{"product":{"product_id":"1572245077","title":"The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD","price":"14.62","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/413Z4ODl-9L._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077"},"comments":[{"body":"Not sure where you can access it online for free, but I'm using this one, it's available on Amazon used for around $6 plus $4 shipping if you don't have Prime. \r\n\r\nThe Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_LDZAyb4TRH683) ","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"lovable_cactus"},{"body":"BPD comes from a very emotionally sensitive person having their emotions invalidated at a very early age. It doesn't even require the usual forms of abuse, just neglect, but trauma definitely helps it along. \r\n\r\nI'd suggest reading the BPD Survival guide if you want to have a better understanding.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"AllBlackAllWhite"},{"body":"No need to worry about sounding like a hypochondriac. Of course, I or anyone else who isn't a doctor or professional can diagnose you. And the worst thing you can do is diagnose yourself. If you think that you might have it, I would definitely recommend reading up on the disorder. A book that I HIGHLY recommend is \"The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD\". You can find it on amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077\r\n\r\nIf you do think that you have it, then I would go see a mental health professional. But there are several things you have to keep in mind if you do decide to seek help. First of all, most professionals wont diagnose you with a personality disorder the first time they see you. It'll usually take weeks and weeks and weeks of seeing you in order for them to make that diagnosis, because it's difficult to distinguish a personality disorder from mood disorders. In fact, some professionals won't even diagnose you with BPD at all, because of the stigma it has. If you have BPD as a diagnosis on your health record, you most likely will experience this stigma first hand from doctors. Some doctors won't even see patients who have the diagnosis (even if the patients are far along in their recovery). BPD is truly a label that has a very negative connotation along with it.\r\n\r\nI would definitely recommend reading more about the disorder yourself. Get the book that I recommended for you. Whether or not you have BPD, keep this thing in mind: you are your best advocate. ","subreddit_name":"AMA","author":"Dogg_04"},{"body":"I can't speak for her, but the only relationship that ever worked for me is the one I've been in for the past 12 years.  I had know him for years before he asked me out.  Normally I would have run away from the situation, but he just wouldn't take no for an answer.  Now he's my husband.\r\n\r\nI finally kept saying yes because he was kind and funny and easy going, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me.  He validates everything I say, and makes me feel really good about myself.  He is truly my best friend.\r\n\r\nAll of that's awesome for me, but not so much for him.  He gets yelled at for seemly no reason.  He takes the blame inside of our relationship for everyone outside of our relationship shitting on me.  He gets to have some amazing highs with me, but when things are bad, he's part of that too. \r\n\r\nI can't recommend any books from your side of the situation, but a book that has helped me most so far is [this one] (http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1392504524\u0026amp;sr=8-1\u0026amp;keywords=the+borderline+personality+disorder+survival+guide)\r\n\r\nThe only real suggestion I have is, don't let her push you away if this is really what you want.  Let her have her space, but always let her know that you are there for her.  No matter what she says or does.","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"tam-l"},{"body":"I'm sorry to hear moving home isn't an option. But yes, definitely let him know about invalidating environments--this is actually considered something that causes and enhances the symptoms of BPD. So his behaviour is actually just reinforcing (or even causing) your emotional turmoil. That said, your bf's reaction to your BPD behaviour is pretty typical. It's really hard for non-bpds to grasp. If you can get your hands on a copy of this book http://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077, it's super helpful when trying to explain the disorder to non-bpds. Also, it's really informative on the topic of invalidating environments. ","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"bpd_princess"},{"body":"First of all, late happy birthday! I'm really sorry you had to spend it alone and for all the other things that you've been going through in the last few years. I just read some of your posts/comments and well... I suppose it's fair to say that you are really struggling. But it's also clear from your history that you are full of love and a willingness and great ability to help others. You are lovable, did you know that? Whoever you end up with, they'll be lucky to count with such a supportive and loving individual, even despite your struggles with BPD. I wish I could be more helpful regarding dating, but I've taken myself away from dating for the time being. I miss being with my partner of 7 years so much, so fucking much. But right now dating will only bring more chaos and difficulties that will most likely affect my life and health negatively. I can't deal with more instability. It's 2019, Danidinger, being single at 27, or 29 (my age) is no longer an sentence of singledom. There will be time for dating in the future. I'm telling you this because some of the more recent difficulties you've posted about relate to your dating life and maybe you could also benefit from taking a break from it all, and the instability and drama that dating brings. I don't know you enough to advice you to do so, but I want to leave it there for you to consider because that's what's worked better for me. And trust me, nothing hurts me more to the core of my being than the daily isolation of being alone in this world. But dating at the moment does not make it better, I still feel the pain of isolation, with the added chaos and instability that dating bring.