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The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron
It's putting me on a path that may not align with the RE of FIRE, but is slowly stepping me towards things I enjoy. Do I really enjoy being a hardware engineer in industry? No. Can I use the tenets of FIRE to manage my money to allow for a more flexible and enriching life? Yes! And I'm mid-plan on executing that change which was crafted d during the 12 weeks of working through this book.
EDIT: I also did the Marie Kondo tidying during this stage so that helped too!
This may be a bit hippie-dippie for your taste but the book The Artist’s Way really helped me come back to myself and clarify my values and find ways to express myself in and out of work. Again: it’s pretty woo-woo. But I liked it and it helped!
If you need a place to start, you could try following The Artist’s Way, a 12 week guided journaling program. My first therapist actually recommended it to me. It nourishes your creativity and has you do a lot of prompts and exercises that can actually work really well alongside therapy. By the end you’ll have a routine of what she calls “morning pages” which is just journaling. Hope that helps!
Do the Artist's Way. Then, if you want to give up on it, fine, but I promise you, you won't.
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I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but I highly recommended the book The Artist’s Way. It really helps tackle the mental road blocks in our creative process and it’s a book I keep coming back to when I feel my inner critic taking over again.
Maybe a coloring book for adults with a set of nice gel pens or another art supply she could use to color? Or an interactive workbook like The Artist’s Way? I haven’t read it and it’s not for people who aren’t into spiritual stuff but the people who like it seem to really like it. Or I would try and find an interesting book related to the topics she’s interested in. I also second the other commenters’ ideas about finding something to do in the community. You could also gift her classes, like pottery lessons at a pottery studio or knitting lessons (or whatever she’ll like the best).
I've had this problem and have been working intentionally on getting past it. One of the things I did was read / go through the "Artist's Way" and start "morning pages" - basically you write stream of conciousness without fail every morning. Try for 3 pages or whatever you can manage. I found it frees things up. It also helped me a lot with anxiety over the pandemic, wildfires, etc, etc. I was able to write down my feelings and it really helped. Another thing, I tried recently is the 6 word poem.. you see it online a lot. Pick a word at random to start with and restrict yourself to 6 words / 3 lines to convey a story. I feel like it is "stretching" for songwriters. And the most important advice I give you (and myself) is to NOT critique yourself while writing... just get it out. Quantity over quality. Doesn't matter if it is dumb. Re-work/edit it all later. Things that I initially think are dumb become the linchpin in songs sometimes. Other fun exercises: re-write a song you love from another perspective. I read somewhere that "Love will tear us Apart" by Joy Division was written as a kind of anti "Love will bring us together" - so simple, yet effective. Last thing- I keep a notebook for songwriting with a section for just writing words, a section for those small poems and exercises, a section for lyrics in progress & different versions (and then another one for the music/ chord progressions). It helps me to go back and work on something else if I get stuck. These things have helped me. Hope you get past it. Cheers.
People do write Diaries except they call them Journals and writing daily is called journaling. A very good way I found is mentioned in this book:
The artists way by julia cameron https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0143129252/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_y0C6FbA38ETMK
The journaling ideas alone are worth buying this book but even if you dont think you are creative you will be by the time you finish this book.
Check out “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. It’s about $12 on Amazon. Recommended to me by my art therapist, it’s supposed to be a guided journey of sorts to inspire creativity.
The Artist's Way: 25th Anniversary Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143129252/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_itDoCbE7V85CC
For anyone journaling, consider checking out The Artist's Way. I have yet to actually finish the whole 8-week thing, but the morning pages has done wonders for helping me get un-stuck and avoid getting stuck, in a general sense. I figured out things on my morning pages that would have taken a very long time in therapy otherwise. I'll even pick up my notebook throughout the day or at night if something is on my mind.
Happy birthday!!! The Artist’s Way makes me happiest because it reminds me that as long as I’m trying to become an artist, I will be one. It also reminds me that there are others who face the same blocks I do. :)
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Mitch Hedberg once said:
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“I saw a wino eating grapes.
I told him he had to wait.”
After being burned out for years and treating it with alcohol, I finally got myself a copy of The Artist's Way and the companion workbook. It's done wonders for my mood and stress levels.
Etch out real, actual scheduled self-care time. Put it on your calendar and don't let anyone else schedule on top of it. Maybe also consider a gym membership.
