Anxiety is awful and is probably the villain here. It doesn’t have to be logical: some part of you is cringing about past mistakes or awkwardness and you can’t see over the protective fence your mind built.
Here’s a quote from a book by Alan Watts, The Book: On the taboo against Knowing Who You Are: “the ego is indeed a fake—a wall of defense around a wall of defense, around nothing.”
I try to remember that what I’m protecting when I dread interacting with other people is imaginary. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just avoid things. Your choice.
I started with The Book and I think it is as good as any place to start: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Then I would suggest The Watercourse Way and The Way of Zen.
There are also many great things on YouTube.
Enjoy! And remember not to take it all too seriously!
I agree, drugs do not do anything special you could not do by yourself. However, they are a way to alter your perspective. They are not the only way, but they are not an inferior or superior way; they are merely different.
I do read books, and I'd like to recommend The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. That book has successfully altered a lot of perspectives and refined my own.
Hey stranger, not exactly Zen Buddhism, not exactly western philosophy, more of an intellectual mashup of them among others, but I’d definitely recommend
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
It’s cheap, a quick read, and will plunge you into eastern philosophy very quickly. DM if you’re ok with digital versions and don’t need a physical copy
But you already have. In fact, you've spent far longer in such a state than you have any other. You didn't come into this world from nothing, you came out of it into something, and that's just what you'd return to. It's not in the least something that's frightening. If anything it could be considered a return to normalcy, a default state. I recommend checking out Alan Watts The Book if this causes you serious anxiety.
I’d seriously consider getting a skilled therapist, he / she can help you work through all of the religious trauma. It takes awhile to undo and it helps to have someone as a sounding board. It will take time to heal, just remember it’s a process and it takes awhile (it took me a few years). But it does get better and it will all be ok.
Also, I highly recommend reading Alan Watts. He will break the Christian illusion in a way that will show you who you really are.
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Wishing you much luck, love, and happiness, you’re amongst friends here!
Alan was more of a Daoist dude who liked booze more than it liked him. My teacher saw him on a houseboat in Sausalito drinking wine. My teacher said it's not easy to catch the feeling of those times. Best to read Watts' autobiography, <em>In My Own Way</em>.
My number one recommended book..... The Book: On the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts, which gives many examples for a Western reader to help understand this 'philosophy', so to speak. I really have no words to describe the impact this book had on me spiritually when I first read it other than to say that the title is very fitting. Other's have much more eloquent things to say than myself.
I'm sure others will give great advice on how to establish a regular practice, I'd rather comment on your edit:
> Edit : I am thinking of buying wherever you go there you are book once I am done with this
That would seem to match your first book quite well, but I'd suggest at some point to spice up the reading a bit, e.g. with Alan Watt's The Book. It's a very short put powerful read that puts meditation training in a different perspective entirely than the books you've mentioned.
I also fell into / realized the whole nihilism bit. Two things helped:
some quote "I know there is no meaning of life, but I'm going to enjoy this sandwich anyway!"
This book by Alan Watt which really intellectually convinced me of something more than just chemistry, or at least a really relevant take on the bigger picture of it.
I started with this one, which encapsulates his overall philosophy/ideas. Reading it was a sober psychadelic experience. http://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434311499&sr=8-1&keywords=alan+watts
After that, I'd listen to any of his lectures on youtube where the subject strikes your interest. He had a captivating speaking style.
As for his other books, I like all of them--"The Way of Zen" is a little more scholarly, but a great introduction to what the Zen tradition actually was (not the stereotypical hippie idea you probably have of it). "Tao: the Watercourse Way" was also a great read.
What are your thoughts on Eastern spirituality, more specifically, Zen philosophies? Have you ever read Alan Watts? He stopped the pursuit to become an Ordained Zen Monk in order to become an Episcopal Priest for some time, receiving a Master's in Theology. He left the priesthood to travel to California, where he continued his Eastern studies.
I can attribute his works, and Zen philosophy, to helping find spiritual tangibility for myself, filling that "black hole" that your typical (more often than not, Christianity-scarred,) stalwart atheist might experience. The hole you mentioned just now in a comment.
I guess I have to put a bow on this:
if you don't have any sense of wonder from say your stove, I suggest the book.
It doesn't perfectly suit my aesthetics but I still recommend it. it might help you find more novelty in the world.