\r\n\r\nThat said, the main reason why I stopped in your post and really wanted to properly reply is because I've felt the same way countless times, I still do constantly. But I want you to know that, even if we feel that way, **it does get better**. Like so many of us, I've suffered the worst of BPD and PTSD. The traumas, the constant stream of crisis after crisis, the loss of those I love, the self-harm, problems with colleagues at work, addiction, pushing away my friends, isolation, hopelessness. Trying to end my life. And I still feel all those things, quite often. And yet I can still promise you that **it does get better**. For example, I've actually been slowly improving during the last few years; slowly, almost without noticing it. I think the painful experiences we go through teach us more than we realise. For example, I'm learning about respecting boundaries because I've seen the consequences of not doing so, driving the most important person of my life to need to leave me for the sake of his own mental health. I'm becoming more patient with other people because I've seen that you lose them if you subject them to unreasonable standards. I've learnt to distrust my rage-induced negative thinking because I've felt inhuman levels of guilt when I come back to my senses. It takes time, but it does get better as you become wiser and more self-aware of your own behaviour and symptoms.\r\n\r\nIn addition to my own experience, I've read SO MUCH about BPD, from articles and books to the latest medical research, as well as other studies from the last 20 years. You don't have to believe me, just check out what **the last decade of studies and research continuously prove and agree on: with age and time, BPD symptoms decrease in severity and frequency**. We now know that the outlook of BPD, long-thought to be untreatable, is actually positive. If you are interested of sceptical please do let me know and I can direct you to studies, papers and clinical research from all over the world.\r\n\r\nLastly, without knowing you or your circumstances, I don't think I should attempt at recommending treatments, medications, therapies... however a book that's been really helping me with BPD is [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/). I have a spare copy and I'd be delighted to send it to you as a late birthday present. I'm in the UK as well, so it's no problem at all. Feel free to share your address or that of a near post office where you can go to pick it up.\r\n\r\nI hope this helps bring a bit of perspective and comfort. Just keep going, one day at a time. Don't give up, you won't regret it.","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"BigYarnBonusMaster"},{"body":"[The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_MyT1AbG47TMAR) by Alexander L. Chapman and Kim L. Gratz","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"autumnsfavorite"},{"body":"I could have written this. From the wrong diagnosis to not knowing where to start. You’re not alone. \r\n\r\nI use an antidepressant but also supplement with B vitamins to help with the mood swings. After my diagnosis I got on Amazon and bought The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245077?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf and Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder: Relieve Your Suffering Using the Core Skill of Dialectical Behavior Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608825655?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf- they have been incredible resources for me. DBT, a form of behavioral therapy has been proven to help with BPD - I’m not seeing a therapist but practicing mindfulness has helped me get through those intense anger episodes.  \r\n\r\nI hope this helps\r\n","subreddit_name":"borderlinepersonality","author":"peytertot"},{"body":"Read a bunch of them, The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide is my fave: http://www.amazon.ca/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077\r\n\r\n","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"no__more__shoes"},{"body":"You can check out these books:  \r\n[https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/)  \r\n\r\n\r\n[https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213/](https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding-Personality/dp/0399536213/)  \r\n\r\n\r\n(You can find them cheaper on used book sites.)  \r\n\r\n\r\nIf you do decide to be with him, knowing how to is essential. Largely it comes down to very strict boundaries","subreddit_name":"BPDlovedones","author":"Gohlgotha"},{"body":"Suggested:\r\n\r\n1) Read this article on the [five stages of recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) about the *other* party, seeing where they are among those five stages.\r\n\r\n2) Read this article on the [patterns \u0026amp; characteristics](http://coda.org/index.cfm/newcomers/patterns-and-characteristics-of-codependence/) of codependency about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n3) Read about the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=karpman%20drama%20triangle) about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.\r\n\r\n4) Learn about [family secrets](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=family+secrets+psychology) and the [emotional blackmail](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=emotional+blackmail) used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, [scapegoated](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=scapegoating+in+families), and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.\r\n\r\n5) Read about [reactive attachment disorder](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=reactive+attachment+disorder), because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive. \r\n\r\n6) Look for [CoDA meetings](http://locator.coda.org/) in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about [psychological boundaries](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=psychological+boundaries) and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.  \r\n\r\n7) Look over [these books](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=books%20adult%20survivors%20of%20child%20abuse). If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n8) Look over [this link to this book](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1479758295\u0026amp;sr=1-1-fkmr3\u0026amp;keywords=Alexander+Chapman+Kim+Gratz+Borderline), get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.