After scheduling time for yourself, maintain a schedule of work hours, and make it clear to clients that you will only be available during those hours, just like any normal business.
You're not alone. This experience happens to everybody. Good luck out there.
Two very good books that have helped me with that are The Artist's Way by Julie Cameron and The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Both are about working through that heavy resistance to create.
A useful (and I think beautiful) podcast to listen to is Elizabeth Gilbert's limited series called Magic Lessons (She's most known for Eat, Pray, Love). She asks volunteers from her social media audience if they were creative but then stopped for whatever reason. She talks to them one by one, compassionately listening to their story, discusses what stalled idea is on their creative plate right now, gives some homework, and then checks back in on them 3-6 months later to see how they're doing. Plus some interviews about creativity with friends like Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle.
BUT if you want a really easy place to begin, start right here with Gilbert's Tedtalk. It was the first one I ever saw way back when and I still think it's one of the best Tedtalks out there.
Of course, this is all contingent on wanting to get back into creativity and assuming that isn't a trigger for you. As it turns out, creativity has become a quantified psychometric that if not developed will atrophy into depression in the same way it does for an extravert who's alone too much or an introvert that is surrounded by people 24/7 (link to 6 min youtube lecture). It can't be ignored.
Hope some of this helps. I know when people post links, I all too often just breeze on by. But for what it's worth, if you just watched those last 2 and then slowly worked through gilbert's 2-season podcast, I promise you'll at least start to get some of your mojo back.
My family was what I needed to get away from lmao. No I had to figure stuff out on my own. Well, not completely, i listened dozens of self help audiobooks. From Anthony Robbins to Zig Ziglar (zig ziglar is awesome lol) Neurolinguistic programming techniques worked, but that's brainwashing. It'll come back to haunt you twice as hard once you can't trick yourself.
Also the book the artists way tought me a different way to view emotions. Not just pushing them away. https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
There's one technique I still use and that's physically moving the memories far away in my mind. Make it smaller. It's quick to do when it pops up unwanted.
Headspace techniques do basically the opposite, they teach you neither to change or focus on the memory. Just let it be there among the other memories and thoughts. Here's the link: https://www.netflix.com/title/81280926
They have fun animations if anything.
As for nightmares, I always lucid dream. But with nightmares that's like playing chess against yourself. You can always come up with a way things go wrong. And then again and again and again. So I do have experience with that too lol. Controlling the thoughts before you go to bed is kinda essential imo to make nightmares go away. If you don't deal with thoughts during the day, they'll come to you at night. So I think the only way to deal effectively with nightmares is during the day.
Edit: in the end, for people like us, we have to choose whether we remain a victim or refuse to let the abuser have any more control over us. Realising that helped me a lot.
Art is something everyone loves, but artists are sometimes not held in the highest esteem due to eccentricities/lazy dispositions/delusions of grandeur/ etc. Some of the criticism is warranted and some of it isn't, but one thing I have come to realize it that being an artist is one of the hardest jobs around unless you are one of the 1/1,000,000 that just has that undeniable raw talent combined with some je ne sais quoi that people just gravitate towards and find irresistible.
For the rest of us, cultivation of our inner artist, practice, studying the past, learning from mistakes, and being honest with ourselves is important if we ever hope to progress. There are so many variables that play into this: what kind of art do you make? Is it for profit? Is it for self expression?
To make good art, you gotta become the artist that makes the art you love. You've probably heard the quote from Michelangelo, "I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free." in regards to his piece David, becoming the artist you are meant to be is a similar process. Sometimes it is about freeing yourself, finding yourself.
As a writer and a fashion designer, I sought education, I taught myself, I worked hard and practiced, I sought the advice of others...and I still wasn't able to properly express myself. At any moment, I felt like my heart could burst, nothing i did quenched my artistic thirst. Nothing was good enough.
I realized that my process was all wrong and that if an artists relies solely on their completed works, they will never find happiness. Something is always going to be left unsaid, no piece will every be finished perfectly, something to make it better will always be thought of later.
This book helped me tremendously r/https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
It is a book that can teach you many things in regards to becoming the artist you want to be. It has themes that aren't for everyone (i'm not spiritual, and it does take it there at times) but they aren't overbearing and it is a little self-help-y. But anyway, I still recommend it as a tool to embracing your own work and growing as an artist. It is a 12 week program and has exercises to do and things like that.
