I have to jump in on this, but unfortunately the school of thought that kids are very resilient is outdated. The issue is that most parents don't live long enough to see their kids affected by trauma, but childhood developmental trauma is very real and has been studied and research.
The positive is that kids have the ability to process trauma early on if that trauma is understood, the good thing here is that these kids are outside and playing. They are pretending to be Ukrainian army which they idolize as heroes, this is helping them process their trauma as they feel in control (they approach the car, they have "guns", they are in a pack...etc)
For anyone interested in how trauma affects childhood development i highly suggest reading this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook-What/dp/0465056539/ref=nodl_
Nothing was wrong with my gf's of the past - I think they were just ill-equipped, as most normal people would be, to deal with my sex addiction and disconnection from emotional intimacy. My current long-term gf is a nurse and pretty well versed in common psychological issues that plague families and individuals. We basically sought out books by developmental psychologists that help highlight issues manifested in adulthood that began as childhood trauma and abuse. I also see a therapist, but I honestly find what I do on my own to be more helpful.
One of the most eye-opening books is The Boy Who Was Raised as A Dog .
I manage my hypersexuality by being mindful of my actions and how they're driven by it. I would waste hours upon hours watching porn, masturbating, seeking flings, sex with strangers, etc. Now it's a lot more subdued after acknowledging the importance of my time and how it's spent, and realizing there is a cost opportunity to letting a small part of my past dictate how I view myself as a person. I wouldn't say I'm completely cured but definitely in a much better position than I was in throughout my 20's and early 30's. I haven't been married but I have cheated on others in the past without really thinking twice about it.
I recommend The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog for your research, if you’re interested. It’s great research, but told through well-written case studies, so much more interesting.
I don’t think the author specifically brings up “cry it out” method- but physical touch in raising children and its connection to emotional attachment later in life is a big topic throughout the book.
I'm 30 years old, and I went through similar things. I was also "strong" afterwards, while dying inside. I moved out at 15 and chose not to get mental help, figuring I was fine.
Recently I read a book called "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog". It was written by a man who worked with abused/traumatized children and did the first serious research in to how children reacted later in life. Many of the traits he described I was able to recognize in myself. Knowing that those things were caused by the abuse, allowed me to focus and work on them.
If you want that book, I'll get it for you. For anonymity you could make an amazon wishlist with the shipping address hidden.
If this topic is of interest to you, this is a fascinating book.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Boy-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook-What/dp/0465056539
TL;DR: You'd better hope you were raised by reasonable parents, developmental fuck-ups are very hard to fix.
I can sympathize with you, I have always known I wouldn't have children. I'm not sure if this is allowed in this subreddit, but if you have any interest in exploring your own situation there is at least one story in The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog that might interest you.
Don't let the name fool you, it's obviously there to sell books/be provocative, there are some really good stories in there from a pioneering Child Psychologist. My husband is a Psychologist and he was assigned this book in Grad school. It's a really fascinating read, regardless.
Keep on keepin' on. I'm sorry you were pressured into keeping your baby. It's not your fault that you don't have the "maternal instinct", we weren't all born with that shit. Good on ya for taking this shitty situation and just doing it.
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The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog is an excellent book written by a child psychiatrist.
While it's specific to trauma, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog is a great book that looks into the impact of adverse experiences on young children.