\r\n\r\n9) Understand that they *may* (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the [four forms]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=four+types+of+BPD) of [BPD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=borderline+personality+disorder) as a coping system for the [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd) that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded [autonomic nervous system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) no longer capable of managing their \"[fight-flight-freeze](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze)\" response to perceived threat.\r\n\r\n10) [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy) is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD \u0026amp; complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through [Behavioral Tech](http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=53962983\u0026amp;CFTOKEN=86772797), and even adjunct therapy [workbooks like these](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=DBT+therapy+workbooks). One can also get a lot of support from [DBT Self-Help](http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) and organizations like [DBT-NJ](https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=NJ\u0026amp;spec=488), so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to \"get well\" on the cheap.\r\n\r\n11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd), one can get into [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html), which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the *causes* of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their [limbic emotion regulation system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=limbic+system).\r\n\r\nI have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) as the 9th of the [10 StEPs of Emotion Processing](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=10+StEPs+of+Emotion+Processing) in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as [REBT](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy), collegiate [critical thinking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking), several of the [CBTs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) including [CPT]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_processing_therapy) and [schema therapy]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=schema+therapy), [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy), [MBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness-based+cognitive+therapy), [ACT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=acceptance+%26+commitment+therapy), [MBBT](https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system), [MBSR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction+therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html) in the fourth.\r\n\r\nI got sick and tired of being a mess. I took action. It was my choice and no one else's. But it took nine long years to make that choice. I made a lot of *other* messes during those nine years. Good luck to you.\r\n","subreddit_name":"askpsychology","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"1) Read this article on the [five stages of recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) about the *other* party, seeing where they are among those five stages.\r\n\r\n2) Read this article on the [patterns \u0026amp; characteristics](http://coda.org/index.cfm/newcomers/patterns-and-characteristics-of-codependence/) of codependency about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n3) Read about the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=karpman%20drama%20triangle) about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.\r\n\r\n4) Learn about [family secrets](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=family+secrets+psychology) and the [emotional blackmail](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=emotional+blackmail) used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, [scapegoated](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=scapegoating+in+families), and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.\r\n\r\n5) Read about [reactive attachment disorder](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=reactive+attachment+disorder), because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive. \r\n\r\n6) Look for [CoDA meetings](http://locator.coda.org/) in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about [psychological boundaries](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=psychological+boundaries) and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.  \r\n\r\n7) Look over [these books](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=books%20adult%20survivors%20of%20child%20abuse), pick one or two, and read it about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n8) Look over [this link to this book](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1479758295\u0026amp;sr=1-1-fkmr3\u0026amp;keywords=Alexander+Chapman+Kim+Gratz+Borderline), get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.\r\n\r\n9) Come to understand that they *may* (we do not diagnose here) have [BPD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=borderline+personality+disorder) as a coping system for the [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd) that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded [autonomic nervous system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) no longer capable of managing their \"[fight-flight-freeze](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze)\" response to perceived threat.\r\n\r\n10) [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy) is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD \u0026amp; complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through [Behavioral Tech](http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=53962983\u0026amp;CFTOKEN=86772797), and even adjunct therapy [workbooks like these](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=DBT+therapy+workbooks). One can also get a lot of support from [DBT Self-Help](http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) and organizations like [DBT-NJ](https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=NJ\u0026amp;spec=488), so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to \"get well\" on the cheap.\r\n\r\n11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd), one can get into [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html), which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the *causes* of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their [limbic emotion regulation system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=limbic+system).