It's not a beginner's book of philosophy. If you think about it, you need to decide ahead of time which kind of philosophy interests you. There is the philosophy of the mind, of learning, of business, of art, of religion, of sec (my personal favorite)... just far too many to name.
And they are not unified in any way.
I was drawn to Alan Watts in university. I recommend reading The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. This is primarily an examination of the philosophy of religion, but it is also about existence and how our minds work in our bodies. Tis verily mind blowing. Basically Watts cleverly blurs the line between our bodies and the world in a way that will have you second-guessing your beliefs to some extent. He's very convincing, although a bit nutty. :)
I have asked around and he is not considered a nutjob by any philosophers; in fact his work is greatly respected in all circles it seems.
The reason I'm recommending you start with this book is because it's really funny and it reads like a fucking brilliant article (sort of small but really cool).
Also if you want to get a sense of what Watts is like you can see some of his videos on Youtube that were put up by numerous sources.
Science gives us elegant, nominal explanations of the universe which codify its operations/functions in useful terms and ideas. Science let us explore the universe and build incredible things, and generally really understand how things work (although, as we see at the quantum level, our understanding is still highly limited). Science certainly has a graceful art at its heart - for example in, say, the simulation of geometric patterns corresponding to snowflakes in flight, or the marvelous wave-particle duality in quantum physics, or the magnificent taxonomy of our planet's species, or our grandest ideas about the unobservable universe.
Yet, no matter what science can provide us, it is knowledge about an ultimately empty reality. The knowledge that science provides us is knowledge of what exists dependently, which is, therefore, actually knowledge that does not see the emptiness of the studied phenomena, only its form.
When phenomena are seen to be empty, what happens to he seeking to calculate the quantum physical laws? Not just phenomena, but that self observing it, is empty. When this emptiness is realized, this artificial distinction between the observer and observed is destroyed with crystal Samadhi.
We need knowledge that things exist dependently. We need the Dharma to overcome suffering. Science nor nothing else will be to do that, but it does seem quantum physics may represent the closest theoretical models pointing to the Dharma, in a creative analogical way.
Some pointers are found in the most cutting edge quantum physics. Impermanence abounds at the quantum level in paradoxical ways, for example. This is so exciting to me, to see Dharma 's illumination so brightly in modern science: I believe if you look carefully, there is a lot to learn in modern astrophysics and quantum science. The references to how perception shapes reality, how perceiver and perceived interpenetrate, are staggeringly numerous in many fields as complex as string theory.
Therefore, the inability of science to never actually explain reality completely like the Dharma, does not diminish the beauty of modern science. We must always be aware of the nature of reality, at the ultimate level, and by doing so we can even more greatly appreciate the mystery and beauty of the conventionally existent universe, in which our existence appears inseparable from everything else, and our quantum understanding of which is increasingly analogical to the Dharma.
If this piques your interest, then definitely read The Tao of Physics
I want to tag Alan Watts! That beautiful man says this elegantly. Please read his books, everyone, especially The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. :)
u/En_lighten, u/UsYntax
A really interesting book that talks about life in the modern world, and spirituality, and frames it in a philosophical nature with regard to how people relate to ourselves and each other --- is called The Book by a man named Alan Watts.
He's dead now, but he was a westerner, yet a Zen Buddhist philosopher who wrote about the idea of being here now, living in the moment, and how we are all connected and part of one collective humanity.
I read it when I was much younger, and it really opened my mind to a lot of thoughts about the nature of humans and the universe we live in. I don't think it's too technical, I think it is accessible and fairly down-to-earth given the nature of the subject matter.
Check out this book on Goodreads:
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60551.The_Book_on_the_Taboo_Against_Knowing_Who_You_Are
Amazon:
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are https://www.amazon.com/dp/0679723005/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2WfxEbWJMFXXP
The name of the the book is actually "The Book" - https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005.
I definitely understand the feeling of knowing the right place to stand. The truth is, there is no right or wrong place to stand. Just standing. It gets really messy when we are trying to work things out when we also try to figure out the right and wrongs of it all. There may be right or wrong ways to act out how we feel, but there are no wrong feelings per se. The spinning compass could indicate there is nowhere to go, you're exactly where you need to be at this time. Maybe it isn't pleasant, but it's also not forever.
