A very sobering read.
I was struck when you mentioned "the little suicide every night" - Bertrand Russell refers to drunkenness as "temporary suicide" in his very excellent quasi-memoir The Conquest of Happiness
An just as an (irrelevant tbh) aside: there is a difference between introversion and social anxiety. I am an introvert in that social setting drain my batteries, but I don't suffer from social anxiety at all in that I can approach strangers and comfortably hold a conversation.
Stay strong friend. This too shall pass.