\r\n\r\nI have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) as the 9th of the [10 StEPs of Emotion Processing](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=10+StEPs+of+Emotion+Processing) in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as [REBT](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy), collegiate [critical thinking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking), several of the [CBTs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) including [CPT]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_processing_therapy) and [schema therapy]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=schema+therapy), [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy), [MBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness-based+cognitive+therapy), [ACT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=acceptance+%26+commitment+therapy), [MBBT](https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system), [MBSR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction+therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html) in the fourth.","subreddit_name":"askpsychology","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"*SWOE* is really long in the tooth now. Not \"bad,\" but far from current. I work with BPD pts, and recommend Alexander Chapman \u0026amp; Kimberly Gratz's [*The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD*](https://www.newharbinger.com/borderline-personality-disorder-survival-guide) as the initial go-to, but also suggest looking into these authors because they all understand the upshots of having been [stressed](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=fight%20flight%20freeze) for too long, including underlying [complex PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=complex+post-traumatic+stress+disorder) which is what most people with BPD have *under* (and causing) the BPD: Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Patricia Ogden, Ronald Kurtz, Laurence Heller, Bruce McEwen, Sonya Lupien and Robert Sapolsky. The real experts treat the C-PTSD now. [*Accurate* information](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2017/01/treat-autonomic-and-cognitive.html) is power.\r\n\r\nWith respect to what else you wrote, I can suggest the following as *major* sources *of* such empowerment:\r\n\r\n1) Read this article on the [five stages of recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) about the *other* party, seeing where they are among those five stages.\r\n\r\n2) Read this article on the [patterns \u0026amp; characteristics](http://coda.org/index.cfm/newcomers/patterns-and-characteristics-of-codependence/) of codependency about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n3) Read about the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=karpman%20drama%20triangle) about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.\r\n\r\n4) Learn about [family secrets](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=family+secrets+psychology) and the [emotional blackmail](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=emotional+blackmail) used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, [scapegoated](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=scapegoating+in+families), and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.\r\n\r\n5) Read about [reactive attachment disorder](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=reactive+attachment+disorder), because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive. \r\n\r\n6) Look for [CoDA meetings](http://locator.coda.org/) in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about [psychological boundaries](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=psychological+boundaries) and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.  \r\n\r\n7) Look over [these books](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=books%20adult%20survivors%20of%20child%20abuse), pick one or two, and read it about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n8) Look over [this link to this book](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1479758295\u0026amp;sr=1-1-fkmr3\u0026amp;keywords=Alexander+Chapman+Kim+Gratz+Borderline), get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.\r\n\r\n9) Come to understand that they *may* (we do not diagnose here) have [BPD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=borderline+personality+disorder) as a coping system for the [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd) that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded [autonomic nervous system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) no longer capable of managing their \"[fight-flight-freeze](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze)\" response to perceived threat.\r\n\r\n10) [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy) is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD \u0026amp; complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through [Behavioral Tech](http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=53962983\u0026amp;CFTOKEN=86772797), and even adjunct therapy [workbooks like these](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=DBT+therapy+workbooks). One can also get a lot of support from [DBT Self-Help](http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) and organizations like [DBT-NJ](https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=NJ\u0026amp;spec=488), so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to \"get well\" on the cheap.\r\n\r\n11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd), one can get into [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html), which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the *causes* of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their [limbic emotion regulation system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=limbic+system).