School of Life: https://www.youtube.com/c/theschooloflifetv/videos
The Book: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Why We Do What We Do: https://www.amazon.com/Why-We-What-Understanding-Self-Motivation/dp/B07XL3KS6K
The Undervalued Self: https://www.amazon.com/The-Undervalued-Self/dp/B072F6VW1T
The source is there: the book. :) https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
Here’s an Amazon link, but I encourage you to try your local library first. They might have it in paper and digital format. Good luck!
fuck bro you're getting real on me now, I gotta think about this.
> These things just induce fear and anxiety because I see them like this
this is a good thing. fear and anxiety are signs that you are changing into something that scares you. but what else would it mean to become a powerful man, other than what you fear?
remember: bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather doing what needs to be done despite feeling fear.
> I only know what I do and have done, and my perspective of my identity and what I know. I know that they must be somehow related, but I do not know how or in what way.
You are not old yet. You have plenty of time to learn new tricks. It is extremely unfortunate that most of us in this God-forsaken nation have been raised (or essentially not raised) to follow some nonsense that doesn't hold any weight beyond the maturity of a 19 year old.
> Because of this, I am always fearful of reconsidering my per-conceived notions, externally-induced or not, or making drastic changes to my behaviour, out of fear of losing the good parts that I see in my identity or thinking.
This is foolish. The positive aspects never go anywhere. As you build on yourself, you only improve, you don't really "replace" anything. Whatever you've already attached yourself to - you did so because it spoke to you, even if it was on a child level or whatever it may be. You will not change beyond what is meant for you, embrace it and become yourself. https://open.spotify.com/track/7lS9QAZEVs954CUvOiP3Zk
https://www.amazon.ca/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005 - shameless plug of relevant book that is available at the UW library. Read it, please.
Alan Watts has been dead for a long time, friend. And though he was an extremely popular speaker during his life, he wasn't especially commercialized.
If you're interested what his answer would have been, to your question of goals, consider this excerpt from one of his lectures: https://youtu.be/rBpaUICxEhk
For a much more complete understanding of his personal philosophy and metaphysics, this book is an excellent (and quite concise) read: https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
I have no need for the module, but this is my favorite book:
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are - Alan Watts - a very inspiring book.
It is Alan Watts. Begin reading here.
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing WhoYou Are is my favorite personal growth book, but it could be seen as esoteric.
Here are a few books that opened my mind to questioning reality, and a few books that I've read to help me understand this shift in consciousness I've been going through.
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (don't let the commercialization of that book strip you from believing it to be authentic; plenty of profound truths in that!)
The Law of One
I highly suggest, whenever you're going for a long drive or walk out in the park, taking out your phone and searching "Adyashanti" in the YouTube search bar. There are tons of profound talks by him, all on this subject. He has changed my life and opened my mind hugely. Enjoy!
A couple others here have recommended Alan Watts. I couldn't agree more. I would start with The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are.
The Book by Alan Watts. Take care.
Another book by Alan Watts which I found insightful along the lines of Nature, Man and Woman. I, too, enjoy the writings and lectures of Alan Watts.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing/dp/0679723005
I don't really know if I believe in reincarnation, but I've been reading this http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing/dp/0679723005/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1421729640&sr=8-2 and it's been freaking me out...
The Book - On the Taboo Against Know Who You Are by Alan Watts is one of my personal favorites.
His son also has a YouTube channel with some of his talks: http://www.youtube.com/user/markwatts02/videos
Enjoy!
Can I recommend a book to you?
This one:
http://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005
It's not what you think.
Anything at all by Alan Watts...Although I recommend video or audio as his tone is 80% of the context.
The South Park guys made some awesome shorts of his work.
He really brings all things eastern and esoteric to a VERY palatable light for the western world.
I would recommend The Book to anybody who is not familiar.
When you're dead you can't suffer, but dying can be agonizing. Conception makes death inevitable.
As for having 1 life, consider the elements that make up your body: over 99% of the human body is carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, phosphorous, nitrogen, potassium, sodium, sulfur, chlorine, magnesium. Has the carbon in your body only "lived" 1 life? No. Arthur Schopenhauer said "every ravenous beast is the living grave of thousands of others." Since life on Earth began ~4.28 BYA, think of how many times your atoms have been incorporated into other lifeforms. Heterotrophs like animals need to consume other lifeforms & their nutrients to live. Elements "live" more than one life, but your current identity, name, memories, personality, is unique & unrepeatable.
