I am highly read up and researched on trauma bonds because I am trying to break the one I am addicted to with my abusive STBXH. I physically wanted to be with him after we had the ugliest divorce, custody and criminal battles. I had to find out what the fuck my problem was and trauma bonds is it. J+D parallel our lives in a lot of ways so let me list the reasons why it’s so strong (from the amazing book The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
When there are repetitive cycles of abuse
When the victim and the victimizer believe in their own uniqueness
When high intensity is mistaken for intimacy
When there is confusion about love
When there are increasing amounts of fear
When children are faced with terror
When there is a history of abuse
When exploitation endures over time
When the community family or social structure reacts in the extremes
When there is a familiar role and script to be fulfilled
When victims and victimizers switch roles of rescue and abuse
Trigger Warning - References to forms of abuse in the summary of a book.
This is the single most important I book that I have read while in I have been recovery from PTSD, available at Amazon: The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Carnes Ph.D., Patrick.
"Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds--chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, incest and child abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, hostage negotiations, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power.
In The Betrayal Bond Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships, why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He shows how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and gives a checklist for examining relationships. He then provides steps to safely extricate from these relationships.
This is a book you will turn to again and again for inspiration and insight, while professionals will find it an invaluable reference work"
My parents abused me in every way imaginable. This book was recommended to me while I was receiving inpatient care about 14 years ago. It was invaluable. I believe that you will be able to answer your question after reading it.
I came to forgive my parents but not to have a relationship with them. Mother is still alive. I want her to be better and have support but it will not be from me.
I commend you for your courage and compassion. I wish you the best of peace and joy in your life.
> Parents sign power of attorney over to whichever facility is in question. Minors have no legal rights to challenge this detainment. The kids do not have to self-commit or anything like that.
Omg, rjm2013, I am so, truly sorry that you experienced that nightmare! How very painful that must have been for you on so many levels, such a betrayal of your trust as a son. Your 'mother' may be a pathological narcissist. There is a great, practical website that helped me a lot in dealing with the momster I survived: http://www.controllingparents.com/ and this book The Betrayal Bond. http://www.amazon.com/The-Betrayal-Bond-Exploitive-Relationships/dp/1558745262
The parents do sign a power of attorney for the kids to stay in the boot camp, which is not a school, it's a boot camp. The school, however, is, in many cases, a residential psychiatric facility, which is unknown to the kids, who do need to self commit. It's a big business. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Therapeutic_boarding_school#History
There are, actually, legal rights about this for minors, which I just googled now. Wish I'd known this to be able to help my nieces back in 2000. http://www.camhpra.org/patients-rights-advocacy/chapter-10.html
In any case, my sincere good wishes for you on your journey.