What is Reddit's opinion of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (The Narcissism Series Book 1)?

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There’s nothing “victim mindset” about what you posted. Maybe there’s more to the story that makes you feel that way, but I don’t see it here. Him commenting to another woman, in front of you, to make digs about you “eating so much for so long“ is pretty crystal clear passive aggressive control/manipulation to an objective observer.

I'm sorry for your loss. Miscarriages hurt more than you'd expect.

I don't usually tell people they'd be better off dumping their partner. I support people who decide to leave after they've made that choice. I support people who want to stay even though it'll be really hard to stay.

However, your guy seems to be both building you up and tearing you down to keep you off balance in the relationship so that you'll trust your gut instincts less. I noticed lots of him saying "I'll love you if..." in your post.

Please check out this book:

>The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078KXGS98/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_F91T9QH905KEE69MH3TB?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I think if you're better able to recognize the tactics he's using on you, you'll better understand the conflicting feelings that you are experiencing. Then you'll see more clearly whether you want to stay with him or leave him.

You can read it on kindle on your phone or listen to the audiobook without him seeing that you are reading it.

Don't allow him to isolate you. Keep in touch with your family and friends regularly.

This sucks... Get a lawyer asap. At least you didnt wait 30 to divorce like I am currently doing. It sounds a lot like what I've been through with my wife. Turns out she is a narcissist.

This book changed my life. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078KXGS98/ref=cm_sw_r_sm_apa_glt_Y0MNWKCRV9Z22S3N1CM4?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

For me, The New Codependency by Melody Beattie was better than Codependent No More. I have been reading The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse and it has been really helpful.

He was abusive for sure. The problem with abuse like this, is it is very covert and hard to spot if you are not trained/educated in psychology. Lucky for us, we have so much literature available to us these days. He wanted to financially control you, and why he wanted you to be SAHM. It is quite sinister once you wake up to these things, I am glad you know better now.

Also therapy with these abusive people, as you said, is just big NO. It just gives them extra tools to abuse.

I always recommend this book as well: https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=covert+over+narc&qid=1616056438&sr=8-1

it is not as widely known as "why does he do that?" but it has a lot of really excellent points.

Sure! These are pretty good:

https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98

https://www.amazon.com/How-Handle-Narcissist-Understanding-Personalities-ebook/dp/B072LG1P3F

https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Spectrum-Identifying-Narcissist-Personality/dp/B015EKYD9E

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608827607

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0071790950

If you can...read this:

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B078KXGS98/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o04?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It really opened my eyes to what I was dealing with. TONS of "OMG" moments.

Also, watch this video please:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_lakRMIA7Q&list=FL3ZYbGg6DVyJRGTqLTawnCw&index=1

I read your previous post, and that :

> I sometimes get the impression that half of their conflict comes from bad communication and misunderstood intentions on both ends.

Really rings a bell. This is basically how I made sense of Nmum's behaviour for decades. She wasn't sabotaging me, she was incredibly unlucky and always inadvertedly did the one thing to avoid.

Have you heard of Covert Ns yet? Their "thousand cuts" are so tiny you might not even know you're being hit nor where it comes from.

I found this OOTF article about narcissistic mothers depaints very well a number of tactics mine used.

If read The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse and it was so spot on, so validating. But there are other ones on the same subject.

We have all been there. I cringed a lot reading about this guy, because HOLY MOLEY what a freaking scrote. But it is how we learn, by these embarrassing mistakes. Please know that he is at fault, not you. Do never base your own value of some scrotes opinion. I am sorry you had to go through all that, but you have a much bigger worth than you think.

Scrotes like that want easy victims, who they can manipulate. Despite you playing along with his idiocy at times, you also set some boundaries, which he did not like- the true reason he dumped you: Because he found a girl who is easier to manipulate.

It is not because she is hotter than you or better in any way, it is simply because men like these want the easiest prey possible for their narcisstic supply.

You have to work on that so you don't let scrotes bring down your feeling of self worth, it is not easy, but it will help you a lot. Also read the FDS recommended list: It helps A LOT to read those books. https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=covert+over+narc&qid=1616056438&sr=8-1 is one of my favorites and a must have as a woman surviving the OLD dating jungle.

You should feel lucky, because this time, the bullet dodged itself!

Also watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76F_Tv16uWg&t=1801s if he had "chosen" you, this would very likely be your future. Being chosen by a scrote like this is not a compliment, they destroy you.

Read Debbie Mirza’s book.

The covert passive aggressive narcissist.

https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98

And watch her videos https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCy3cZ8214WpwqtWouiDeq-w

I presume you've found ChumpLady.com ? If not go read all her blog articles, and buy her book.

I had lots of trouble finding a therapist that was actually helpful. Most don't "Get It". They don't understand the trauma and physical PTSD symptoms caused by being cheated on.

There is one lady named Marnie Breecker. She has a terrific podcast that helped me get started on healing.

- First: https://theaddictedmind.com/episode-21-relational-betrayal-trauma-marnie-breecker/

- Second: https://theaddictedmind.com/episode-22-relational-betrayal-trauma-marnie-breecker/

And there is an excellent book that helped me a lot:

The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza

You can get it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98

Or for folks reading this who are in a situation where they need it right away, get it on LibGen.is by searching the title and you can read it on your phone.

I am so sorry to hear that you had to live in that deceit for 20 years.

I'm glad your son was able to help you and that you found this place.

I also have had lots of trouble finding a good therapist. The truth is, therapists are like any other profession, auto mechanics, dentists, etc. Most aren't that great, some are OK, and there's a small handful of great ones.

Here are some resources that I've found over the past many months that have helped me a LOT.

If you discovered your Ex is a Narcissist, have you yet found out about "Covert Narcissists"? This kind of narcissist is very subtle, it's crazy-making because you can never put your finger on it or explain clearly why you feel abused by them, but it is abuse just the same.

There is an excellent book that helped me a lot:

The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza

You can get it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Psychological-ebook/dp/B078KXGS98

ChumpLady

There is an excellent book from someone known as "ChumpLady" called Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. You can get this book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968

Also you should go read her website at <strong>ChumpLady.com</strong> . She has lots of Blog posts talking about situations with Cheaters and helping people understand things.

Marnie Breaker

Listen to these two Podcasts (Recorded Inteviews) with Marnie Breecker. She is one of a very small handful of therapists that "Get It" that Infidelity is Abuse, and causes PTSD

- First: https://theaddictedmind.com/episode-21-relational-betrayal-trauma-marnie-breecker/

- Second: https://theaddictedmind.com/episode-22-relational-betrayal-trauma-marnie-breecker/