A sperm & egg are both haploid cells (23 chromosomes) & after fertilization those (usually) 46 chromosomes duplicate & differentiate, resulting in over 37 trillion cells (besides trillions of non-humans cells living in & on every body). Eventually so many cells are copied & differentiated that a brain forms & awareness can occur. I think upon death, each of those cells decays, including all cells retaining memories, so memories get destroyed (unless you externalized them somehow, by oral/written/recorded communication, or the creation of artifacts).
Some people believe consciousness precedes life. Panpsychism holds that "consciousness, mind or soul (psyche) is a universal & primordial feature of all things." Integrated information theory holds that consciousness is "an intrinsic, fundamental property of any physical system." Wikipedia says "IIT 'starts with consciousness' (accepts the existence of consciousness as certain)." It's been said "One unavoidable consequence of IIT is that all systems that are sufficiently integrated & differentiated will have some minimal consciousness associated with them." "a single hydrogen ion, a proton made up of 3 quarks, will have a tiny amount of synergy, of phi...IIT is a scientific version of panpsychism, the ancient & widespread belief that all matter, all things, animate or not, are conscious to some extent." Edward R. Harrison allegedly said "Given enough time, Hydrogen starts to wonder where it came from, & where its going."
Many religions believe consciousness or souls precede life. In Hinduism & Buddhism, they may believe incarnation (& reincarnation) happens unwillingly. Meher Baba was a Sufi & said he was God in human form & was silent his last 44 years & wrote about a soul's journey from an original state of unconscious divinity, through an evolution into billions of forms & increasing consciousness where it identifies with each form & becomes tied to illusory impressions (skandhas, Sanskrit for "heaps, aggregates, collections, groupings"), which it tries to shake off in its next reincarnation but it only leads to more skandhas, until eventually after so many births in human form, previous skandhas grow weaker & weaker, until the soul starts involution & eventually lead to ultimate attainment of conscious divinity. Mahayana Buddhism says all aggregates (form, sensations, perceptions, mental activity, & consciousness) are inherently empty. The 3 marks of existence in Buddhism are impermanence (anicca), suffering (dukkha), & non-self (anatta). Theravada Buddhism says suffering arises when one clings to or identifies with aggregates. That's similar to Gnosticism where identifying with matter leads one astray. Dzogchen in Nyingma Tibetan Buddhism holds that the "ground" is the primordial state, knowledge of the ground is called rigpa ("reflexively self-aware primordial wisdom") & the opposite of rigpa is marigpa (ignorance). Dzogchen masters use the analogy that one's "true nature is...like a crystal ball that takes on the color of the material on which it is placed without itself being changed." In Buddhism Mind Stream is the moment-to-moment continuum of sense impressions & mental phenomena, which provides a continuity of a personality in the absence of a permanent self. One could argue all identities are illusions. In Hinduism Vishnu is a deity who "dreams the universe into reality." In Advaita Vedanta they believe the soul (true Self, Atman) is the same as the highest metaphysical Reality (Brahman) & they seek the experience that Atman is Brahman. The world soul is in many philosophies & religions. Emerson wrote of the Over-Soul. In the Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, Reverend Casy says "Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of" & Tom Joad says "A fellow ain't got a soul of his own, just little piece of a big soul, the one big soul that belongs to everybody." The film The Thin Red Line repeats Casy & goes on "all faces are the same man." "Everyone lookin' for salvation by himself. Each like a coal thrown from the fire." Plotinus spoke of "the One", saying it was transcendent, beyond all categories of being & non-being, & that everything that exists emanates from it in stages of lesser & lesser perfection.
As for waking up in another consciousness after death, consider the idea of quantum immortality. "Quantum immortality refers to the subjective experience of surviving quantum suicide regardless of the odds." Keith Lynch said Hugh Everett "firmly believed that his many-worlds theory guaranteed him immortality: his consciousness, he argued, is bound at each branching to follow whatever path does not lead to death."
The Tibetan Book of the Dead "describes, & is intended to guide one through, the experiences that the consciousness has after death, in the bardo, the interval between death & the next rebirth." In The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on The Tibetan Book of the Dead by Tim Leary, death & rebirth is presented as a metaphor for the experience of ego death common under psychedelic drugs like LSD, psilocybin, & mescaline. How Psychedelic Drugs Can Help Patients Face Death.