\r\n\r\nI have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) as the 9th of the [10 StEPs of Emotion Processing](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=10+StEPs+of+Emotion+Processing) in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as [REBT](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy), collegiate [critical thinking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking), several of the [CBTs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) including [CPT]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_processing_therapy) and [schema therapy]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=schema+therapy), [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy), [MBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness-based+cognitive+therapy), [ACT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=acceptance+%26+commitment+therapy), [MBBT](https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system), [MBSR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction+therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html) in the fourth.\r\n","subreddit_name":"mentalhealth","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"Before you can \"save\" them, you need to prepare yourself.\r\n\r\n1) Read this page on the [four types of borderlinism]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=four+types+of+borderline+personality+disorder) and this article on the [five stages of recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) about the *other* party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.\r\n\r\n2) Read this article on the [patterns \u0026amp; characteristics](http://coda.org/index.cfm/newcomers/patterns-and-characteristics-of-codependence/) of codependency about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n3) Read about the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=karpman%20drama%20triangle) about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.\r\n\r\n4) Learn about [family secrets](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=family+secrets+psychology) and the [emotional blackmail](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=emotional+blackmail) used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, [scapegoated](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=scapegoating+in+families), and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.\r\n\r\n5) Read about [reactive attachment disorder](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=reactive+attachment+disorder), because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive. \r\n\r\n6) Look for [CoDA meetings](http://locator.coda.org/) in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about [psychological boundaries](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=psychological+boundaries) and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.  \r\n\r\n7) Look over [these books](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=books%20adult%20survivors%20of%20child%20abuse). If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n8) Look over [this link to this book](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1479758295\u0026amp;sr=1-1-fkmr3\u0026amp;keywords=Alexander+Chapman+Kim+Gratz+Borderline), get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.\r\n\r\n9) Understand that they *may* (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the [four forms]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=four+types+of+BPD) of [BPD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=borderline+personality+disorder) as a coping system for the [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd) that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded [autonomic nervous system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) no longer capable of managing their \"[fight-flight-freeze](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze)\" response to perceived threat.\r\n\r\n10) [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy) is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD \u0026amp; complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through [Behavioral Tech](http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=53962983\u0026amp;CFTOKEN=86772797), and even adjunct therapy [workbooks like these](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=DBT+therapy+workbooks). One can also get a lot of support from [DBT Self-Help](http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) and organizations like [DBT-NJ](https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=NJ\u0026amp;spec=488), so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to \"get well\" on the cheap.\r\n\r\n11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd), one can get into [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html), which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the *causes* of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their [limbic emotion regulation system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=limbic+system).\r\n\r\nI have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) as the 9th of the [10 StEPs of Emotion Processing](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=10+StEPs+of+Emotion+Processing) in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as [REBT](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy), collegiate [critical thinking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking), several of the [CBTs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) including [CPT]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_processing_therapy) and [schema therapy]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=schema+therapy), [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy), [MBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness-based+cognitive+therapy), [ACT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=acceptance+%26+commitment+therapy), [MBBT](https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system), [MBSR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction+therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html) in the fourth.","subreddit_name":"mentalhealth","author":"not-moses"},{"body":"The psychic pain the BPD pt has is gawd-awful. And they will -- as Edward Khantzian explained so many years ago -- try to [\"medicate\" their way out of it](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=edward+khantzian+self+medication+) one way or another. Sex \u0026amp; romance addiction is one of those pain-distracting \"medications.\"\r\n\r\nBefore you can \"save\" them, you need to prepare yourself.\r\n\r\n1) Read this page on the [four types of borderlinism]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=four+types+of+borderline+personality+disorder) and this article on the [five stages of recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) about the *other* party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.