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The Best We Could Do: An Illustrated Memoir?
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>they're just people who have been fucked up by life
Exactly. Sometimes I think about how much collective trauma that a generation of APs carry, which bled into their family life in a way they may not even or ever realize. The existence of r/AsianParentStories and the people who are here is the evidence of a generations of emotional pain, fear, etc, caused by a world that fucked up a continent of people be it through war, famine, revolution, corruption, societal ills, etc. And we're finally in a place where we can recognize it and break the cycle. It is stunning to think that some of us here might be the first in *generations* of people in our families to experience freedom from the chains of anger/resentment/fear and truly experience happiness.
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>That doesn't make their actions okay, but it definitely doesn't make them villains.
Agree. Understanding why things are the way that they are doesn't mean we justifying it as okay or right. Maybe it was just the best they could do with what they had or what they know, shaded by the fears they carry. The best they could do, could have been wrong, and often. The graphic novel "The Best We Could Do" was something that helped cement that in my mind and understand many APs carry a lifetime of pain and fear on their backs and don't know how to put it down, which then impacted how they parented their families: https://www.amazon.com/Best-We-Could-Do-Illustrated/dp/1419718770
I think another perspective builder for me was watching my parents watch TV/movies one night where there were families on screen being happy together. Yes, I know it's TV/movies, but all people do have visions and dreams and hopes for themselves. When APs had kids, I'm sure they had a vision of having a loving family, just like the ones they saw in the media when they were younger. There are always some people who are not well, but for the most part, people who have kids generally want nice/happy families, but there's no manual to parenting, so one just resorts to what they know and/or a guess of they think will work and they may frustrated about why they couldn't control the world / their kids well enough to have things turn out the way they expected/wanted and why it feels like their families may be broken/lost and perhaps that they failed as parents, their only real purpose/mission in many AP's lives. Their critical mistake is believing that they could control the world - we all would like to, but no one can. Knowing that many APs, just like all parents, want nice families, and still desire that as they go into old age, is why I still give my parents chances to make things better going forward. I don't expect anything to change as I don't want to be angry/disappointed/resentful, but I always give them a chance and sometimes I get surprised (not often, but it does happen) when they take the chance I give them -- perhaps less for me, as I know who I am and I don't need their affirmation to be whole and happy, but more happy for them, as that they got one step closer to feeling loved and having that family they may have dreamed about in their heads.
this was done really well. Something along the same lines?
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