You're never alone! My best suggestion is for you to get a hold of The Contemplative Rosary with St. John Paul II and St. Teresa of Avila booklet. As much as you might think you already know the rosary, you've never prayed it this way. Feels like playing a video game and unlocking the most OP version of one of your weapons 👌🏼.
Maybe it's a matter of 'upgrading' the way you pray it. I used to go through it very robotically every day till I found this gem of a booklet: The Contemplative Rosary with St. John Paul II and St. Teresa of Avila. Changed my life for the better.
Sure, many people in the Church calling themselves followers of Christ have historically (and even today) behaved pharisaically towards those struggling with same-sex attractions. A cousin of mine was recently told by a priest (not a very knowledgeable one, for sure) that he'd be going to hell just for having those attractions - whatever his decision on how to act on them. This is a distortion of the true teaching of the Church, and it of course does a lot of harm than good. Please accept my apology on behalf of everyone who has treated you with any less reverence than that which Christ himself would deserve 😔.
The desire to grow closer to God you are feeling is not the product of chance. He created you and your soul (as is everybody's) will be restless till it rests in Him. Every step we make towards Him, however small, He takes it with love. Our life is a journey, and he Himself says that each of us should go on one day at a time. The endgoal of course is to go to confession and giving yourself to Christ in every aspect of your life (this is what is asked of us all as believers, regardless of our individual struggles). I'd encourage you to begin by praying the rosary, it is a very (very!) beautiful prayer and I'm sure mother Mary will offer you comfort through your everyday struggles. My favorite way of praying it is called the Paul the IVth rosary, but even the regular way of praying it is nothing less than a blast 😁
Whenever you are ready to move forward, I'd encourage you to take a look at the beautiful documentary <strong>Desire of Everlasting Hills</strong>. Three people with same sex attractions share in it their struggles with coming back to the Church, and how they were able to find fulfillment in its teachings.
God bless, I'll have you in my prayers!