It’s a work book for getting back into creativity, https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
Hi!
First, it’s good that you have a plan. But now you have to work that plan. Sometimes working a plan is hard. It’s repetitive. It can be boring, because you can’t fast forward through practicing scales, or writing, or drawing. You just have to commit to putting in the work whether you are inspired or not.
Did you know that Einstein worked in a patents office while working on his theories in his spare time? Sometimes we have to squish our passions in around the more mundane parts of our lives, so don’t despair about your job derailing your passions. Jobs are a necessary part of life for pretty much all of us.
Give yourself a small writing challenge each shift. Obviously you can’t write the whole thing down - you’ll have to do this in your head. But it’s good practice to work on following a scenario through. Pick a character and make them do something in their world. Make it like one of those improv shows. Give yourself a place, a character and a task for that character to do. Then run that scenario in your head a few different ways. Focus on action in one run-through, then dialogue, then setting. Change supporting characters. The idea is to get the creative juices flowing.
Find some writing support groups that you can start to share your work with.
Go to a writer’s conference.
Search out readings by authors you like, or interviews of them.
Look for a volunteer job that gets your creative juices flowing. Can you read to kids at the library? Help seniors draw?
How about taking a drawing class yourself? Make it be something that you didn’t know before, so you can expand your skill set.
Don’t worry about mistakes - mistakes are important to make. They teach us where the edges of things are. They teach us what not to do. They help us refine our skills. If you make a mistake, take the time to debrief. Did you unintentionally hurt some? Okay… genuinely apologize. But otherwise, assess, incorporate and keep going.
Read The Artist’s Way. It’s got some great ways to keep inspiration going during every day life!
Namaste.
I've been in this industry since I was 17 with my first newspaper job. That was in the late 90s. The key to keeping the fires burning for me is versatility.
The same old thing gets dull. So I've worked in journalism, advertising, ghostwriting, editing, obituaries/memorials, marketing, social media, brand development, product descriptions, book retail, book reviewing, proofreading, public relations, nonprofit publicity, and nonprofit social media strategy. I've sold own my fiction and nonfiction. I teach classes, serve as a guest speaker, or join panel discussions to teach high school and college students in my local area as well. The enthusiasm of young people is always a boost. You also don't need half as much expertise as you think to do any of these gigs.
That said, the first paragraph of your post is the crux of the issue.
Your headspace is prime real estate, my friend. Writing is a mental endeavor. If your head is not in it, your writing will suck. Or worse, your attitude about the writing you do will suck which will make your job suck more. That's just how it is.
Start with this question: What do you actually WANT to write? Don't think about the money or what your loved ones have said. Just answer it honestly.
Creative people are usually only dysfunctional in environments created by neuronormal (i.e. boring) people. This includes writing jobs that treat writing like it is somehow not a creative endeavor, but a formula anybody can do. A natural creative will not survive in that setting because it's cold, emotionless and lacks anything resembling fun. That's why creative people also turn into depressive/anxious hot messes very easily trying to conform to that standard.
So whenever I feel like I am getting burned out, I go back to Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way series. Three other books I have relied on for the last two decades that still give me inspiration are "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg, Hemingway's "A Moveable Feast," and Stephen King's "On Writing."
Reading those reminds me that writing was considered sacred in antiquity rather than a commodity. So I treat my writing as a sacred endeavor and choose jobs that are going to fulfill my sense of purpose rather than just paying my bills.
Hope this helps.
Later.
I don't traffic much in a lot hippy mumbo jumbo, but I've made major career and writing leaps when I'm practicing The Artist's Way.
For my money, it's as close to magic for writers as it gets.
After years of hearing the great David Lynch talk about Transcendental Meditation, I finally broke down and took the course. I've been doing it the prescribed 2x a day for about 8 months.
The jury is still out on if it's making me a better writer, but it is relaxing.
As far as food goes, nothing is better for my writing than fasting. Days that I eat once a day, or not at all, are some of my sharpest. I pound coffee, though.
If I'm having a creative block or get stuck on something, I'll smoke weed and get as high as the moon and watch horror movies or listen to music all night. Works for me.
Super fun topic.
Alrighty, /u/popsiclewings, I'm tired too. Let's go from the top.
Why do I have to work and make money just to live?