\r\n\r\n2) Read this article on the [patterns \u0026amp; characteristics](http://coda.org/index.cfm/newcomers/patterns-and-characteristics-of-codependence/) of codependency about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n3) Read about the [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=karpman%20drama%20triangle) about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.\r\n\r\n4) Learn about [family secrets](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=family+secrets+psychology) and the [emotional blackmail](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=emotional+blackmail) used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, [scapegoated](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=scapegoating+in+families), and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.\r\n\r\n5) Read about [reactive attachment disorder](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=reactive+attachment+disorder), because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive. \r\n\r\n6) Look for [CoDA meetings](http://locator.coda.org/) in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about [psychological boundaries](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=psychological+boundaries) and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.  \r\n\r\n7) Look over [these books](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=books%20adult%20survivors%20of%20child%20abuse). If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you *and* them.\r\n\r\n8) Look over [this link to this book](https://www.amazon.com/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Survival-Guide/dp/1572245077/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books\u0026amp;ie=UTF8\u0026amp;qid=1479758295\u0026amp;sr=1-1-fkmr3\u0026amp;keywords=Alexander+Chapman+Kim+Gratz+Borderline), get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.\r\n\r\n9) Understand that they *may* (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the [four forms]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=four+types+of+BPD) of [BPD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=borderline+personality+disorder) as a coping system for the [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd) that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded [autonomic nervous system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) no longer capable of managing their \"[fight-flight-freeze](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze)\" response to perceived threat.\r\n\r\n10) [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy) is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD \u0026amp; complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through [Behavioral Tech](http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=53962983\u0026amp;CFTOKEN=86772797), and even adjunct therapy [workbooks like these](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=DBT+therapy+workbooks). One can also get a lot of support from [DBT Self-Help](http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) and organizations like [DBT-NJ](https://groups.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?state=NJ\u0026amp;spec=488), so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to \"get well\" on the cheap.\r\n\r\n11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of [C-PTSD](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=c-ptsd), one can get into [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html), which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the *causes* of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their [limbic emotion regulation system](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=limbic+system).\r\n\r\n12) [Neuroleptic medications](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=neuroleptic%20medications%20list) are very often (though not always) helpful for BPD, especially for the [second, third and fourth  types]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=four+types+of+borderline+personality+disorder). \"Discouraged\" BPDs *may* do better with anti-depressants, but I say \"may\" *very* advisedly because of the rapid switching from [sympathetic](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=fight+flight+freeze) to [parasympathetic]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=depression+parasympathetic+nervous+system) pitch in the [ANS]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=autonomic+nervous+system) that is so common among all borderlines. \r\n\r\nI have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's [SP4T]( http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-10-steps-ogdens-sensorymotor.html) as the 9th of the [10 StEPs of Emotion Processing](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=10+StEPs+of+Emotion+Processing) in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as [REBT](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy), collegiate [critical thinking](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking), several of the [CBTs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy) including [CPT]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_processing_therapy) and [schema therapy]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=schema+therapy), [EMDR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=emdr%20therapy), [DBT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=dialectical+behavior+therapy), [MBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness-based+cognitive+therapy), [ACT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=acceptance+%26+commitment+therapy), [MBBT](https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system), [MBSR](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#safe=off\u0026amp;q=mindfulness+based+stress+reduction+therapy), [SEPt]( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing), [HBCT](https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant\u0026amp;ion=1\u0026amp;espv=2\u0026amp;ie=UTF-8#q=Hakomi+Mindfulness-Centered+Somatic+Psychotherapy), and [NARM](http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/Intro_to_NARM.html) in the fourth.\r\n\r\nI got sick and tired of being a sex-\u0026amp;-romance-addicted mess. I took action. It was my choice and no one else's. But it took *years* to make that choice. I made a lot of *other* messes in the interim. Good luck to you.","subreddit_name":"BPD","author":"not-moses"}]}