time?\r\n\r\nI want to like Colt and dislike her, but I suspect they both may turn out to be quite different from their portrayals in the first two episodes. \r\n\r\nSorry for the long rambling! My brain has not had enough caffeine injected into it yet. \r\n","subreddit_name":"90DayFiance","author":"Esmerelda_Foofypants"},{"body":"[Here's the Amazon link for it](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1496763172\u0026amp;sr=8-1\u0026amp;keywords=5+love+languages). \r\n\r\nIt bothers me that I know people genuinely believe what they say to me, but I don't so I need to pull out an appropriate reaction out of my ass. ","subreddit_name":"raisedbynarcissists","author":"switchedatdivorce"},{"body":"You're probably missing a fundamental thing:\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/\r\n\r\nUntil encountering that concept ( which I then dug-into via a website, not a book ), I *was always* getting it wrong, the mis-match between communication-styles with other people.\r\n\r\nI *cannot* understand \"gifts\" as communication-means: just not wired that way.\r\n\r\nOther people, *cannot* understand *any other* means of communicating valuing...\r\n\r\nPlease dig into the concepts of that, whether in a book or on Le Web ( La? Web? .. do French people deem the Web to be masculine or feminine? ), \u0026amp; *maybe* it's fundamentally a communication-language problem...\r\n\r\n( :","subreddit_name":"polls","author":"Paragonne"},{"body":"YTA for responding that way. Of course you are. She's trying to be nice and show you affection and that she loves you, and you responded by being an ass.\r\n\r\nYou both should read The Five Love Languages, which talks about how we each feel love and show love and if we both speak 2 different languages, there's a real disconnect in communicating. The 5 languages are physical touch, quality time/communication, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts. I can tell you right now, your GF's love language is words of affirmation, and that's what you're experiencing in her complimenting you, and you just completely rejected her love. But words of affirmation are not YOUR love language so that's not what you need to feel loved. Seriously, read the book. It will help.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr\\_1\\_1?crid=3TWGBF1K2EZ2N\u0026amp;keywords=5+love+languages\u0026amp;qid=1651848103\u0026amp;sprefix=5+love+language%2Caps%2C159\u0026amp;sr=8-1","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"wanderingwoman70"},{"body":"You've already gotten a ton of great responses, but I thought I would add that one of the best things my wife and I ever did was when we read the [Love Languages](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=love+languages\u0026amp;qid=1637940738\u0026amp;qsid=133-5145553-9039560\u0026amp;sr=8-1\u0026amp;sres=080241270X%2C0802412858%2C0802412726%2C8186775099%2CB07P8BC6T2%2C0802412718%2C080241284X%2C1496435516%2C1589976835%2C0802414354%2C1415857318%2C0802419054%2C1496440307%2C0802414826%2C0802412165%2CB010R2KM5S\u0026amp;srpt=ABIS_BOOK) book. Among other things, we learned that words matter A LOT more to me than they do to her. She used to swear or say mean things to me and she would be fine the next day but I would be crushed for like a week! She had to realize that words are not light things to me. Maybe your husband is the same?\r\n\r\nIf that sounds familiar to you, do what my wife did: Drown him in positive language. Every little thing he does that you like, tell him. Be specific. \"I love you\" \"I'm so glad you're good at X\" \"I'm happy you're home\" \"I loved it last night when you said/did X\" \"When I married you I knew you would make X Part Of My Life better, and you have. I'm so grateful for that\"\r\n\r\nYou can say mean things or swear at him on occasion, but only if it's outweighed by like 20 other positive comments! If you can't think of 10-20 times you've said something nice to him, then just swallow your complaints. To him, if he's like me, words are like bullets. The book goes into greater detail.\r\n\r\nOf course I learned what my wife needs from me too, but it's less relevant to your situation. I made a task list on my phone and was sure to speak her Love Language at least several times a day.\r\n\r\nWe used to have horrible fights. We haven't had one in years now.\r\n\r\nGood luck!","subreddit_name":"latterdaysaints","author":"its_nice_outside"},{"body":"YTA. Go to the store right now, buy some Cadbury eggs before it's impossible to get them. In fact, buy all the ones you can say you can save some for surprises later.   Take her an egg and apologize sincerely.\r\n\r\n\"I am so sorry for not giving you an Easter basket.  I can see that it is very important to you and I really screwed up by not giving you anything for the holiday, especially when I said I would.  I will make a bigger effort on future holidays and special days, so that I show you how much I love you.\"\r\n\r\nThen read this book: The 5 Love Languages. It is simple and may save your marriage.  I'd suggest buying a physical copy and highlighting parts that make you think of your wife. Let her see you reading it - it shows that you care and are trying to improve.  