This is a thorny one. As we mature, we take on more responsibilities and in doing so earn independence from our parents or caregivers. Taking care of ourselves means finding a way to meet our basic needs and comforts. This can be a difficult transition, but becoming a full member of a group has always required that we contribute to the wider mission: this is work and this is fair. If you join the hunt, you share the food. If we were great apes, I would groom you and you would groom me. Basic reciprocal fairness.
Work is effort in exchange for something. In modern society, that something is money, and we use money to secure what we want and need. This is not to say the way things are structured these days is fair or pleasant. That is not the case. Some of the work we do is awful, unfairly compensated, and just plain overwhelming or degrading. But this is not so much an existential crisis as a practical problem to work through.
Back to the idea of work itself - of contributing to the wider mission - this doesn't need to cause despair. Many people find meaning in work and it's not just the people you think: doctors, artists, envoys to the United Nations. I have met receptionists, cleaners, shop assistants, plumbers, people from all walks that find their work meaningful to some degree.
Work may never be deeply meaningful to you, but if you look hard enough, you may find a glint of something you can hold on to. Perhaps reflect on two questions:
1) What is it that your work does for someone else? Look carefully.
2) What is it that your work enables you to do for yourself? Move out? Buy an easel? Eat?
Also, think about volunteering: it is work, often difficult work, without payment. Why do people bother? Because contribution can be meaningful even when money is removed from the bargain.
I didn't ask to be here.
You're absolutely right. Two people had sex and now you have consciousness and have to study for exams and pay parking fines. None of us had any say which weirdly makes our unfair beginning fair. Being born is sort of like a natural disaster: it just happens and there is no why and no court of appeal. We just have to start building again.
If you're into dark and stormy philosophy bites, you might want to look into Martin Heidegger, a German existentialist who once described our beginning as being thrown.
There is a scene from Interstellar that comes to mind when I think about being thrown. It is though life begins here, in the middle of a spin, and the rest of our life is trying to catch up with a runaway reality, to wrestle back control and dock the damn ship.
As Cooper lines up to dock with the spiralling station, he asks the onboard computer to match the spin.
"It's not possible."
"No. It's necessary."
It's exhausting.
It is.
Try to take care of yourself. Write a list of things you love: do them. Write a list of things you hate: avoid them. Get proper sleep as a matter of the highest importance. Nothing is so lethal to a good day than a sleepless night. Remember: exhaustion is unavoidable result of striving, living, trying, surviving. In other words, exhaustion is the result of living well.
When you accept that you will begin to know resilience.
I'll be in customer service for the rest of my life.
I don't know your situation, but you mentioned you are graduating. You are taking steps toward another sort of work, probably more suited to what you'd like to do? It would be silly for me to say, from the other side of the world, that life will provide you the opportunities you need or that the job you want is waiting for you.
But, if you consistently try - continuing to gain experience, reaching out for help when you need it, studying if needed, taking little uncomfortable risks like applying for positions or putting yourself out there, I have a hunch that you will be able to change your situation over time.
No one can guarantee that you'll get what you want. But if you stop trying, it's over.
I want to be an artist.
That's a great starting point. Don't let go. That simple statement - I want to be an artist - confirms to me that you'd like to make a contribution. That's enough to keep you going for a long while. Becoming an artist can sometimes be a psychological battle and people who have gone before us have left some breadcrumbs:
Pick up a copy of The Artists Way by Julia Cameron, or The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield.
If you cannot afford to buy these books, DM me and I will find a way to get you one.
My parents keep asking me what my plan is when I graduate.
Again, I don't know your situation, but this is a question commonly asked by people who care about us: friends, family, all sorts. For now, it's OK not to know. Even if you figure it out for now, there will come another time where you don't know again. Uncertainty is a burden that comes with the freedom to make choices.
Put me in front of the ice cream cabinet at Baskin Robbins and I don't know what my plan is. It's normal not to know the plan before you even begin a hypothetical life after graduating. All I can say is: pay attention to your intuition and your opportunities and try and piece together something that works for you. A plan can give you some clarity, but keep it flexible.
I asked my therapist and she didn't have answers.
Perhaps she could not give an answer even if she wanted to. Some of the questions you have raised must be lived and can never be answered. Sometimes, a therapist will hold back advice so you have to think about it more and come to your own perspective. If we could all go to therapists and have our existential questions answered, life would be too easy.
Best of luck.
