What is Reddit's opinion of The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness?

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https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274

A bit awkward in its writing/translation like Marie's books, but it's worth it.

Edit: I just scrolled down to the product description on that page and the first thing it mentions (!): “Marie Kondo, but for your brain.” —HelloGiggles

Okay, so I've seen this meme a couple of times and everyone agree that this happens, but no one seems to have an answer. I recently read a book that got me interested in Adler's Psychology and it has an interesting answer to this phenomenon.

While Freud says that the reason you have anxiety is because you were bullied, weren't love by your parents or some other answer, Adler says that you create anxiety as a way to reach a present goal. For example, if you have anxiety about work, Adler's philosophy would say that you are creating a state of anxiety in your work in order to fulfill some goal, such as getting sympathy from a spouse, punishing a co-worker with guilt, or just giving yourself a reason to be sorry for yourself.

Now, this first time I heard this, this seemed like bullshit and just another excuse to blame myself. Then I noticed something... I would have an issue with my work life that I would have some anxiety about. Then, the issue at work would resolve itself and I would feel better, but then within a day, I would be focused on some issue in my family life or personal life that would cause me anxiety. I started realizing that what was consistent was not the problems, but the need to be anxious about something. I've experienced times in my life where everything was going great and OP's situation of sudden anxiety would just hit, which makes no sense unless I was manifesting the anxiety to reach some goal.

If you're interested in this, I would recommend "The Courage To Be Disliked". At the very least, if you're trying to improve your mental health, this might give you another way of looking at your problems.

I feel like you may like this book: The Courage to be Disliked. I really enjoyed reading it & it had a lasting impact on my thinking.

The teleological approach of Adlerian psychology essentially builds out from this idea.

Though I must say, I agree /u/Actual-Bobcat-2620 to be careful in delineating what we're calling abuse.

Emotional manipulation and coercion are real. Denying that someone is wrongfully exerting control over us and blaming ourselves exclusively does nothing to help us break free. But to your point, neither does perpetually playing a victim nor reducing all our troubles to "trauma". Acknowledge and move on--obviously infinitely easier said than done.

Not directly related to finances or how to live outside the mainstream but very philosophically relevant, The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1501197274/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_CFX2SKVS2W1HCAEHYA17

It has a nice inversion of the usual tropes too. A Japanese man finds enlightenment and happiness through western philosophy.

Also +1 to

• Mark Manson’s books
• Your Money or Your Life
• The Meditations

Currently reading The Courage to Be Disliked - the whole book is a dialogue between a young man and a philosopher that goes through good examples and explanations of teleology and etiology, Adler and Freud etc. I recommend to read it or search for some paragraphs.

Read this book. The Courage to be Disliked It was an eye-opener. Whether you’re self-conscious, a people pleaser, or adjusting your personality to fit in, you should read it. I’ve seen it mentioned on Reddit a few times.

I’ve suggested to so many to read this book. Most do not. Some have started but not finished it - it can hit too close to home. Yet for others, like me, it has helped transform their lives for the better. Maybe read it before you decide to leave this world. There are endless curiosities everywhere around you. If you can get to a good place, you might find that instead of having more time than you want, you have less time than you need.

The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1501197274/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabt1_bwPQFbKP3WKQ7

Maybe you just didn't encounter what works for you yet. I'm in my mid 30s, and I've been "learning" Japanese for past 7 years, but only seriously started putting effort (~40-60 minutes/day) in the last 5 months. Sheer volume of Kanjis/vocabulary, may seem like a mountain but in these 5 months I've conquered ~16.2% of it, and that gave me confidence that I'm on the right track. Knowing from my past, it was hard for me to believe that, I could even undertake such a journey, but here I'm after 5months knowing far more than I've accumulated that in 7 years. One unbelievable thing for me (who is not into rote memorization) is how someone could remember these thousands of kanjis (with their mnemonic stories), and recall them instantly to guess the reading, but apparently SRS works, if only one does not give up. Just keep on trying, do your revisions in time, don't let things pile up, and don't give up.

Slightly unrelated The Courage to Be Disliked is a pretty good read that teaches how past shouldn't influence your future, in case you are like me letting past experiences dictate your future.

Good luck!

A lot of playing with vocabulary here but its good advice overall.

Let's just ignore the vocabulary play...

Let's talk about how much self-indulgence we should take part in, because I feel like this is ignored by OP, or OP seems to imply that we should engage in zero self-indulgence..