When you're done reading it, ask to sit and talk about it with her.\r\n\r\nhttps://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_0643NQ5TTMS12NZA2HSK\r\n\r\nI would guess that gifts are one of your wife's top love languages.  She spent time putting together a basket of your favorite things as a way to tell you that she loves you.  From her point of view, you clearly told her that you don't care about her at all.\r\n\r\nApologize, and learn to do better.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"grandma_visitation"},{"body":"I read a book about love languages. It was from a Christian perspective but I think anyone could get value from it. Basically the take away was that we all show and feel love in different ways. One of the best things you can do is figure out how your partner feels loved (their love language). It may be verbal, physical touch, actions etc. You then make a conscious effort to make sure that your partner knows you love them by using their love language and not just your own.\r\n\r\nEdit: wow a lot of people apparently saw this. Here is the book on amazon if anyone was interested:\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=5+love+languages+by+gary+chapman\u0026amp;qid=1563811365\r\n\r\nIt's apparently less than $5 as an ebook. No I'm not the author. Good read even if you ignore the religious perspective it is great to work through with your significant other.","subreddit_name":"tumblr","author":"Flueigne"},{"body":"Have you read the book [The 5 Love Languages](https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1499280539\u0026amp;sr=8-1\u0026amp;keywords=the+love+languages+book)?  I ask because one of the ways that they talk about expressing love in the book is by giving gifts.  And if that's not your love language, you might not recognize it was being an act of love.  Instead it's annoying.  \r\n\r\nOf course that's giving your MIL the benefit of the doubt that what she's doing is out of love.  If it isn't, then it seems like she's more marking her territory, like a dog peeing on a fence.","subreddit_name":"JUSTNOMIL","author":"Celtic_Queen"},{"body":"There are a lot of books. But you really only need the original and its actually the Five Love Languages. \r\n\r\nhttp://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1431133192\u0026amp;sr=1-1\u0026amp;keywords=the+seven+love+languages","subreddit_name":"AskWomen","author":"the_pugilist"},{"body":"In case anyone doesn't know the reference: [https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr\\_1\\_3?dchild=1\u0026amp;keywords=five+love+languages\u0026amp;qid=1600148058\u0026amp;s=digital-text\u0026amp;sr=1-3](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1\u0026amp;keywords=five+love+languages\u0026amp;qid=1600148058\u0026amp;s=digital-text\u0026amp;sr=1-3)\r\n\r\nThis book would have saved my marriage, if I had read it early enough.","subreddit_name":"WhitePeopleTwitter","author":"UnkleRinkus"},{"body":"\u0026lt;edited - formating\u0026gt;\r\n\r\nHi there!\r\n\r\nThis might not be the standard BPDLovedOnes advice here, but I might have some advice that could help you in this situation.  \r\n\r\nWith *lots* of therapy and a lot of reading I've come to an understanding that different people need completely different things to feel loved, and most of us go through life trying to give love to others in the way we need to *get* love in order for our-self to feel that love genuinely.\r\n\r\nTelling your wife how much you love her eyes is a kind and loving gesture - of course!  Trading \"Words of Affirmation\" is likely one of the ways that *you* can easily feel loved - you probably communicate well and can hear the love in others words as just that - love.  \r\n\r\nYour wife - especially if she is BPD/uBPD, may *not* communicate so well - and she may not genuinely feel the love in your words -- for whatever reason (BPD or otherwise).   \r\n\r\nThere's a book about this - it's quite good, though of course I recommend that this book and all others are taken as informative advice and as just one tool in your toolbox.\r\n\r\nYou can read more here:\r\nhttp://www.5lovelanguages.com/\r\n\r\nThe book is available here on Amazon, in print and Kindle:\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI\r\n\r\nThe summary is that there are 5 major modalities that most of us use to convey appreciation and love, and that helping your partner feel loved is about giving them what they need - not what you need.  Helping them make you feel loved is about communicating to them what you need, and not getting frustrated when they keep trying to give you what they need instead.  The 5 'love languages' are:\r\n\r\n* **Words of Affirmation** -- \"I love your eyes, their beauty draws me in!\"\r\n* **Acts of Service** -- \"I made you a delicious lunch today!\"\r\n* **Receiving Gifts** -- \"I got you chocolates/flowers!\"\r\n* **Quality Time** -- \"Lets watch a show together, or go out to breakfast and talk.\"\r\n* **Physical Touch** -- Hugs, comforting touches, kissing, sex\r\n\r\nThey can certainly overlap. \r\n\r\nIt sounds like she can hear that your words are nice, but she doesn't feel love from them.  From her words, \"It makes her feel awkward.