It’s designed for blocked artists. It’s really helpful.
https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
Give The Artist's Way a go. If nothing else, give morning pages a good run. Ideas and themes come up for me all the time here. I'm a writer, and these will often turn into essay outlines and poem drafts.
Ever heard of the Artist Way?
https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
It's a journaling and creative exercise program supposed to hep with stuff like that.
Saturn has been transiting your 7th house since late 2017. Saturn presents challenges and highlights what in our lives isn't working and needs restructuring or redirecting.
- The most prominent transit from Saturn was probably to your moon (throughout 2019) and may have coincided with withdrawal or an increased responsibility on your shoulders from loved ones.
- Saturn-Moon transits show you where/how your emotions aren't being met. Uranus brings unexpected changes, so in conjunction with your moon I'd bet that relates to your emotional ups and downs; Neptune represents disillusion, escapism, and confusion, possibly pointing to your detachment.
Now that Saturn entered Aquarius, you're going through your Saturn return! Lucky for you, you have a day chart, so Saturn tends to lean more constructive than destructive.
- 8th house themes will be at the forefront of your SR, as well as 7th house themes (because Saturn also rules Capricorn). Its opposition to Jupiter in your 2nd house suggests some financial restrictions, but Jupiter is also your greatest beneficiary so it'll be a hurdle that you overcome and are better for having done so. That's your only difficult aspect to Saturn so being on your 2nd-8th axis indicates a focus on finances and possessions, especially money/assets of other people (e.g. partner's income, debt, inheritance, taxes)
- The bulk of your SR will be while Saturn is within 5° of your natal Saturn (so through the end of Feb, then Aug-Nov). Looking back on late March-early July of 2020—when Saturn dipped into Aquarius—could give you an idea of what's to come. Jupiter transiting through Aquarius for the next year will bring some balance, moderation, and growth to Saturn's energy.
Mars also just moved into Taurus from a 6 month transit of Mars going retrograde in your 10th house, where it may have brought more tension or strife in the sphere of your career or overall life direction, so this will bring relief there.
- Mars is conjunct Uranus in Taurus, and they're now squaring Saturn (going exact mid February, mid June, and late December). In your 11th house, there could be tension between some unexpected shakeups happening in your social circle and themes of consolidation and wisdom through difficult circumstances (indicated by Saturn 8th house). Could be an overlap between friends and other peoples' money that's a point of tension.
I'd say a time to look forward to is early July when Mars moves into your 2nd house and aligns with your Jupiter. Mars galvanizes us in whatever area it's hitting, so you'll likely feel an increased drive to earn money, and Jupiter's benefic and expansive nature will be on your side, although its opposition to Saturn will still come with some restrictions.
- July is also when transiting Jupiter will be in Pisces for a couple of months (May-July), and Jupiter is happiest in the signs it rules! July specifically I think will be favorable to you. :^)
2021 has a Gemini-Sagittarius eclipse cycle, which will be a continuation of the Gem-Sag eclipses that happened Nov 30 and Dec 14 in 2020, 6 months later. Here are the dates of the upcoming eclipses! Being on your 6th-12th axis, they might relate to work, daily routine, physical and mental health, and (restorative) isolation.
I know I've already written so much lmao but as I'm hashing it all out I'm pulling it together so I'll wrap it up with this:
6th house is body while 12th is mind/soul, so the eclipses will likely push you to assess how you're caring for yourself. Between that and your Saturn return, the advice I'll give is to treat hardships as opportunities to expand. Ex: Lost your job? "What's a hobby I wanted to try but didn't have the time to before?"
It's easy to feel a loss of control during your SR, like things are just happening to you. To counter that, start implementing little acts of self care into your daily routine. A lot of things are out of our control, but taking the time to do things for yourself with intention will empower you.
The Artist's Way is something your pisces sun might like and your capricorn moon might need lol. It can get a little spiritually cheesy, but a cornerstone of it is the exercise of writing 3 pages as soon as you wake up every day. It might feel tedious but think about it like this: I bet when you wake up, you check your phone right away, and then get on with your day. It's important to let yourself be present while you adjust to being awake, and when the first thing you do every day is a deliberate act of mindfulness, it will ground you and truly give you a clean slate to start your day with. Doesn't matter what you write—could be a to do list, a joke, a dream you had, literally "I don't know what to write", whatever comes to you :)
Good luck with your Saturn return!