I believe there is a necessary amount of self-indulgence to engage in. I have seen this time and time again with myself and others. We create an unrealistic goal and then fail miserably and do not try again for an extended period of time. By failing to be honest with ourselves about our limitations we set ourselves up for failure. We need realistic expectations that are aligned with our real values. We know that it is real if we can see it in our minds eye, we see the strategy, we know the action steps, and it's obtainable.

For example... I've been able to lose 35 lbs over a period of 1 year. I'm now 11% body fat. :-) I spent 6 years before that overweight/obese and I tried repeatedly during that time to diet. These repeated failures had times in between, extended periods, where I did not even try. I would create a plan for my diet that had rules like 'NO FAST FOOD' and 'DRINK WATER WITH FOOD' or had a strict plan laid out. These absolutes that do not allow for self-indulgence were setting myself up for failure. It wasn't until I created new strategies that integrated my favorite fast foods that I started seeing real success that I could build on.

This is especially true when trying to repair self-esteem. "I CANNOT xyz BECAUSE I am too mentally weak" is a classic inferiority complex (for love of god please read 'the courage to be disliked') that can only be fixed with realistic goal setting.

When do we know we are engaging in too much self-indulgence? I don't know... I was hoping that this thread would be about that. I believe the best way to calibrate our self-indulgence is with goal setting. Here are some ideas I have of signs that we are engaging in too much self-indulgence:

1. We are not making progress towards our goals.

2. We are self-indulging more than we did previously (use timescale of your goals, think longer term, there will be ups and downs and that is OK).

3. We are not making higher lows and higher highs in our progress towards our ideal self. This can be a combination of A) concrete, e.g. watching the peaks and valleys of your weight loss on a graphed chart over time, and B) a more spiritual, emotional process: a deep unsettling feeling that you have gone too far with your indulgence and 'this is wrong'.

4. We are achieving our goals without struggle and achieving every goal with ease (instead, we should be achieving at least 30% of our goals, which may be a high enough success rate is enough to drive continued effort, but we shouldn't be achieving every goal! Achieving every goal would be a sign they are too easy).

What do ya'll think?

I believe there are a few!

TWICE (probably)

• 2017 > TWICE "트와이스 깔거야 (Exposing TWICE)"
  • They really wrote their own book😂
  • Written during the "We Like Zines!" show on Youtube
  • Hard to find, limited print

Nayeon

• 2015 (Predebut!) > Fumitake Koga & Ichiro Kishimi "Courage to be Disliked"
  • KOR title: "미움받을 용기"
  • Instagram
  • ENG (Amazon) JPN (Amazon Japan) KOR (Yes24)
• 2017 > 이기주 (Lee Ki-joo) "언어의 온도 (Temperature of Language)"
  • Apparently lent by Chaeyoung lol
  • (Instagram) (Reddit)
  • KOR (Amazon) (Yes24)

Dahyun

• 2019+2022 > 손원평 (Sohn Won-pyung) "아몬드 (Almond)"
  • Gift to Chaeyoung in 2019 (Instagram)
  • Mentioned during her Monotube interview ep. 3 (Youtube)
  • ENG translation (Amazon) KOR (Amazon)

Chaeyoung

• 2021 >> 유지혜 (Yoo Ji-hye) "미워하는 미워하는 미워하는 마음 없이 (Without Feelings of Hatred)"
  • She wrote a review for it! (twitter, twice_trans)
  • Also interview by author (twitter, twice_trans)
  • KOR (Yes24) (Naver Shopping)

​

There was also a post a few months back asking for member book recs too!

Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi

You are going to grow out of this and the people around you. I can suggest a brilliant book that can help: https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274/

Should I buy this book?

I already nailed the first thing.

But maybe I could use some work on the last 3.

I know you're ok with this, but for folks who can't do this, I'd recommend: https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274

Just because one is unwillingly to implement a cure does not mean the cure is ineffective. Letting go is the answer. No, it’s not easy. No, no one is going to understand the pain you went through and are often coming from a place of ignorance. But the answer is still the same: nothing will ever make your trauma not trauma. Dwelling on it, arguing about it, wrestling with it... it’s all the same. The only thing you can do is to find the courage to let go in whatever way you can. A lot of bad years taught me that lesson.

If anyone is looking for a book to help them with this, I found “The Courage To Be Disliked” to be helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274