Don’t give up on making friends. I know it’s tough to put yourself out there, but the risk is worth it. I’ve been needing to do this myself, but the pandemic has made it a bit difficult to say the least. I don’t have schizophrenia, but one of my best friend’s had bipolar and schizophrenic tendencies. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD and it can be difficult for me to find the confidence to branch out socially. For anyone struggling with a psychological disorder, it’s really crucial that they have a support group outside of their significant other, so I desperately encourage you to 1) seek out genuine friends/find a support group and, if you’re reallyyy set on staying with him, 2) find a best selling book on schizophrenia that y’all can read together. I don’t think he deserves you...but, if he’s capable of change, reading about the disorder might help him understand how horrible his past behavior was and how he needs to treat you moving forward. If one of his friends makes another joke about your schizophrenia, he better drop that friend like a fucking hot potato. If HE makes another joke, please please PLEASE leave the relationship 🙏🏻. You have one life. Don’t waste it with someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. There are sooo many guys out there who would treat you better than him. Also, I have no idea if this is a good book for not but I came across this in a quick google search: https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Family-Guide-Schizophrenia-Helping/dp/1593851804. Wishing you the best of luck...if I knew you in person, I’m sure I’d want to be your friend!
It's a possibility that you have a genetic predisposition. What does it mean for you? In any case, avoid drugs. Cannabis included. They can trigger it. Maybe get a book about it.
A literal audible voice? This might be a good starting place.
The Complete Family Guide to... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593851804?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share this is a good one too for learning and family support
No single book gave me more initial grounding than E. Fuller Torrey's Surviving Schizophrenia, now in its sixth edition, more than 30 years after its original publication. That said, there are somewhat more modern views, and Mueser & Gingerich's Complete Family Guide to Schizophrenia has to be recommended, as well.
But to get more thoroughly down into the causes and conditions, I am forced to suggest some of the great books of a half century (and more) ago. Because although having been in-struct-ed, programmed, conditioned, socialized and/or normalized to paradoxical injunctions and double binds, as well as scapegoating, is not the complete etiological picture, it becomes obvious when one works with patients and their families that it's a pretty considerable part of it. I'd start with this one and this one, but also look into the work of Theodore Lidz, R. D. Laing, Aaron Esterson, Jules Henry, Eric Bermann and Gregory Bateson.