Here's my theory:
It often comes down to a question of identity and self image. You may talk or play piano, but you don't see yourself as a pianist or a talker, so it's not so troubling when you're not great at it. But you see the art you make as something central to who you are, and it's scary to confront the fact that you probably aren't as good as you wish you were and maybe (probably) never will be.
There's a long tradition of artists imagining themselves as being not the creator of the art, but merely the conduit. "I didn't make it; it flowed out of me." This perspective can help soften the blow when a piece of art doesn't work out so well, as well as keeping the artist humble when things do go well.
Finding ways to not take it too seriously and enjoy the process is what has worked for me, but I know many artists for whom art is a constant and epic struggle. It's a personal process that you will have to figure out for yourself.
Some popular books on the subject are The Artist's Way and the War of Art.
Art Student here.
There is a book; https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252/ref=sr_1_1?crid=R2VI3DJRIL7M&dchild=1&keywords=the+artists+way&qid=1608654775&s=books&sprefix=the+arti%2Caps%2C236&sr=1-1 which is a classic on this topic. You can actually do a number of exercises over a span of time.
Learning to see is key. In a drawing class people will look at a still life and see a cup, think cylinder, and then look down at their page and draw a cylinder. The artistic way to look is to determine why is it you can see the edge of the cup, how it contrasts with it's background, how it's lines differ from the lines around it.
One really fun exercise is to take a full page image from a magazine (B & W is preferable to start), cut it into strips, paste every other strip on a piece of paper, maintaining the spacing of the original, and then draw the missing parts of the image in (I hope I described that in some intelligible way).
Also, for anyone with artistic talents who are blocked and cannot use their talent anymore, I strongly recommend Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way"
It's a toolbox packed with enpowering exercices and inspirational quotes. It has helped me so much, not only unblock my creativity, but also let go of the crushing feeling that I was carrying a ton of bricks of compressed negative judgments from Ns and random toxic bystanders and really bad former teachers.
It's a helpful addition to Pete Walker's shrinking the inner critic.
I looked at Amazon France - it is this book.
The author has another book about freeing creativity, I do not know if it is a retitled translation or a different book on the same theme.
I would suspect there is a lot of overlap. Its a book about the philosophy of the creative. Not specifically musically related. However, a number of professional songwriters I know cite this book as helping them stay fresh and full of ideas.
Here's how it goes with writing which is my main creative outlet: I write a poem, say, and think it's the best thing in the world. The next day I read it and think it's total crap. I give up on it. Then a year later I chance upon it again and read it and half the time I think, you know, there was actually something good there. The other half of the time I think, no, that really was crap.
But there are also times when my muse really speaks to me, and out comes a first draft that I instantly know is quality. I barely edit it, if at all. And when I share it with people, they react very positively.
So what I'm saying is... the relationship with the creative self is a mysterious thing. You clearly have a strong creative drive, but maybe you're not finding the way to open the channels so to speak. Or maybe you don't have a realistic assessment of your own work's quality. How do other people react to it? Is there stuff out there that you really think is amazing, and you just can't seem to measure up to it? Maybe you just have a different style from your heroes. Or maybe your technique just isn't up to snuff. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes. If it's the latter, let it drive you. The obsessive pursuit of an artistic vision gave the world many of its greatest works of art.
It's good to get clear on why you want to create these things. Is it a craving for praise? Is it a love for the things you are creating? Is it the need to say something to the world? Your answers to these sorts of inquiries will help you know the right way to go.
You may benefit from reading "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It has a whole system for maintaining the connection to the creative part of yourself. For some of us, artistic expression is not a choice. Sounds like that's you. And so make it a priority to develop that part of yourself. Read about it. Talk to people about it. Dedicate time to a daily creative practice. Even if you aren't satisfied with your work right now, perhaps you can find satisfaction in improvement. Experiment with different mediums. Consume great works in your artistic discipline---learn from the masters. Join a critique group (or whatever the equivalent is in photography). Refine your own tastes so you can have a better handle on what's going wrong in your work. There's a lot you can do even if you are stalled in your current efforts. You'll find your way forward.
Get the book The Artist's Way and do that whole program. It's life changing.
https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252
This book will help and it is less than $20. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143129252/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_x.SJCb5ZNVNJ4
It sounds like you might benefit from Morning Pages. Read The Artist's Way:
https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252/
(Of course, you can just Google "Morning Page" to get an idea of what it involves.)
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