\"   (For BPD, this is already stellar communication - remember to thank her for that.)  You don't want to make her feel awkward, you want her to feel loved.  She knows that but doesn't feel it - and for BPD this can be an unstable position - if you push this it could become a trigger for her very easily.  Knowing they \"should\" feel loved but instead feel awkward can wreak havok on a person's internal emotional state - especially so for BPDs.  \r\n\r\nThe only caveat is that, like any relationship tool, it's sort of important that *both* people are actually trying it out -- otherwise it's an easy way to make a one-sided relationship *more* one-sided.\r\n\r\nDon't sell yourself short or accept toxic behavior, of course, but you might find you get a lot of bang-for-buck by asking her if these other types of gestures would feel more loving for her.  That's also a great time to tell her what sort of gestures feel good to you -- \"I really love hearing you tell me the things you like about me.  It lets me know you are thinking about me positively and that I'm a good part of your life, which is important to me.  Without hearing loving words from time to time, I really start to feel like we're growing distant from each other, and I want to feel that our bond is strong and warm.\"\r\n\r\nAnd - don't ever stop holding her accountable for her actions and for her part in communication - these tools are great and can be very effective but they can't make you a mind reader -- it should never be your job to just randomly go down the list of these things trying anything on the off-chance it makes her happy for a day.  \r\n\r\nShe needs to be an adult, and adults can examine their feelings and tell their partners what they need. \r\n\r\nI hope some of this helps - either now or in the future.  Take care of yourself and stay safe!\r\n","subreddit_name":"BPDlovedones","author":"AexNBacon"},{"body":"You guys should go through \"The Five Love Languages.\" https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI","subreddit_name":"Christianmarriage","author":"JHawk444"},{"body":"Forgive me, however; no one has mentioned how the OP's wife has requested that he connects with her emotions, which is something that may be needed for her desire for you. I am not saying you are wrong and I can imagine how difficult it is being a HL partner with a LL partner, if that is what she is. I am going to assume that she is not being manipulative since it sounds like she's a stressed partner based on your posts. Echoing another comment above, please consider rehoming the puppy as it seems to be an added stress to your already strained marriage.\r\n\r\nOP, have you asked what connecting with her emotions looks like? What is her love language for her to feel loved? Does she need more words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, or gifts? Do you appreciate what she does and tell her? Knowing the answers to these questions would go a long way in attempting to repair the damage in your marriage and moving towards sexual satisfaction for you. She also needs to answer these questions about you as well.\r\n\r\nBy reading your posts, you've only addressed consistently being nicer and not connecting with her emotions. Her emotions  seem important to her and may be connected to her desire for you. Does it suck? Absolutely! Is it necessary? Possibly. If you are interested in saving your marriage, consider marriage counseling and here is a list of suggested reading to start the process:\r\n\r\n\r\n[Gary Chapman\r\n\r\nThe 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts\r\n\r\n](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OICLVBI/ref=dbs_a_def_awm_bibl_vppi_i0)\r\n\r\n\r\n[Gary Chapman and 1 more\r\n\r\nThe 5 Apology Languages: The Secret to Healthy Relationships\r\n\r\n](https://www.amazon.com/Apology-Languages-Secret-Healthy-Relationships/dp/080242869X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3FYOTBA0NEOKD\u0026amp;keywords=apology+languages\u0026amp;qid=1652026902\u0026amp;sprefix=apology+lan%2Caps%2C165\u0026amp;sr=8-1)\r\n\r\n[John Gottman PhD \r\n\r\nThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work\r\n\r\n](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=R411PXJ5XG9W\u0026amp;keywords=seven+principles+of+marriage\u0026amp;qid=1652027167\u0026amp;sprefix=seven+pri%2Caps%2C197\u0026amp;sr=8-1)\r\n\r\n[Gary Chapman\r\n\r\nLoving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away: Real Help for Desperate Hearts in Difficult Marriages\r\n\r\n](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B073PQBDYG/ref=dbs_a_def_awm_bibl_vppi_i4)\r\n\r\nI hope you two can come together and find a resolution that works for the both of you.","subreddit_name":"HLCommunity","author":"Aanairai"},{"body":"\u0026gt;When it does happen she seems to enjoy it but I always have to initiate it so it feels forced to me. \r\n\r\nDo a web search on \"reactive v.s. spontaneous desire\". \r\n\r\nAlso read [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OICLVBI/](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OICLVBI/)\r\n\r\nPeople have active sex lives into their 60s and 70s. Some even into their 80s, so no, you're not too old.","subreddit_name":"sex","author":"Antistotle"}]}