Some atheists have had near-death experiences. In the book DMT: The Spirit Molecule by Rick Strassman, who tested DMT on human volunteers, it says "One of our volunteers likes to say 'You can still be an atheist until 0.4.'" (an IV 0.4mg/kg dose of DMT). DMT is naturally produced in the brain in trace amounts. Some people posit a rush of DMT happens at birth & death.
If humans don't have souls, then souls don't reincarnate. When a sentient lifeform reproduces, it forces elements to reincarnate into new forms, having new subjective experiences, new memories, even a new identity. The "I" may not been the same, but a new "I" is made each time (at least in sentient life, & maybe every lifeform with neurons).
Hubert Reeves said "Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible God & destroys a visible Nature. Unaware that this Nature he’s destroying is this God he’s worshiping." Pantheists believe God & the universe are the same thing. A pantheist might see the universe imbued with divinity. That's the Hindu description of God, Brahman (& they also believe the universe is cyclic. In Hinduism, Leela refers to the idea that all of reality is the result of "divine play" by the divine absolute, Brahman, "sport" of Brahman. Fritjof Capra wrote "God becomes the world which, in the end, becomes again God." Aldous Huxley defined the "perennial philosophy" as "The metaphysic that recognises a divine Reality substantial to the world of things & lives & minds; the psychology that finds in the soul something similar to, or even identical with, divine Reality; the ethic that places man's final end in the knowledge of the immanent & transcendent Ground of all being - the thing is immemorial & universal."
A pantheist would say God lives every life & experiences any pleasure or suffering that occurs. So the Golden Rule would be about avoiding self-harm. A pantheist believes reality is God playing solitaire forever. Which is the idea in The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. See the 2009 story "The Egg" by Andy Weir. I can see how such an idea would bother some people, considering how much suffering & death occurs on Earth. Births are only possible due to procreation. But many religious traditions expect celibacy or abstinence from their "highest" class of holy people, monks, nuns, priests, etc. Jesus never had children. In the Greek Gospel of the Egyptians, Salome asks "How long shall men die?" & Jesus answers "As long as you women bear children."
The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Really Are helped me a lot, personally. Fair warning, this can be some super esoteric shit. To get a good feel for it, look into some of these lectures starting here. The videos contain a lot of the same information and examples that the book has, so if you enjoy the lectures, buy the book. Both are full of frisson, epiphanies and new perspectives on life. Another disclaimer: Watts was famous for bringing Zen Buddhism and various eastern philosophies to the west, and while he himself claims not to be a preacher or missionary for these religions, they are an important underlying theme of his work.
You're not alone. There's also more to you than being a human. You are not just a child of humans but also a child of the cosmos. Sometime you can stop living only in the human mode and check out the rest of the universe. It is your birthright and no one can stop you. You'll see there's a lot out there beyond the world of words and human language and human thought. To access the universe beyond the human, you have to identify what's strictly human and deliberately set it to the side. Stop moving your body and stop thinking and then just observe what happens for a few minutes. If you're like most of us, you won't be able to stop thinking even for 30 seconds. That's alright. You're watching yourself as if under a scanning electron microscope. You can literally see a thought arising and vanishing even after telling yourself for the 10th time in one minute not to think about anything. When you stop for a while, you can see all phenomena arising and vanishing without end - both outside of your skin and within it. Nothing is fixed. Nothing you perceive is permanent. Whenever we forget this, and we try to grasp onto a piece of experience or a piece of reality, then we start having problems because it can't be done. Grabbing reality kills it. Turns it into object. Reality and self are not objects. There is something that is not an object or a process or an emergent property and also not nothingness and that is you. If you haven't met this aspect of you yet, this won't make any sense but once you start investigating yourself very closely it will. This is what to ask: What is this "I" that stands alone, that comes before the "I am human" and way before the "I am so and so the human."? This is a new point of view making itself available to you. Check out this book. It's all about finding out what (not who) you are and whether you end up agreeing with the author or not, it will bring up some important new ways of seeing yourself and the universe that are not part of mainstream education. For someone who is thinking the way you are now, opening up and looking at your situation so clearly, seeing for yourself what this life is all about, it will bring insight and momentum of the kind that can change the course of your life. Stay free.